Scarred
by When We Stand Together
Summary: Bella moves to Seattle to live with her father after an event shakes her emotionally and physically... Better summary inside the first chapter.
1. Prolouge

**AN: This is just a story I'm trying out... obviously **

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_Prologue_

I knew life to come would at a first be strained

Later it would be wrong

But I also knew I couldn't not follow through with it

I thought that one part of me was gone forever

That I was broken beyond repair

But I was proven wrong

It was inevitable.

It was known but denied into the last moment

You start to think how this could have happened

Why it happened

I always hated the term "meant to be" like someone was meant to be robbed or raped... that life was allready made and we are following a path that has already been written for us

I have my own analogy

Think of it like rich and creamy mud pie

You look at it and your mouth water and it's almost impossible to resist taking a bite...

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**AN: Do you want more?** **Even if you don't I'm updating soon... And also... Instead of apologizing for future mistakes and error in the text in later chapters, I'll say it now. Sorry. I'm sure there will be mistakes… it's what makes us human. But like I've written on other stories; if it's so much it's uncomfortable to read, tell me where and I'll fix it... **


	2. Family

**_Summary:_ Bella has been through tragic and she moves in with her father in Seattle to escape her past and get a fresh start. ****She thinks it will be a quiet summer to dwell but she meets people that will never let that happen. **

**I hope what's a good enough summary... I'm not the best to summarise stories or card games, for that matter **

**A little info - All human (maybe you already figured that out), I do promise, there will be canon couples, but a little non-canon in the beginning. Hey! They have to work to earn that right! **

**So I'm almost done with chapter 3, just a little finishing touches so it will all be up soon... **

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_Family_

The plane shook with turbulence, bringing me back from my thoughts. I could feel my heart racing. I had never been one for flying. I closed my eyes, willing the frightened feeling to go away, but of course the plane shook again. It was a bigger one this time. I looked out the window and there were clouds everywhere and the sky was dark. I clenched the seat till my hands turned white, but still didn't let go.

Who am I kidding? I hated flying. It wasn't just that I didn't like them. I had a nightmare, in fact, last night. Even the thought of flying brought me memories of Final Destination and I always, whenever turbulence would occur, expect the plain to blow up. Some say it's ridiculous but they will be so sorry when it happens. But it hasn't, obviously and that nagging feeling of waiting for something that may not happen, or maybe it will, who knows, is terrifying.

I opened my eyes and gazed out the window again. It was still dark and cloudy. I could see the wing of the plane slightly jiggle with the wind swoosh by. I knew I should probably pull down the blinds but that only made me feel more uncomfortable. How ironic.

Lucky for me, the plane ride form Phoenix to Seattle wasn't too long. Only about 2 hours, though it was long enough to panic on several occasions. The reason for me to be on this flight was that I was moving to Seattle. Well technical it's moving back but we shouldn't go into technicals. But I refer to it as just moving since the last time I actually lived in that particular town, I was still a baby.

My father lives in the outskirts of Seattle. He and my mother married when they were very young and it was because of that it didn't work. Or so they tell me. They divorced and my mother took me with her.

After my mother walked away, she settled down in Phoenix, with me. I loved phoenix, I really did and so the location of my home had nothing to do with my reason for moving. Though I never wanted to think about my real motivation, it hurt too much.

But that was in the past and now I would get a fresh start in Seattle. It would be great. Or so I told myself. I was a little worried about living with Charlie. We had never really been close, not like other fathers and daughters surely were. Though I knew his house was huge, almost to the point of being a mansion, we probably wouldn't see that much of each other during the day.

As it was summer, it only made it better. Charlie would work most of the day and I'd have the house all to myself and as I hadn't seen any pictures, I had to take my fathers word for everything.

My father was a businessman, though I had no idea of _what_ exactly he did. But he made good money off of it and seemed pretty happy with his life.

I hadn't been at the house before. Whenever Charlie and I would spend time together, we would travel. I had been to many places, though most of them I hated. It might be every persons dream to travel a lot but I was practically abandoned at the hotel as Charlie and I went separate way for about a week. Like I said, we never were really close.

Now, in the final 30 minutes before touching the ground, I looked over a pro and con list in my head… again.

For one, the weather would be horrible. I hated the rain, it was so depressing. Phoenix was sunny and warm and Seattle was just the complete opposite. Seattle didn't have my friends, nor did it have my mother, one of my closes friends.

But even with all this in consideration, Seattle had one thing, a big thing that Phoenix, no matter where I was, couldn't provide; a fresh start. Rumours and memories weren't implanted into the ground and there was never a chance for it to resurface, which it had back home.

But even as I was moving towards the rain, Phoenix would always be my home, no matter how painful it was to remember it. But I usually stayed away from all thoughts that didn't centre around my mother. Thinking about the people that were still there, even the one that wasn't, was painful. Especially the one that wasn't there and never would be again.

I fastened my seatbelt and prepared for landing. No matter how many times I had flown before, I never grew accustomed to the impact and my heart always skipped a beat.

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My father wasn't hard to miss even with all the people surrounding us and swirling around the floor. He hadn't changed a bit, though he rarely did. The same haircut was plastered on his head and it was in the same dark-brown colour, but a little thinner as he got older. He was a little bit heavier, but still looked the same as when he and my mother had married, barely out of high school.

But today he seemed different, like he was happy to see me. I'm not saying he's reluctant to spending time with me but he's never actually _shown_ any enthusiasm, not like this. It was weird. A huge smile was on is face and I had to catch myself before stopping and asking him what was wrong.

"Hi did," I said as I approached him and he took me completely off guard as he wrapped his arms around me. In my confusion and bewilderment, my hug turned into a simple pat on the back with my one hand, I held onto my bag with the other.

"It's good to see you Bells," he greeted me, holding my shoulders and looking me over. "How are you feeling?" He was talking to me like I had an eating disorder not like I had just… I mentally shook my head. I shouldn't think about that, not now.

"Fine," was all I responded.

"You've changed so much," he said with the same smile and happy tone. I smiled back, though it was weak and as Charlie took my bag, slinging it over his shoulder and walking away, all I could think was; what the hell?!

The car ride started off in silence, though it was tense. Charlie always had a small smile on his lips and it wouldn't budge. My mind fluttered to all kinds of conclusions', none was in any way logic, nor was it realistic.

The silence was broken by Charlie who looked like he couldn't contain himself.

"I have something to tell you," I looked over at Charlie though now he looked uncertain, like he shouldn't have said anything.

"What?" Charlie shifted a little.

"It's at the house. It's more of a surprise," I frowned, I hated surprises.

"Dad, you do know I've never seen the house?"

"Well," Charlie said, speaking awkwardly. "It actually doesn't have anything to do with the house," he was looking straight ahead, a little tense.

"So… what? You got a dog?" Charlie laughed, though it was awkward that too. Too awkwardly.

"Eh…. no. But its better if you saw for yourself," my eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

"See what?" Charlie turned to me with a smile. But it wasn't his usual smile, it was happier. To my surprise, I had never actually seen my father happy. Not like this anyway. It made me confused.

"You'll see," he said cryptically.

We continued the remainder of the ride in silence. I pondered over what he wanted to tell me. Is it with his job? Did he get a promotion, if he even could get one; maybe he's the head chief? No I didn't think it was something with work. He had gotten promotions before and he never seemed thrilled about it, though he didn't seem saddened about it either. No, it was something else. And I hated not knowing it. Like I said before, I hated surprises but I also hated secrets.

We drove for a long time before Charlie finally turned left up a small dirt road. I hadn't paid much attention to my surroundings but when I looked up, I saw the house. No, scratch that. It wasn't a house, it was a mansion. Even with a fountain where the car parked.

The front yard wasn't all that big but by the looks of it, the back would be huge. I could clearly see a forest lurking in the background. How would I ever be comfortable here? I'd probably be walking like eggshells were strewn all over the place.

The car stopped right below large stone stairs, which lead up to the main door. As soon as I had stepped out of the car, the front door opened and a woman walked out. She was about the same age as my father, though she looked like she kept in better shape than he did. Her hair was brown with a tint of gold on them, making it appear to shimmer.

She was short, though longer than me and had a friendly smile plastered on her face. I was surprised to notice her eyes were trained at Charlie. I looked over and he was looking at her too, smiling that happy smile again. I felt my brows scrunch up in confusion. Who the hell is this?! It wasn't until she had reached the ground and came towards the car that she looked at me. Charlie walked over to her and stood close, wrapping an arm around her waist.

I looked over at him with big and confused eyes. What the hell is going on?!

"Bella," Charlie said and looked down at the woman as she smiled up at him. "This is Elizabeth. Elizabeth, this is my daughter Bella," he introduced us and while Elizabeth smiled, I simply felt more confused. Are they…?

Elizabeth took steps toward me and smiled brightly.

"Bella," her tone was friendly though her eyes were watching me with pity, I almost sighed out loud. "It's so good to finally meet you. Your father has told me so much about you." _Funny, because Charlie hasn't mentioned you at all_, I thought. As I was prepared for a handshake, she enveloped me in a tight hug. I was once again surprises and it became a repeat from my hug with Charlie at the airport. After she's let me go, she went back to my father, wrapping an arm around him.

"What's going on?" I asked, looking directly at Charlie.

"Well, Bella," Charlie stared and I prayed he would just get to the fucking point. Why does _everyone_ always beat around the bush? Jus spit it out! "Elizabeth and I are living together."

"Oh," was all I managed to say. They looked at me like I was ready to start screaming at any second, so guarded. They think I would protest? It's not like I was waiting for Charlie and mom to get back together. In my opinion, they were better off separate. But why didn't Charlie tell me? I almost laughed humorously as to why he hadn't told me. Did he really think I was such an emotional basket case that I couldn't handle any kind of news?

"That's great," but my tone wasn't really happy but either they didn't notice of took no notice of it.

"We should get inside before it starts raining," I nodded and took my bag; Charlie took the others, the more heavy ones.

I stared in disbelief as I saw the foyer. It was huge and I'm not exaggerating. The floor was white marble, I reminded me of the floor in London's national museum. Two grand staircases took up most of the space, shaped like J's, though one was backward. There was a small landing on top of the stairs and an archway, inclined two ways. Right in front of me stood a table, ordinary but it had the most beautiful flowers on them. Lilly's were the ones I could easily detect. Another archway was behind the table, leading to what I could only assume was the living room and beyond that, a conservatory, filled with various flowers.

Not only was this the only part of the house I could see at the moment, but right above the enormous door were the biggest window, filling the entire room with endless of light, even with the sun gone.

"Elizabeth has done a lot with the decoration and furniture's," Charlie said to me in a proud voice.

"It looks great." I knew my voice wasn't as happy as I would have wanted it but I couldn't control it. Why hadn't he told me this? Obviously they had been living together for a long time, at least a few months. I hated secrets more than anything else and here, my _father_ had been keeping a _huge_ one from me. I didn't even know he was seeing someone!

"Thanks," Elizabeth said, smiling at me greatly, I tried to return it but it probably came out as sad. It did as she looked concerned now.

"Are you alright?" I nodded as I felt a lump in my throat. I tried clearing it and managed to get out two syllables.

"Just tired."

"Long flight?" I nodded again.

"Let's go see your room," Charlie started ascending the stairs and I followed slowly.

We took a left right up the stairs. Elizabeth and Charlie announced that to the right were their bedroom, a bathroom, and also a small library.

The right side of the house held four bedrooms, including my very own. The yellowish walls calmed me further and loosened the lump in my throat though I could still feel it and I also had a feeling it would return as soon as I was alone.

When the door opened, it was not at all what I had expected. It looked more like a hotel room and not like my bedroom. Sure it was nice but it felt like they didn't want me to live her very long. As if they heard my mind, Charlie spoke up.

"Your room is going through some remodelling. Elizabeth wanted you to have a more comfortable room than a simple guest room."

"Oh."

"But it should be ready soon. It's just the painting that needs to be done and to put the furniture's in," Elizabeth continued. "You could pick out the colour yourself. If you want."

"Okay." Right now, everything I said or did was purely mechanical. "Thanks."

"And Bella. I should probably mention that my son will be arriving sometime tomorrow. He'll stay with us for the summer also…" I nodded absently, not really hearing any of it. As soon as she had stopped talking, both of them left, shutting the door after them.

My bag slid down my shoulder and fell with a _thud_ against the floor, making it echo through the room.

"Alone," I whispered and hadn't realised how true they were until now. I was in this room, and I didn't know what to feel. I had already cried but it felt like it wasn't enough.

_Well this is just going to be great_, I though with heavy sarcasm. I would do anything to try and lighten the mood. I sighed and decided not to unpack. I hated packing and all that came with it. But I did bring out some sweats and an old hoodie.

I redressed in the bathroom and as I finished, I looked up at my reflection and sighed. My reflection was so different form what I was used to. My hair was completely lifeless; absolutely no shine could be seen. Though I hadn't done anything different, using the same shampoo and conditioner for years.

My skin was pale, though it had always been like that but now, it seemed as if I had been sleep deprived for months, although that was sort of true. My eyes were staring back at me and even to me they looked pathetically sad. Underneath my eyes were darkened circles that barely left my face now days.

I sighed as I saw myself, like I usually did when I looked into a mirror. I put my face in my hands, leaning my elbows against the counter and took deep breaths. I breathed slowly and listened to my surroundings. There wasn't much to hear. I could hear the slight ruffling of leaves from the tree right outside. The wind was blowing, making it appear as if it were talking. My heard picked up a little as I closed my eyes and let myself listen closer. I knew that if anything louder than the leaves outside were to make a noise now, I'd probably go into cardiac arrest.

I lifted my head, feeling a little lightheaded from moving too fast. I didn't want to see myself anymore so I turned and my back met the counter side. I slid down to the floor and wrapped my arms around my legs.

As I had been sitting down for a while, feeling my muscles cramping but not doing anything about it, I head the tuned of Born to be Wild and raced up from to bathroom floor and over to my bed to find my phone. I knew who was calling and I really needed to talk to her.

"Mom," I said into it with relief. My mother, always the perceptive one, picked up on my mood, even several stated away.

"Bella, that's wrong?" I hesitated. What could I possibly say that I haven't already told her? My mother was probably my best friend; there wasn't anything I hadn't told her. Well, okay, there were some things and if she didn't ask, I wasn't telling.

"Did you know?"

"Did I know what?"

"About dad and… her." her silence said enough and I groaned.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Your father wanted to tell you himself."

"But they're living together mom. They've obviously been together for a while. I didn't even know he was seeing anyone." I sat down on my bed with a thump, crossing my legs beneath me.

"You've had a difficult year," Renee said with sympathy and pity. I didn't want people's pity. Sympathy I could do nothing about but the pity… I just couldn't take it. "We didn't know how you'd handle it." I groaned again.

"Why can't everyone stop treating me like such an emotional basket case? Like I will break down by any kind of news. I won't. I'm not that unstable."

"Of course not sweetie but… we just didn't want you to have this big news right when-"

"Don't!" I practically yelled it but couldn't bring myself to feel guilty. "Don't say it or even talk about it… please." I was now, I realised, on the verge of tears.

"Of course," there it was; the pity and sympathy, all in one place. I resisted the urge to groan… yet again.

"How are things going then? Have you gotten settled?" I loved my mom for changing the subject, like I said; perceptive.

"It's fine. The house is amazing. Not really, my room isn't done yet so I'm using a guestroom. Looks more like a hotel room than anything. But it's fine."

"I'm sure it will be sweetie. Now… I'm really sorry but I have to go."

"Where are you going?" It's 6 O'clock, where could she possibly be going?

"Well honey… since you didn't want me to lie and treat you like an emotional basket case… I have a date, actually."

"Oh," was all I was able to respond.

"Are you okay sweetie?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yes I'm fine mom. Have fun." We said our goodbyes and as I laid the phone on my nightstand I was yet again faced with the emptiness of the room and it felt like every move i made had echo attached to it. To say it was creepy would have been an understatement.

I jumped as the door opened and Elizabeth's face popped in, searching for me.

"Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes."

"I'll be right down." Something in my expression must have alarmed her for she walked in and took a seat beside me.

"How are you feeling Bella?" I almost sighed in frustration. Why does everyone have to ask that question?!

"I feel fine," I said short and curtly. I have had this conversation too many times and with too many people.

"You know it's okay if you aren't…" I got off the bed as she started talking and ran my hands through my hair.

"Look," I said, interrupting her. "No offence or anything… but I don't know you and you really don't know anything about my life." I know I was being rude but I couldn't care. Who was she to just say what is or is not okay for me to do?

But all she did was nod and I knew I had been too rude but I shoved the feeling aside. She repeated that dinned was soon ready and a while after she had left, I did too, knowing I would need the extra minutes to find my way around this place.

As it turned out, it wasn't hard to find the kitchen and through it, find the dining room. Right down the stairs, to the right of the front doors, a 'push' door lead me to the kitchen. It was large and bright. The counters and marble countertops were all in white or a white-ish colour. The only things in this room that wasn't in white were the fridge and stove. I could see they were of the finest and newest steel pieces, taking up a lot of space. An island was placed in the middle, near the counter and chairs surrounded two sides.

I could hear talking nearby and I pushed myself through another door and found my father, Elizabeth and another woman I didn't know. They all looked up when I came in but the one I had yet to know the name of barely spared me a glance and then went back to… serving them?

"Bella," Elizabeth greeted me in a sweet voice. I smiled meekly and stood awkwardly by the side of the room. Charlie sat down as the other woman started placing food in his plate. She does that? I knew it was her job but how degrading was that? It was the 21st century and _she_ was pitting food in his plate. Was he so damn lazy he couldn't do it himself?

"This is Rosa," Elizabeth continued. "She's maid in this house and also an excellent cook." I nodded, still standing by the side.

"Please, sit down." I did and just as Rosa was about to put food on my plate, I stopped her. I shook my head.

"I can get it," I said with determination. I didn't want her to waiter on me. It always made me feel rude in some way and really uncomfortable. I wasn't one to push around people and tell them what to do.

"Don't be ridiculous Bella," Elizabeth said again. "That's what she gets paid for." Rosa was yet again ready to put the mashed potatoes on my plate but I yet again stopped her. This was not something I was negotiating about.

"No it's fine. I'll do it myself." My voice was stern and Rosa looked over at Elizabeth who sighed and made a hand gestation for Rosa to do as I say and she left the room.

Elizabeth looked as if she was about to say something but let it go. I looked over at Charlie and he was so out of it, shovelling the food into his mouth and I wondered when he became like this. I mean, my father and I didn't exactly know each other but I had never seen him actually want people to wait on him. He usually did things himself and not just with food.

"So Bella," Elizabeth started as I had finished pouring some sauce over my potatoes and vegetables. "How do you like your room?"

"Um… It's fine."

"We want you to pick out the colour tomorrow and then the painters can start."

"Sure. But I can paint it-"

"Don't be absurd. We hired professional help to do the job. You shouldn't have to do that yourself." I felt like I had to defend myself. She was talking to me like I was 9 and not 19 years old. I could paint my room myself if I wanted to!

"But I want to," I insisted. "It'll give me something to do." Charlie, who had obviously been listening to us, brought forth his thoughts.

"If you're sure you want to do it… it's a large room…" he trailed off but I simply nodded and confirmed. It's just painting.

"Well okay. I would take you to the store but I have a long day tomorrow…"

"I'll take her," Elizabeth responded with kindness. She was confusing me. Some moments she was überkind and the next she was one of those right and overly-spoiled people who I sort of resented. Maybe she's bipolar.

Dinner went by in silence from thee on. Charlie and Elizabeth made small talk about various things around the house and I sat silently, poking at my food, not at all hungry. It all went by in a blur and I then found myself standing in my bathroom, standing in front of the mirror, brushing my teeth mechanically.

My face looked much alike what it did before, only now slight traces of toothpaste was plastered around my mouth. I grimaced and washed my face, removing all traces. I changed into my pyjamas, tank top with shorts and as I got under my sheets, I felt exhaustion hit me before I cold even control it and I succumbed into oblivion.

That night, I had a nightmare. Though I'm not sure it's still a nightmare if it's a memory but to me, it was hell, no matter how long or short the dream was.

_We we're running. But he was running too fast. I tried to keep up but he was taller than me and had longer legs. I could hear him laughing ahead of me. __We were being silly kids and back then you just ran around with your friend for no apparent reason. _

"_Come on Bells! You gotta to run faster than that!" _

"_W__ait!" But he didn't. He took up speed and got faster than me until I didn't see him anymore. I kept on running faster, feeling and hearing leaves break underneath my shoes. The forest was darker today, even if we had still finished school for the day. It was colder too, but not cold enough to cause a chill through my sweater. _

_I felt myself slowing down. I didn't see nor heard him anymore. It scared me. The wind made the leaves swirl around me and I felt my heart race up a notch. But as I was only 7 years old, I got easily distracted and to my left, a little way ahead stood a strikingly beautiful flower. It was the only one in sight and I didn't know why but I had to have it. _

_I didn't pay any attention to where I was going and what do you know… before I even reached the pretty flower, I literally fell. Not just down on the ground, I would have welcomed that but further down. _

_I was preparing myself for an impact but when it came down to it, the only thing I felt was softness. At first I didn't understand it but as I sunk down the cold water, I knew where I was. Somehow I had found myself down a well. I still have horror images from down there. It was pitch black with only the surface as my lighting. Though it barely provided me with any. I could almost feel the small and round walls closing in on me and I felt like I was about to choke. _

_I scream all that I could but it never sounded like it reached beyond my prison. I wanted to escape, naturally. I didn't want to die, especially not down here. _

_I started crying as I treaded the water and held on to the wall but I always slipped. It was too wet, too cold and too dark. Ever since that time, I have been claustrophobic and I usually kept all the light on and let my mom turn them off as she went to sleep. _

_But back in the well, I don't know how long I had been crying for or how long I had been down there, but I was tired and it simply had been too long. I slipped once again and my head slipped underneath the water surface. I resurfaced and gasped for air and it burned in my lunges. _

"_Bella…" I stopped crying as much as I could. I though I heard something though it was too soft to tell. I screamed bloody murder again and this time, I knew I had heard something. _

"_Bella!" _

_I screamed back and the voice got closer. _

"_BELLA!" _

_I screamed the last I could and looked up as the light shifted and I saw a face. A face that belonged to a person I had always depended on and now haunted my dreams. But always in pleasant memories for, of him, I had no bad ones. They were all good because he was and he would never come back. _

I awoke with a jolt and found myself gasping for air, drenched on cold sweat. I checked the clock, 3:30 it read. I closed my eyes and sighed, sitting up and crossing my legs, taking my face down into my awaiting hands. I could feel my body trembled a bit and it slowly started to relax after countless of minutes.

It has been like this for months now. It has been exactly 3 months and 10 days and 3:33 hours. Or you could count it as 110 days and 3:34 hours. It helped that I though of how long it has been instead of what exactly had happened all that time ago. It would help if I started that. I would only cry and I had done enough crying and it never helped. It wouldn't bring him back, no matter how pissed of I got or how much I yelled.

I slowly lay down again and waited for oblivion to take its course but it wasn't easy, like always. I stared up at the ceiling and made my mind go blank. I wouldn't think of the dream, just like I didn't thin of the other, though some had been this very one, but with more details. I wasn't thinking how dark it was in here of even how beautiful the moon looked as it sent slivers of light through my window.

I closed my eyes and as I felt myself being alert, I reached for my mp3 player and turned it on. Perhaps Paramore could help me fall back to sleep. They didn't. I didn't feel exhaustion kick in until 5:30 and by then I had gone though Riot and All we know is falling… twice.

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I felt very cranky as I woke up from my very brief sleep. It was barely 9 and I still felt exhausted. I had barely gotten any more sleep, waking up every 10 minutes and having an even harder time falling back to sleep. As 9 approached and I had been lying in bed, eyes closed and trying to force myself to sleep some more, I had enough and with a huff, I leapt from my bed and to the bathroom.

The house was quiet as I descended the stairs. My eyes were dropping every few seconds, but I knew that if I went up and tried to get some more shut-eye I would fail miserably.

It occurred to me that I hadn't actually seen the entire house. As the kitchen and dining room is to the right jus by the front door and wanting to sleep after dinner, I had yet to see anything else.

I walked cautiously towards the conservatory and stopping when I reached the living room. To my right were two sliding doors with frosted windows, leading to the living room. It was huge, the living room that is, though I hadn't expected anything less. There was a large couch in a dark shade of green with huge cushions and looked way too comfortable. I knew I'd fall asleep there many times. Opposite the couch was possibly the biggest flat screen I had ever seen, and this time I wasn't exaggerating.

Beneath it were shelves filled with various games, such as Nintendo's and various Playstation's and also and even X box 360 and also a DVD, of course. It struck me ass odd why there would be so many types of games. Did Charlie actually know how to play? Maybe Elizabeth? That didn't seem likely at all and confusion set in. I shrugged my shoulders and continued on my tour.

Many plants and flowers were present, I had noticed, around the house. Many Orchids and Lillie's, the ones I could actually identify. The conservatory was the most crammed places when it came to greens. Only one small couch, a chair and a table stood present and the rest of the space was already occupied. As soon as I stepped out there I was hit with an alarming heat and I staggered back into the house. By simply being in there for a few seconds, I could already feel small beads of sweat forming, though maybe it also had something to do with my hoodie.

Another bathroom was situated down stairs and that was pretty much it. Though that was plenty, don't get me wrong. This house was likely to be the nicest house I would ever live in. as I walked to the kitchen through the foyer, I made a mental note to really check out the upstairs too when I'd eaten something.

The first thing I noticed when entering the kitchen was the refrigerator door. It stood open, though I couldn't see another person. But that didn't surprise me; those doors were almost as large as the one to my bedroom upstairs.

But as it closed and revealed the person behind it, I couldn't help but jump.

It was a man, though he couldn't have been much older than me. And he wasn't the average looking guy either, he was gorgeous. Though I don't think gorgeous could even cover it.

Black jeans which hung sinfully low on his hips and a blue buttoned up shirt clung to his frame and only made him look better than what I originally thought. And then there is his hair. That unbelievably sexy piece of hair that makes you wonders if he either just had sex or rolled out of bed.

He just now noticed me and it only now occurred to me that I had no idea who this was.

"Who the hell are you?" He asked in an annoyed voice and just like that sort of snapped.

"Well who the hell are you?" I asked back with the same annoyance and a trace of venom. He made be gorgeous but he was also a jackass. Who talks like that to a person you don't even know?

Before either of us had any chance to speak, Elizabeth walked in from the dining room. Either she didn't pick up on the tension in the room or she ignored it. But as she saw the two of us, she smiled brightly.

"Bella. I see you've met Edward." And who the hell is that? As if she heard my though, she continued, "My son."

Say fucking what?!

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**AN: Is it good? ****Worth the time it took to read? Either way... I'll be writing **


	3. Confusion

**AN: I'm not really that good at writing Edward's POV ****(at least I think so) but I'm giving it a shot to let you all see how he took at meeting Bella for the first time and some of his following thoughts. I'm not sure if I'll have his POV any more in the story but if you guys like this one then maybe. I never say never… or at least I try not to xD **

**And I'm sorry about the delay... Though I don't think it's that bad since it's only been like two days. But either way... the driving course took 4 freaking hours yesterday and when we got home it was 22:00 and i ahd ot get up really early. **

**But it think updates will take some time form now on.... I just (today) got a job at Burger King (ironic, but anyway) and tomorrow my day is quite long. but i won't detain you from the chapter any longer...**

* * *

_Confusion _

**EPOV**

I had to get out of there. As soon as I saw her, made the connection and having my _mother_ confirm it, I had to leave. Not only the room but the house all together. I grabbed my bike from the driveway, kicked it to life and made my way to the main road.

All I could think was; this is Bella? In no way had I ever expected this. I mean, I though Bella would be this maybe 10 year old spoiled brat that followed everyone around and would only be in the way. But this?! You've got to be kidding me!

I couldn't deny that she was pretty... who am I kidding? She was hot, maybe even gorgeous. Even with plain sleeping short with a hoodie over and her hair in a messy bun. She looked even better with it in fact. But none of that matters. It was like the universe was playing some kind of sick game with me. Very sick and exponentially cruel.

I knew I lived a more than "sinful" life but come on! Did _this_ have to be my punishment?! My mother's boyfriend's daughter… and completely untouchable… forbidden! Even the word _forbidden_ made it seem that much more appealing. She could have been one of the few girls I actually called back after being with them for the night.

To say it was a slap in the face would have been a huge understatement. I knew I was rude before and I mentally cringed at my tone but at the time I couldn't care. It blurted out and I guess I was mad at her for being just who she was.

But what I didn't expect was the response I got. As if it wasn't enough with the way she looked, she snipped back at me with venom in her voice and it was so undeniably hot that I almost couldn't stand it.

I would either run out of there or launch myself at her, only to be interrupted by my mom. I groaned; this time out loud. The whole reality of the situation was so unnatural and surreal that it was almost comical. Almost.

I shook my head internally, I couldn't be thinking about _her_ while I was driving. It would probably not surprise me if I'd get in an accident just by thinking about her.

As I was driving down the road, further into town, I realised I had no idea where I was going. I knew I needed to talk to someone about this. I mean, I didn't usually meet gorgeous women and then just leave so abruptly, not even being civil. Wait, did I just admit she's gorgeous? I almost groaned… again. Why couldn't she have been ugly?

Before I knew it, I was in a familiar neighbourhood and drove up to a house I have known since I was five years old. The small rocks beneath me smashed together as I drove up and got of the bike.

I knocked on the door but got no answer. I was practically pounding on it when it suddenly wrenched open to a very annoyed Emmett. By the way he was dressed, in only boxers; I knew what took him so long.

"What?" He asked in a venomous voice. I almost chuckled but because he could probably break my yaw, I voted against it.

"I need to talk to you," I let the urgency come into my voice and I really didn't think I could wait too long. It was like carrying a big secret; you just wanted to let it out.

"Now?" The tension in his voice was unmistakable and yet again, I almost laughed.

"Preferably." He sighed and I knew I had won. He left and went up the stairs. I could hear some angry voices though I couldn't make them out.

A few minutes later, I heard footsteps coming closer and soon, two people descended the stairs. One looked annoyed and worried. The other one looked simply pissed off and normally, I would have been worried about that myself but I couldn't care right now. I _needed_ to talk to someone about this.

The gorgeous woman – I couldn't deny that – walked down the last steps, practically shooting dagger as me with her gaze.

"Edward," she said in a curt voice but I heard the underlying tension.

"Tanya," I replied and watched her leave before speaking. After the door closed and seconds later a car roared to life, I turned to Emmett who was standing in front of me, looking very annoyed.

"Seriously?" I asked, shoving my thumb in the direction where Tanya had left.

"What?" He asked innocently. I rolled my eyes.

"Why do you waste your time with her?"

"She's hot." Emmett made that excuse so many times it's lost its meaning. If it even had one in the beginning.

"She's a bitch and a little insane." He snorted. "No you're right. She's very insane." He didn't look amused at all.

"You know it is okay for a girl to be a little crazy if she' hot enough to level it out." I stood there staring at him like he was the crazy one.

"What?"

"Coming directly from Barney Stinson. He's like my idol." I couldn't not roll my eyes.

"You know he's a fictional character in a sitcom?"

"Still my idol," Emmett said proudly.

"You are so messed up," I muttered and his expression turned.

"What do you want?" He asked in an angry voice.

"Dude, I have a problem."

**  
BPOV**

I stood staring after his retrieving figure, mouth almost completely agape and my posture frozen in shock. How could he be so rude? He didn't even know me! Who the fuck acts like that to a complete stranger?!

I closed my mouth and felt rage fill me, my fist clenched and was on the verge of trembling. Arrogant asshole.

I vaguely took notice that Elizabeth had left the room, completely unaware of the "not so nice" encounter her son and I shared, or maybe completely ignoring it. I groaned, her _son_.

_He was her son_.

I hated to admit it but I did not like that. And I was shocked that it wasn't just because he was rude to me. But it was because of _him_. He was… gorgeous. I didn't like admitting it. It was almost as if admitting I had a crush on my almost, possible step-brother.

Oh god! It _was_ like admitting I had a crush on my almost, possible step-brother! What the hell is wrong with me?! God!

Suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore.

I was on my way barging out the door when Elizabeth came into the kitchen again.

"Bella. Where are you going?" I almost groaned. Why did she have to sound like everything was fine and dandy? She's like Stepford wife.

"To my room. I'm no hungry anymore." Before I even had the chance to take one step, she all but dragged me towards the dining room.

"Nonsense. You need some carbs in you. You're almost all skin and bones! Besides, breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" Her tone was so cheerful that it made me almost grimace but I gave a sweet smile in return. Though, if anyone who knew me had been around to see that, they'd know I was mocking her, not being pleasant.

So I sat down, unwillingly but yet intentionally, at the opposite table. If she took any offence to my move, she hid it well. I was starting to think she was bipolar. Her mood changed so fast and regularly. Maybe she's just a good actress. I continued my musing as I buttered my toast.

I ate the crispy bread in silence and the only noises in the room were light clanging from the china and silverware. I almost laughed at how this must look. I don't think I have had breakfast like this, at a table, a dining room table no less, in many years. Either my room, the kitchen or the living room would be perfect.

"I was thinking I could take you to the hardware store after breakfast." My head snapped up as the silence was broken. Elizabeth wore an unusual expression.

"Sure," I responded in a tired tone. Painting always helped me think about other things.

"That is if you still want to do it yourself. We do have people ready to do it. Just say the word."

"No thanks. I _want_ to do it myself." Was it really that hard to believe?

"Okay then," she said, back to the cheerful tone and smile.

****

EPOV

"So she's hot. What's the big deal?" Emmett asked, sitting down by the pool. I sat down along side him. We had walked to the backside and I had just informed him of the "Bella" issue and no offence to my best friend but he was being no help at all.

"What's the big deal?" I repeated incredulously. "Em, she's my mother's boyfriend's daughter. We're practically step-siblings." I groaned at that. There is something so wrong with me! I shook my head.

"Look. I don't know what to tell you. Either you completely ignore her and continue act like the jackass you were this morning or…"

"Or… what?" I looked at him expectantly.

"Or you go for it." At first, I though he was joking.

"What?" I asked in disbelief when his face didn't falter. He couldn't be serious.

"What do you normally do with girls you like?" I snorted.

"That's different. And I don't _like_ her."

"You so do. Maybe not _her_, per se, but her exterior definitely," I rolled my eyes. Emmett must have been reading the dictionary.

"Look man. If you really like her, and don't say that you don't, then just use your "charm". Blueballs aren't healthy. Besides it's not like you're actually related in any way. It's completely legal."

"I'm not going to sleep with my… I'm not side what she is but I know that it may be legal but it's definitely not something you do."

"So you are willingly going to go through pain of being around her all the time. You know, maybe she's a yoga girl," I rolled my eyes but my mind shot to hundreds of different images and I had to strain myself from not thinking too hard on it or I'd be juts that.

"Is it just because she's your mother's boyfriend's daughter or whatever… or is it because she's probably the only girl, who is by standards "hot", that has talked back to you since… I don't know… ever?"

"Okay. First of all, plenty of girls talk back to me-"

"Yeah but that's usually _after_ you'd have your way with them-"

"Second of all..." I continued as if he hadn't spoken. "Because she's his daughter, of course."

"Uhu, right," sarcasm dripped form his voice.

"Yeah you're right," he said with a sigh, much to my surprise. "You probably liked it when she talked back," I whipped my head to the right to looked at him incredulously.

"Excuse me? You think I like it when girl are rude to me?"

"To be fair, you were the ass first."

"Whatever."

"Well. You are used to girl throwing themselves at you… most of the time… and now there's someone who's not doing just so… it has to interest you… even just a little." I opened my mouth over and over against to deny it but he was right and the smug grin on his face said it.

Of course I was intrigued by Bella. She was the complete opposite to the girl I used to date or, as Emmett likes to put it, fuck. Even just meeting her for those few short minutes, I knew almost enough I needed to know. She didn't take any crap from anyone, no matter how they acted, _who_ they were or looked. Yes. I was vane enough to admit that I knew I was good looking.

"Fine. I'll admit that she's a little… interesting… and exceedingly hot, at least what I could she of her this morning. But the fact still remain that she is who she is and that is a huge no-no. Actually, it's bigger than that…"

"What is it that you want me to say? Do you want me to see the logic and _forbid_ you from even looking at her for more than a few seconds? I'm not your father, that would be messed up. I can't or won't tell you what to do. Besides, you hate having people tell you what to do. Every time you always do the opposite."

I sighed deeply. What I wanted was for someone to tell me that it's absolutely not acceptable to even be within 10 inches of Bella. I wanted someone to shake me and tell me what to do. Or more specifically, what not to do.

"It's wrong… it's forbidden," I groaned at my words. They sounded so wrong and yet so right. Emmett laughed.

"Forbidden," he mused. "You know that actually sounds kinda hot," he continued. I shoved him against his shoulder, though he barely moved.

"Not helping. Besides it's not only forbidden but isn't it like incest?" I groaned again. I was doing that a lot now.

"It's not incest. You're not _blood_ related and therefore, it's not incest. Even if your mom and her dad got married, it still wouldn't be incest. Though I don't know if people would be thrilled about it… but it wouldn't be incest." I glared at him as he shrugged at me.

"Now that's really not helping."

"Sorry but that's all I have to say on the matter." He stood up. "Either you keep acting like you hater her or something or you follow through with you "intentions" that you have in your head." I looked down at the water, watching it move as my legs moved. "You know," he said and I looked back at him as he was making his way to the back door. "It is kind of hot when you do think about it. You and your mom's boyfriend's daughter. It's like a porno waiting to happen." I rolled my eyes at him and he disappeared into the house.

****

BPOV

The drive to the hardware store was longer than I expected. Though I suspect anything is since they lived so far out in the country.

The ride was in silence, as the radio couldn't be on. As I had reached for it, she told me not to. Apparently, it was "too hard to concentrate on driving when listening to music." Geezh. Can't you multitask? Then she said something about how many people get in car crashes because of "distractions". I clenched my teeth together and listened to anything but her as she spoke of the latter. I sat back and leaned my elbow against the passenger window, letting my head fall down and just as I was on the brink of sleep, I was shaken awake with a jolt.

I looked frantically around as I saw Elizabeth's retrieving form go out the car. I looked straight ahead and saw the name on the store in front of us. I slid out the car with a yawn and slammed the door shut, probably with too much force.

I slumped my way down to the main doors and walked next to Elizabeth, both of us silence. Maybe her happy day was over. Maybe her meds started kicking off. I shook my head. I shouldn't do that.

We came up to the paint section and walked down an isle. I realised soon that she was going to be difficult. Needing to put in her own opinion and it was almost like she was forcing it.

"What about pink? That's a lovely colour." Pink? Is she serious? I had to catch myself from openly stare at her like she had three heads. But it didn't look like she really was asking. Hell no. I wasn't going to be staying in a room with pink walls. A piece of clothing once in a while was enough pink for me.

"Um… pink really isn't my colour." She sighed and continued moving. Was that frustration I heard? We hadn't even been here 10 minutes.

"What's wrong with pink?"

"It's… I don't know... too girly." She seemed confused by my answer but ignored it.

"What about an ivory tone?" I almost sighed out loud and mine would have been a clear sign of frustration.

23 long minutes later (yup, I timed it) and we still hadn't come up with a colour. All her suggestions were, lest face it, just bad. She wanted the "clean and fresh" colours that almost screamed "lady" or "princess". I didn't consider myself either. I was never one for pink and lady? With the way I acted and spoke I could hardly be selected as a "lady".

No, I wanted darker colours. But really… what was wrong with blue? Nothing! Absolutely nothing is wrong with blue! I'm not sure if she would have been this objective if it were "baby blue". But still… there's nothing wring with marine. It's nice and in my opinion; warm.

If she wanted to decorate the room herself, she could have done so before I got her! Bunch of crap about wanting me to choose colour myself. I rolled my eyes.

"You know," I started after another discussion about having my room in yellow. "I think I'll go down a different isle and look at some different brands. See if there's something nice there."

"But this is the best brand right here," she gestured towards the shelves stocked with probably the most expensive paint I've ever seen.

"Still," I continued with a little straining in my voice. "I want to look at all my options." She reluctantly nodded and went back to looking at the paintings. Like she would have the final saying. I don't think so!

As soon as I was in a different isle I breathed out a breath of relief. It was so much easier shopping with my mom. It's not like I was spoiled or anything but she let me have it my way and _asked_ if I wanted her opinion and such.

With no people in sight, I leaned against the large red shelves, trying fruitlessly to bring my head up to speed. In my mind, I was still in Arizona, the place I absolutely didn't want to be. I clenched my hands together to make the pictures and memories disappear. I had to do that a lot. The people and especially the life I left behind always seemed to come back to me.

I focused on everything and nothing, all at the same time. Why the sky is blue, what colour I'm gonna paint my room. But then my thoughts wondered to Edward, as I though of room and that lead to the house and that then lead to waking up and finally to the kitchen… I could feel my pulse quicken, just a bit and I practically jumped out of my skin my phones started ringing and vibrating in my pocket.

The tone of Superchick's "Stand inn the rain" echoed through the space and I dug in my pocket. In my haste, I didn't look who was calling.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me."

"Alice?"

****

EPOV

I drove home slowly after my not so "insightful" conversation with Emmett. He did the exact opposite to what I wanted. By telling me it was "okay" for me to "go after" my almost possibly future step-sister (I groaned internally at the sound of it), I felt my already slip self-control thin out even more.

I was frustrating myself with my attention to the speed limit. I never drove within the limit and the fact that the only reason I did so was because I didn't want to go home to find the possibly irresistible girl living there.

I drove slowly home and even slower up to the house. I even took my time locking my bike, something I didn't do when I was home and putting it in the garage. Anything to stall time. Maybe she was in her room, or the guest room rather. I usually don't listen to what my mom says, especially if it's trivial news like this. But I did catch her saying something about Bella's room not being done yet. Though I knew that more from experience, rather. Construction has been waking me up around 8 O'clock almost every morning for a week now.

That it where I got the spoiled part from. But you shouldn't get too judgemental on me. But I did think, or maybe still does think, that she asked for remodelling of her room. There was nothing wrong with it before, probably. I haven't seen it but I guessed it looked just like the others.

I felt like I was walking into the lions den when i walked up the hallway towards the door to the kitchen, having just left he garage. I was slightly jumped when I noticed movement to my left. But it was a false alarm, simply Rosa doing laundry. As I walked into the kitchen, I hear nothing. No voices or noises, plain and simple silence.

I relaxed at it.

Just as I had determined no one except me and the maid was home, I went to get something from the fridge and suddenly, a car drove up to the house. I could see it through the window and it was my mother's car.

I had already decided that mom and Bella were together and as soon as the car came to a halt, I al but bolted up the stairs to my room and slammed the door close. You'd think it was a murderer on the killing spree I was running from.

I tried not listening for the sound of the door opening and losing but I caught myself actually stop breathing as soon as it slammed close and I sighed. I took my mp3 player, put it on the loudest level and soon fell asleep.

****

BPOV

"Alice?" I asked again.

Alice, who was not only my cousin but probably my best friend in the preset time. Even though she didn't live nearby, especially back in Phoenix, we were still very close... Alice and her parents lived in Alaska, much to Alice's dismay. They lived in Tucson, about 2 hours away but then, about 4 years ago, they had to move to Clearwater, Florida. Alice's father, my mother's brother, had gotten a job offer and if he didn't take this one he would have been let go.

Naturally, there was fuss about moving… mostly all of course came from Alice herself. Though now I don't hear any negativity on her behalf. She has really seemed to accept the climate and that she just have to inhale the wet air like the rest of the Floridians.

"The one and only. How are things going in the state of rain?" I chuckled a little.

"Well, so far so good… I think. Alice… I have news," I confides in a whispering tone, knowing all to well how much Alice liked the gossip. It was a disease.

"Ooooo… tell me… tell me! It sounds juicy."

"Oh believe me it is…" I dragged it along to make her practically shout into my ear.

"Oh My God! Just tell me!"

"Charlie's dating someone," I said quickly and not five seconds later I get a response.

"Charlie's dating someone?" Her tone was so disbelieving that I almost laughed.

"Charlie's dating someone," I confirmed.

"Charlie's dating someone," she said in realisation. "Wow… I never thought that would happen."

"Me neither," I said in honest truth.

"How is she? Who is she? She is a she isn't she?" Her questions overflew each other but as I have grown up with Alice, I caught every syllable.

"Yes, she is a she. Her name is Elizabeth and she seems nice enough. I think maybe she's bipolar," I admitted in a giggle which causes Alice to chuckle herself.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Well… she was really nice when I first met her but then there are some moments she can be a little…-"

"Bitchy?"

"No… more like her mood changes every few minute but it's not so dramatic. It's kinda weird," I finished with a small laugh.

"How so?"

"Like now. We're at a hardware store-"

"Why would you ever-"

"Just let me finish."

"Okay, sorry."

"Like I was saying… we're at a hardware store to pick out some paint for my new room and she just… she's like this pushing…" I stopped talking, trying to set my thoughts straight. I hadn't noticed how much this had actually been bothering me. It shouldn't really. _Before, _it wouldn't have.

"She wanted me to paint the walls pink for Christ sake."

"Pink? Wow, sounds like the bitch had it comin'," I laughed. Alice always knew how to lighten the mood.

"Even after me telling her how pink "wasn't my colour" she asked what's wrong with pink. She asked like the most absurd thing in the world was that I didn't like pink." I sighed in frustration after finishing talking.

"Bella," Alice started and I knew I would get a "speech" from her. Alice may be many things, some being said not so nicely, but one thing you can always expect from Alice is honesty. "I know things have been hard on you-"

"Alice… please. Don't."

"Okay, sorry. But maybe… just maybe, could just have just judged her too quickly? I'm not "defending" her or something, maybe she is a loon. But I just think that it's too soon to judge her. You only just met her." I sighed.

"You're right. As usual."

"Well it is me, after all. So what colour are you gonna paint?" I smiled. Another thing to expect from Alice is that she's a killer at changing the subject.

But by the subject of pain coming in the picture, my mind drew to my room with was at the house and the house also held another thing… or rather another _person_ I would really like to discuss.

"Alice. There's another thing I really need to tell you about."

"What?" Right before I could start speaking, Elizabeth came into my peripheral vision.

"Bella?" she looked around briefly before spotting me and coming over.

"I've gotta go Alice. Call you later?"

"Sure. Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up and Elizabeth came to a halt right in front of me. Paint already in the cart. I almost groaned as I saw the colour. Elizabeth must have seen my expression and laughed.

"It's not for _your_ bedroom," I looked up in confusion. "I was already planning on redoing one of the guest rooms and now I have a project to focus one before-" she cut herself off.

"Before what? I asked with confusion still in place.

"Oh nothing dear." She shrugged it off and then got a apprehensive expression.

"Bella," her tone was soft and gentle. "I'm sorry if I came off as kind of a control freak before with the paint and such. I really love decorating and I guess I took it a little too far." She smiled gently and I briefly wondered if she had heard my conversation with Alice.

"Oh. It's fine." She seemed calmer now and looked around.

"What colour were you thinking?"

"Um. I don't know… Maybe-" I was a little worried she's shoot it down directly.

"Go on," she said, as if she sensed my hesitation.

"I was thinking I could have one wall completely in black and the other three in a lighter tone of blue. Not marine but not baby blue either." I rushed through my words and as I had finished she seemed to contemplate and finally, she nodded.

"I think that would be great." I stared at her in disbelief. She laughed at me.

"Bella. It's _your_ room and even though I may have been a little controlling before, I want you to feel at home and if you want three blue wall and one black, then that's what you'll get."

We got the paint, the expensive kind (she wasn't willing to budge on that) and then we left.

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**AN: I bet you weren't expecting Tanya to be the one Emmett was having some ****morning fun with? **

**Anyways…**** tell me what you think or don't… This story I'm writing mostly for myself. The idea just came running and when something like that happens, I have to write it down. **


	4. What Makes An Asshole

**AN: Oh! So I saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen last Saturday and how awesome was it?! Tell me truthfully, you who have seen it yet. I loved the first one and this one was unbelievable… funny** **also, funnier than the last… haha, the twins, crazy, funny dudes! Hmmm… I don't really have anything of substantial interest to say now so you may read directly…  
BTW: I have now re-post this (if you didn't allready know.) So Hopefully the writing is much better no. Sorry about the earlier post! I do recomend you to re-read this. I realised I have written wrong almost every time I have written left or right. What was going on inside my head?! Anyways.... I hope it's all fixed now! **

* * *

_What makes an asshole? _

The house was eerily quiet as we came home. I felt relieved; maybe Edward hadn't gotten home yet. But I still felt my pulse quicken. It was like waiting for the serial killer to make _the _appearance in a horror movie. The anticipation was too much and I started fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.

"Are you okay Bella?"

"Yeah. Just peachy," I smiled meekly but I knew she didn't buy it. But as she had done before, she ignored it.

"You sure you don't want any lunch?"

"Mhm. I'm not really hungry."

"Well… then let get this to your room." I nodded in agreement and followed her up the stairs.

My new room was only three doors away from my current one, on the opposite side of the hall. I hadn't realised just how big this house really was. There were five different doors on this side of the house. One, I knew, of course, held my current room. Antoher, I also knew to be my new room; in the making. As for the other three, I could only guess one would be… Edward's bedroom. Just thinking about him made me anticipate him jumping out of one of said three rooms and scare the crap out of us. I knew I'd scream bloody murder.

We stopped at the last door to the right side of the hallway.

"I've made some new arrangements for it," Elizabeth said before opening the door. Perhaps she was building up the anticipation. But all I wanted was to go in there, put on some music and forget about everything else in the world.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Nonsense. Besides, it was out of date. I've just changed a little and added some build in- well… you'll see." She opened the door and let me in.

The room was, of course, beautiful, even with the unpainted walls and floor covered in protective paper. The door was to the far right of the room and as you walk in, the one thing that immediately meets the eye are two French doors and I could see a balcony behind them. The frames of the doors and windows were all in white, making the room that much brighter. I almost felt sorry for ruining it with my dark and sorta semi moody colours.

To the left, almost at the corner were a huge build in shelve, all in white. It looked so clean and sterile. It would all have been much more beautiful in Spain or maybe Greece, where real sun would shine through more than once a month.

There were two doors onthe right wall, all in white, of course, and looked exactly identical, even mirroring themselves.

"The right one is for the bathroom and the left one is for the closet," Elizabeth continued. I faintly remembered her starting telling me about what exactly had been done with the room. I wasn't exactly listening.

Walk-in closet? I put down the paint and went to open the door.

The inside was exactly like the outside. Almost everything in white, very clean. Interestingly enough, I didn't not like it. It sort of fitted, for a closet. Though as I looked at the size, I was sure I would be more than able to fit all my clothes in here.

"If you want, you can paint in here too. Though it has already been painted once," Elizabeth spoke up, apparently nervous about me not saying anything.

"No. I like it. It looks nice." She smiled sweetly before turning back to the bedroom.

"Here are some tape that should help you in some of the more troublesome areas and many different set of brushes, rollers and etc. If there is anything else you need, just let me know."

"It looks great, Elizabeth. Really." She smiled with pride, I think, at her accomplishment.

"Could I get a chair or a stool or something? I can't reach so high with the tape."

"Of course." She left, only to return a few minutes later with a four step latter. Did they just keep it around up here?

"Thanks."

"Just call or scream if you need anything." And then she left. It was eerily quiet in here also.

Every move I made echoed through the space. Even my breathing was magnified by 10. I left quickly to get re-dressed. Some black swimming shorts I rarely used and a white tank top would have to do today.

The sweet sound of Nickleback entered my ears and I relaxed at it.

I soon realised this was going to take time, which I had expected but the preparations is what is always the most tedious. Just setting up the tape alone took roughly half an hour.

---------------

My arms screamed in protest as I stood on the ladder, filling in twhat the roller couldn't get without hitting the ceiling.

I started panting, knowing I was soon done. As the last brushstrokes covered the white base, I let out a breath of relief. But as soon as I had looked over my work, I watched the rest of the walls and a sigh of frustration along with annoyance came out of me. Only one wall was done, three more to go.

Painting usually left my mind pretty occupied, but all I could think of in the moment was how much I wanted this to be over and done with. I was a little worried of my thoughts as I usually didn't act like this or even think like it.

I normally liked a challenge and wanted to do things myself as I thought the result was much better that way. But right now; all I wanted to do was absolutely nothing. Maybe sit in a chair and stare out the window or lie down and stare at the ceiling. I had a moment of hesitation and thought that maybe it wasn't too late to call over people to do this. But I shook my head and told myself to get through it.

An hour later and a second almost finished wall, not only were my arms groaning in protest to my working. My stomach growled hungrily, getting back at me for not eating a bigger breakfast or the lunch Elizabeth offerend when driving home. But I paid it no attention, knowing the hunger would disappear in a minute or two. I took a deep breath, as if it would ease the discomfort and continued my work.

The reason why it took such time just painting walls was because I was a perfectionist and had slight OCD issues. Or so I had been told. It was like an itch you couldn't get rid of and I just had to look over my finished project to see of there was even a sliver of white peeking through the blue. If there was and I saw it later, it wouldn't have mattered if it was 2 in the morning, I would have gone and found the paint and fixed it. Things like that could annoy me for a long ass time.

As I skimmed over the second wall for the second time, I heard a buzzing sound. Knowing it wasn't coming from Bach's "Prelude in C", I plopped my ear buds out and the sound grew in volume. I turned around and there, on the window board laid my phone, right on the verge of vibrating off the board and towards the floor. But I caught it before it could. I flipped it open and recognised the number before looking at the picture.

"Hello Alice," I greeted with a sigh and went back to the wall, the brush in my unoccupied hand.

"Please, contain your excitement," she said with sarcasm. I chuckled. We were quite for a few seconds before I grew confused.

"Is there anything you wanted Alice?"

"Do I need a reason to call my favourite cousin?" I rolled my eyes.

"I'm your only cousin," I reminded her.

"But if I had another, you'd be my favourite."

"Aw thanks," I said as I saw a smalls liver of whiteness by the corner and went to cover it.

"But seriously," I said, raising myself from my knees to a standing position. "Was there something you needed to talk about?"

"No. _You_ wanted to talk about something."

"Huh?"

"You said so before. Remember? At the hardware store… you said there was something you wanted to tell me about."

"Oh, right," I said as I remembered but as I was about to say something else, I was suddenly unsure.

"Yeah, and when you didn't call for three hours, and no one takes that long at a hardware store, I thought you'd forgotten."

"Yeah. I've been painting my walls and time just flew by."

"Oh. How's it going?" I knew she wasn't talking about the walls.

"Um… fine," I said with no real conviction.

"I know that tone…"

"It's fine Alice. I just- shit!" I hadn't been paying attention and dark blue paint dropped to my skin. Making a line from my thigh to the top of my foot.

"What's wrong?" Alice voice entered my ears and it was slightly worried. I wobbled and hopped on one leg to the bathroom.

"Nothing," I breathed out in frustration. "I accidentally painted my leg," I continued as I took a piece of paper and brought up my leg to rest on the counter next to the sink.

I heard muffled chuckling as I turned on the faucet and frowned as I started rubbing my leg with the paper.

"Please, contain your excitement," I said her words back in a mocking tone.

"I'm sorry Bella, but it's so you," I frowned again as I couldn't deny the words. The paint was difficult getting rid of. It smeared out on my overly pale skin.

"Now don't change the subject anymore. You've gotten me curious."

"I- I don't know where to start…" I admitted. It should be easy to just blurt it out, but I felt tongue-tied.

"It can't be that hard, can it? Bella, it's just me."

"Okay," I said and took a deep breath. But just as I was about to speak, the door opposite mine to my room opened. The person to the name I was just about to utter was the very person behind the door. Edward.

He froze as he saw me and my hand did the same on my leg. I briefly noticed his eyed shot to my leg but then back at my face so fast I thought I perhaps had imagined it.

"What are you doing in here?" His question wasn't as rude as it had been this morning – had it really only been this morning? – but it wasn't exactly pleasant either.

"Who's that?" Alice voice entered my ears but I paid no notice of it, I barely heard what she had said.

"Hold on," I said into the phone and took it down to my side.

"What do you think?" I asked and motioned towards my leg. "This is my bathroom," I answered him with annoyance. What did he _think_ I was doing in here? Seriously?!

"I can see that," he said and nudged his head in the direction of my leg. "But this isn't your bathroom," he continued with frustration and something else that I couldn't quite identify but I suddenly wanted to yell at him.

"Excuse me?!" I said a little too loudly but he took no notice of it. "It's the bathroom attached to my room, hence it's _my_ bathroom," I brought down my leg as my right foot started to feel numb for having to hold most of my weight.

"Listen," he said and now he just sounded angry. Why? I had no idea. "I don't care if it's attached to your room or not. It was mine first so get another one," I started at him with wide and incredulous eyes. I wanted to slap him and yell at him for both his rude exterior and childish behaviour.

"Oh you've got to be shitting me," I said, almost at the point of yelling now. His voice was calm but it was as if it were venom right from a snake.

"No I'm not. So why don't you just leave and take the bathroom across the hallway instead," I looked at his face to see if he was kidding but his expression was not faltering. Why was he making such a big deal out of a bathroom? It wasn't like I had plans on staying when I saw him walk in, but now, with him acting like this, I felt like I had no choice but to stay.

"No," I said with finality in my voice and I took my leg up again and started removing the rest of the blue paint.

"What?" His voice was slightly breathless and one of disbelief. My back prickled and the hair on my neck rose at the sound but I ignored it the best that I could. I looked up at him, stopping my hand again.

"I'm not changing bathroom," I said, again with finality.

In my peripheral vision, he looked absolutely livid and I had to press my lips together to hold back a smile. Not two seconds later, he turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut and I couldn't help the smug grin that broke out on my face. I put the phone back at my ear.

"I'm back," I said with nonchalance but I knew I'd get interrogated soon enough.

"What was... _that_?" She asked and I knew she'd heard most, if it if not everything. Her voice always betrayed her.

"_That_," I said, "is what I needed to talk to you about." I looked over my leg and decided the most visual part of the paint was gone and I threw away the wet paper. "Hold on," I said and walked back to the bedroom. As every move was echoed, I opened the French doors and walked out, closing them behind me. The wind was slightly cold but it was refreshing from the closed up space inside. It's not like I was expecting him to stand and listen at my bathroom door, like the adolescent boy I suspect he is, but I obviously couldn't trust him to not listen at the door.

"Okay tell me. _Who_ was that?"

"That was Edward." His name rolled off my tongue and I felt an unwelcomed chill run down my spine.

"Ah," Alice said, clearly not taking that as an answer. "And Edward would be…?"

"Elizabeth's son." As soon as I had said it, the line went silent. That was never a good sign. Whenever there was gossip, Alice yelled out questions faster than an auctioneer yelled out prices.

"But why was he such an ass? I mean, it's just a bathroom. Is there something special about it? Is it huge? Like my closet huge?" Now her questions came faster but I was used to it. "Wait. She has a son?"

"Yes she has a son. I just met him this morning. Lovely person wouldn't you agree? And, no it's regular sized bathroom, maybe a little bigger. And no, it's not as big as your closet. Your closet is a second bedroom for Christ sake! And I don't know why he's an ass. You should have heard him this morning! I came down for breakfast and as soon as I had stepped into the kitchen he practically attacked me, asking what the hell I was doing there! I mean, who the hell acts like that?!" I took a deep breath.

"First of all, my closet is not _that_ big. Second of all, didn't he know you would be coming? Didn't anyone say anything? Yeah he sounded as merry as a Christmas cartoon."

"I know right? Yes he should have known. But even if he didn't know who I was, he didn't have to be as rude as he was."

"I agree, but Bella, I'm sorry. I really don't see what exactly you wanted to talk to me about this. I can understand your need to dish on the possible step-brother issue," I shuddered, "and I mean, I can clearly see – or rather hear that he's an asshole and all, but when you talked to me before, you sounded troubled or something." I sighed. This would be harder to explain.

"This will sound… weird. No actually I will sound weird… It's just very wrong… I don't know what to-"

"Bella! Stop rambling and just tell me."

"He… ass- Edward-"

"Haha, ass-Edward. I like it." I rolled my eyes.

"As I was saying… He's… he's gorgeous... Alice. He's probably the hottest guy I've ever seen. And don't say I'm over exaggerating because if you could see him, you would understand."

"Wait! You have a crush on your father's girlfriend's son?! Oh Bella no! That's just-"

"Wrong? Yeah I've understood that Alice. And no I don't have a… crush, but it's not like I can deny how he looks. That's actually the issue… kinda."

"I was going for sick… but maybe that's a bit of a stretch. But what exactly do you want me to help you with? Wait! You're not… Bella please don't tell me you're actually thinking about-"

"No! Alice, don't be ridiculous. I may have done some shitty and unmoral things in my life but this is not a line I'm willing to cross… ever."

"Okay. I just had to be sure." I took one last breath and then went inside again.

"I have to get back to painting. I'm loosing my patience with it and the ass two walls away." I shuddered as I imagened him merely two walls away. I hated the feeling.

"Okay. But Bella. You have to call me back if he acts like this again. You know I love me some gossip and right now this is the juices I've heard in a while that didn't come from E!" I chuckled.

"You know you're the first one I call. At any time. Mostly because you won't ask me how I'm feeling every time we talk." She took in a breath of air in mock offence.

"What do you think of me?! I would never do anything of the sort!" I chuckled again and leaned against the walk beside the French doors.

"Well gotta continue with the torture."

"You know. You could have gotten people to do that for you," I froze and grumbled into the phone.

"Bye Alice."

"Bye Bellie," she said with a laugh and I pressed the red button and closed the phone with a snap. A sigh escaped me before I went back to painting. As I had been standing outside, my arms felt fine but now, as soon as I pulled the roller upward, my arm prickled with the effort. I sighed; this would be a very long day.

When I was on the last wall, painting the black, there was a soft knock on the door and then it opened. Elizabeth came through and took a look around.

"Wow it looks really great Bella," she said, stepping into the room.

"Thanks." I always hated situations like this when another person was in the room, or rather; a person I didn't really know. Do I continue working or stand up and chat? I almost rolled my eyes at myself and continued with the roller across the space, taking away the last traces of white, except for the corners.

"When you're done I was thinking we'd have some lunch –you need to eat so don't argue. And then go and get some furniture's. We haven't gotten any yet." I felt myself tense a little. Why hadn't they gotten any? Did they really want me here? Why weren't anything done? It's like she sensed something was wrong and rambled on.

"We discussed buying some things before but your father and I don't know what you like as for colours and such and we thought it would be best for you to go and pick it out yourself. We didn't want you to feel excluded, Bella. That wasn't our intention at all." I nodded and continued with the details.

"I'll go and have Rosa make us some lunch." Before I could object and say I could make something myself, she was gone and I sighed in frustration. She really couldn't make _lunch_ herself?

Once I was completely done and had looked over all four walls again and again, I felt satisfied with my work. I walked towards the bathroom and just as my hand touched the door handle, I stopped and hesitated. I knew I had said I would continue to use this bathroom as mine but did I really want that? Maybe I should change- I shook my head at my thoughts. If I wanted to use _my_ bathroom I would use _my_ bathroom! I opened the door slowly and of course it was empty. I sighed in relief. Walking in on him here was not something I would ever want to encounter.

I washed my hands to the point where blood would soon form but paint still remained. I sighed; I'd have to shower later. I left and opened all windows and the French doors to let it all dry faster. After changing quickly, I made my way downstairs, still expecting Edward to walk out anytime and yell some more about another inconsequential matter.

-------------

Lunch was over quickly. I barely paid any attention to my sandwich. I tasted the lettuce and cucumber but it didn't matter. It could easily have been soup and it wouldn't have made much of a difference. I rarely paid any attention to food anymore. That's not to say I didn't eat, because I did, I do. But food doesn't taste the same like it had… before… _He_ always loved food. As soon as I thought 'he', my mind produced an image I wished not to see and I fought to push it away. As it became harder, even when I remembered reruns of FRIENDS in my mind, I had to put my head in my hands, pressing my fingers to my temples.

"Are you alright Bella?" I didn't look up as my technique was working, very slowly. I was again on the verge of tears and I fought those too. Not anymore.

"Yeah. Just a headache," I managed to get out and I started rubbing my temples.

"You want some Tylenol?"

"No," I said, shaking my head, the effort hurt a little and made me dizzy but I ignored the best I could. "I'll be fine in a minute."

"Are you sure? Maybe we should take shopping tomorrow instead," she said hesitantly.

"No, it's fine. It's probably just of being in that room too long with all the fumes," I lied quickly and released my face form my hands.

"Yes," she agreed and took a bite from the sandwiched she needed a fork and knife for. Really… who eats a sandwich with a knife and fork? That's like eating pizza or tacos with a knife and fork. It's not natural. Eat it with your hand like a real person!

"You should have opened a window," she said and pointed the empty fork towards me. I rolled my eyes towards the table and sat still until she was finished. How long does it take to eat a freaking sandwich?

"You sure you don't want any more?" I shook my head no and continued sitting silently.

-------------

The drive took longer than what it did to the hardware store. I wasn't thrilled about being here. I… disliked riding in cars. Though dislike was a pretty mild description.

After an enormously long drive, though the clock shoved it had only been about 20 minutes, we arrived at our destination. The huge warehouse with its blue and yellow exterior and huge sign towered over us as we walked through the front exit.

Every time I came here, the same smell of plastic and coffee from the barista overtook my senses. That's not to say it didn't smell bad but it wasn't the best either. We rolled up the escalator and as soon as stepping off, the coffee smell ceaced to exist, but the plastic one was still present. Though it wasn't surprising, plastic was everywhere. **(If you hadn't figured it out, they're at IKEA. Now I don't know if there's an IKEA in Seattle but I'm pretending and I'm describing the warehouse we have here in Sweden).**

It took surprisingly little time. Of course, we had only looked at chairs for my desk, which we had yet to pick out, but still. We continued a path to the couches and looked over the samples while Elizabeth scribbled down number to pick up the items later.

"When we get back home I'll have someone put everything up. You won't have to do anything," she said as we came to the desks and tables. I opened my mouth to object but she held up a hand.

"Bella please . I want to se the look on your face as it's all together. That'll be ruined if you do it yourself," she looked so miserable, like someone had run over her puppy... so I agreed.

"Okay," I said with a sigh and we continued down the floor towards beddings. I chose white, plain and simple. There always was something when you woke up in a white and fluffy bed. I always felt like I was in Tuscany again. The hotel we stayed at had the most comfortable bed I have ever slept on.

One hour, three carts, two overly helpful employees with about 30 different boxes and three full bags, we were finally done here. The two very helpful employees helped us out to the car and even unloaded everything for us. I didn't miss the glances they, or one of them in particular, shot at me. I kept myself from rolling my eyes. He was definitely not my type.

He looked overly helpful and stammered when he thought he'd said something wrong. Not to be mean or anything but he looked like the kid that always get beat up in school. You know, the nerdy loner with too big glasses and hair filled with so much gel, as if to impersonate one of the cooler kids but it just looked greasy and gross. And deffinately not something you would like to tun your finger through.

Though in the present time; the man standing in front of me didn't wear glasses that were too big for his face, nor did he have gross-looking hair. But he still radiated nerdy. It's not that I am discriminating him but I had gone out with a guy similar to this one, before, and it took him roughly 6 times to ask me out in one sentence and I just felt so bad for him that I said yes. He looked like a 5 year old at Christmas when I agreed and he laughed out a nervous laugh with a snort . The entire time we were out he kept staring and he was just awkward. He even had his mom drive us! If he didn't have a licence or a car, why couldn't be have taken the bus or train or just met in the city?

He even tried to kiss me when the date was over. I could see his mom sneaking glances at us from the car. Her expression practically yelled; 'don't even think about doing something stupid now!' I didn't, in fact, I simply waved at him as he leaned in, making a sort of fish-like face. Was he going to suck off my face or what? Such a momma's boy. That is one rule I have now when it comes to dating; never date a momma's boy! No matter how pleasant the mother is, you will never be good enough for her precious baby!

I was brought back to the present time as the trunk was slammed shut. I shook my head slightly. I smiled at the guys and told them thanks for their help. The one who hadn't been staring at me with glazed over eyes smiled and said you're welcome and then left. But nerdy here wasn't leaving. He kept watching me and I could see small beads of sweat forming on his forehead. That was kinda creepy. It's wasn't that hot outside.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked and bit my lower lip. Was he handicapped? His eyes drew to my lips and I felt myself wanting to take a step back. Seriously, what's his problem?!

"Um… I was… won- wondering… if- if maybe you'd- you would like… to…" Oh God no! My mind screamed at me to run for the hills or better yet, the Mazda SUV standing not three meters from me.

"Go out… with me… maybe." Maybe? Who says maybe? He looked at me and I saw a blush form on his cheeks. Oh God!

"That's really sweet," I lied smoothly. "But I can't… I'm... already dating someone." His expression dropped and if I didn't know better, I'd say he was going to cry. Maybe I didn't know better.

"Oh. Too… bad," he said but still made no notion to move.

"Was there something else?" I asked and my patience was running thin. He smiled a nervous smile.

"No," he said with a chuckle.

"Okay then," I said, I was still creeped out. "I'll just go… okay?" He didn't say anything but smiled at me warmer and I turned around, feeling his gaze burning a hole through my shirt. I opened the door too fast and slammed it shut with too much force. I felt a shudder run through me and I noticed Elizabeth's eyes on me.

"He seems sweet," she said and just like that I knew she had heard everything.

"Sure, I guess," I said and put on my seatbelt. The car purred to life and we drove off. I thought she'd leave it alone but apparently not.

"Then why didn't you say yes?" Did she really not get it? Let me demonstrate.

While sweet and nice guys are the ideal, they always bring a sense of safety, though not safety as in safety to save you from a mugger. But the kind of safe that you – lets face it – get bored of. It's sad but safe is something you, after a while, get bored of. Safe is predictable. And predictable isn't something that most people want. Your entire day, week, month and year go by the same way. I can see it in front of me. You wake up at 7, you go to work at 9, you're stuck in traffic at 5 and get home around 6. You have dinner and if you're "blessed" with kids, you interact with them for a while and then get to the TV. After some TV, the kiddies need to get to bed. Then it's your turn and that's the devils circle. Or so I call it.

To me, that's one of the worst life scenarios I could ever imagine. Stuck at a dead-end job with a husband and kids in the suburbs. No, safe guys brought that and while some wanted it, I couldn't imagine why, I didn't.

I liked to travel, to see the world and being married and having kids would definitely ruin those chances for me. No. marriage was a no-no for me and kids was a possibility but not in my current future.

"He wasn't my type," I said after I was done with the internal analogy over safeness.

"Oh." We were quiet then for a time when she spoke again.

"What is your type then?"

_Your son_

I froze. I could see my reflection in the window and my eyes was widened into saucers and my entire body felt locked in motion. Where the fuck did that come form?!

"Ehm…" I stammered, trying to come up with an answer that didn't at all resemble… _him_.

"I don't know. Not the excessively helpful chess player with too big glasses and greasy hair." I was expecting to get a lecture about not judging people that fast but instead I got a chuckle. I looked over and saw her smiling.

"Yeah, I understand Bella. When I was in your age that type wasn't on my list either. I liked to have fun but you know; fun only last so long. You can't have fun forever," I almost rolled my eyes; I knew what she was going to say next. "There will come a time, hopefully not for a few years that you'll want to settle down and start a family. And then that sweet guy will be waiting." I sighed quietly.

"I doubt it," I mumbled.

"Why?" She was just very curious wasn't she?

"I don't want… I mean… I'm not sure I want that."

"What? A family?"

"I have a family," I pointed out.

"But don't you want one of your own? Husband and kids?" This was way too soon to even _think_ about. For Christ sake! I'm only 19!

"No. I don't think I do," I said with confidence.

"May I ask why?" I took a deep breath.

"Because it's boring," I said with a sigh.

"You think a family is boring?" She looked like she was hurt by the fact that anyone wouldn't want to have kids and get married to a handsome man.

"The one that involves a husband, kids and a permanent resident with a minivan." I hadn't realised how much I actually hated that picture.

"Why would that be boring. You'd have amazing kids with whoever you chose to marry."

"Maybe," I said and decided for truthful again. "But the only things that come into my mind when I think of kids is that they're loud, the eat you poor and need constant attention. Then, as they go into puberty they turn against you and maybe make your life a living hell. I just don't think I'd like that as a "tanks for ruining my freedom and not to mention body, forever."" She was stunned. I could read that much from her expression. She kept looking straight ahead and didn't speak for several minutes.

"That's something I have never heard before. Is that really what you think of children?" I could see I had hit a nerve. Apparently, Elizabeth here loved kids. Her expression gave her away. Why didn't she have any more if she loved them? Or maybe se did but they're older…

"Truthfully… yeah. Probably the worst case scenario in my life at the moment would be that a baby interrupts my life and screams bloody murder into the wee hours of the morning. They can be great, I'm sure, but not for me." She seemed to be contemplating it and finally nodded.

"Well I'm sure one person would love to hear that right now."

"Why?"

"Your father," she said with a smile and I had to chuckle.

"But still… no husband? I'm very sure you still have your freedom even if your married or maybe that's not the freedom you were referring to?"

"No I was referring to that. And no. Kids are more likely to happen than me getting married." That ended he conversation. The drive felt shorter this time. It felt a little good getting it out there. Renee always joked about when I was going to find a guy and give her grandchildren. Charlie would probably have a stroke if he had heard some of those conversations.

----------------

As soon as we came home, I was not to walk into my new room until I was told so. I sighed and went to the guest room, taking out my old copy of Oliver Twist and getting down to the living room.

I was a fan of old novels. I first got into it when 7 and saw the "Disney version" of this ver book. But it wasn't just "old" literary I found enjoyable. I do also have a rather large fascination with the Dan Brown books; Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code. Maybe it is because I'm not at all religious, that I found semi religious books interesting. I do find it somewhat intriguing how people can be as spiritual as they are. I don't think I could ever have that much faith, especially not now.

When one has been through horror, accidents or travesty, how can that someone still have faith and belief, that there is a God whom is supposed to protect us, but still let such tragedy happen? I don't understand that nor do I think I ever could. But that was okay. After all, you don't need God to live. Even if some are convinced they do.

I settled down in the huge couch I the living room. It could have been a small bed. It's certainly comfortable enough for it.

After I'd read the first few chapters, I felt myself start to doze of. Nothing uncommon when I was reading but yet annoying as the book was very interesting. I sighed as my eyes dropped again and I placed a note on the page I was at, laid the book down on the table and as soon as my eyes closed, I was asleep.

I was awakened by a clang and then a thud. I began to stir and felt my eyelids open. I had to blink a few times and rub my eyes before the picture was clear enough. I was in the living room and at first I was a little disoriented.

_How'd I get here?_

Then I saw my "Oliver Twist" copy lying on the floor, by the plant and I remembered.

Wait! The plant? I looked over again and sure enough, the book lay discarded right below the plant which had a little dirt on the floor around it. It was also closer to the wall, I noticed.

Before I could process anything else, I heard a door close behind me and a figure walked out of the conservatory. I couldn't see who it was and before I could even start to think about it, Elizabeth came through the archway and smiled at me.

"Come on up. It's all ready!" To say I was confused would have been an understatement.

_Had I really been asleep that long? _

The clock next to the TV showed it was over 6. Oh. I stood up on rather shaky legs, took my book with me and walked after her.

"Sorry to wake you but I'm selfish enough that I wanted you to see the room in a wakened state."

"It's fine. I didn't realise I had been asleep for that long." Even the house started smelling of dinner.

We stood outside the room for a little while longer than we had this morning. Apparently, this was a bigger affect she was seeking.

"Now if you don't like something we can always change it…"

"I'm sure it's more than fine," I tried to reassure her but she still looked a little nervous. Was she also a perfectionist?

Apparently so, for when I opened the door I was awestruck at how it had all turned out. Even with the outside lighting dimmed, the lamps in the ceiling showed off the furniture's well enough. Maybe even better than the outside ever could.

The white bed with the beautiful black flowers imprinted on the cotton, stood in striking contrast to the black wall with two identical black bedside tables on each side which each also held a white lamp. With the larger than average pillows and extra fluffy covers, all in white, the bed looked like a cloud. Maybe that was a weird example.

An elegant vanity table in a grey shade stood in between the closet and the bathroom door with one single mirror to the left side. A matching stool was underneath the table, partially hidden from sight.

Under the windows, right next to the French doors, a computer table was perched. It was completely in white with two cupboards on each side of the white desk chair. On top, in the middle of the desk was a new HP TouchSmart tx2z series black laptop **(I want that laptop so bad!)**. The only reason I knew the long and unessecary name in such details was because I had been looking at this very computer since Christmas **(I don't know if that computer have been available since Christmas but let's pretend it has)**. How they, or rather _she_ knew that, I had no idea. She talk to Renee? That must have been a weird conversation. I shrugged it off and continued observing the filled up space.

The build-in shelf was somewhat covered in books, old and new, and also held various items I recognised from the store. Even a few DVDs had made their way here. Many i recognised but some where foreign to me. Opposite the bed, on the wall was a sleek, black flat screen. Must be around 35 – 40 inches. I knew my way around technology.

The walls were covered covered in some paintings. One huge was of Piccadilly Circus, all in black/white. Though the true British double decker were in shocking red. Making the picture all the more captivating. One more was one fo the most amazing photos I've ever seen. It was of Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome. I knew the building well as I had seen it many times. By far, it was one of my favorite buildings in the entire world.

The corner, to left of the front door, the only space available anymore, was filled up by a small two-seat couch and a silver or perhaps grey-ish mirror, standing on the floor and looking as elegant as the vanity table.

It was perfect. Well, maybe not perfect. I had made a rule to never say that anything was perfect. I suppose there could have been more lamps and maybe some more DVDs, just to name some things that didn't, I suppose, made great matter. But other than that, it was more than enough.

"Well, what do you think?" Elizabeth asked behind me. She looked expectantly at me and it looked like she was thinking I wouldn't like it. Preposterous thought in my opinion but if she needed to have it clear…

"It's great. Actually, it's more than great… It's too much," I told her honestly.

"Nonsense Bella. You're a part of the family and we only want you to feel comfortable. Edward chose his entire room himself," I swallowed at the mention of Edward and looked another way.

"Where is that boy anyway?" Elizabeth said, probably mostly to herself as her voice was low.

I shrugged and looked away.

"You must be hungry. Let's have some-"

"Wow," came a voice, followed by a whistle from the doorway. I turned, though already knowing who it was and looked at Charlie. He smiled at me. "Looks great Bella," he said and walked over to Elizabeth, placing an arm around her waist and kissed her quickly. I continued looking around and started feeling uncomfortable.

"Let's get some dinner," Charlie said with a growl of his stomach. Elizabeth sighed in mock frustration and then chuckled.

"You always want food don't you?"

"Rosa make's some amazing gravy," they both chuckled and I thought how wrong that sentence was. Shouldn't he say how amazing _her_, Elizabeth's, gravy was? I did hate that fact that they had people do things for them that they could do themselves. It's so easy to learn if they'd actually given it some time.

"And Bella? The clothes and such you had with you are in the closet and toiletries in the cupboards under the sink in the bathroom." I nodded and watched as they walked out. I stayed back a little, wanting to look everything over that much detailed.

I opened the closet and my eyes turned once again into saucers. It was full. Well, almost. There were some empty spaces but they were scarce. This is what she had been shopping? I walked to a rack of jeans in all kinds of colours, materials, sizes and labels. They each held the size I usually wore, the tags still on them. To be true, jeans were murder when you were trying them out.

There were mixes and matched of t-shirts, tanks tops, camisoles and some "fancier" shirts. Hoddie's, both with and without zipper hung above the jeans.

I recognised my old clothes but next to these new ones mine looked... well... not so nice. Right to the door was another set of doors. I recognised the entire closed from IKEA and opened it. Inside were some of the most fabulous shoes I had ever seen and I'm including the Converses. Sneakers and even heels adored the inside.

I was almost too afraid to look in the other doors and over the shelves and hanging racks. But my curiosity took over me and I looked up. The entire space was filled with bags. Gucci, D&G, Dior, Guess and many others I couldn't see the labels on.

I kept shaking my head. This was too much. How could one spend this much money? I know Alice would have loved this place. If I even told her she'd be on the next flight over here, wanting to go through everything.

Maybe she had gone a little overboard with everything. Did she do all of this because she wanted me to like her? Was she bribing me? Even though I didn't want to admit it, it could be true. I groaned. I couldn't even have people do nice things for me before questioning their motives.

As I got to the kitchen, voices entered my hearing. As my better judgement and my very nosy mind got the better of me I stood by the door and leaned in, trying to catch some of it. I recognised voice immediately, it was hard not to; Elizabeth. She seemed to be doing most of the talking but there was someone else in there too. Charlie? No that didn't seem likely.

"Why are you being like this?

"Mom. I'm not being anything. I've barely talked to her. I haven't had the time to be rude." Say fucking what?! He hasn't had the time to be rude?! Is he fucking kidding me?!

"That's the problem. You haven't talked to her. Why don't at least make some effort?"

"Mom. I don't know her. How am I supposed to "make some effort" if I don't know her?" It was clearly meant as a rhetorical question but she answered anyway.

"I don't know… maybe being pleasant. Talk to her… maybe even have a real conversation together." I rolled my eyes. He really didn't have to do that. I'm serious. The more he left me alone the better. Though, as I thought that I realised I was lying. I didn't want to talk to him, he was and ass, but I didn't not want to talk to him. Oh, how confusing.

I didn't want to hear any more and walked into the room. Both of them looked my way and… was it my imagination or did Edward actually look me up and down? Checking me out? No, I must have seen wrong. I internally shook my head and walked towards the dining room. Elizabeth became her "happy self" that she had been before and walked with me.

Dinner, much like the late lunch, must have been amusing to watch, I mused. Not because of the reason mentioned before, but because of the atmosphere. You could cut it with a butter knife.

But it ended quickly, thankfully and as soon as it was said dinner was over, Edward practically toppled over his chair and left the room faster than I could have thought. What's his problem? I rolled my eyes and was about to help clear the table when I was shooed away and I left with a sigh.

My room still smelled faintly of paint but it wasn't uncomfortable. Though the smell of paint had never really bothered me, nor had the smell of gasoline. Actually, there are some times when a car has just driven by or just been started that the smell is inviting. Though that wasn't by coincident.

I ran my hands over my face and through my hair. Now wouldn't be a good time to think of that. As I stood there, all alone in my new and very nice bedroom I experienced my first case of homesickness in I-don't-know-how-many-years. I never really felt homesick, not ever when I was younger and slept over at friends' house. Though maybe that was because my own house was within 5 km.

I felt fatigue as I stood there, though I don't know why. My whole body felt numb and heavy. Like it would topple over at any moment. I got into my oversized closet and started looking for some pyjamas. I opened a random drawer and as soon as I saw my old t-shirt and shorts I grabbed them and shirt the draw quickly. I redressed in a blur. If I didn't know any better, I'd say I had bee drugged. I almost laughed at that.

The afternoon's previous events had somehow slipped my mind and I opened the bathroom door without so much as knocking. I stopped dead short as I saw a figure by the sink. Edward, of course. Brushing his teeth. The gesture seemed odd when it came to him. I don't know why. Again, if I hadn't known any better, I'd say I was semi-drunk. Again, I almost laughed out loud.

He didn't turn his head but his eyes, shining green, met mine in the mirror.

"You know you could have knocked." And I forgot my need for sleep as I glared at him.

"You know you could have locked," I said back in a mocking tone. He rolled his eyes and went back to brushing. It was such a good thing there were two sinks. We would probably have battled over the single one otherwise.

I squirted out some toothpaste and started brushing. I tried not to look at him, I really did. But my peripheral vision wasn't agreeing with me tonight and I noticed. I had to.

He was wearing black sweatpants and a white shirt. Seems pretty harmless but my mind had other ideas. The sweats hung low on his hips and I could definitely see the outline of a V and hit shirt clung to his upper body nicely, showing off a well toned chest and abs. I felt my brushing slow and I inwardly shook my head of thoughts I should not be thinking. Most importantly. I shouldn't be thinking them around him!

I focused my eyes straight forward and even started hearing Pat Benatar singing "Hit me with your best shot" over and over again. I seriously have no idea where that came from! As I had replayed the song once, he all but slammed his toothbrush down on the counter – and dare I say he actually looked my way? God! I'm such a girl! – and then left the scene. I stared after him, still not in the know why he was being, for a lack of a better word, such a bitch.

No, I wasn't going to let him affect me anymore. Besides, I've met people like him before. Though I'm not sure I can't actually _know_ what kind of a person he really is, but I'm judging him a little now. I practically grew up with jackasses.

I sighed, spit and drank some water to take away the way too minty taste of the paste. As I was about too leave when I saw his toothbrush, still on the counter. It was like it was mocking me with its unorganized place and the water it splashed around itself after impact with the granite.

I almost groaned and took it up to place it in the right holder against the wall. I know I'm messed up.

It didn't take long to find oblivion. All it really took was to lay my head down and about a minute after I turned on the TV, I was gone.

* * *

**AN: Was it too much detail with the room? I have a tendency to over describe some things**** a lot. **

**And also, if you want I can get the pictures of the things that are in Bella's room, otherwise they are on IKEA's homepage. I do love to do some research xD **

**I have some, or rather **_**a**_** music recommendation today; Nickelback – If today was your last day. Such a great song, truly inspiring! **


	5. What is the point?

**AN: Like I have said before; I don't really feel all that comfortable writing in Edward's POV but I want his thoughts into the story a little bit more so endure with me**** people. And second of all (if there even was a first) I want to say that I know there must be some mistakes here and there and there is a good explanation for that. I have read it through once and I will read it again as soon as it has been published and I will update it into finer writing. Thought I think it's mainly the ending that needs the most touch-ups. **

**Sorry for the too long AN, I'll let you get to the reading… **

* * *

_What is the point?_

**BPOV **

The days went by at a slow rate. Charlie worked all days, Elizabeth were home on some mornings but others she claims she was organizing different charity galas. Edward was hardly ever to be seen. Either he was in his room or he'd stay out till the wee hours of the morning and some nights, or mornings, he didn't come home. I don't know why I cared. He was free to do whatever he wanted to do. I shouldn't care. I don't… I think.

By this point, I knew every ins and outs of this entire house. Being alone as much as I have, I wondered around the house on multiple occasions. Not only did they have a larger than should-have-existed library. But right up the stairs and through the double doors, was a home movie theatre. An entire movie theatre with 10 rather large chairs and probably the biggest screen sheet I have ever seen, except for at the actual cinema.

I even spend some time walking outside. That was a new thing for me. Not that I had, or have, anything against nature. It was just that… my life… before, didn't exactly consist of time to walk around in the woods. But to even think of how my life has been like for the past…. Oh I don't know… 6 years… would take that long.

So here I am. Out in the fucking woods, "enjoying" the scenery's. It's okay to sit inside and do nothing for a few days but by now I was beyond bored and in desperate need of something, anything, to do. I only grabbed my camera and cell phone (I'm not an idiot. I was sure I would get lost otherwise) and left the house.

The woods here were so much different from where they were in Phoenix. But that didn't surprise me at all. It was quite beautiful, when you think about it. Though perhaps a little too green, in my opinion. Moss covered most surfaces, such as rocks and tree trunks.

I may not be the best photographer but I think I did a fairly good job this afternoon. The air got warmer the farther inside I went. It also grew in density and my breathing got heavier. But I didn't turn back. I welcomed the foreign feeling. In some way, it reminded me of home, Phoenix, that is. Even after everything, that place would always be my first home, even if I couldn't visit it or live there as I would have liked to.

My feet were slowly starting to ache as I walked slower and slower over the uneven ground. Finally, I settled down on a large rock. It was cold and damp. The sun, the little that existed on this "fine" day, didn't entirely reach these places. Though as I sat there, the strangest feeling of claustrophobia and paranoia swept over me. I don't know why. It was completely irrational. But I am not exactly known for being rational or logical myself.

I don't know how long I sat on that rock, doing nothing, just listening to the surroundings. Well… it wasn't intentional to listen to the different sounds, but it was sort of inevitable. Every second, when something other than a bird's music was heard, I couldn't stop my head from turning in the supposed direction. I felt silly. If there really was _someone_ out here, I would have been dead a long time ago if that was its wishes.

I groaned. And now I'm getting images of Jason. Of course I would think about him now. I'm in the woods and Camp Crystal Lake was surrounded by woods, or at least a lot of trees. I never should have watched those movies when I was younger but really… they're so good!

Never the less, I felt my heart beat pick up marginally and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at myself as I took out my phone. I scrolled down the contacts, stopped, clicked the green little button and help the phone up to my ear.

"Yellu?!" I shook my head, a smile playing at my lips.

"Hello cousin dearest."

"Well hello to you too," Alice replied with a chuckle. "To what do I owe this delighted call?" She continued in a fake and, quite frankly, bad English accent.

"Alice, don't do the accent." I said with a groan but a small chuckle escaped afterwards.

"I can't pull it off can I?" She asked with a sigh.

"No you really can't."

"Damn…" she said, sounding an awful lot like Peanut. "So… what'cha ya doen?"

"I'm sitting on a rock in the woods."

"Are you sick?" My eyebrows scrunched up.

"Why would I be sick?"

"You just said you're on a rock in the woods."

"That's because I am."

"Really?"

"Yes... really. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Well… yeah. I'm sorry but you're not that "close" with nature." I could practically see her make tine air quotations.

"Yeah well… people change… or at least I could try to."

"Could be positive," she agreed.

"What's up with you?"

"Um… nothing much… today. Oh! I went shopping with Erica yesterday and you won't believe what I got!" She all but yelled into my ear excitedly.

"Another pair of Jimmy Choo's? Honestly you have like 50 of them already!"

"Why must you ruin my absolutely wonderful story?" I rolled my eyes at her theatrics.

"Okay Ali. What did you-"

"So we were at _Chanel _– thank you very much! – and I spotted these absolutely fabulous boots in what looked like suede but really weren't."

"Aha," I said in complete disinterest. But like true Alice fashion, she pretended like she hadn't heard me.

"They were completely fake _and_ they were environmentally friendly. Have you ever heard of that?!"

"You know. I don't believe I have." She sighed.

"I'm sorry but that's the most interesting think that has happened in my life for quite a while," Alice said with another sigh and she sounded so sad.

"Really? No parties… nothing?"

"No," she said with another sigh. "It's much more fun if you're there." I laughed.

"Aw. Miss me that much?" My voice turned sweet, is if I was talking to a one year old.

"We always used to party together. I miss that. And I miss you. It's been too long!"

"Yeah it has. How long has it been anyways?" I asked, trying to do a mental count.

"About five… months…" her voice trailed off and I instantly remembered the last time I had seen my cousin. As much as I loved her, that was one memory together I would never want to ever remember.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up," Alice started rambling.

"It's okay. It's true. That was the last time we saw each other." I felt my lips turn downwards into a sad expression.

"But we'll see each other soon. I'm sure of it." her tone was so sure I didn't point it out. It would be great to see Alice soon. I didn't really consider her just my cousin. We were best friends… I suppose. I considerer her, my sister.

Just then, it sounded like a branch was broken and I swirled off the rock and gasped. Of course no one was behind me but that didn't stop my mind from drawing up as many situations as possible. And none of them was the least tempting.

"What?" I shook my head foolishly and tried to slow my racing heartbeat.

"Nothing," I said and even my voice shook.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It was just a branch cracking. I think I'm gonna head back to the house. Mind if you stay and talk to me?" It wasn't actually a question but I didn't actually want to admit that I'm actually kinda scared.

"By the way. How are thinks going with the imbécile ala Edward?"

"You always gonna call him that?" I was walking a little faster than I did coming in here but the overly green trees were freaking me out now.

"Hmmm… till he acts otherwise..."

"It's fine. Or well… not _fine_ but he's still an ass. Though he's scarcely home. Out very later, or rather early and leaves early. Not that I care, you know…" I trailed off, knowing I sounded like an idiot.

"You know…" Alice started saying but then stopped. I hated it when she did that!

"What?" She chuckled once and then started speaking again.

"He does remind me of someone…" She trailed off again and I felt confused.

"And who would that be?"

"You." I froze in my walking.

"What?" I asked dumbfounded.

"He reminds me of you. Not that I think you're an asshole but you did have a tendency to stay out later, or early and not really be at your house as you were with friends and such…"

"Excuse me?" I said harshly and started walking again. "I'm nothing like him." I know I was saying it to convince Alice but I felt a little bit of doubt in myself. Was I like him? of course not!

"Like I said. Aside from the asshole-ness, you do act rather like each other. Leaving the house early and staying out late. And I'm guessing he's not partying before 12 am so we can only assume he's with various friends… you used to stay with friends a lot… before… when you lived at ho- in Phoenix."

"I still don't see what you're talking about," I said after a few seconds of silence.

"Alright. If you're gonna live in denial…"

"I'm not-"

"Let's talk about something else."

"Like what?"

"Hmm…" Alice hummed as if she was thinking it over. "How about you have a crush on a guy version of yourself who is your possibly future step-brother?" She said it so fast there was no time for me to talk until she had said it all. She laughed at the end and I rolled my eyes.

"Okay. I don't have a crush on him. It's simply obvious that he is… attractive. And second off all… maybe we act a little like each other but that hardly qualifies him as the guy version of me."

"So you admit it?"

"What?"

"That you do act like each other?" I groaned. She was never going to let this go. But as I was about to respond and deny everything, of course, I started to see the outline of what lay behind the trees. I could see the house, very faintly.

"I really don't want to talk about _him_ now, or ever. He's an asshole and while I may have acted a little bit like him before, that's not who I am anymore."

"Of course not sweetie. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"It's fine. I think I'm gonna go for a swim."

"I take it you found the way out without having to see a hallucinations of Jason?" I grimaced and heard a chuckled as I had yet to respond.

"By Ali."

"By Bellie!" With that, we hung up and I trudged up the front steps to the door and let myself in.

-------------

I broke the surface of the slightly chilly water and gulped in a fresh breath of air. It spiked my lunges and I closed my eyes at the feeling. I took a deep breath and pushed myself under the water and swam forward till I touched the wall.

I went up again to gulp in yet another breath of air. I rain my hands over my hair, bringing it over my back, feeling the freshness the swim had given me, even after a few seconds. I hung to the edge for a few seconds before taking a deep breath, pushing myself under and swam across the lane in four pushes.

I only came up for air and then went back down again, just as quickly as I had surfaced. I don't know how many lanes I did but my arms and legs were slowly starting to ach and then burn with the effort of too little air and too much physical effort. But I kept going. I ignored the light-headedness I felt and pushed myself harder and harder.

When I started feeling like I was going to pass out, I broke my pattern, resurfaced, got to the nearest edge and hung my arms over it, feeling my legs swing with the slight waves the wind made. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the cool bricks against the pool sides.

My breathing was much too fast and I tried taking just enough air to keep it steady. I could feel my entire form shake and I knew what was going to happen if I just stayed here. So I pushed myself away and swallowed everything. Every emotion I had inside me, I willed away and went back to pushing my body to exhaustion.

After some unknown time I was so tired I thought I was going to pass out, here, right in the middle of the fucking pool. As I got to the shallow end and to the step, I couldn't help but sit and then lay down, watching the sky above me. I shivered as only half my body was in water and the air was definitely colder. But I didn't care. I could freeze to the point of getting a flue and it wouldn't matter.

Nothing mattered anymore. Or at least, that's how it felt; life. Everything was meaningless. Why were we even here? People. We were born, we grew up. Some go to college and get a career, marriage and some kids. Some don't go to college but still manages to make it through being happy. Then, as life has taken its course, we die? But in mind it's like it doesn't really matter what we do. We only get so much time here and then we leave… for good. And then what?

When we're dead we don't feel, we don't think, we don't exist. Quite obvious but it gets you thinking, at least it does to me. Does _anything_ we do in this live mean _anything_? What's the point… in anything and everything? Is life just here so we can all feel good about ourselves? To feel like we have accomplished something with out life?

Because, if so, then I'd much rather life way out in the country, all by myself. If you don't have anyone around you, how can you get hurt? The answer is that you can't get hurt. That's a solution I'm liking more and more as the days go by.

I had been so wrapped up in my own thought that I hadn't realised I wasn't alone out here anymore. I looked to my right and sat straight up as I saw who was sitting there. Edward. He wasn't watching me at the moment but I knew he had been watching me. I don't know why but the thought of him being out here with me made me… I don't know… trembely? Trembely? What the hell kind of word is that? I almost grimaced and rolled my eyes at myself.

"You know you're gonna get the flue staying out here for so long." He said and looked over at me. I didn't notice it before but he was sitting really close. Within reach, actually. I don't know why that made me fidget with my fingers and suddenly feel self-conscious. I sighed.

"I don't care," I answered in a bored tone and my voice held nothing but sincerity. He seemed to pick up on that and stood up, bringing his legs out of the water.

"Well other people do so… get up," he took the towel I had brought out with me and held it towards me. I wanted to say that he could mind his own fucking business or something equally rude but the fact was that he hadn't talked to me in this way before. It was like he was… I don't know… trying to be nice. Maybe. And by saying what I thought I wanted to say would have been nothing but bitchy. So I stood and couldn't help but notice how his eyes travelled over my body. Is he checking me out? I thought I saw him staring a bit lower on my stomach… was he looking at my stomach? But his eyes came up to mine so fast that I thought maybe I had done a double take on the "checking out" issue.

I took the towel from him gently and draped it over my shoulders and drying my face and hair first, not caring that I was trembling like a leaf. The cold didn't matter.

Edward stood there for a few seconds before turning around and walking up to the conservatory. I walked after him and when I thought things couldn't get any weirder, he goes and does something that made my eyebrows shoot so far up to my hairline I thought they weren't visible anymore. He opened the door and held it like that for me. I stopped dead in my tracks, right next to him. I heard him chuckled but it was a little strained. I felt a gentle hand on the small of my back and I couldn't help but shiver. He pushed me inside and closed the door behind himself and locked it.

I was about to walk away when he spoke, still standing by the door.

"I… ehm… wanted to apologize," he said awkwardly and I turned around in shock. It must have been very visible on my face.

"Oookaaay," I said warily when he didn't say anything else. Though it sounded more like a question.

"I've… ehm… not really been that nice to you…" he trailed off.

"No really?" I said with teasing sarcasm. I saw him studying my face to see if I was pissed or genially teasing him. I'm not really sure which I was but I didn't want to argue and I felt the corner of my lip twitch. He took it as a good sign.

"So just… I'm sorry…" he looked kind of nervous standing there, on the verge of starting to fidget and I couldn't help but think it was fucking adorable. Wait, what?! I shook my head.

"Don't worry. I'm not scarred for life," I said, again in the teasing tone. He gave me a small half-smile that I couldn't help but practically soar over. My God did he look gooood!

"Good." Before the uncomfortable silence could take a hold over me, I turned and walked towards the kitchen. I hadn't eaten anything since this morning and I now realized it was past 4. My stomach growled as I opened the fridge and watched the deliciousness inside.

I jumped a little as I saw a hand come behind me and grab a small canister of yoghurt.

"Sorry," he said and walked towards the drawers, taking a out a spoon. I turned my attention back towards the fridge, or at least I tried. He didn't leave the room and I started feeling self-conscious again. I was standing in the kitchen, half ass naked and with only a small towel draped over me.

Nothing looked tempting enough so I shut the door with a little too much force and went to the pantry instead. A quickly found my weakness; blueberry flavoured pop tarts. I licked my lips as I saw the box and took out a fouled package. I wrapped my towel under y armpits. I started getting nervous as I was about to walk out. I shook my head but ruffled my hair a bit to make it a little bit messier.

When I came out, Edward was still there, sitting on the counter and looking nothing less than perfect. I almost slapped myself. I can't be thinking like that! Especially not now! He's sitting right there!

I plopped in my tarts and leaned against the counter, feeling the granite cool me through the towel. I looked over to my left and he looked down at the floor as I looked over. He was confusing me. One second he acted like he couldn't stand me and the next he acted like I was a friend.

I jumped as my treat jumped out onto the countertop. I sat on a chair at the island and slowly picked at the tarts. They tasted good, probably but like with most food, as soon as it was in front of me, I lost interest. I sighed but plopped the pieces into my mouth anyway.

"Why did you say that?" I looked at saw him staring at me. I raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me?"

"Before. That you didn't care if you got the flue." I stared at him for a moment before composing myself. I was going to ask why he even cared but decided against it.

"Maybe I don't," I said cryptically. He cocked his head, like he was confused. But I wasn't going to elaborate. If he wanted to know something he'd have to ask for it.

"You know. Most people would avoid getting something like the flue."

"Well I'm not most people."

"No you're not." I looked at him but he was staring at his yoghurt canister and took another bite, or slurp, or whatever. I could feel the tension coming back towards us. We were in the kitchen, completely silent and it was very awkward. I'm not sure why. I didn't have time to ponder over it as the phone rang, making me jump yet again.

Edward watched me with an amused expression and jumped down as he saw I wasn't going to move.

"Why so jumpy?" He asked teasingly but I was sure it was a rhetorical question.

"Hi." I stopped chewing and listened intently. I know it's wrong to eavesdrop but it's not like he moved to another room and the phone's a cordless.

"Yeah everything's fine."

"Okay. No it's fine. Yeah... see you later." See you later? Who's he gonna see? A girl? Girlfriend?! Why am I caring?! I noticed he had put the phone back and chugged down the remainder of my pop tart. I got off the chair and walked towards the door.

"Wait." I froze in my tracks and turned around slowly. I raised my eyebrows in a silent question.

"That was my mom. She say neither she nor Charlie will be home for hours and we'll have to get dinner ourselves."

"Okay," I said quietly and warily.

"I was going to order some pizza. If that's okay?"

"Yeah. Pizza's fine," I said. Pizza actually sounded delicious right about now.

"What kind do you want?"

"Oh… um… just with cheese." He quirked an eyebrow and I couldn't help but almost smile. many people thought this was weird.

"No pepperoni or anchovies?" I could see the slight grimace as he spoke of the fish.

"Nope. Vegetarian," I said and he looked generally surprised.

"Oh. You know they have vegetarian pizzas?" I nodded.

"But I hate warm vegetables so just cheese is great." It was weird that we could actually have a decent conversation without any curses flying though here and there.

I made my way up the stairs faster than normal and practically rant o my room. My heart was beating faster than normal though I knew – but I lived in denial – that it wasn't just from my little run. I got in my closet and first yanked off my bikini and got on some comfy sweats and a t-shirt that was too big so I got a rubber band and tied it at the small of my back, letting it ride up to right below my belly button. I threw my hair up in a messy bun with pieces of hair hanging along my face. I couldn't even make myself care how I looked. It's not like we were going to eat together or something.

I made my way downstairs and I found the entire floor empty. I'm not sure how I felt about that. I know I shouldn't feel like this but I actually wanted to talk to Edward some more tonight. Maybe he wasn't the overly arrogant asshole I took him for.

As I knew the pizzas hadn't arrived yet, I made my way to the living room and sat down on the oh-so-comfortable couch. I felt myself relax into the over-sized pillows and took out the remote and got the TV to come to life.

There must be over 300 channels on this thing. But most, to my utter disappointment and boredom, was about sports. I have never been a sports person. I just couldn't understand why people would think it was funny or "great" that full-grown men or women chased after a ball across a large field. It doesn't seem appealing at all to me. But I guess some like it.

But as I got passed the sports, I found thinks I actually liked. I watched half an episode of The Big bang Theory before it ended. They just cracks me up! Especially Sheldon. As the commercials started, I heard the doorbell ring and I skidded to the front door.

Two large pizzas were resting in a guy's hands and I had to admit he did look good. His brown skin and short black hair made him look very good indeed. I watched his eyes travel over my form, stopping a little longer around my stomach, and I couldn't help but smile at him. He smiled back.

"One ham & cheese and one with just the cheese." I accepted the warm food and told him to wait a few seconds. I got some money from the kitchen and handed it to him.

"So listen," he said as I was about to close the door. I waited.

"Maybe this is too forward but I would really like to ask you out." I was taken aback by his bluntness and couldn't help but smile.

"Maybe I could get your number?" He pointed, not-so-subtly. I chuckled and asked for a pen. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to go out with him but he seemed nice and maybe I could get someone to show me around town. I was going to live here for a while, at least. I scribbled down my number across the inside of his lower arm. He winked as I gave him his pen back and then left to his car.

I shrugged internally. But as I had closed the door, I immediately looked down to see what he had been staring at and saw it. My tattoo. It was a small elegant text, in French, right above my panty line; _vivre la vie au maximum,_ it read. As soon as I realised it was visible, my heart began to speed up. Edward had looked a little longer in that area. He must have seen it as it was visible now, with sweatpants.

I brought both pizzas in to the living room just in time to see Sparks of Insanity starting. I love Jeff Dunham so much. Especially when Achmed is in the picture. The dude could make anyone laugh their ass off.

As the loud applause started to die down and I have just sat down again, ready to begin eating, I hear Edward walk into the room. I look up but he doesn't look at me. He strode past the couch, to the table. He quickly looks over which pizza is his. He took it up and let the room, without ever even giving me as much as a glance.

Had I just imagined us having an actual conversation? I knew my face was frozen in incredulousness but I couldn't seem to look away from where his retrieving form had disappeared.

It took me a few minutes to compose myself and a few extra seconds for me to actually focus on the large screen in front of me. Before I knew it, I was laughing with the crowd and eating my food and that was the last I thought of Edward for the evening.

**EPOV **

I knew I had ruined my attempts at forming some form of friendship with her as soon as I saw her shocked expression in my peripheral vision as I completely ignored her a few minutes ago.

But when I saw her _flirting_ with the _pizza guy_ I think I may have lost it, just a little. I don't know if it is to be called flirting but she sure ass hell didn't tell him to leave. She gave him her fucking number, for Christ sake! Not that I was jealous. Of course not! I was… worried. She shouldn't give out her personal number to people she don't know. Doesn't she have any kind of self awareness?

I sat in the kitchen now. I didn't have the will to walk up the stairs so I sat there alone, in the semi dark room while I faintly heard the sound of the TV. I really wanted to be in that room, with her, sitting, and even talk to her. But I could only guess what she must think of me now.

I know I shouldn't think this but when I saw her before, outside, in that bikini and caught sight of her tattoo, I couldn't help but let my mind roam. Not only was it a tattoo, something I personally thought was very hot – in small dosages – but it was the _location_. Fucking hell! It was right at her panty line! I have no idea what it read, I didn't even see what kind of language it was but it didn't matter. It was sexy as hell and I knew I had to leave the backyard or it would not have been good.

And then as I was strongly ignoring her those minutes ago, I saw another one! It was a zodiac sign in very elegant writing, thought I don't know which. Not only does she have a tattoo at her fucking panty line but now she has one at the back of her neck too! My mind wads reeling and I was dying to find out if she had any more. I know it's wrong to think like this especially about someone who's practically my step-sister, but my mind has different ideas and Emmett's words keep on crashing down on me. She's not related to me by blood or marriage and therefore it is technically okay. But of course it's not! It's wrong… so very wrong and the more I thought that, the more I wanted her.

Even with the wall in-between us, I could still hear her laugh, thought it was muffled. The next thing I did really baffled me and I didn't detect it until I was already at the door. I left more than half my pizza on the counter and got to the dining room, pressing myself up against the double doors and opening then to give me some small glimpse of her.

It wasn't until a few minutes after I had already watched her laugh at the stupid puppets on the screen that I really understood what I was doing. _I'm standing and looked at her watching the TV. How much more of a creep can I be?!_ But it couldn't help but stand put and listen to her. She laughed in sync to the audience but I kept notice it was never a full laugh. Now, I've never said I'm in good contact with what people are feeling but it was almost as if she was trying not to laugh. But even I could admit it was hard at sometimes to keep quiet. She sounded sad, even.

I almost slapped myself to where my thoughts had carried me. I left my place as a stalker and raced up the stairs, afraid she would catch me watching her. That would have been awkward.

As I lay in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about her, though I'd never admit that to anyone. I don't think I have ever thought this much about a girl before. Not even when I was in desperate need to get laid. It was always find one, get it on and then it was done. No big deal. Then afterwards I usually never thought twice about her. But with Bella, someone I know I _can't_ be with, I can't stop thinking about. Maybe it is true that you always want what you cannot have.

I groaned and slammed a pillow over my head, forcing myself to got o sleep. Maybe after going pout tomorrow night, things would get better. Or at least that's what I was trying to convince myself for all I could think of right now was how much I wanted to know if Bella had any other tattoos I had yet to see.

**BPOV **

A loud pounding woke me up. I groggily groaned and rolled over, only to land on the floor. I sat up, disoriented and noticed I was still in the living room. My neck was hurting with every movement and I winced.

The TV was still on and I moaned at myself for falling asleep down here. Now I'll have a sore back for a few days. Brilliant! But I grew confused as to why I had woken up like this. Not on the floor with a bruising knee, but the reason I had fallen down. As if faith or whatever had heard me, I heard a pounding. Doesn't anyone use the doorbell anymore?

I dragged myself to the front door and unlocked it in snail speed. As I was ready to give whoever it was out there, an enormous beating for waking me up, I froze as the door opened more than halfway.

As my mouth was agape, ready to fill it with words, all that got out was an embarrassingly loud girlish squeal, the loudest in fact that I could remember making. I launched at the person outside. But it wasn't all embarrassment on only my side; the other person squealed in time with me and jumped towards me.

"Alice!"

* * *

**AN: I hope you haven't been waiting too long for this chapter. If you have, then I'm sorry but I have been working a lot and I've been so tired. But anyways, here it is. And I still holt to it that I will reread it one more time after publishing and re-publish it in finer grammar, if ti's unreadable in some places. **


	6. Normality

**AN: I know. I haven't updated in a while but I wanted the chapter to bee really good and I hope the wait was worth it. ****More AN in the end… **

* * *

_Normality _

I finally let go of my cousin and she straightened up with a smile.

"What are you doing here?" I asked and she raised an eyebrow.

"What? I have to have a reason to visit my favourite cousin?" I rolled my eyes and ushered her inside.

"We've had this conversation before Alice. I'm your only cousin," I remembered her mockingly. She ignored me and observed the foyer with a whistle.

"Wow. This is… really nice." I chuckled.

"If you think this is nice, you should see my closet." At that, Alice's eyes went big like saucers and she got this dreaming look on her face. Talk to Alice about clothes and shoes and you will get along great.

"Why I think you just said the magic word cus," she said with a southern drawl while I smiled and started walking up the stairs.

When I thought Alice's eyes couldn't get any larger, she proved me wrong. She stropped dead just walking inside my closet. I knew it was smaller than hers but I also knew she didn't have that made kinds of designer stuff, so this was like heaven for her.

She raced around in the room, pulling and tugging in the different shirts and pants and finally, she spotted all the bags. One in particular, she found extremely pretty. Or so I thought as she wouldn't let it go, at all. She clutched it to her chest whilst looking around the room frantically.

"You know you can keep it," I said and she looked like she was about to cry.

"Really?" It was hard not to like Alice. She was a handful sometimes but other than that, she really was still the five year old girl who discovered Vogue on the coffee table and never looked back.

"If it makes you that happy you can have a pair of shoes also."

"You wouldn't lie to me now would you Bella?" I couldn't help but laugh. I turned around and opened the added closet that was just filled with shoes. I knew she'd pick something with a lot of heel and that was just fine by me. Heels were fine at some point but Converse were my true friends.

"Oh dear God you have the new Manolo Blahniks." She picked them up like they were a priced work of art. Maybe to her they were. Bright pink heels are two combinations I would never look twice at.

"Then they're yours." She launched herself at me and hugged me tight.

"You know you're my favourite cousin?"

"I know." After we'd hug, we went back to the room and Alice flopped down on the bed, admiring her little gifts, I took my place on the stool at the vanity table. "So really now. What are you doing here?" She hesitated and I sighed heavily.

"Renee sent you here. Really?" I knew Renee was overly worried about everything and kind of a hypochondriac but this was just a low blow.

"Well kind of. But sweetie…. She's just-"

"Worried. Yeah I got that. Can someone please give her a tranquilizer? She really, _really_ needs it. I don't want people to worry about me." I started fingering a piece of make-up I had yet to understand what it actually 'did'.

"Okay," Alice said and I looked up in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Let's have the whole day together and not think about any sad stuff. We'll go shopping and buy a lot of stuff we really don't need and feel guilt about it tomorrow. Like we used to."

"This is just an opportunity to show off the shoes isn't it?" I joked.

"Well… yeah. But come on… they're Manolos! It's a crime _not_ to wear them," she said in a much too serious voice.

-----------

We took a cab to the mall. Neither of us knew anything about Seattle so we let the cabdriver give us some directions. The first thing we did was hit Starbucks. It had been way too long since I got my fix.

One chocolate chip flavoured frappuccino (no whipped cream, of course) , a tall cappuccino and a chocolate chip muffin later and we left the small roadside store and window-shopped stuff we would never afford but still dreamed of having. I had no particular obsession as of late but I still wouldn't mind getting that black zipper hoodie with a huge Rolling Stones logo on the back. I wasn't that into the band, though they have had a few hits in my opinion but I did love the logo.

Alice stopped in front of every jewellery store she spotted and sighed in wistfulness as she gazed over the diamonds she would probably never own. Well… unless she found someone who was rich enough to get them for her.

"I could kill for that bracelet," Alice said loud enough and in such persuading sincerity that and older man looked over at her with a shocked expression. She noticed.

"I won't," she said but her voice wasn't as sincere as before and the man jumped and hurried along down the street. I chuckled.

"You have got to stop saying stuff like that or some nice people will take you in for questioning." She grimaced at me.

"Like you could say not to that precious little thing." She turned back and gazed longingly. I guess it was pretty. Completely in silver, the bracelet had both diamonds and pearls on it. At the top, the side which I was sure to be most visible, some strains of silver turned about and gave the impression of branches with a little sparkly and white pearls.

But I would never spend 250 dollars on something I would never wear or even have an opportunity to wear. Though I knew Alice would. She was the poster for impulse buys.

"When would you even wear that?" I asked.

"Oh I wouldn't wear it," Alice said, still gazing through the window with a dreaming look. "I would simply look at it and tell it how pretty it is." She gave a longing sigh.

"And now you're on your way to the nut house." She huffed and we started walking down the street. I had to drag away my diamond crazy cousin from the windows along the way. My little speech on how people die, just to sell us these diamonds didn't hit well. I don't think she was even listening.

It took a while but we finally caught a sight of the mall and freaking hell it was huge. Okay, maybe I was exaggerating but its five stories high! To me that's 'freaking huge'. It faintly reminded me of Harrods, though Harrods is nicer. The Brits knows how to shop.

At the mercy of our wallets, we hit H&M first. I draped dark tank tops and various plain t-shirts over my arm. Most of them, if not all, I noticed were organic. Alice looked over my selection with a chuckle.

"Who knew Isabella Swan would become so… earthly?" She said in a mocking tone, causing me to chuckle.

"I know! It's all Al Gore's fault. Even since I watched An Inconvenient Truth I can't even eat meat. Every time I even get too close all I hear is this twisted voice, talking like a kid, saying; 'please don't eat me'. It's weird." I only saw Alice press her lips together into a thin line as she held out a white camisole with buttons in the front. At first I was stunned to see Alice choosing something as buttoned-up like that but as I looked at the back, I saw it was entirely in strings.

"That's what you hear every time?" I rolled my eyes, not answering her question. "It must be hell inside your head," she noted as she pulled another dress over her already stacked arm.

"At times," I sad to play along.

"But really though. It wouldn't kill ya to mix in a little colour."

"What's wrong with this?" I motioned towards my arm.

"There's nothing wrong with it… but not everything you wear have to be navy or black." I sighed and picked up a dark purple/ pink hoddie.

"Happy?"

"Thrilled!"

This motion continued on for a while and then we walked on silence, until Alice broke it.

"Are you still set on not going back to school?"

"Definitely." I didn't have to think about it. There was no way in hell I would ever go back there.

"Have you told your mom yet?" I chuckled at the thought.

"No. Can you honestly imagine that conversation?" Alice stopped and looked up, as if in thought.

"You know what, I actually can. But despite what you think, she would understand-" I stopped walking and turned to her.

"No she wouldn't. She would say that she does but not really. She never went to college and she's gonna think I'm ruining my life." I walked towards the changing room.

"Do you feel like you're ruining your life?" Alice asked over from the booth next to me. I took a moment to think it through.

"I think I would ruin my life to go back there," I answered honestly.

"Then that's what you need to tell her. Besides, you're never too old to go to college. You can always start again if you want to."

"True but…" I didn't know what else to say. I hate it when Alice is right. "I'm not gonna tell her over the phone," I said stubbornly.

We ended up buying more than we should have, as was the general habit. And after a much needed bathroom break and locking our bags in a locker, we went to get some food.

McDonalds called for us and while Alice got the chicken wrap, or something, I bought the Greek salad and a blueberry/vanilla pie.

"So tell me," Alice said as I sat down after getting some ketchup and pepper for my fries.

"What?"

"How is it living with the asshole, your father and the Stepford wife?"

"It's fine with Charlie and Miss perfect. But the asshole is another story. It's like he has multiple personality's disorder. The other night we were getting along kind of okay. We ordered pizza but after I had paid for the food and gotten into the room, he was different. He walked in and completely ignored me. A few minutes before, he was completely fine." I sighed and dug into my salad.

"Huh. Anything happened that you know of?" I shook my head.

"No. I was out swimming and then he ordered some pizzas and I went up to change. The doorbell rang and I opened. This sort of cute guy who delivered the pizzas asked for my number, I gave it to him, then I went to the living room and when Edward emerged, he was pissed about something."

"Wait?! A guy asked for your number? What did he look like? How did he say it? Like he wanted to call or just brag about it to his friends? And btw, have you thought that maybe asshole saw you two and was a little mad about it?"

"First off all… he wasn't even there so how could he have seen it? Second off all, he's cute; dark skin and short dark hair. His name is Tyler. Or at least that's what it said on his nametag. And thirdly, what do you mean by, 'How did he say it?' He just asked."

"There are multiple ways for a guy to ask for you number. One can be that he is really shy and you know he'll never have the guts to call you even if he got your number-"

"Okay, I get it. I don't know. I don't even know why I gave it to him. He was just cute and… really confident that he would get my number."

"You gonna go out with him if he calls?"

"Um… I don't know. I don't really feel like going out with… well… anyone. But isn't he supposed to wait like three days or something. Isn't that some sort of guy thing?" Alice chuckled.

We continued eating, mostly in silence but an occasional question came forth at some points. Being around Alice wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be like. Even if the last time we saw each other it wasn't so pleasant. But I was… happy. Not fully but I was at least glad she was here and it has been a while since I've smiled or laughed. It feels good, even if I have to squash down some guilt that surfaced.

"Let's go out tonight," Alice said as we left the fifth clothing store with additional bags. We were never going to fit in a cab on the way home. I groaned a little.

"Do we have to?" I spotted a Virgin store and raced for it. I had to get some good movies and not be stuck having to watch a bunch of sappy romantic comedy chick flicks. They were good once or twice but not in the long run. Horror flicks on the other hand, those are the keepers.

"Yes we do," Alice said as I walked down one flight of stairs towards DVD heaven.

"I think it'll be good for you. Get your mind off things and possibly hook up with someone," I rolled my eyes.

"Because a one-night-stand will make everything better?" I asked in a sweetly tone, laced with sarcasm.

"You don't have to sleep with him. Just a little harmless making-out. Unless…"she trailed off.

"Unless what?" I asked with a small groan as we slipped into the horror collection. It was my own personal haven. There's nothing a little Wes Craven and John Carpenter can't do to cheer you up! Or scare the shutout of you which in my opinion cheers me up because it takes my mind off of other things.

"Unless there's another reason you don't want to go," she said and trailed off again. I came to a stop in front of the remakes and glanced to see _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning_.

"And what reason would that be?"

"Maybe you can admit you have the hotts for your step-brother," she said with a grin and I noticed a sci-fi nerd look up and wink at me. I scrunched up my nose in disgust.

"I don't have "the hotts" for him and stop calling him that. It's creepy and people might misunderstand," I whisper yelled at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Don't admit it. I still think you need to get out tonight."

"You know what I need?" I yanked the DVD off the shelf and showed it to her. "I need Leather face." With that, I yanked a few other movies off the different shelves and got to the register to pay for them.

Like the many times I argued with Alice, I usually lost, and this was no exception. But even though I will never admit this out loud, I was sort of excited to get out tonight. When Alice gets excited about something the whole room starts feeling it too.

We managed to get home in one cab. And yes, we did have all our bags with us. It was a challenge, the entire trunk was filled. I suppose it was quite comical if you think about it. But now was not the times since this was the worst part about going anywhere with Alice. She loved getting ready but not just herself, she had to do _my_ make-up and _my_ hair also.

But after years and years of training, I tuned her out for even though she asked for my advice, I knew she was just going to ignore it later. But she knew me well and kept it down in a bunch of elegant locks.

My eyes were adorned with the "smoky" look and my lips were all natural. I simply added some raspberry flavoured chapstick.

I was "allowed" to pick out my own clothes and for that I was grateful. I got some black skinny jeans with a dark purple tunica styled tank top and some sort of high heels boots, all in black. I knew I looked kind of moody but I couldn't really care. To top it all off I wore a black faux leather jacket. The only reason I knew it was faux is because it didn't have that disgusting leather scent.

When I looked over at Alice, she was my complete opposite. Since all her bags were at the hotel she was staying at, because she didn't want to intrude, she got to borrow some of mine. Of course she went with the brightest colours there were and then some. She wore the same pink shoes she got from be earlier and topped it off with a pink bustier in the same bright colour. A brownish pleaded miniskirt did well, along with a black cropped short zip-up jacket.

As I stood in front of my floor length mirror, there was an image reflected back at me. True it was me, but I was so used to not looking like myself anymore that the reflection surprised me. I had some colour back into my pale features and my hair wasn't as lifeless as it has been for so long. I usually tuned out when I looked at myself for I never liked the image. It wasn't that I thought I was too fat or too skinny but that I truly didn't _like_ myself. It may sound confusing to someone else but to me it was the simplest explanation and made all sense in the world.

"Damn we look hot." I jumped a little and found Alice right beside me. Like I said before, it's hard not to feel excited about something when Alice is.

"You know you can keep those clothes," I said and she smiled brightly.

"Really?" I nodded.

"Besides I don't think I'll want them back tomorrow," I teased and earned a slap on the shoulder.

"Come on. Let's get going."

-------------------

The bar was loud, smoky, dark, and had drunken pigs all over the place. I felt right at home, sort of. When we were younger and up to about Christmas, Alice and I had been using our fake ids like it was oxygen. We got them when we were sixteen and we never looked back. Of course we had to change then every year. You can't be 20 and pass for 25 when you barely pass for 17. It's true, I had a young face and every time I had flats, people thought I was Alice's younger sister. She was 3 months older than me, but 3 years is just not tolerable!

I'm not saying that we were. Though _I_ could probably have toned down the drinking and some of the mild drug use I experienced with and maybe I should have lost some of the dipshit boyfriends that, even after dating me for two weeks, called me sugar pie.

It wasn't like Alice was much better; she was the one who introduced me to all that kinds of shit… mostly. It was more like she got me to a party and the party had people and people knew people and well… the rest is history… literally.

But enough about the past. I have worked for the better part of 6 months, trying to get away from my past and I'm not turning around now.

"You okay?" Alice asked and she looked a little worried.

"Will you stop worrying? You're starting to sound like my mom," I muttered and I got another slap on the shoulder.

We sat down at the bar and I don't know why but suddenly, my entire demeanour fell.

"I don't know Alice. It feels weird being here," I said depressingly.

"Maybe it's because you miss having-" I put my hand over her mouth to stop her form saying the name.

"Don't say it," I pleaded. I could almost feel tears in my eyes.

"It's not wrong to be sad," she said. I grimaced.

"Who are you? Dr. Phil? Let's not do this here, okay?" I knew I was being a bitch but all I could think of right now was getting drunk. It was like the universe heard my request. Just then a cute blond guy from the other side of the bar came up to us with two shots and sat them in front of us.

"Here. It's on the house. You look like you could need it," cute blond guy said in a light southern drawl. I didn't have to look to my right to know that Alice was in lala land.

"Hi," she said, drawing out the word and he smiled right back at her.

"Hello there," cute blond guy said back. They started talking but I quickly shut them out. I didn't want to hear anything, even if it wasn't laced with innuendo promises.

I stared at my shot for a long time. I hadn't had one single drink since… well… for almost 6 months. There were some weeks I had a tough time… but I shouldn't get into that now.

I don't know how long I had been sitting there, practically moping but when I did snap out of it, it was with a little bit of help from a guy I had never met before and I knew I never wanted to meet him again.

"Hello," he said and he made his voice sound… I don't know. I guess he could have been going for low and "seductive" but this was nothing like that. He just sounded sick. And not perverted sick but sick as in he has a soar throat and need medical attention. I almost grimaced and ran away.

"Hi," I said back, shyly but I really didn't want to talk to anyone.

"So what's your name?" I rolled my eyes. He couldn't take a hint?

I looked around for Alice but she wasn't next to me anymore. That space was occupied by nameless weirdo. I looked around and right before I started to get worried I sighed in annoyance. There she was, pressed against the wall with cute blond guy in front of her, devouring her face. I rolled my eyes and knew I shouldn't bother her. It's just mean. So I turned back to weird guy.

"Bell-ina," I said, quickly changing my name. He could be some rapist freak!

"Bellina?" I nodded and kept quiet. He smiled a weird smile that I slightly grimaced at as he looked behind himself. Was he… was he actually looking towards his friends? I glanced behind him and there they were… a table full off weird dudes and I almost gagged. This is just too much.

"That's an interesting name…" he noted. Yeah well duh" I just made it up!

"My parents were interesting people," I said mockingly and he laughed.

"Oh really? Anyone I know?" I stayed back a little.

Oh sweet Jesus save me! I fought hard to not have a cough attack as his cologne washed over me like a freaking tsunami. It stung my eyes so bad they were starting to water. And what is up with that piece of hair on his head? Is it raining outside or did he drown himself in gel?

"You know… I'm thinking of getting a Porsche." Oh. My. Fucking. God! Did he really think this worked on girls? Maybe the ones with low self-esteem and a maximum of 10 IQ points. But did I look like either of those?

"Is that so?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up, mocking him. He didn't get it as he nodded, completely serious. I almost went eye-wide and rolled then in the process. Almost.

"Oh yeah. So…" I knew what he was going to say and I really didn't want to hear the excruciatingly pathetic pick-up line he had going on and I saved him from the humiliation.

"You know what? I think I'm gonna stop you right there," he looked at me with confusion and shock. "I'm sure whatever you were going to say would have been… charming," I said the last word in distaste and heard a nearby snicker but ignored it for the moment. "But let me tell you something… you're efforts are in waste. The only reason why you would say those next words, which I can think of, is because you want to get into my pants. Again, it's a wasted effort because I will not sleep with you. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever. But it's not because I'm a prude, far from it, actually. But it's because you are so… disgusting… that I think I'll catch an STD by simply touching you." He looked at me half in shock and half in confusion. I'll admit I was speaking a little bit fast but really… is he that slow?

I sat there while he continued to stand in front of me, not making any attempt to move. I was loosing my patience and I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes, then looked straight at him.

"You can go now." That seemed to make him snap out of it and he turned with a blush on his cheeks. I shook my head and turned back towards the bar. As soon as I was about to take a swig of my shot that I really needed now, a very familiar voice started talking close to me.

"Well you're just a handful of sunshine aren't you?" I choked on air right before touching the glass. I sat it down and looked towards my right. Edward sat there, leaning on his right elbow for support with a shit-eating grin on his face. He had a similar glass in front of him but the liquid was clear, whilst mine was an ice tea sort of colour. I knew he was teasing me and I couldn't resist turning it over on him.

"Think I was too hard on him?" I asked in amazingly sincere guilt, I even bit my bottom lip. His grin faltered a little. "You're right, I should go over there and demand that he finish his oh-so-horrible pick-up line and then, instead of rejecting him, I'll just drag him into the bathroom and have him fuck me against the wall." His grin was completely gone by now and I was fighting so hard to keep myself from laughing.

"Is that what you think I should do?" I asked, my teasing shining through completely now though I kept my voice low. He didn't answer me but got back to his drink and downed it in one shot. Fuck, it was hot.

"I can see you can't joke with you." He stated; his voice a little hoarse from the drink and made him all the more appealing. I bit my lip again, a notion at which he stared at. Huh?

"Right back at ya." I shot back at him and he met my eyes for the briefest of seconds before looking away. I kept my fingertips right at the edge of my glass, deciding weather or not I wanted it. I mean, I knew I wanted it but I didn't know if I really should want it.

"How long have you been sitting there?" I asked in a distance voice. I felt his eyes on me but didn't look up.

"Only a few minutes," then, when he started speaking again, I could practically hear the grin in his voice. "When I told Newton he should go and hit on you, I knew I had to see and hear it for myself." My head whipped so fast towards him I was surprise I didn't get whiplash. My brows shot up in surprise and I was getting annoyed.

"Excuse me?" Before he had a chance to talk, I interrupted him. "You sent that little… boy, over here to hit on me?" Now I was just pissed.

"Technically… I only told him he should make a move. As I knew hell would freeze over before you ever even thought of hooking up with him, I just had to see it. I've hated him for years and it always feels good to see him miss another opportunity to get laid."

"Is that so?" I repeated the word I used before. He nodded and took a sip of the beer he just received from a waitress who couldn't have been any more obvious even if she'd flashed him, which, she practically did.

"Then tell me something… how do you know I'd never hook up with him?" He was right, there was no way that… Newton boy, would ever get anywhere near first base with me, not even half, but I wanted to know his thoughts. He seemed to hesitate and I desperately wished I could read his mind right now. But then all that hesitation melted away and even though his next words were completely right, I still knew he wasn't saying something.

"Because he's… disgusting. He's a pathetic excuse for a man that he – and I can assure you of this – would have gotten your little "hook-up" over so fast, you probably could have just taken your shirt and he would have been a mess on the floor." I smirked a little.

"First off, I'm glad you think so highly of me. Second of all, how do you know that exactly?" He tensed at the question. But I wasn't having that shit.

"Yes?" I raised my eyebrows at him and he sighed.

"I used to date this girl that had once hooked up with him and she told me."

"Oh." I only knew when she could have said this and I fought so hard to keep the mental images away. "So is dating a code for one night stand or…"

"Bella." The way he said my name in a sigh, made my stomach flutter embarrassingly. I squashed those bugs so fast…

"Yes?" He looked towards me but shook his head. I sighed dramatically on the inside and tried my hand at not being a total bitch.

"It's not like it makes you a bad person. A bit of a dick but not completely horrible." I picked at a bowl of peanuts a few inches from my hand. I know that probably wasn't the most sanitized thing to do but… I wasn't gonna eat them. "I mean, I'm no saint myself and that's just how life is…"

"Wait…" Edward said and I looked over at him. His grin was teasing and I couldn't help but silently want to be that bottle of beet he put to those fine lips. What?! "Was that you actually saying something… nice… to me?" He pointed dramatically at himself and I froze a little. "The dick?"

"Yeah well… you just… shut up," I finished with a sigh and half a grimace. I heard him snicker and couldn't help but let my lips twitch a little, fighting a smile. We sat in silence and as he had finished his beer, it became slightly awkward.

"Your cousin, ditch you or something?" I froze.

"How did you know she was my cousin?" Edward shifted a little and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"I heard when she arrived today. You can squeal pretty loud," he snickered and I fought down a blush. I huffed but answered his question.

"She got detained somewhere else," I said. He raised an eyebrow. "Now that's code for her hooking up with a blonde… "hottie." Her words, not mine. She always falls for guys with accents." I only muttered the last part and I could feel his eyes on me.

"So what's your type?" I froze… again. Eh? Did he just ask me that? But he looked completely serious.

"Uhm… I don't know… Someone who isn't afraid to talk o me," I said jokingly and he chuckled.

"That actually happens?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yep. Quite sad actually. But those guys are usually too much anyways."

"Too much?" I nodded.

"Too safe, too nice, too many goals in his life. The one that wants to have the "perfect life". You know, with the 2,5 kids, white picked fence, the whole nine yards."

"Ah. Quick question though… why would that be so horrible?" He sounded curious but with a weird undertone that I quickly dismissed. I scoffed.

"Isn't it obvious?" He looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"It's boring," I said like it was obvious. Now he just looked confused. "Personally. I can never understand why people want to get married and have kids and settle down. I would never want to feel that trapped. To know that I can never have my freedom again. So instead of having fun and travel I have to be tied down to responsibilities I never wanted."

"I can get that," he said thoughtfully.

"Really?" I asked in shock. He nodded and smirked.

"You seem really surprised by that."

"Yeah well most people think I'm insane." He laughed and I both hated and loved that I liked that laugh.

"Trust me. I don't think you're insane," he laughed again. I almost sighed at the sound. Dammit!

"Thanks," I muttered.

"You gonna drink that?" he motioned with his head towards my glass. I took a deep breath.

"I don't know," I said honestly.

"Explain please?" I shook my head.

"Long and complicated story," and I was not going in on that, especially not with hi. He may be hot as hell but there was no way I was telling him this now. Maybe not ever. "But I guess I should." I brought the glass to my lips but then I almost choked on it again.

"Wait!" I took it away and stared at him, clearly annoyed.

"Yes?" he chuckled, clearly happy with my reaction.

"You can't drink tequila like that," he said like it was obvious. Is he serious?

"Are you serious?" He nodded. I sighed and reached for the slice of lemon I got earlier.

"Hand me the salt then," I sighed. I had done this so many times I could do it with my eyes closed. Hell, I could do this while I'm sleeping. But while I did it, I could at least have a little fin and see if I can get some kinds of reaction out f him.

I brought up my right wrist and slowly stuck out my tongue and slowly, whilst keeping eye contact, licked a line across my wrist. I could see him swallow and it took a lot of willpower to not smirk in satisfactory. But I wanted more than a little swallowing for reaction.

I brought my head away and took the salt. I salted my wrist and brought my head down again, sucking in it. I now saw his lips break apart, just a little and he was definitely breathing heavier. It was getting harder not to smirk.

I kept the salt on my tongue as I took the shot and downed the entire thing in one swig. The liquid burned down my throat but I welcomed it.

And last but not least, the lime. This time, I had to break eye contact. The lime part always made me scrunch up my nose and close my eyes. Shit it was sour! But once I put down the drained lime, I licked my lips and now, that was all he was staring at. Now, I couldn't keep away a small smirk. He looked up and i took it away.

"Was that better?" I asked, my voice now hoarse form the drink.

"Much," he said and his voice was low and fuck me it was hot. Thank got there were other people in here because, possible future step-brother or not, I would have made a pass at him. Whoa! I usually didn't get this drunk from one shot of tequila. That's not to say I was shitfaced but I usually handled my drinking a lot better.

"Wanna get out of here?" I almost choked on air.

"What?" I asked, a little strained. Was it only _my_ mind that had gone to the gutter?

"It's after three and even though they are probably asleep, my mom and Charlie will probably be a little bit pissed if we're not home at breakfast. And it's a forty-five minutes drive back."

"It's really that late?" I said, mostly to myself. Had we really been talking for an hour?

"Yeah. Sometimes time just flies by," Edward said as he stood up. I followed him out of there and to the chilled night. Though, morning might be more fitting.

As we walked the short distance towards his car, though I had no idea how it looked since I really hoped he had his car with him and not his motorcycle because I swear I'll take a cab home, I don't care how good a drove he is, he'll never get me on that thing. But anyhow, as we were walking towards hi car, I couldn't help but blurt out something that had been on my mind since he completely blew me off yesterday night.

"So what's your deal?" I asked and looked at him expectantly. I could hear the chuckle in his voice.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah. Why do you act completely normal one minute and then the next you are an asshole?" He didn't answer and I peered up at him. He looked thoughtful, thinking over his answer.

"Maybe I'm bipolar?" I rolled my eyes.

"You really think I'll believe that?"

"No."

"Then what? Am I that much of a freak that you can't talk to me like I'm a human being?"

"You're not a freak," he said with resign and sighed. "And I'm… sorry. I don't know why I act like that." Really? That's it?! I scoffed.

"Fine. Whatever," I muttered and walked a little faster and then I realised I had no idea how we were getting home. I stopped and turned towards him.

"Please tell me you drive her in a car." HE raised both his eyebrows in confusing and nodded.

"Yeah. I never really get to drive the motorcycle. It rains too much here."

"Goo," I said with a sigh.

"Why you scared?" I thought it over.

"Scared is such a strong word…" I trailed off and stopped again.

"Which one is it?" He pointed across the block towards a slightly small but extremely hot black car. I don't know why it was hot it just was. The thought of him driving that thing just… Gah! Stop it! **(I kind of had to loose the Volvo. It's everywhere and sometimes it's good with a change). **

I raised my eyebrows at the car and turned towards him.

"You always drive around in a car that's worth over $ 600,000?" He unlocked the doors and looked at me in shock.

"How did you know that?" I shrugged and got in, getting comfortable in the cold but yet cosy chair.

"No seriously," he says as he gets in. "Girls are usually clueless about cars. Not to be condescending or anything," he added quickly as I looked down on him.

"Well I'm not your typical girl," was all I responded.

"Yeah I know," I heard a mutter and I wasn't sure he said it but it definitely sounded a hell of a lot like it.

"And you didn't answer my question. That's two now."

"What?" He turned the key and the car literally _purred_ to life and he drove out to skilfully I was actually impressed.

"First, you didn't answer my question about why you're an asshole to me on occasions and now you didn't ask if you always drive this expensive piece of driving material around all the time."

"I answered the first one-"

"Fine you answered it but in my opinion, it wasn't a good answer-"

"And no I don't always drive this one. Even if I like it the best. The other ones in the shop."

"How many do you have?"

"Three… or technically two, since I usually lend the other one out all the time."

"Spoiled brat," I muttered into my hair.

"What was that?" I knew he heard me so I turned towards him and looked him straight in the eye.

"I said; spoiled brat." I turned back, looking out the passenger window.

"Why? Because I have three cars? You don't even know me."

"Exactly!" I exclaimed. He simply looked confused and if he didn't know it himself I wasn't going to tell him. I sighed and leaned against the window.

"Why weren't you sure you were going to drink back there?"

"Why, you gonna tell on me?" I knew I was acting childish but I didn't care. I could hear him roll his eyes.

"Can you just answer the question?" I scoffed.

"Why should I? You don't answer any of mine."

"Why did you move here?" I was taken aback by the question. It had been quiet for a while.

"Why do you care?" I snapped at him.

"I don't know," he muttered and for a moment, just one moment, I actually thought about telling him. Not the entire thing, of course, but enough.

"Why does is matter?"

"I'm just curious." But he didn't convince me.

"That's a lot of curiosity for just one person," I mused.

"How old are you?" Now that was probably the most surprising question of all.

"Um… 19?" But it sounded more like a question than an answer. He chuckled; apparently he noticed my change too.

"What? That's the one question you're unsure about? What happened to the girl that doesn't take crap from anyone?"

"You just surprised me, that's all," I muttered, looking away.

"When's your birthday?"

"What's up with the 20 question?"

"Because, weather we both like it or not, we do sort of live together, we might as well act like adults."

"So now you're gonna tell me you're not gonna act like a bipolar ass anymore?" I know I'm a bitch. He took a deep breath and I saw his hands tighten on the steering wheel. I smirked. But I was disappointed when all his did was nod. No screaming I'm a bitch?

"That's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're just gonna let me talk to you like that?" He looked at me with confusion.

"Do you want me to tell you that you're acting like a bitch?"

"Well yeah. Say what think. It's unhealthy keeping it bottled down." After a moment of gawking at me he composed himself and turned back towards the road.

"You are so weird." I smiled.

"See. That wasn't so hard now was it?"

"And now you're even weirder."

"And yet you're intrigued," I mused.

"How would you know?"

"Most people are. Except for the ones who think I'm insane."

"Who are these people?"

"Well… my friend… my mom… your mom actually and-"

"Wait! My mom said you're insane?" I chuckled. It felt good to do that.

"She didn't have to."

"When did you ever talk about something that would make her think you're insane?"

"When we bought furniture's for my room."

"How did marriage and kids come up into that conversation?" I knew I probably should have just said that it just came up. But word vomit was a hard thing to keep down.

"These guys were helping us get the things into the car and one of the asked me out. I aid not because even though he wasn't as… charming," the disgusted voice again, "as Mike Newton, he was also a too much guy. Anyhow, at first I thought she thought I was vein and then we started talking and I could see how she was so dead set against everything I said." I didn't have to give him the whole conversation.

"Oh." It was quiet then and it was uncomfortable.

"Shouldn't you have told your cousin you were leaving?"

"Oh no. I've learned from my mistakes. Besides, she wasn't going to tell me when she left with whoever it was she was making-out with."

"What do you mean "I've learned from my mistakes?"" I shuddered trying to suppress images.

"You know what? Let's not get into that… ever."

"Alright," he said after a moment and we become silent again.

"So how much did you see?" He asks teasingly and I groan and cover my face, like that would help.

"Enough that I'm scarred for life," I get out in a strained voice. I hear him trying to hold it in but a snicker slips out. I slap him on the shoulder.

"Stop it," but my voice held too much laughter for it to be intimidating.

"God you're annoying," I mutter and look out the window as the trees pass us at an alarming rate. I try to suppress the alarm that comes automatically into my brain. Lucky for me, I start to recognise the setting and soon enough we're driving up the same familiar dirt road and comes to a stop outside the huge garage door. With a flick of a button, it opens and we drive inside.

The fluorescent light hurt my eyes and I had squint into them. I turned around and was about to take one step but stopped abruptly as I was half a step from walking right into a huge ass motorcycle.

"Holy shit!" I exclaim. I hear laughter behind me and glare without turning around.

"That's always been there? Or am I starting to go insane and hallucinate?" I asked as I walk carefully around it. It may look insanely dangerous but I knew it cost more than what I've ever owned so yeah… I wasn't wrecking it.

"No. You're not going insane. I usually keep it at my dad's."

"That's right you have a dad," I say stupidly and can't stop myself from mouthing 'what the fuck!' out into the dark house. Edward chuckles beside me.

"Yeah. He's usually not home so it's always quiet and calm there." That just left me confused.

"Wait. That's where you go all the time?"

"Yeah," he said, unsure. "Where do you think I go? Party every day?"

"Well… yeah. What the hell do I know?" I snap to cover my stupidity. I was so fucking lucky it was dark in the house; my cheeks were way to hot for my liking.

"Hate to burst you bubble but no. I'm not really much of a "party animal". I'm more of a loner than anything." I know I shouldn't but I really, _really_ like that. Was Alice right? Is he the male version of me? We can't be that alike, can we?

"Then why were you at the bar tonight?"

"Dragged there by someone who claims to be my friend but I'm not sure. Since he bolted the minute he spotted a girl across the room."

"Friends are lovely aren't they?" I ask sweetly, sarcasm laced into my voice.

"The best," he plays along.

"You know," I started as I neared my door and turned to him. "I actually had fun tonight; despite my cousin abandon me and the case of the adolescent imbecile." As I turn to open my door, he reaches out and grabs my arm.

"Wait," I don't know why but my stomach makes a flip. "I just have to know…"

"Yes?" I ask, feeling my stomach flip again.

"Was that another compliment?" I let out a sigh and roll my eyes but then smile up at him.

"I suppose it was," I said lowly and turned and closed the door behind me. I couldn't help but have a completely girly moment and lean against the door.

I quickly change and as I had some hope he might be in the bathroom, brushing his teeth also, I don't see him anywhere, even when I took a little extra time washing my face. I don't why I wanted to see him again. I shouldn't. So confusing.

As I slipped beneath my sheets and feel the chilliness, I am all ready to sleep. My eyes drop and as I was on the brink of getting back the energy I have wasted all day, a distinctive thump awakens me.

Feeling confused, because this was not a case of simple branch against the window kind of thumping, I get up and open my door. For a moment, everything is quiet, then the thumping stars again and it's more this time.

_What the fuck? _

I take a step out into the hallway and immediately wish I hadn't left my bed at all. Not only was there a thumping, but there were… noises. And not just any noises, they were definitely… _moans_.

I had, for a moment, a five-year-olds mind and grew confused at to why there would be moaning inside the house. Then, not a second later, it clicked.

_That's my… and Edward's… oh no! Oh dear fucking god no! _

I run back into my room, close and lock the door (I don't know why I did the latter).

_Oh this is just… disgusting! Oh… eeeeeeew! Fucking shit…. I'm gonna be scarred for life! _

As the… noises was gone, I could still hear faint… _thumping_. What the fuck?! How can that be heard from…. Gah! Not knowing what else to do… I run out to the balcony.

I literally fly out the doors and close them after me. Before I can even give myself a moment to just scream out in disgust… a small flicker of light catch my eyes and I look to my left and jump in surprise.

"AH!" I scream out into the dark night, having it echo. I stare with wide eyes at Edward who I can see, even in this lighting, that he's doing everything he can to stay quiet. I glare at him but can't stop myself from panting.

"What the fuck?" I manage to get out, even though it was breathless.

"What?" He asks and shrugs his shoulders. I shake my head and try to breathe normally again.

After I had managed to slow down my racing heartbeat, I slowly walked over to the end of the railing, right next to where his end starts drag myself up on the side and then lean back against the very cold wall of the house. But the cold feels nice. More of a wake-up call than anything. Though I'm not really sure I needed one right now. The only thing I could think of that I would need right now is some painkillers from what I just heard. I shuddered as images started to flood my mind. Thank fucking Jesus that Edward had enough decency not to keep quiet any longer.

"Cold? "

"Not really," I respond in a half lie. The scent of his cigarette flood my senses and I can't stop myself form looking at it. I wasn't a smoker, barely a party smoker but I had a little habit and these ones smelled pretty good.

"Want one?" I look up at him and it's like I can't say no.

"Sure." What's wrong with me? I haven't smoked for a year or so and now he's lighting one for me and I'm most definitely going to smoke it. Oh to hell with it!

I except the known cancer stick and breathe in a full breath off tar infected deliciousness. I breathe it out into the black night. It was oddly quiet out here. Peaceful.

"You know it's nice out here," I comment. More than anything, I'm trying to get a conversation going. Just being this near to him is making me nervous enough.

"It is." That's all he says and I almost sigh in frustration.

"So what brings so out this very early morning?"

"Couldn't sleep," he says and there's this weird undertone again. I almost laughed. He heard them too? I couldn't' resist myself, even though it was slightly disturbing. It is my father after all. But I decided not to focus on that for the moment.

"They always this loud?" My teasing got to him. I heard him choke on the smoke and he was clutching his side. I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.

"So you noticed?" he said after his coughing fit was over. I looked at him with both brows raised.

"I think we should be glad if the neighbours don't hear."

"We don't have any neighbours."

"Exactly." Silence crept over us and I slung my leg over the railing, letting it fall free. It still felt odd. This is the sort of thing a stupid teenager would do in any horror movie though in that move, she or he would probably be witting by the ocean and you just know a shark will how up and attack. But most of my attention was drawn towards Edward. He was watching me with half amusement and half thoughtfulness.

"Ever think that could be dangerous?" I look over as to what he was referring to. He motions towards my leg, as it was hanging from the cemented paling.

"What? Dangle my leg?"

"More like sit that far out on a railing on the second store _and_ dangle your leg." I roll my eyes and take another drag from my smoke. I look down and then up at him, then face the open land again.

"Not really. Besides. It's not like it'll kill me."

"How would you know?"

"Because there's a fucking huge bush right beneath us and we're on the second landing for shits sake." He ponders my small outbreak and actually looks like he'll crack a smile.

"Not really a morning person, are you?"

"Especially if I don't get any sleep," I bitch back.

"You know you could go back to your room," he challenges and I look at him in horror.

"And hear that… disgustingness… and be scarred for life? I don't think so. Just because I know they're screwing each other, doesn't mean I want to hear it." I took the last drag and put out the cigarette and dropped on the floor of my balcony. I'd get it later.

"Well as much as I would love to hear you bitch all night," he says teasingly and puts out his own smoke. "I do want to get some form of sleep. And they should be done by now." I shudder.

"Ew. You timed them or something?" I could feel a gag reflex was in the process of appearing.

"No. Fuck no. But we've been out here for more than 20 minutes and it's just not possible for them to still be going. They're old people," I laugh a little and get off the railing, feeling that my ass is completely numb. Lovely.

"Well… goodnight," I say as I stand with one of the French doors opened. He looks over at me with a smirk and replies;

"Night," in a chuckle. The gesture confuses me and I went into the warm room and close the door behind me. I creep over tot eh door. Opening it, I hesitantly poked out my head to make sure the "danger" it over. No noise, nothing. I breathe out in relief and close the door behind me.

Now it only takes me a few seconds before I feel the heaviness of my exhaustion and I fall into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**AN: ****Jesus on a cracker that was along one! Over 10.000! Yeay! That's a milestone for me.  
How was it? I'm not begging for reviews but it does help to know if it completely blows or if it's actually decent enough to read.  
****  
As I have many odd wonderings and questions in my little twisted mind, I'll let you have one now;  
****Does Oreo flavoured McFlurry really exist? I know it's odd but I really gotta know so I can complain because we don't have it here and that's just cruel! Oreo's are the best!  
**


	7. Friends

**AN: This chapter will be very graphic and for those of you who are sensitive, you may want t skip the beginning. **

**

* * *

**

_Friends _

_I stand by the sink, rinsing of a plate. __Everything was calm until a pair of strong arms circles my waist and presses me back. I lean against the figure and turn of the water. Hands run over my front. First my stomach, then my ribs and over my chest. I'm wearing a simple black wife beater and small pyjamas shorts. _

_I moan as a hand latches on to my right breast and pinch and kneads it through the fabric. I try biting my lip to keep the voices out but the other hand comes up and takes it out. _

"_Don't hold back," he whispers into my ear and I shiver. "I want to hear what I do to you." That only made me moan louder, my lips free to make any sort of noise. _

"_Good girl," he appraises and continues his ministrations on my breasts. _

I jerk up in bed, panting and covered in sweat. But it wasn't the kind from nightmares.

"Fuck," I mutter and fall back onto the pillows with my hand over my face. My heart is still beating frantically in my chest and I'm covered in a thin sheen of cold sweat. I can't stop gasping for air while simultaneously trying to slow down my heart. It wasn't as if the dream had been that… "bad". Sure he'd felt me up but-

Stop thinking like that!

He's… well… for all intents and purposes my… step-brother.

I shuddered at that. This is just so sick. The guy is nice to me and suddenly I start having sex dreams about him? How fucking messed up am I?

I actually feel my hand slip down but then I yank it up. I can't… not here… and to… _him_. That's just too weird… right? I close my eyes and will myself to go back to sleep but it's a loss cause. I groan in frustration and sling the cover away from me and sling my legs over the side of the bed. I walk on trembling legs into the bathroom. After I took care of some natural urges (peeing, that is) I take a quick shower to chill down my overheated body.

Once I'm done I reach for my phone and dial Alice's number as fast as I could. I made some mistakes. My hands could not stop shaking no matter how much I wanted it and tried to make myself calm down. I didn't give a flying fuck that it was only 9 a.m. I really had to talk to someone.

The phone rang and went to voicemail. I ignored it, hung up and dialled again.

Nothing.

I waited a few minutes, took some deep breaths and pictured the teletubbies; laughing their stupid and so highly annoying laughs and running around like chickens with their heads chopped off. Anything to get my mind of Edward.

When I called for the third time I was slightly getting worried. Alice never left her phone out of sight. But right when I was about to hang up and call the hotel, a sleepy voice answered.

"He…llo?" A short yawn interrupted the greeting.

"You need to wake up," I said immediately without any greetings. I was over the niceness for the morning.

"Bella?"

"Yes. Who do you think?" she ignored my question and I heard some ruffling.

"It's not even 9," she groaned.

"Yeah well suck it up. I need to talk to you."

"So talk."

"Not now and not over the phone."

"Can't it wait? I'm really tired and-"

"Who is it?" I froze as I heard the second tired voice. It was quiet a hoarse.

"What was that?" I asked and this seemed to sober Alice up.

"Never you mind," she said, fully awake and I could hear her get out of the bed and move into the bathroom.

"What do you want?" She asked in an annoyed voice.

"You sound unusually bitchy for someone who just got laid," I commented, completely serious. I just had to tease her. Alice was not as open about some topics as I am.

"Bella!" I snickered.

"Alice. I could hear him. Why so modest?"

"Then forget it. What did you want to talk about?"

"Just my complete need for a therapist."

"Huh?" I shook my head but rolled my eyes at my stupidity that she couldn't see me.

"Can't we just meet? Or are you gonna be busy with your… uhm… friend?" I held back a chuckle.

"Starbucks from yesterday in an hour."

We hung up and I dropped my phone on my bed and my heart stuttered when I heard movements from the bathroom. I don't know why but I ran over there and pressed my ear to the door. Small and quiet movements were heard. The water turned on in the shower and it was just then I realised I was still in my towel. I moved away from the door and towards my closet but all I could think about was Edward, in the shower, completely naked. And didn't matter if I thought of Winnie the pooh, Edward was stuck in my mind.

I went with a casual but much too dressed up for my normal kind of look. Black short shorts adorned my rather petite but slender legs. I got a shock pink camisole with thick straps and a black vest. I tried to convince myself that it was because I wanted to take advantage of my new clothes but I knew the real reason but I wanted to live in denial for a little while longer.

I even cared enough to spend an extra 10 minutes on my make-up and hair. Last but not least, a pair of black high heel short boots from Christian Louboutin- I froze and shook my head. I've been around Alice for too long.

It was late enough to assume that most – if not all – the residents in the house was awake, I couldn't hear any movements in the kitchen and I stepped into it with careful steps. Empty, as I had expected. I breathed out in relief and walked to the fridge.

Sinking down to my knees to get to the good stuff – red bulls – I missed the steps of another human being walking in.

"Grab me one to?" I got startled and accidentally banged my wrist into the cold interior of the fridge. I heard a snicker behind me and didn't turn around as I was sure I would blush if I looked at him. And I never blushed. I grabbed two cans and got up and closed the door.

I handed him the beverage wordlessly and stalked for the pantry. I heard him open the can behind me, probably in the doorway, but he said nothing. It made me self-conscious to know that he was standing there. Deciding quickly what I wanted, I grabbed a plastic package of raspberry pop tart and turned to walk out.

As I suspected, he was leaning in the doorway and watching me. I stood still for a moment and when he didn't move, I got annoyed. We stared at each other and it was so difficult keeping images out of my mind.

He had the most hypnotic eyes you've ever seen. I wanted and knew I should look away but I couldn't help but keep on staring. Neither of us wanted to loose. It had become a competition and to be completely fair, neither of us lost. Bu as two happy and laughing voices came into the kitchen as well, we both looked behind ourselves. I got out as he was distracted and headed for the door.

"Good morning Bells," Charlie greeted me as he got a plate from the cabinet over microwave.

"Morning," I mumled and got as far as to the door before I got stopped again.

"You're not going to eat anything?" I was Elizabeth this time.

"I'm meeting Alice in a few so I'll get something there." I used my impatient and not-up-for-discussion voice. Neither adult said anything. As I left, I could still feel Edward's stare in my retrieving form.

The cab ride into the city was a steal. 30 bucks for less than 6 kilometres!

Alice hadn't gotten to Starbucks yet and I got a tall latte with vanilla and one of those giant chocolate chip cookies. I took a seat in the back in a puffy armchair and started to read a new book Elizabeth had gotten me. _The Perfect Husband_ by Lisa Gardner. That's only one more thing that convinces me that marriage is a complete fraud and should never be practiced – your husband or wife could turn out to be an axe murderer.

As I'd gotten almost through half the book (not that I'd actually read half the book. I'm not that fast), Alice showed up with a tired look. Both on her face an appearance. The usually cleaned up and well clothed Alice Brandon was looking less than stellar at the moment. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was sick.

I gave her a once over and continued to stare in shock as she sat down next to me.

"Okay there Alice?"

"Considering I got woken up at an ungodly hour – even too early for fucking Christ – I'm doing okay."

"You know. Your sarcasm is getting so much better. I'm really proud." She didn't find it as amusing as I did and stared me down until I rolled my eyes and took a bite out of my cookie.

"Now what did you want?" I stuffed the book back into my bag and sat up straight. I stalled, like I always did she I had something important to say. Most would just think I'm stalling as a way to get out of telling what I need to say but Alice knows better.

"Oh this must be really good," she says, obviously having sobered up by now.

"Good… I'm not so sure. In fact, I'm very sure."

"You know you can tell me anything. Even if it's something bad."

"It's not bad. Though it's not really good. It's actually kinda… I don't know. Embarrassing… maybe…"

"Isabella Swan is embarrassed about something… that's something I'd never thought I'd ever hear in my life." I gently hit her shoulder.

"I think that… maybe… I've, ehm…"

"Oh just spit it out-"

"Haveacrushonedward," I mumbled the words into one and I knew she couldn't have heard any of it but I still felt a little lighter, having said it out loud.

"I'm sorry… what?" I sighed and spoke in several words but in a low voice.

"I think I may have a… _crush_… on Edward. Maybe." Alice expression was unreadable and to be honest, completely free of emotions.

"Will you say something?" I urged and she looked like she got back to reality.

"When and how did you come to this epiphany?"

"Today… obviously. And I was… ehm… asleep."

"Asleep? Why would you be-" She stopped at my expression and her mouth twitched, like she was about to giggle. I could feel my face heat a bit but tried to force it away.

"Did you have a sex dream about him?" She asked and I heard myself stammer out a yes.

"But it wasn't exactly a sex dream."

"Either it is or isn't."

"We didn't have sex. But we did do other stuff… until I woke up."

"Like what?" I gave her a look that said it all and I wasn't going to say it out loud.

"Thinking sins of your step-brother Bella. You know, that's a one-way ticked to hell," her southern accent hit perfectly and I hit her again.

"Could you take this seriously? I don't know what to do. I could barely look at him this morning."

"Bella. Listen to me okay?" I nodded. "If you like him enough to have somewhat sexy dreams about him… go for it. You like him and he'd be a fool not to like you back. It's not illegal."

"Neither is a teacher having sex with his student but people don't seem to like it," I cut in.

"You're not really comparing this to a teacher and student having sex, are you?" I shrugged and she shook her head.

"If you're not going to make a move, then make it clear for you and him that you'll be just friends. Hell… become best friends… do what you have to because you can't avoid him forever. I'm sure he'll think you're insane and I know you don't want that." I contemplated what she was saying and to be friends was appealing. But would it be enouh.

"Friend," I said out loud. "With a guy. A hot guy." Alice chuckled.

"It's not like that hasn't happened before."

"That was different. But I guess it could work. But who's too say he'd even want to be "just friends" with me?"

"He's a guy and if a guy is friends with a girl he will never give up the dream of maybe having a 'friends with benefits' relationship. He'll always stick around."

"Speaking of benefits," I said to change the subjects.

"Tell me of the mystery man that just happened to be waking up with you this morning." Alice looked cornered but sighed in defeat.

"His name is Jasper. He'd the guy from the bar-"

"The one you were shamelessly violating at the wall?" Alice blushed while I snickered.

"He was enjoying it," she muttered to herself and then started telling me about her night. They'd stayed at the bar longer than Edward and I had but eventually, they had ended up at his place.

"You should have seen it. The guy's loaded. He lived at the top of this fucking awesome 30 stories high building. The view was amazing and the windows were from floor to ceiling."

"I'm amazed you even got a chance to look at the view."

"Yeah well it was unavoidable," she muttered with a blush and laughed.

We had out time of gossiping like school girls but dutifully parted ways when the sun started to get darker. Not really wanting to go home just yet – yes! I was an avoider. Sue me! – I stopped by a grocery store. For the first time in a while, I was actually in the mood for some sweets.

I ended up with loads of chocolate treats, ranging from white to light and various packages and labels. I even got some straw- rasp- black- and gooseberries. I was known for being quite the fruitaholic. The sun was staring to set and struggled to get a cab.

Once I got home, the house was quiet but fully lit. That always bothers me. If no one was home, they why would all the light be on? It's just a waste!

I went into the kitchen to unload my purchases. I stacked it all neatly on the island and got a green see-through glass bowl to lay all the fruits in.

Feeling hunger sink in and the possibility that there wouldn't be any real dinner since I was pretty sure my dad mentioned this morning that he and Elizabeth would be gone the whole day, I started making pancakes.

I couldn't cook to save my life – true story. Though I was wicked with pasta and pancakes. Weird combination, I know, but that was how I was raised. Simple. I grew up eating instant noodles and pizza and I turned out fine. Somewhat, a least.

I poured some olive oil on the frying pan and listened to the liquid come in contact with the heat. A smooth voice made me jump but I didn't turn around.

"What are you making?"

"Pancakes," I stated simply and tried to force my heart to slow down even though I knew it was a lost cause.

"Any chance I'll get one?" I acted like I needed to think about it for a few seconds.

"Maybe," I said and flipped the treat.

"Maybe?" He asked with a short laugh.

"You've gotta give a little to get a little Edward." I both loved and hated the way his name sounded coming from my lips. My heart thumped a little louder as I heard him get off his chair and come and rest next to me, leaning and looking so good by the counter.

"And what do I have to give?" Oh I want a lot of tings. A few might even be illegal in some states. Though I think that answer would have been at least a little inappropriate.

"Favourite holiday," was all I said and I could feel his confusion and almost see his brows scrunch up.

"What?"

"What's your favourite holiday?" I asked slowly and turned towards him expectantly. He seemed to still be confused but snapped out of it quickly.

"Uhm… don't really have one. Though anything worth celebrating in the summer is fine by me. I like the heat."

"Then this really is the state for you," I said with sarcasm to which his lips twitched.

I continued frying the cakes another after another in silence. I could feel his eyes on me again and it still made me self-conscious. But there was little hope that would ever change. Weather it was Edward staring or someone else.

"That's it?" He asked doubtfully and I smiled.

"Yep," I said, popping the p.

"Unusual question to ask," he mused and I shrugged.

"Well I've never really been normal anyways." A silence spread through us and the only thing heard was the crackling noise of the frying pan.

"Where did you get all the fruit? I didn't know we had any home."

"Believe it or not but I walked into a grocery store and bought them." I looked up at him with a sarcastic smile and he rolled his eyes.

"You could have just asked Rosa to get some for you." I don't know why but that sentence made me mad.

"Maybe I don't like having people do things for me that I'm perfectly capable of doing myself," I said defiantly. He didn't respond and I moved to the side, pushing him out of the way and getting two plates from the cabinet.

"Thought you'd be used to it by now," he muttered while I stacked the pancakes on the plates. One was larger than the other.

"I could get used to a lot of things but being watered on is not one of them."

"Feisty," he commented.

"You have no idea," I mumbled as I observed the choices of drinks in the fridge. Only kiddie stuff. I frowned and grabbed a Fanta.

"I was gonna watch a movie… wanna watch too?" I asked as I got my fruit and a fork.

"What are you gonna watch?"

"That lost show. I saw all seasons in the bookshelf," I sat down my food and walked over to the ridiculously large flat screen and popped in the first DVD.

"First of all, that's a TV-show, not a movie," I grimaced and sat down. "Second of all; you've never seen lost?" Edward asked in shock. I shook my head.

"No. It never really appealed to me so just stayed away. Besides, I have a hundred shows I'm already watching. Another one would just diminish my social life even more. Though it is almost completely gone by now so it doesn't matter." I started the first episode and watched as Jack woke up, disoriented and thinking he was hallucinating as a yellow lab walked up close and then ran away.

"Not sure I follow but I'm not gonna ask."

"Wise choice," I noted and started picking at my food, not hungry anymore. I picked at the fruit, eating few pieces and then put the bowl on the table, snuggling into the soft cushions and watched on, trying not to be overly aware of Edward and that he was looking at me every few second.

The first episode ended with a cliff-hanger, like most shows, and I started the next one immediately.

"You're gonna watch the whole season?" I shrugged, taking a raspberry and plopping it into my mouth.

"I haven't thought about it but if I don't watch the next episode it's gonna be like an itch. It's like having _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the remake_ before the original one." I knew I sounded somewhat insane but if we were gonna be friends, he should know what he's getting into.

"You have OCD or something?" Edward asked with a chuckle, clearly joking but my answer was totally serious.

"It's very possible. I've never really been diagnosed but I can obsess over the smallest thing for a long ass time." I turned my head to look at him and what I saw was so amusing I almost started laughing.

"I'm sorry I-"

"Stop," I said and a small chuckle escaped. "You're talking like I'm terminally ill. People live with OCD all the time and it's not like I need to was my hand 50 times a minute. Relax."

"Where were you all day?" His tone was merely curious but his expression hinted towards something else.

"With Alice," I said a little warily. "I think I mentioned that earlier." He didn't say anything else but focused on the screen.

"Why do you ask?" He shrugged and kept his eyes on the screen.

"No reason. You were gone a long while." I smiled and couldn't help but tease him.

"You checking up on me?" I got my voice higher, like I was attempting at flirting with him. He then met my gaze and rolled his eyes.

"Just an observation," he said and turned back but I knew he wasn't really seeing the show.

"Whatever you say," I said and turned back myself.

We stayed up watching the show for what seemed like hours. I don't remember falling sleep but I woke up in my own bed and I also remember that I did not walk up here and went to sleep in my normal clothes or removed my shoes. Did I kick them off? That didn't seem likely.

The sun shone through the uncovered window and I groaned as I opened my eyes and they started to tear up from the exposure. I turned over and shoved my head under my covers, trying to find sleep but it seemed pointless.

After a quick shower, I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, not really caring this morning. A headache had started to form and I even felt a little nauseous. Must have been from my lack of eating the previous day.

I staggered out of my room, feeling lightheaded and walked slowly towards the staircase. I closed my eyes and groaned quietly as the waves of sunlight hit my eyes. Keeping my hand on my forehead, like that would relieve the pressure, I walked into the kitchen, desperate for some painkillers. Somewhere in this house, something stronger than aspirin had to exist.

But I barely made it to the kitchen before I ran into Charlie and immediately sobered up.

"Mornin' dad," I said brightly, trying to make him happy and also trying to sneak around him. It didn't work.

"Good morning Bella!" He practically yelled and I cringed. Did he do that on purpose?

"Come! There's still food on the table." Charlie led me to the dining room and there sat two other people, looking up as we walked in. Elizabeth smiled at me briefly and then got back to her… computer? I wasn't gonna think about that one. I sat down quietly and picked at my food, I wasn't hungry anymore.

"Bella dear. Are you not feeling well?" I didn't look up as I knew that if anyone really looked at my face and into my eyes, they'd see that I wasn't feeling well and I hated having people fuss over me, especially if I wasn't feeling okay.

"I'm fine," I mumbled and took a small bite out of my scrambled eggs. It tasted funny and I the orange juice was too cold and made me shiver. I wasn't coming down with the flue? That'd be just fantastic!

"Then why aren't you eating? Did you have anything odd yesterday? I'm so sorry for not telling Rosa to make you kids some dinner but I was swamped with the gala coming up-"

"It's okay," I said, cutting her off. Talking was hurting my head too much and the brightness of the room wasn't helping either.

"Will you excuse me for a moment?" I asked, not really expecting an answer and walked out of there.

Going across the hall and into the bathroom, I started pulling out drawers and opening cabinets to find something that looked like medicine. But nothing. Not even fucking vitamins. I swore and checked under the sink last but the only thing there was toilet paper.

"What are you doing?" I whirled around to find Edward leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed in front of him, his eyebrows raised in question. My head pounded and I could literally hear my own pulse.

"I was, uhm… looking for some aspirin," I said stupidly and it sounded more like a question than a statement. He looked me over once and then asked in a doubtful voice;

"Are you hung-over?" I would have laughed if my head wasn't about to explode.

"I wish," I mumbled and closed my eyes and hissed as he turned on the switch.

Edward quickly turned the light off and apologized. I rubbed my forehead and got startled as I cold but gentle hand grasped my wrist.

"You're not going to find and aspirin in here." He got me upstairs and into our joined bathroom. I sat down on a chair next to the bathtub and put my head into my hands. I could hear a drawer open, some rattling and then it closed.

I looked up and saw a hand in front of my face, with one white pill lying in it. I took it and was about to swallow but took a second look at it and then one at Edward.

"This isn't aspirin," I stated. I wasn't sure how I should feel about him giving me random painkillers.

"No. They're OxyContin. Aspirin never really does anything against prolonged headache." I continued to stare at him like he was insane. "It's not like one pill could kill you."

"I know." And I did know. But that was something I wasn't really willing to go into right now. Especially not with a headache.

"Then why are you looking at me like I'm insane?"

"Because OxyContin isn't exactly something you just picked up at the store in 10 minutes. You needed a serious cause and some really good prescription."

"Broke my arm 6 months ago." I raised my eyebrows.

"And they gave you OxyContin for that?" That wasn't usual. I've broken my leg once and it hurt like fucking hell but I didn't get anything this strong.

"They do when ones father is chief of surgery." I stared at the pill for one more moment before popping it into my mouth and swallowing it whole.

"Thanks."

"No problem." We were quiet then and it was almost as if we were having a moment. Not sure what kind of moment but a moment none the less. But it was shattered as the not so lovely tenor of my father's voice broke our atmosphere.

"Bella!" I cringed and touched my temples. I heard a chuckle and grimaced.

"Ass," I muttered and a louder chuckle came closer.

"Here," I opened my eyes and he was holding another pill. "Only if it gets too much," I took it and held it in my hand as I was about to walk out. "You should probably not say anything," I looked back at Edward and he was having a very serious expression on his face." I'm not sure people would think too lightly on it, considering they are _my_ pills. I huffed in offence.

"Do you take me for an idiot? Seriously?" H looked a bit embarrassed now.

"Not when you say it like that-"

"Good," was all I said and walked out. My father was standing by my desk. I wasn't sure how I felt about him looking over my stuff while I wasn't in the room but it is his house so I'm guessing he lived by his rules.

"Hi Char- dad," I greeted quietly and he turned around with a smile.

"I was thinking that maybe we could take a day today? Just you and me. Some father daughter time. I've taking the day off from work. I have barely seen you since you got here." The way he looked at me with such puppy eyes made me bit it together and agree with a smile. I got my shoes, phone and slipped the last pill Edward gave me into my pocket. I was sure I was going to need it today.

Father daughter time? This should be interesting.

* * *

**AN: I'm sorry if there are a lot of errors. I just wanted to update because I haven't in a while and I have to write for my other story as well and finish that one so I can spend more time on this one. It's all very hectic. **

**In the next chapter, we're gonna see Charlie and Bella's father-daughter day, as well as some interaction with the other beloved characters from the books. I haven't forgotten any of ****them; I've just been waiting for the right moment to bring them in. **


	8. Secrets

**Sorry for the long absence. Not my attention but thats how life is at times. **

* * *

_Secrets_

"I thought we'd start with a movie and then get some dinner?" It's official, I am dating my father. I would have laughed if it wouldn't have made me sound like a mad woman.

It's not that I don't appreciate Charlie's consideration towards our father-daughter time but he really had no clue what he was doing. It becomes easier and easier to see that he was a teenage father.

The drive into the city was somewhat long. The traffic was unbelievable and I've lived in Phoenix all my life. It wasn't just that the drive was long, it was uncomfortable also.

Neither of us said anything but I could practically sense Charlie wanted to say something. But like me, he wasn't really one for the touchy feely stuff so we stayed quiet.

Once we arrived at the movie theater, we looked through the alternatives and sa there really wasn't anything good, we got stuck with a horrible romantic comedy chick flick. I tuned out more than half of it and by the time it was finishing, I had almost fallen asleep. I looked to my right and Charlie actually had fallen asleep. I gave a small laugh and nudged his shoulder and he awoke with a startled snort.

"Well that one was really good, right?" Charlie asked as we made out way out towards the car.

"Yeah it was great," even I didn't believe myself. It was strange. I usually was so much better at lying. At any time. I mentally shrugged it off and closed the car door behind me.

"Where do you want to eat?"

"I don't know any places here," I reminded him.

"Oh of course. Silly of me. How about pizza?"

"Sure." That was the only communication we had for the rest for the rest of the drive, which was over 10 minutes long, might I add.

The restaurant, if it could even be called that – was a pizza place really a restaurant? – was what to be expected. It was loud from the screaming fans of something involving sports. I could see Charlie's eyes go from his food towards the giant flat screen across the room where most of the men were gathered.

After I had eaten a quarter of a slice I stopped trying act like I was actually eating anything and just start to silently pick and play with the oil covered cheese. Charlie didn't notice anyway, why should it matter if I ate or not?

"Aren't you hungry?" I looked up and Charlie was watching me. Huh, so I guess he did notice.

"Not really," I lied, much better this time.

"Are you not feeling well?"

"No I'm fine… I'm just not that hungry. I had a big breakfast."

"Oh," his eyes kept going back to the screen and I gave a laugh.

"Watch the game dad." He gave me a thankful glance and directed his entire focus onto the screen.

After half an hour in the place and my head so filled with smoke I excused myself for a few minutes and went to the bathroom. I made sure it was free of people before I locked the door and stood in front of the sink. I took out the second pull Edward had given me before and stared at the white tablet. My headache had disappeared a while ago but as I looked at the white tablet, I couldn't help but see so many things that it made my head spin.

I sighed and gripped the sink tightly with both hands. I closed my eyes and bowed my head, trying to suppress said images. I knew I shouldn't do it but before I knew it, I was shoving the pill into my mouth and swallowed it expertly without any water. The numbing feeling that a painkiller gives you had left my body hours ago and I wanted it back. It's not like I was just going to let it go to waste. That'd be kind of stupid. I knew I was going to regret taking the pill later on but for right now I wanted it like I needed oxygen.

I splashed some water in my face and got back out. There had formed a small line but I ignored the snarky sneers I got and went back to the table. Charlie was chatting with the waitress and she was shamelessly flirting with him. She couldn't have been much older than me. Charlie, being ever the clueless man that he is, replied to her questions and became the likeness of Alan Harper. How he and Elizabeth ever got together is beyond me.

I sat down in my seat and saw her give me a once over. Shock and judgment filled her expression and I almost screamed out loud.

"So _dad_," I said, emphasizing way too much but it was unavoidable. "Are you paying the check so we can get back homer or…?"

"Yes just one moment Bells." He pulled out his walled and I didn't have to look to know that he was leaving a way to large amount of tip to the waitress. If he really wanted to spend his money he could do it for the polar bears or something. Last I heard; they were drowning.

We left the place and Charlie stayed a few extra minutes by the door, observing the game and then left after me. I was already by the car before he was even halfway over.

Unlike the drive to Seattle, the one back home wasn't filled with uncomfortable silence. I was way to numb to feel any of it, if there were any. I closed my eyes and leaned back in my seat.

* * *

That night, I didn't sleep well. I was having one of my recurrent nightmares and this one was one of the worst. It wasn't the one on the highway – which some might think is the worst – but at the hospital. Straight from my memory; sometimes I though my mind was deliberately trying to get me into an emotional breakdown.

_I sat in my bed, still as a corpse but more pissed of than a biker who just saw his baby getting keyed. Nobody would tell me anything. As soon as I asked, it was like my mother had it on radar and appeared out of thin air to interrupt. I started to hate her for it. I knew it was something bad but I refused to think the thing I didn't want to think. _

_Another doctor came in, took a look at my chart, completely ignoring me. I huffed quietly and rolled my eyes. The doctor looked up with concern. _

"_Are you in pain?" That only made me groan in frustration. _

"_No," I said calmly but through clenched teeth. "I want some answers." The doctor looked away and towards my chart, avoiding eye contact. _

"_I'm not sure what you mean-" _

"_I want to know what happened!" I practically yelled and right on queue, my mother appeared with worried eyes. _

"_What did you say to her?!" She screamed at the doctor whom seemed at a loss for words. "My daughter has just been through a very traumatic accident. What did you say?!" _

"_Mom. He didn't say anything." The doctor took that as a good time to leave and my mother closed the door loudly behind him. Renee turned towards me with a small smile. She came over and sat down on the edge of my bed. _

"_What's wrong honey? You want some more morphine? I'll get the nurse-" I gripped her hand hard, keeping her from leaving. _

"_Stop it!" I let go of her and closed my eyes, breathing deeply and I felt tears coming. "I want to know what happened." I looked up and she was avoiding my gaze also. _

"_Mom?" My heart thumped harder and harder for every quiet second. I'd been awake for almost 5 hours and still nobody would tell me what had happened or if he was okay. _

_Renee started pacing and mumbling to herself. Her hands went up towards her mouth so I could only hear incoherent jumble. _

_Mom!" That made her snap out of her trance and as she looked at me, she had tears in her eyes. That's when I knew. But I needed to have it said to me; otherwise I wouldn't truly believe it. _

"_Bella," her voice shook and she took my hand. "He's gone." _

I was awakened by my own sobbing. This had happened before but as I heard myself cry and felt my pillow get wet from my tears, even more sobs and tears came. I was making too much noise and so I got to my closet and shut the door behind me.

I stayed there all night long. Even though there were no windows, I could almost see the dusk change to dawn. When the crying had stopped and I was sure another hysterical fit wasn't going to come, I slowly and quietly got out to se the first rays of sun peeking up behind the horizon. I hadn't slept one minute the entire night. But I wasn't tired, like you would have expected.

The air was crispy and felt fresh in my lunges. I closed the French doors behind me and sat on the railing, keeping my back towards the cold wall and watched the sun come up. It truly was beautiful. I had never been up this early before to actually watch a sunrise. But now I think I'm going to start doing it.

Not until the sun was high and almost done behind the clouds, did I leave my spot. My muscles ached and I was freezing. Dressing in sweatpants and a thick hoodie that I only really wore when I was sick, I slowly got out of my room and crept down the hall.

I didn't know what time it was but I could imagine it to be very early still.

I was the first one up. The house was creepily quiet and I padded down the stairs, careful not to make any noise. Though I don't think anyone would hear. The house was huge.

I walked into the living room and turned on the TV, keeping the sound low. Home shopping seemed to be on every channel and I quickly gave up and put in a movie. I had never seen Casablanca before.

I actually got to see the entire movie by the time the first pairs of feet entered my hearing, except Rosa's. I barely heard hers, scared the shit out of me.

By the time the ending music started, I was hearing murmurs coming down the stairs.

"Well when do you want to tell them? It's not like we can wait forever… they're bound to find out soon enough," I was sure I was overreacting but my mind was already picturing the many different situations that could be possible.

"Let's just wait for the right moment."

"When will that be? It's not like it's _that_ big of a deal. I want us to start acting like a family."

I raised both my eyebrows in question and decided to make my presence known.

"Hellu," I said cheerfully as walked into the hallway and towards them. Both of them looked like deer's caught in the headlights and it was so amusing I almost burst out in laughter.

"I didn't know you were up sweetie," Elizabeth said sweetly.

"Yeah…" I quipped shortly. She left after that and Charlie turned towards me.

"Any plans for today? Maybe we could do something together or…?" Oy…

"Gee dad… that would be fun but…" I was at a loss for words. Nothing and I mean _nothing_, came to me as I started searching for some other plans I might have. I was usually so much more creative than this; Alice would be ashamed of me.

"But what?" I hated seeing Charlie like this. He had the puppy eyes and I immediately felt guilty.

"But she can't." I turned sharply and Edward stood there. I gave him a look that clearly screamed confusing but he ignored me and I stood there in ignorance and let him talk. "A friend of mine is having a party tonight and I already invited Bella to come along. Since she doesn't know anyone I thought this should be a good opportunity to get to know some other people her own age."

Even though I wasn't sure it was a compliment; Edward saying I should spend time with people my own age (like I was fucking five years old), but I think I could probably kiss him for getting me out of another day with Charlie.

"Oh. That's okay. We'll find another day together." I smiled at Charlie as he left for the stairs and turned to Edward.

"First; is there really a part and did you just invite me because Charlie was going to take me on another father-daughter day or what?" He smiled an unusual but so sexy smile at me.

"There is and the only reason I'm saying it now is because I just found out about it. Emmett is always last minute and I invited you because I wanted to." With that, he left but stopped and turned around before getting out the door.

"And we're leaving at nine."

----------------

He was driving much too fast. A year – or even seven months ago – I would told him to speed it up. Now all I could think about was to watch the road and pray to whomever that it wouldn't turn on us and an earthquake would start.

Edward never noticed and I was eternally thankful for that. My mind was so full I that if the silence that floated through the car was uncomfortable, I never felt any of it.

Soon enough, we drove down a quite nice neighborhood and stopped outside a huge fucking house. It rivaled the one we lived in but in my opinion, it was way nicer. Spanish hints around the exterior. Like the roof; in orange tinted bricks and the main color was white-ish.

The music blasted out like I was standing next to the biggest stereo in the world.

"Since I don't want you pissed at me-" Edward said as we closed the doors and started for the backyard.

"Ah, since when?" I asked with a smile.

"Since my odds are always really low, you can probably beat the crap out of me if I don't tell you. Even if you are really small," I gasped in mocked shock.

"Like I would actually act so unladylike," I said with sarcasm and Edward snorted.

"Whatever… Just remember that if a guy named Mike comes up to you just leave, especially if he starts to talk to you." Is he for real? "I'm serious. The guy's crazy."

"Duly noted." What could he have possibly done? Run over someone?

As we had barely gotten past the twenty feet high fence door, a high voice called our attention.

"Eddie!" I saw Edward cringe at the mention of the nickname. I would have to remember that for future use.

A huge-as-a-bear person came into our vision and soon, he and Edward embracing in a handshake, followed by a one-armed hug.

"How many times have I asked you not to call me that?" Irritation flowed in his voice.

"Too many to count," he said and then shifted his gaze towards me with a somewhat wicked smile on his face.

"Bella, right?" He asked and I nodded.

"And you must be Emmett," I said back.

"Can I get you something to drink? A beer perhaps?" I suppressed my disgust for the drink. I never understood why people drank it voluntarily.

"Have anything stronger?" I suddenly had an urge for tequila. I shouldn't but tonight I wasn't going to listen to my head. Emmett turned towards Edward.

"Oh I like her," that made me grin and I think I heard Edward say something in the lines of; 'I bet you do. I shrugged it off.

"Come on… I'll take you to the bar."

"Lead the way Yogi," I said and I heard Edward laugh behind me before submerging into the sea of people.

As soon as the shot was in front of me, I took it up and swiped it within a ten second period.

"Thirsty?" I head Emmett say teasingly.

"You could say that." I got a red plastic cup filled with some melon flavored vodka. It wasn't too bad, definitely better than beer.

"You have a boyfriend?" Emmett asked me bluntly as we got to the side and I sat down on the railing which surrounded the patio. I laughed and took another sip.

"No."

"Prude," he muttered which only made me laugh more.

"Not really… just a comittaphobe."

"Ah. Well there are plenty of those here," he gestured towards the smacked yard. I nodded in acknowledgement.

"What about you?"

"Never had a boyfriend," he said with a smirk. I chuckled.

"I did mean if you have a girlfriend," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Nope. I think I'm with you. A person wouldn't be tied down… we're meant to be free." I nodded.

"So true." I took another gulp of my vodka and found Emmett looking at me with raised eyebrows and then burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked with a smile of my own. Emmett shook his head and quit laughing long enough to tell me.

"You're so much different from what Eddie usually brings." That got me interested.

"And who does he usually bring?"

"More like _what_, but they are more like... stuck up bitches who probably wouldn't even know that U2 is actually a band and not just a phrase."

"Wow... that's so sad."

"Tell me about it," he mumbled. "Anyway.... they're only a quick fuck... I don't think I've ever seen him with anyone longer than a month." Wow, he really is the male version of me.

"Any special reason why?" I inquired.

"Not that I know of and I've known the dude for over a decade. Probably bad parenting. It's always the parents fault," he whispered the last part and I snickered.

Not long after that, I heard a familiar tenor.

"Bella!" I looked over in surprise and saw Alice bouncing this way with the hot blond guy that I just now forgot the name of.

"Alice?" She crashed into me with a stumble and I laughed, holding her up by her arms.

"You are so drunk." Alice never could handle the alcohol. After two shots she was a goner. But it was always a nice surprise.

"Shhhh…" she shushed me and Emmett snickered.

"I'll see you later Bella," he said and walked off the patio. Alice stood up straight, started to take a sip of her drink but frowned at the cup.

"What's wrong Aly?" I asked amused. Her expression was hilarious.

"It's empty… Be right back!" I laughed at her as she practically ran over to the bar.

"How much has she had to drink?" I asked hot blonde guy and he shrugged.

"I'm not sure but I'm guessing about five glasses." So then just the one. But there was no need to tell him that.

"You're Alice's cousin right?" I nodded.

"Yes. And you must be…" I fished for a name.

"Jasper…"

"Right… sorry. I'm not really good with names. So how are you liking my drunk of a cousin?" He chuckled.

"A lot," he said with honesty. "And sorry about the drunken state… I probably should have kept an eye on her." I waved my hand like it was no big deal.

"Don't worry about it. She needed to get drunk and laid." He stared at me and I was sure I could see a blush on his cheeks. So adorable.

"She told you about that?"

"No but it was pretty obvious when she answered the phone and I could hear you in the background."

"Oh. So who are you here with?" Jasper asked, obviously trying to change the subject.

"Uhm… technically I'm here with Edward Masen but we're not here together… you know?"

"You know Edward?" I stared at him. '

"You know Edward?"

"Yeah. I've known him for years… I was actually with him when I met Alice at the bar. Wait… are you _that_ Bella?"

"What?" Edward talks about me?

"Well this is a small world," Jasper muttered and drank some more of his drink.

"You don't say," I said and swiped the last of my vodka.

"I'm gonna go get some more," I pointed at my empty cup and left before Jasper could say anything else.

After filling the glass up, I got inside the huge ass house for some quiet. My head was starting to hurt. I got in a kitchen and I didn't have to turn the lights on to see just how huge it was. I walked around slowly and leaned against the island counter. I couldn't definitely get used to living in this house.

I only got a few seconds of silence and alone time before a loud and familiar voice made me wince.

"Oi!" I jumped slightly and turned wide-eyed towards the interrupter.

"Yes Alice?"

"I just heard the most disgusting story to tell and it needs to be said. Like a warning." I raised an eyebrow in confusing but Alice started anyway, babbling away like the little drunk that she was.

"So my friend back home, Angela, said that her friend Lauren had, at some party, given this guy a blowjob…" I nodded like we were talking about the weather. Alice was always more relaxed when she'd had some booze in her system. "Anyways, a couple of days later, her skin around her mouth started to itch and at first she didn't think it was anything major. But-"

"This is the disgusting part?" I asked and Alice nodded, her face already holding some pre grossness.

"But when the itching didn't stop, she went to see the doctor and guess what?"

"What?" I asked warily. I knew that when she told me should could never un-tell me but it was too interesting to stop now.

"She had maggots in her chin!" I think I gagged a little. I had to cover my mouth but my mind was already picturing them inside this girls chin, moving around, building nests and reproducing.

"But that's not the worst part." I looked at Alice like she was insane.

"Not the worst part? Alice, she had _maggots_ _under her skin_! I'd say that's pretty fucking gruesome!"

"Not until you know what kind of worms they were… Body maggots." Now I felt the bile rise up and I clutched my stomach.

"Like from-"

"Yep. Her little one-nighter was into dead chicks," I could taste the bile and had to clutch my mouth and will it down until I felt it move down again.

"That's just wrong. So very, very wrong," I chided and got up to get some water. After I swallowed it, I felt a little better and tried hard as hell not to picture the maggots.

"Tell me about it," Alice said with a hoarse voice. Apparently, she was as grossed out as I was thought at least she was prepared for it. Then I got mad.

"Why would you tell me this?!" She looked a little amused and a little scared. I was never fun to be around when I was pissed.

"Because I just heard it and it's so gross any everyone should know that this could happen." I shook my head in disgust.

"But now once you've said it, you can't take it back!" I shook my head but realized that was wrong. Luckily for me, hot blond guy walked into my line of sight.

"Oh! Uhm… guy?" I almost screamed as I tried to remember his name. "Jasper!" He looked over here and walked towards us; he stopped near Alice and smiled at her.

"Good you're here. Now... can you please take her away?" Alice started to laugh and the poor guy looked so confused.

"What?"

"I don't care if have to drag her to wherever, will you please get her out of the room," Alice was laughing so hard she almost hit the floor but steadied herself by holding onto Jaspers arm.

"What's going on?" He asked and Alice wiped tears from here eyes.

"I'm sure she'll be glad to tell you," I said with disgust.

"Bella… it isn't that bad…" Alice trailed off with a few giggles.

"Tell that to my stomach," I groaned and braced myself against the counter and they walked away and I could head Alice laugh from outside.

"You okay?" I looked up and saw Edward.

"Ask me again tomorrow," I said and took the last of my vodka and emptied it in my mouth and greedily swallowed it.

------------

"So what did your cousin say to make you so disgusted?" Edward asked amused. I grimaced and shook my head.

"I shouldn't have been told and believe me when I tell you that you do not want to know."

"Aw come on…" he whined.

"Nope," I said, popping the 'p'.

"You're no fun," he muttered and like the mature one that I am, I stuck my tongue out at him.

-------------------

When I got back to my room, I sloppily threw my jacked onto my desk chair and the rest of my clothes dropped to the floor. I was too tired to even care that I was making a mess and that I was going to kick myself for it in the morning.

I dragged my feet into the bathroom and as I slowly brushed my teeth and got the last traces of make-up off my face, my eyes couldn't help but wander towards Edward's side and a certain drawer.

I stop out the last of the spearmint flavored paste, rinsed the toothbrush off and slowly walked over to the other sink. I checked a few drawers before finding the one I was looking for. It wasn't just OxyContin in there. I even saw some Vicodin. I took up both bottles and stared at them. It was like giving a fat person a huge chocolate cake. They were taunting me.

It wouldn't be good if I just let them lie there. My self control wasn't the best there is. I couldn't flush them out. Edward was sure to notice and probably think I stole them. That would just be awkward.

So I had a choice; either make him think I was thief or believe I was slightly insane. I chose insane and maybe that was an insane choice.

I didn't knock but went right in. Edward was lying on the bed with headphones on. His eyes were closed and for a moment I thought he was sleeping. But after a few seconds he opened them and they went wide as he saw me. He sat up and got the earphones off. I didn't exactly hear what he was listening to but it faintly reminded me of Smashing Pumpkins.

Pressing a few buttons to his ipod or itouch or whatever, he sat there and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?" I took a deep breath and contemplated how I was going to say this without sounding like I was insane.

"Oh-kay… this is going to sound weird but I need you to hide these." I pulled out the two bottles and he looked at them but didn't take them.

"What?" I couldn't tell if he was amused or worried.

"Hide them. I saw them in the drawer and now they can't be there." If that didn't make me sound like an addict, nothing would. I threw the bottles at him and he caught them before they fell to the floor.

"Why-"

"Can you just do it?" I snapped but closed my eyes and took another deep breath. "I said it was going to sound weird," I reminded and had to look away. It was like his gaze saw right through me.

"Okay," he said slowly after a while and I sighed in relief. "Can you tell me why?" I bit my lip, trying to decide how much I would tell him.

"Because if you don't… I'm pretty sure I'm going to take some… if not all." _If not all now, then at least in sex months,_ I thought.

He got off the bed and I sat down cross-legged and watched as he paced a little. He'd taking this far better than I thought. Interesting.

"Why would you take all of them? You're a drug addict?" He said it with such disbelieve and even laughed at the thought. I didn't.

"No. Not exactly," I mumbled and looked down at my hands. They looked so thin and bony in that moment. I turned my gaze upward and towards my arms. My wrist looked like they could be broken with a simple touch and my arms were shamefully thin. I didn't want think about how the rest of my body looked.

"Not exactly? Then enlighten me, please?" At that, I, involuntarily, was back on the highway, before my life was ruined.

The car went down the road, hardly making any noise. I always felt comfortable driving, it was soothing. The snoring turned louder and I looked to my right, a smile at my lips. I turned off the radio, even though it was mostly quiet statics.

I forced myself not to remember any further. Clenching my hand and getting up from the bed, I forced myself to take in my surroundings, listening to every sound, every breath took. I studied the room. It was an exact replica of mine, minus the build-in bookshelf.

I finally returned Edward's stare. I just now noticed that we were less than two feet apart.

"It's… complicated," I said finally and I wasn't going to say anything else. He noticed and his gaze softened.

"Okay," he said softly and looked at the pill bottles.

"Just don't hide them in the sock drawer. That's just pathetic." He smiled and got me back with my own words.

"You think I'm an idiot?"

"Not when you put it like that," I said with a smile and got to the bathroom door before he spoke.

"We're not going to find you on the bathroom floor with your wrists cut, are we?" I stopped dead and my eyes went wine. Wow, he caught on quick. I turned back slowly and I knew I must look like a fish, with my mouth opening and closing in rapid movements.

"No," I said finally, my voice a little hoarse. My breathing had become unsteadied and I knew it must have shown but he said nothing about it. I got through the door and closed it behind me. The tears fell fast and I scrambled to get to my own room before I collapsed on the bed.

He was probably the only one who has ever asked that. At least that bluntly. It scared me how unbelievably fast he caught onto it. And that he actually confronted me about it. I wasn't going to slit my wrists any time soon. Of that I was sure. But I couldn't promise that I wouldn't take any more painkillers if I knew where they were.

It felt too good to feel numb, to feel nothing.

* * *

**AN: So it's been a long time since I last updated and for that, I am sorry. But I can't write if I don't have any words, even though I knew what I wanted to write. Does that make sense? **

**Anywho… so that story, about the blowjob, is actually true. It didn't happen to me – what fucking Christ! – but my cousin's friend or something like that. I almost threw up when I heard it… **

**I think someone asked if Elizabeth was pregnant – or maybe I mentioned this earlier? Whatever… - but I can assure you that that is not the case… at all. The thought didn't enter my mind before someone pointed it out as a possibility. **

**I think I'll try to end my other story – New Life - first and then devote all my attention to this one so I'm apologizing in advance for probably not updating in a long time… **

**Give me some feedback please! **


	9. Surprise

**AN: So don't hate me when I tell you that I've been done with this chapter for probably a weeks but just haven't gotten around to post it. I know, it's horrible. I'm appalled by my behaviour. But, none the less, here it is and I hope there's not too many errors. **

* * *

_Surprise_

I was not-so pleasantly surprised the next morning by waking up with a headache. I didn't recall drinking enough to cause a hangover but evidently, my body had been without liquor long enough for that little to be too much.

I groaned as I lifted my head from the very warm pillow and faced the horror that is light. I scrambled out of bed and wobbled my way towards the bathroom. I dimmed the light to low and sighed at the darkness and how the cold marble floor felt against the pads of my feet.

After splashing my face with icy cold water, I narrowed my eyes and went to put on some clothes. Today, I didn't really give a fuck what I was wearing. Black sweats were just too comfortable to give up.

Everyone was up and already sitting by the dining room table when I walked in. I sucked up the pain and tried to act normal.

"Good morning Bella!" Elizabeth greeted loudly and I winced a little. I saw Edward smirk and I hit his leg under the table as I walked by. This only made his grin more pronounced.

We got into routine and I poured myself some yoghurt and added cinnamon and cane sugar. Before I even had a chance to taste my breakfast, the morning became even weirder than it already was.

"I've been thinking… we should act more like a family." I froze; the spoon midway to my mouth. Is she fucking serious? I looked up and saw Edward wearing the same expression as I was. Charlie, on the other hand, looked completely at ease, waiting even.

"Huh?" That was all which came out of my mouth. Excellent Bella!

"We've been living here together for weeks and we haven't done anything as a family." In our defense, this was on really fucked up "family". When neither Edward nor I – for I was assuming Charlie knew exactly what Elizabeth was blabbing about – said anything, she spoke again.

"Charlie and I have decided that we should all take a long vacation together." My mind was already grumbling.

"We have already bought the tickets so there are no refunds and we're leaving in two days."

"TWO DAYS!" Both Edward and I yelled. Are they fucking serious?! They can't just wait this long to tell us.

"Is this what you were talking about yesterday?" I asked when my immediate annoyance had worn off, I was still fuming.

"Yes. You weren't supposed to hear-"

"So how long have you known this? You can't just wait days, or maybe even weeks to tell us something like this." I looked over at Charlie. "And I can't just leave. What about Alice? I can't leave her here alone."

"It's just two weeks Bella," Elizabeth chimed in with a smile. I actually wanted to punch someone. Preferably her.

"But-" I started but was silenced by the traitor.

"That's the end of this discussion Bella," Charlie notice with authority and I started at him with my mouth wide open.

Then, like a switch had been pulled, everything was fucking "normal" again. Charlie and Elizabeth were chatting away about something really unimportant and Edward was sitting quietly, eating his toast. It was so bizarre that I almost didn't believe there had even been a conversation about a vacation together. Almost.

With a huff, I got up from the table and started to leave the room.

"What about your food? Bella?"

"I'm not hungry anymore," I said in a grumble.

I plopped down on my bed with a heavy sigh and ran both my hands through my hair. It felt greasy and I frowned.

After a quick shower I got dressed in some real clothes and just now wondered how the fuck I was going to travel if I didn't even have suitcases. I wasn't even mad anymore but there was no way I was going to tell them than. I'd let them sweat for a few more hours.

But never the less, I was going to have to start packing soon. Alice would be fine by herself but I knew she'd kill me if she weren't allowed to be here and help me pick out my clothes. For some reason, shit like this was golden to her.

Huffing in annoyance, again, I shuffled my feet out of the closet and towards my door. What followed was a moment that only happened in movies and shocked the hell out of me. But as soon as I had opened that door, Edward stood there with his hand raised, as if to knock. I recoiled in surprise.

"Woa… so weird," I commented. Behind him stood three large suitcases in multiple colors. I raised my eyebrows.

"Whether you like it or not, you have to start packing-"

"Okay," I said, opening the door, getting out and pulling the bags in.

"Really?" Edward asked, closing the door behind him with a surprised expression. I nodded.

"I'm not really mad anymore. I'm kind of excited. Where are we going?" Edward stared at me.

"Then what was that downstairs?"

"Oh I was mad. Not so much anymore."

"Then why the scene?"

"How else will they learn?" He stopped gaping and seemed to think for a moment.

"You're… really weird." I chuckled.

"Thanks." I threw the Louis Vuitton suitcases onto the bed and opened them up. "But seriously," I started as I removed the mothballs. "where are we going?" Edward sat down at the edge of my bed – and I tried not to think what I really shouldn't be thinking – seemingly still flabbergasted at me mood swings. I already knew I was a weirdo; he didn't need to make such a big deal out of it.

"Um… Paris and Rome. One week for each city."

"Hmm… now I actually feel a little bad for yelling."

"Why?"

"Because Paris has been like a second home for about ten years and I've been dying to go back to Rome for two years now."

"Oh," was all he said and then there was silence. Edward got up.

"I should start packing," I nodded and watched him leave the room, closing the door softly behind him. I closed my eyes and fell back on my bed.

"Get a fucking grip Bella," I whispered.

I called Alice a few minutes later. Surprisingly, she wasn't really mad that we were leaving. Jasper will surely keep her busy – her words, not mine. She did however – like I was expecting – demand to help me pack. I wasn't even allowed to touch any clothes until she got here. I agreed because, even though she is really small, you don't mess with Alice.

As I hung up, there was one person that I knew I had to call.

"Hello?"

"Mom."

"Oh Bella honey. How are things?" She sounded genuinely happy that I was calling and for once, her voice wasn't filled with pity.

"Things are fine. There's actually a reason I'm calling you."

"Oh?" She sounded worried.

"Everything's fine. It's just that we're going away for a while. All of us."

"Okay," wary now.

"To Paris and Rome for two weeks."

"When are you leaving?"

"Um… two days."

"Bella! You could have given me-"

"Mom. I just found out like, half an hour ago. I think they deliberately waited this long so we couldn't back out."

"Oh. Okay. It's just a surprise. That's all. Are you sure you can handle it?" And now the guilt was back. I closed my eyes and tried not to sound angry.

"I'll be fine." My teeth were clenched and I knew she could hear it.

"I'm sorry I didn't-"

"It's fine. I'll call you before we take off. Bye." I hung up before she had a chance to say another word. I knew my mother means well but sometimes, she's way too pushy, when all I wanted to do was to be left alone.

Alice arrived not an hour later. As soon as she was in my room, she flew to the closet and started yelling instructions.

"First off, you have to get these Gucci shoes and the Manolos. You have to show people you have class. And by the way, I absolutely love your suitcases; I have to borrow them some-"

"Woa Alice!" She stopped talking and turned around, looking at me with a fake patient look.

"Slow down." She took a deep breath and started handing me clothes to put on the bed. I wasn't allowed to pack them since I thought there was no way all of this was going to fit inside these three bags. Especially with all the shoes.

"You do know I'm only going away for two weeks?" I asked as I observed the mountain of clothes, shoes and a few smaller bags and purses.

"But you're going to Paris and Rome – and don't think I won't expect a few presents when you get back – so you need to look your best."

"You say it like I look like a hobo normally."

"Of course not. But it won't kill you to maybe wear heels every other day."

"You know you can completely bust your knees permanently if you wear your heels often enough." Alice looked at me and rolled her eyes.

"No pain no gain."

One entire bag went to shoes and two purses that really should be named bags. They were too large to be purses.

"And you can't bring your regular shoulder bag on the plane. And don't ask me why because you know why." That was one of the many things Alice commented on. I was going to ignore her but she pulled out all my things and put them in a new black LYDC bag.

When we got to the last suitcase, I had to sit on it for it to close and even then Alice broke a sweat; trying to zip it shut.

"Wosh! That was fun." She laughed and dropped on the bed. It was just after four. We had to take a break for lunch. It was always an experience when Alice was involved. If it was clothes or sneaking out of the bedroom window to find ourselves, hours later, passed out in a corn field. The aftermath of a rave. Some good times.

"You have a weird view of what's fun," I commented and dropped down next to her.

"Hey. Do you remember that rave we went to? When we woke up in the middle of the night in that corn field?" I looked at her with my mouth wide open.

"I swear I was just thinking of that. Besides, how could I forget? Except for what actually happened before we passed out." We both started laughing.

"I think we had fun," Alice commented with a chuckle.

"They say you have the most fun if you don't remember it."

"So true." There was a knock on the door.

Yeah!?" I yelled and sat up, sitting cross-legged.

Elizabeth stuck her head in opening the door wider as s e saw the both up us surrounded by hard plastic suitcases.

"I see you're done packing," she started warily. As if I would have another fit.

"Yep. Alice loves that shit so I'm not really sure what's in here."

"Ah yes. I don't believe we have met before. I'm Elizabeth." She stuck her hand forwards and Alice did the same.

"And you're Bella's…"

"Cousin. My mom is sister with her mom."

"Ah." And then the awkward silence.

"Well I should be going," Alice said. I glared at her.

"Are you sure? You can stay for dinner if you want?" I said through slightly clenched teeth. She smiled at me. I wanted to hit her.

"Oh I'm sure. Besides, I think I'm going to meet Jasper." I rolled my eyes. She went to retrieve her purse.

"You're such a bitch," I whispered in her ear. She tried to hold herself from laughter.

"I know. I couldn't help myself," she whispered back.

"It was nice to meet you Elizabeth," she said in an overly sweet tone and disappeared out the door.

I turned back towards Elizabeth who was looking around the room.

"Did you want something?" I winced at how that came out.

"How were the suitcases? I hope they're enough?"

"Yeah, they're-"

"I'm sorry… about this morning. I didn't mean to spring this up on you."

"Its fine," I cut her short.

"No it's not. But it will be." How cryptic.

She left after that. The silence finally hit me and made me nervous. I started fidgeting with my hands. I always hated moments like these. When I had absolutely nothing to do. I was itching to open the suitcases and actually look through what I was bringing with me but decided against it since I knew I wouldn't be able to shut them on my own.

I couldn't watch a movie since I was way too pent up to sit still and watch a moving screen. I usually get like this before I was flying. The knowing that we could crash never left my mind and always made me too worried to sleep.

I grabbed a book, No Time for Goodbye by Linwood Barcalay, and went out the French doors and sat on the railing, with my back to the house wall.

I got through the first three chapters before there was knock on my door. I groaned at the effort of leaving my comfortable spot and walking inside. Before I even got halfway there, the door opened with Edward on the other side. I stopped short.

"You couldn't have done that ten second ago?"

"Sorry. It's dinner so…" I threw my book onto the bed and walked out after him.

Dinner was much like breakfast, minus my little freak out. Elizabeth and Charlie were the only ones taking. Edward and I both stayed silence, looking at our food. I picked at mine, not really hungry.

"Oh. I forgot to mention this but the plane leaves at 10:15 am so we'll have to leave pretty early." I groaned internally. Other than that, dinner was calm.

I don't know why but I was exhausted by the time I got back upstairs. I changed into my shorts and old t-shirt, pulling my hair back in a messy bun. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I even flossed and used mouthwash. I never flossed. And the mouthwash tasted so bad I thought I would throw up.

I spit it out as soon as I had counted a minute in my head. I grimaced and got some water. I flicked the light off in my room and threw myself onto my bed, feeling the fluffyness of my pillows and cover.

I grabbed my book and started reading again. I needed to take a few more of these with me. I was such a dork when I wanted to and could read for hours and hours without stopping. I finally decided to call it quits when I was starting to see in a cross and couldn't make out the letters anymore.

----------------

I knew the routine, of course. I have flown a lot in my live, too much in my opinion. You arrive with a well amount of time before boarding because of security checks and check in the luggage.

I knew it like the back of my hand. Even the annoying little "show" the stewardesses illustrate before the plane goes up in the air was imprinted into my memory, word for word. I already know where the freaking emergency exits are! Even the ones that have never flown before knows where they are, they're not blind!

I usually got quite bitchy when flying too. But any _normal_ human being could probably understand. In my opinion, it wasn't natural to fly. The bus, train, bikes, maybe even boats were acceptable and safe. A plane, however, was not. I also hated the fact that every time I even bring up that I don't like flying, someone always points out that it's more dangerous in a car. Believe me; I know exactly how dangerous it is in a car. But at least the car wasn't flying over a fucking ocean!

We had just gotten through security check, which, surprisingly, took less time than I expected. One time, we had to stand there for an hour and a half, in the heat at Naxos airport. Even with the air-conditioning, it was still hot as hell.

We had a good hour before we had to board. I was craving some vanilla latte and one of those giant chocolate chip cookies.

"I'm gonna hit Starbucks and then I'll meet up with you." While I think Elizabeth was about to protest, Charlie smiled at me.

"Alright. We're going to that restaurant that I don't the name of but really like."

"Elyse," I filled in. "I'll see you later."

I started walking away, only to stop as I knew I was being followed. Turning around, I saw Edward get up by my side.

"Like I was going with the 'happy couple'."

"Good point."

I found Starbucks easily. It's pathetic how many times I've been at this airport. I even knew one of the cashiers from seeing him over a dozen times.

"So I take it you've been here a few times," Edward noted as I put down my cup and opened the lid. I grabbed the cinnamon and some coco, sprinkling it lightly over the steaming liquid.

"So it's noticeable."

"Hah. Yeah I'd say so." He grabbed my cup and held it up for me to see a small heart on the side, next to my name.

"Don't read my cup." That was a weird sentence.

"Hope you don't mind if we stay here a while? 'Happy couples' kind of make me sick." I grimaced and sat down by a large window. I looked at all the planes and shivered.

"Such a positive soul," Edward put in sarcastically. I grinned.

"Yeah I'm all apples and carrots." He looked at me, confused.

"It's a figure of speech… never mind." I sat back in my chair and took a sip.

"So tell me something." I looked ahead.

"Why not…" I replied, shrugging.

"How many times have you been in Paris?" I bit my lip, smiling.

"A few times." That was an understatement. I've been going to France about once a year since I was 8. I spoke French fluently. "I've lost count."

"Ever been?" He shook his head.

"I've never really been anywhere," he said with a mellow voice.

"So you've never flown before?"

"No I've flown. My dad lives in LA and no way am I taking the train."

"Don't think I would ever voluntarily fly."

"Scared of flying?" Somehow, this was amusing to him.

"More like scared of crashing and dying. Besides, every time a small wave of turbulence hit the plane I feel myself having a small panic attack and picturing the beginning of Final Destination."

"Such a good movie." I rolled my eyes.

"So can I ask you something now?"

"Sure," he said warily.

"Why were you such an asshole when we first met? I mean, I know I can be a bitch but I hadn't even talked." He looked away from me, out the window, seeming to think over his answer.

"I was just surprised." I waited for him to elaborate but he didn't say anything else.

"That's it? You don't expect me to buy that, do you?" He grinned.

"I did. I was surprised. You completely caught me off guard. And I'm usually on top of things. I knew that Charlie had a daughter and that she would be arriving any day but I was not expecting… you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Not to make it awkward but have you looked in a mirror recently? You're, well… really hot and I was _not_ expecting that." I couldn't help but grin at his honesty. And it made me feel good to know that he thought I was hot.

"Thought I'd be ugly?"

"I was hoping." That made me chuckle.

Conversation flowed on pretty easily after that, ironically. I couldn't help but smile every time I thought of what he just said – that I was 'really hot'. I was acting like a 13 year old with her first crush. If anyone from back home saw me now, they would have slapped some sense into me. Literally.

We left after half an hour; to find Elizabeth and Charlie. They were still eating; we could see from across the room and decided not to go to them. Like we said, we really didn't want to be around the 'happy couple'.

It was actually kind of nice to look through the stores with Edward. Commenting on stuff and acting… normal. It was a while ago since I talked like this to a guy. I desperately tried to see him as just a friend but every time I did, I couldn't help but see him in places and positions that friends didn't do together. Well… maybe friends with benefits. That is such a great deal. Sex with no emotions. I shook my head. I was such a guy.

Charlie called fifteen minutes later, saying they were waiting where we were boarding. I grabbed a bag of coco M&Ms, a 7up and stood in line for the register. Edward came right before my run with his own drink, coke, and Twizzlers. I grimaced. For someone who acted like the male version of me, we really didn't like the same type of candy or drinks.

----------------

As another round of turbulence hit the plane it felt as if my heart would jump out of my chest and fall lifelessly onto the floor. Is this how people feel right before having a heart attack? I closed my eyes, leaned my head back and clenched my fists to my thighs.

"You okay?" I heard an amused voice ask. I clenched my teeth together.

"Fucking peachy." I looked over at him and he looked absolutely at ease, not a trouble in his mind. How could he be so calm when we're thousands of feet up in the air and one false move could make us all plunge to our untimely deaths?!

"How can you be this terrified and still travel so much?" His voice was confused but he still managed to keep the amusement. I really wanted to slap him for some odd reason.

"I can see the irony," I said shortly and relaxed a little further into the soft chair in first class as the turbulence slowed down a bit.

"You know… the chance of a plane crashing because of turbulence is less than a million… or maybe a billion." I turned my head to glare at him. "It's more plausible you'll get into a car crash than a plane crashing."

"No shit?" I asked sarcastically.

"Nope," he said, popping the _p_. "I'm quite serious," I was on the verge of hitting him, right in the face, preferably the nose, when a stewardess came and interrupted. Fear made me angry and I always wanted to punch someone whenever I got scared.

The stewardess with a big fake pearly white teeth smile closed in, not looking my way as she spotted Edward. I rolled my eyes.

"Would you like anything to drink?" Even though her question was directed at him I muttered a _no_. But Edward here took his sweet time, flirting excessively with the stewardess who couldn't have been much older than him, if she even was that. For all I knew, she could have been just out of high school, especially with the way she giggled, like a 13 year old.

The one thing I focused on was why I even cared. I shouldn't. But I did. And that was a problem.

* * *

**AN: Even thought it's way overdue... I'm quite proud of myself. I started this chapter a few weeks ago, right after I posted chapter 7, but when I did start writing again, I wrote 8 pages in one day. And that was the day before Christams, none the less. As an extra bonus, this chapter is 10 pages and around 4000 words. I think that's success. **


	10. Nostalgic

**AN: First off, I have to say that I've never been to Paris. I only dream of the place I've only visited in my dreams and Google. Nor do I speak French, so everything is translated by Google translator. I'll try to make it understandable what they're saying but if you're uncertain, I will post all French words and sentences I use in this chapter at the very bottom. **

* * *

_Nostalgic _

**  
BPOV **

It was just after 6:30 a.m. in Paris, by the time we landed. Ten hours on a plane is too long. I was exhausted. I never could sleep on a plane. I was way too tense to even try. But I found that I had managed to doze off between when we left the airport and during the twenty minute drive to the hotel. We always stayed at the Westin Paris. I had always loved the statuesque look of the building. So old but still so modern.

A gentle push came from my shoulder and I stirred, sitting up straight.

"We're here." Looking over to my left; Edward was grabbing the door handle and getting out. As man came to open my door I stepped out. The air was chilly but comfortable. Dawn was just above the horizon. The sky illuminated a shade of purple. The kind you could never see any other place. It was quite magnificent.

The bellhop gathered all our bags on two carts and followed us inside. The manager looked tired with deep circles under his eyes.

"Good to see you again Albert." I cringed at how Charlie pronounced the managers name. It was a silent _t_. He was butchering the language.

"And you too Mr. Swan," Albert responded with a smile. He turned to me next.

"And Miss-"

"Ah ah. Je pensais que nous en avons parlé?" I hated being called miss. Made me feel old.

"Ah, bien sûr. Bella. Bon de vous voir à nouveau." I smiled tiredly, leaning against the counter for support.

"Your rooms are ready," Albert said to all of us. He laid several keycards on the counter and then a paper, asking Charlie to sign it.

"Est-ce nos chambres régulières?" We'd stayed at those rooms every time. It seemed awkward to change now.

"Bien sûr."

We followed Albert through the hallway. Our luggage had already been brought up in advance. The elevator felt crowded but I had no time to think about it as it dinged a second later; announcing our arrival at the top floor.

We came to the end of the hallway. Two doors were already open. I stared at them, confused. I knew Charlie and Elizabeth would share a suit. But what did they expect with Edward and me?

Then I remembered it. My room had two bedrooms. I've always thought this to be hugely unnecessary but it was in the right viewing range that Charlie wanted. I never complained. I liked the space. I started to talk but Edward cut me off.

"Where's she gonna stay?" I raised my eyebrows.

"She is staying in there," I pointed towards the closest room. "Where's _he_ staying?"

"In there also." I really did hate my father. "There are two bedrooms Bella. Learn to share." I silently mimicked him as he turned his back towards me and then rolled my eyes. I didn't like sharing. Especially here. But I couldn't deny that I was completely horrified of this.

Edward didn't look concerned and only nodded, as if this was completely normal.

"We're gonna take a nap," Charlie announced as Albert had disappeared down the hallway and he had given the bellhops each a generous gift.

He and Elizabeth disappeared into their room and I could hear her giggle as soon as the door closed. I shuddered and repeated AD/DC's; Are you ready, in my mind to repress any mental image that could lead to me getting scarred for life. I turned towards Edward and he was wearing a slightly disgusted expression but it disappeared as he looked at me.

"Come on roomy," he said, way to chipper and we walked in. I dropped my LYDC bag on the floor and fell back onto the massive couch, my legs hanging over the armrest. Edward whistled. I plopped my eyes open and my eyes followed him as he inspected the place.

"Up to your standards?" I asked with a smile. I saw him grin, though he was turned away from me.

"Well it does only have a 32" flat-screen. I can't live with anything less than 40." I laughed and he mirrored my position and plopped down. Our heard almost touched.

"This is amazing," he said in awe. I nodded.

"It is." My eyes drifted close and I was on the brink of sleep when Edward spoke again.

"You awake?" I smiled lightly.

"No." The couch moved as he got off. I opened my eyes again and saw him standing by the window, overlooking Paris. I quietly got up myself and walked up behind him.

"I see why you like it."

"I've been coming here since I was like nine. It was one of the first trips that I actually left the hotel room for more than to eat."

"You're a loner aren't you?" I chuckled.

"I guess I am. But in Paris, or France in general, that doesn't matter. It's so easy to start up a conversation with a random stranger. If you try, they do too."

"Never thought that could be, I don't know, dangerous?" I shook my head, walking away, stretching my arms above my head.

"It's a different world here Edward." I grabbed my discarded bag and opened the sliding doors with frosted glass and walking inside. My suitcases were all on here. Two, waiting patiently at the foot of my bed while the other stood on the floor. I had no intention to unpack just yet.

"I think I'm going to take a nap. I'm so tired." I landed face first on the bed and the cloud-soft cover and fifty enormous pillows felt so good right now.

--------------

**EPOV **

I was about to ask – something – not clue what now. For when I turned, Bella was fast asleep in her bed, sprawled all over the place, face down. It made me smile. I walked up to close the doors, give her some privacy, but then I did something I really shouldn't have. For a few moments, I simply stood and watched her sleep.

Her breathing was the only thing heard in the room. It was loud. Not like she was about to snore but more comfortable. I listened to it for a long time, imagining her heartbeat along with it.

The day had been eventful. It had surprised me how much Bella hated flying. But, truth be told, I didn't really know much about her. She had a cousin named Alice, she smoked on occasions, could swear like a drunk sailor without being drunk and wasn't like the other prissy and prude girls in Seattle.

And plus, she was hot as fucking hell. No one could deny that. She was lean without looking sick. And although most people looked like they had a fatal illness when being that pail, she looked radiant. It suited with her mahogany red hair. Like a porcelain doll but not as breakable.

And one thing that could drive any guy over the edge, she had to speak French. I thought I was going to choke. When she said France was like a second home, I never thought she was this serious. It sounded like nothing else when those words came out of her mouth.

My sinful thoughts got interrupted and I focused on the carpet. I shouldn't think like that about her. She was almost like a sister. Okay, that wasn't true; there was no time that I ever thought of her like a sister. The thought repulsed me. A brother would never think of fucking his sister. At least not the sane ones.

When the line crossed to where this became creepy and not appropriate, I came to my senses and I walked away. I closed the two sliding doors after me and sat down on the couch. I wasn't at all tired.

I slept on the plane and, technically, it was only around nine p.m. back home. I turned my attention towards the giant flat screen at my left and picked up the remote. I tuned down the sound so that I barely heard it. But that made no difference, everything as in French. I could understand some things about the French but when they dubbed Transformer, a personal favorite of mine, I just got pissed and turned the offensive machine off. I grumbled and my head hit the armrest.

What to do, what to do…

I hated having nothing to do. When I got restless, I always fidgeted, making me feel awkward. I strode towards the large floor to ceiling window and looked at Paris again. It was light now, the sun shone high on the horizon.

Not too long after, the two sliding doors opened again and Bella walked out. She had changed to a coal black pleaded skirt – reminding me of a Catholic school girls outfit – complete with a white tank top with black bra straps showing over her shoulders. I almost grinned as I saw a pair of black converse with pink laces on her small feet.

"Good nap?" I asked so that I wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Fine. It's just after nine and we should get down to the cafeteria if we want any breakfast." I looked at my cell, it was after nine. I only nodded and as I got to the door first, I held it open for her. She seemed surprises by my motion. I'm not sure whether to take her expression as a positive or negative sign.

I wasn't just about being chivalrous, but this way, I had a clear view of her ass as she walked out of the room, leaving me to get the cardkeys on a small pedestal by the door.

Once we got to the cafeteria, a waiter, who had been standing by another table looked up and rushed over to us. We barely had time to get inside the doors and shut them. He stood right in front of Bella and smiled profoundly at her. She smiled back quickly but let it fade just as fast as it had appeared.

"Miss Swan, si heureux de vous voir ce matin." What… the… fuck? I must have looked like question mark. Bella noticed and translated.

"He says it's nice to see me again." I nodded, feeling dumb as I didn't understand the small chat.

"J'espère que vos logements sont en ordre?"

"Oui ils vont bien." I noted how her voice got a hard edge to it. She was getting impatient and the waiter kept on holding her, talking like she was the queen of England. He wasn't old. In fact, he was probably in his early twenties. Any moron could see how large his eyes got as he drank Bella in. I found myself getting impatient myself and cleared my throat. The waiter's eyes went to me and he grimaced.

"Could we get a table?" He nodded once and stalked off towards a table in the far corner, next to a large frosted window. We both sat down and Bella disappeared behind her menu. I plopped my finger over the edge and pulled it down.

"Yes?"

"What was that all about?" She looked over towards the bar where the annoying little waiter stood and, at times, looked over here with a foul expression.

"That's Benjamin," Bella explained. "He's been here for a few years. Hugely annoying and wont for the love of fuck leave me alone." I snickered and she smirked at me, chuckling breathlessly while shaking her head slightly.

"Like your own personal little lapdog." She laughed hard at that.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"He acts like he's in love with you." Bella bit her lip and looked towards _Benjamin_.

"That's my own fault. I think I've encouraged him too much." I started down at my water filled glass and pursed my lips. I knew I didn't want to know. I knew I would regret asking but I had to ask.

"Encouraged him how?" She didn't meet my eyes but had a small smirk on her face.

"It's not something you talk about at breakfast."

"Breakfast isn't here yet." She bit her lip again and then shook her head.

"We've kind of… I wouldn't call it hooking up. It was more of a three time thing."

"I don't know how he could misinterpret that," I replied sarcastically, feeling hatred flow towards Benjamin.

"What? He had just started working here I… got bored." I snorted.

"You fuck waiters when you get bored?" I grimaced.

"That time I did." It surprised me how easily she could talk about this. Most girls blushed like crazy and stuttered as soon as the discussion of sex came up. Not Bella. She said it like we were discussing the weather. I both hater and loved that.

**-------------------**

BPOV

I honestly couldn't believe I just said that. To Edward of all people. It's not like I made it a priority to sleep with the hotel staff. It's just that Mike was available. I felt down, he made me feel better. End of story. Guys did this all the time. It's not that uncommon for a girl to have a one-night-stand. Or maybe this was a three-night-stand. I was having a rough week.

But I liked how blunt he was with me. He almost insulted me. Most guys would never speak to me like that. They barely curse because they think I would get offended by it. I swore worse than some guys I knew. And I didn't have to be drunk!

I plopped my menu back up and looked through the alternatives' even though I knew the choices by heart. I stuck with semolina pudding with raspberry jam. Edward got crispy bacon and fried eggs. I tried not to make a face at that. It just sounded so disgusting.

"So… what's on the agenda for today?" I hadn't actually thought about that. I never did when I was here. I walked out of the hotel and started walking until I bumped into something interesting. But there was one thing I wanted to do that, surprisingly, I never had done.

"Okay…. Be prepared because I'm going dork now."

"You have a dork side?" I smiled.

"Oh you have no idea." That made him laugh.

"I want to go to the Louvre. The museum."

"Ah. Any particular reason?"

"An old friend works there and I haven't seen him for a year."

"I'll go with you." I blinked.

"Huh?"

"I'm not really feeling like walking around in a city I've never been in all by myself and I'm not, under any circumstances, spending the day with my mother and Charlie."

"Are you sure? I'm going to go all tourist in there. Even though I've been there more times that I can count," I warned him but he just grinned.

"I think I'll be fine."

"Don't complain later."

"I won't." I doubted he would have any fun but it was his own fault for saying okay. Our food arrived shortly after that. Mike was sure to send Edward another grimace and the left. I should have a talk with him. He should realize that what we had was for those time and not any more. It's like I took his virginity or something. He's a leech.

"So an old friend? Old as in old or old as in known for a long time old." I laughed.

"Old as in have known for quite a while." You could say that. Laurent and I met as I came into the Louvre when I was fifteen. We hit it off and I don't know if you can call what we did; dating but it was something like it. He was six years older than me and the first boy I ever kissed. I never told anyone about this because he was so much older. He was the first person I had sex with.

----------------

An hour later, I had grabbed my purse and left a message for Charlie that we were both out and to call if he needed anything. I've been here for so many times he completely trusted me alone in the city.

"How are we getting there?" Edward asked as I tied my shoes one more time. The laces kept unlacing and it was pissing me off.

"Walk. We could take a cab but even though the French drive like maniacs, we'll still get there faster by foot. And that the fuck is wrong with my shoes?!" Edward laughed and grabbed my ankle, getting it up on the couch and letting it rest against his thigh. My breathing hitched for a second before getting shallow.

His fingertips accidentally touched my ankle and I felt my girly bits go warm. I didn't care if he could see under my skirt. I just really wanted him to touch me again, even if it were accidental, teasing. I listened and noticed his breath had gotten deeper. His eyes strained on my foot and I knew I was flashing him a little. I didn't care at all.

When he was done welding the shoes to my foot, I gently placed it back on the floor. We got quiet, staring at each other. Edward started to say something but I cut him off by jumping up.

"We should get going, there's a lot to see." I grabbed my purse and waited by the door. I shuddered as I saw he looked a little disappointed.

The sun was high by the time we got out. It settled on my shoulders warmly and I placed my large black sunglasses over my eyes. I took us less than ten minutes. We didn't speak a word the entire walk.

The large glass pyramid came into view. It never ceased to amaze me. I started to get excited as we got up close and I opened the glass door. Edward followed suit. I paid for both of us before Edward had a chance to complain.

"Why did you do that?" He asked, annoyed.

"I already had my money out. Don't get all proper on me now." He chuckled and we stepped down the large turning staircase.

I walked purposefully towards the front desk. The receptionist had her head almost shoved into the computer. She did look faintly familiar.

"Excusez-moi," I said over the noise of other visitors. She looked up.

"Oui?"

"Salut, savez-vous où u peut trouver Moreau Laurent?"

"Laurent? Bien sûr. Il est un droit de visite douide non, mais elle devrait être terminé en cinq minutes. Vous pouvez attendre ici." I smiled.

"Merci." I turned and walked over to the side. Edward followed and stood in front of me.

"Translation please?" He looked annoyed by this; that he didn't understand.

"I asked if she knew Laurent. She did. I asked where I could find him. She said he was guiding a tour right now but they're finishing up in a few minutes." Edward nodded absentmindedly.

I've never really noticed before just how tall Edward was. Not freakishly, like an ogre, but at least a foot taller than me. But that wasn't hard to achieve. I had noticed his well carved form. I'm sure he would have no problem holding me up as I wrapped my leg around-

Stop it Bella!

Looking away from his chest, something in his arm caught my attention. It was on his upper, inner arm skin. The lightness made the ink stand out that much more. It was a text, I just couldn't see enough. That was so fucking hot! I loved tattoos, within reason but none the less, I was trying to think of ways I could see more of him, find out if he had any other hidden messages. Before my mind felt over completely in the gutter, a voice to my right startled me back into reality.

"Bella?" I whipped my head around and smiled at Laurent. He looked surprised to see me but smiled warmly. His gaze flickered towards Edward but moved away just as fast. I pushed away from the wall and walked up to him. We kissed on each cheek and then hugged.

"Que faites-vois ici?" Did I need a reason to visit him? But I told him the truth.

"Je souis en ville pour une semaine. Vacances en famillie."

"Famille?" He looked at me with shocked eyes. I shook my head, laughing.

"C'est une longue histoire."

"En bien, mous devons rattraper." That's when I remembered Edward.

"How rude of me. Laurent. This is Edward. Edward, this is Laurent." Edward nodded. Laurent smiled quickly, nodding as well.

"I take it you are not ere to stay?" His accent dripped at every word.

"Sorry, no. I just needed to see you. It's been too long."

"It as. Ow about I call your otel later? We could get a drink?" I nodded. He knew where we were staying. We said our goodbyes and I turned towards Edward.

"You want to stay and look around or do something else?" It really didn't matter to me.

"If you don't mine, maybe we could go somewhere else?" I nodded.

"Sure. Any thought on what you want to see? See me as your guide." Edward shrugged as we came out of the pyramid.

We settled for just walking towards nowhere. We turned down several small alleys. I always knew where we were. Besides, if I ever got lost, all I had to do was find the Eifel tower and I'd fine.

"Since I think we're probably going to be spending a lot of time together, no insult intended, we should know more about each other."

"Like 20 questions?" I asked with a laugh.

"Sure. You can even go first." I smirked and stopped walking, grabbing his arm to get him to stop too. Edward looked at me curiously. I got his arm towards me and took my other hand and pushed his sleeve up, exposing his tattoo. I saw what it said now and I grinned. In a neat handwriting, the song lyrics to one of AC/DC's most memorable songs; Back in Black, was imprinted.

"What's it mean?"

"What do you mean? It's a song."

"Yeah I got that but usually when people get tattoos; they have some sort of meaning."

"I just really like AC/DC?" It came out more as a question and it made me chuckle.

"Yeah. They're awesome." I let go of his arm. "So I guess it's your turn." Edward smirked crookedly at me before dragging me into an even smaller alley.

"What are you-" but before I got the whole sentence out, his hand came down to the top of my skirt and pushed down one side. I think my heart stopped. I knew me breathing had. My tattoo got exposed and he looked up at me.

"Same question." When I didn't respond immediately, he smirked again. He knew what affect he had on me. And I truly didn't care.

"It's French."

"For…?" His voice had dropped low and I almost whimpered.

"Live life to the fullest." And fuck me hard he actually touched it!

"Is that a motto you live by?" I swallowed before answering.

"I try." He seemed to realize where he was touching me and he released me.

"Sorry."

"Hmm?" It was all I could muster. If I had my way, I wouldn't have wanted him to stop, even with the account of who he is.

Edward grinned and got out of the alley. I smirked and walked after him.

"Next question?" Edward said as we started walking again. I thought about it for a moment then grinned.

"Ever joined the mile high club?" Edward choked on air. It wasn't the question I wanted an answer to, more to see his reaction.

"What makes you even ask that?" I shrugged.

"If it makes you uncomfortable I can ask a different-"

"It's not making me uncomfortable." Edward gritted his teeth. Apparently he didn't like the fact that a girl could talk more freely about sex than he.

"Yes." That was all he stated. Kinky and yet such a turn on.

"Same question." I laughed and turned my head towards him.

"Are you just going to repeat all my questions?" Now he shrugged.

"No I haven't. Every time I've flown it's been with my dad and that would be too awkward. Besides, I'm that big of a slut that I'll fuck anyone on the plane."

"You've never traveled with a boyfriend?"

"I've never had a boyfriend." Edward stopped walking and turned to me fully, his eyebrows were raised in incredulousness.

"Well there was one but I don't consider it dating when it's less than three months." He still stared at me. "Don't judge me. So just because I've never had a boyfriend I have to be a fucking virgin? Grow up Edward." I started to walk again.

"No. I didn't mean it like that. I just have a hard time believing it."

"Why?"

"Because you're gorgeous." It must have been word vomit because he didn't look like that was what he was going to say.

"It's not like I didn't have options." He let it go.

"So now you've gotten two questions. It's only fair I get the same."

"What's your favorite color?" At this, Edward laughed. Such a change from what we were previously talking about.

"I don't know. I guess I prefer blue but I don't really have a favorite." I stored this away for future use.

"First girlfriend name?" He grinned crookedly.

"Your questions do change rather drastically. Tanya." I didn't know her and I already hated her. "Truth be told, she was kind of a bitch. It didn't last long." I smiled.

"What's the deal with you and Laurent?" My face froze.

"What do you mean? He's an old friend."

"You really expect me to buy that's all there is?" I looked at him.

"Fine. But you can't say anything to anyone. I'm not ashamed but I'm pretty sure some wouldn't like it." He nodded. "We sort of dated. It was a while ago and we weren't exclusive or anything. One time, one thing lead to another and we slept together. We've stayed friends for years. We couldn't be together like that. I was barely here twice a year."

"Years? Bella, when was this?" I hesitated. "I won't tell anyone."

"We've known each other for five years but we didn't sleep together until three years ago."

"Three years? How old where you then?" I now realized where he was going with this. I rolled my eyes.

"What? You think he raped me? Believe me, it was completely consensual. If anything I wanted it more than he did so just drop it." It looked like he was about to protest but held his tongue.

"So… how many tattoos do you have?"

"Three. You?"

"Now it's just annoying." He grinned and I thought I was going to faint. "Four." His eyebrows picked up but he didn't ask.

And just like that the game picked up again and the awkwardness was gone.

* * *

**AN: I'm sorry if the 20 questions game got to be too long but I really wanted to give a little background and I've always hated it when stories have these types of game but we never really get to hear any of it. I'm going to start the next chapter today and hopefully... it wont take long at all for the next chapter to get posted... **

Translations:

- **I thought we talked about this** - _Je pensais que nous en avons parlé  
_- **Of course** – _bien sûr  
_- **Good to see you again** – _bon de vous voir à nouveau  
_- **Is it our regular rooms? **– _Est-ce nos chambres régulières?  
_- **Miss Swan, so happy to see you this morning** - _Miss Swan, si heureux de vous voir ce matin  
_- **I trust your accommodations are in order?** - _J'espère que vos logements sont en ordre?  
_- **Yes they're fine** - _oui ils vont bien  
_- **Hi, do you know where I can find Laurent Moreau?** - _Salut, savez-vous où u peut trouver Moreau Laurent?  
_- **He's on a tour gouide right no but it should be finishing up in five minutes. you can wait here** - _Il est un droit de visite douide non, mais elle devrait être terminé en cinq minutes. Vous pouvez attendre ici  
_- **What are you doing here?** – _Que faites-vois ici?  
_-** I'm in town for a week. Family vacation** - _Je souis en ville pour une semaine. Vacances en famillie  
_-** It's a long story **- _C'est une longue histoire  
_- **Well then we must catch up** - _En bien mous devons rattraper_


	11. Sneaking

**AN: This chapter was hard to write. Not because I didn't know what to write but because I didn't know how to write it. I have this story all mapped out in my mind. I know how it's going to end and all but I was having some writers block and we all know how frustrating that is. **

**And by the way... I will read this chapter through one more time in the morning and update it with better writing. So before commenting on my spelling, you should know that I've onyl read this draft once.... **

* * *

_Sneaking_

**BPOV**

The last two days have weird. Not to be a complete bitch. While we did know each other better, the tension was still hard enough to cut with a steak knife. After our little game was done we grabbed some lunch and before we knew it, it was time for dinner. Of course, Charlie and Elizabeth insisted we eat with them. Something, I thought, they would do the entire trip.

Something else was nagging at me. I couldn't deny it anymore. I knew I liked Edward, like; like, _like_ him. But somehow, that wasn't enough. He was like the forbidden apple. I knew I couldn't take a bite but I so desperately wanted to. I bet he tastes good too.

_Jesus Bella! _

It should probably be sick to even think like this but he was way too fucking hot to attempt not to. To make matters worse; yesterday I had just gotten back from the gym. The hotel has its own and I needed to relieve some tension. I was very frustrated and a cold shower wasn't going to help, I just knew it.

And there was no way I could ask him. That'd be the awkwardest of all awkward moments.

_Well hello Edward. I was just wondering; since your fuckhot body is always in my presence and making me pant for you every waking moment, perhaps you could help a girl out to relieve some of that frustration._

Yeah. That'd go over well. But it wasn't just that he made me pant, it was like he knew the affect he had on me and was only making it worse. It had become a game now. I knew he checked me out on numerous occasions and he'd already admitted I was hot and gorgeous. My mind had slipped from my father and his girlfriend. Whenever I saw them, I always got this shameful aura surrounding me. But as soon as they left and it was just me and Edward, that aura swept away and we were back, doing our little game of flirtatious nature.

Anything and everything was completely innocent… to an outsider. But to me, a gentle look made my knees wobbly and don't get me started on what he speaks. That voice could make me come, just by whispering naughty things to me in my ear. I bet he sounded even better aroused.

_Stop it Bella! _

_Fucking Christ on a cracker! _

I focused my mind back to reality and in the real world I was having dinner with my father, his girlfriend and her fucking gorgeous son. We were trying to order. I already knew what I wanted, cheese tortellini. But everyone else chose as if their lives depended on it. I sighed quietly.

"Does everything have to look so fancy? It's not like we're royal?" I chuckled and looked over at Edward's menu. "And what is this? I think I've heard it before."

He pointed at Escargot de Bourgogne and tried to hold in a snort but was unsuccessful.

"That's snails." Edward looked at me with a disgusted expression.

"People actually pay twenty-nine bucks for that shit?" I started laughing now.

"Yeah. I'm afraid so."

"Disgusting," he mumbled but finally managed to pick something.

As we were waiting for the food, my eyes started to wander and soon landed on a nearby table with two parents and a small kid. The kid was reaching for the parents wine bottle but the parents weren't paying attention at all. I just knew it was going to hit the floor.

I nudged Edward's shoulder while keeping my eyes on the table.

"What?"

"Ten bucks says that bottle is going down." He chuckled as he saw what I was looking at.

"You're on."

We both watched with eager eyes as the kid struggled to get a hold of the bottle. I bit my lip. Come on kid, just a little more- No!

The father noticed his son's behavior and put the wine out of his reach. I groaned in defeat and Edward laughed.

"You owe me ten bucks."

"Yeah well you're gonna need it later." He got a puzzled expression.

"And what's happening later?"

"We're going out to a bar I usually go to when I'm here."

"Is there any place you don't go to when you're here?" I pretended to think about it for a moment.

"Now that you point it out, no, there isn't. How peculiar." Our food arrived shortly after that.

----------------

I don't know why I ever leave Paris. Everything I want and could possibly need it right here and I think I know more people here than back home. At least they weren't conniving and prodding assholes. Not that all my friends back home were this way but most had changed sides since I left, I've heard.

I inhaled the smoky air, smelling the familiarity. I looked around but realized in my reminiscing, I had lost Edward. That sounded so funny, like I'd lost a kid. I whirled my head around, not being able to spot him.

"Cherchez-vous quelqu'un?" I jumped and turned fast at the voice. Laurent stood behind me with a smirk on his soft lips.

"What are you doing here?" I asked breathlessly as my heart slowed.

"Wat do you mean? I'm ere al se time." He was still smirking. "But you didn't answer my question."

"I was just looking for Edward."

"Ah yes. Is e your boyfriend?" I froze for a second.

"No." I stated. "It's a part of the long story."

"Then peraps we could ave a drink and catch up?"

"Why not," I said because, why shouldn't I. Edward was, somewhere and I really liked Laurent. He was one of the oldest friends I had.

We sat down at a table in the corner and order some drinks. I had forgotten how much I liked Laurent's company. It wasn't just being here – and this place is my home away from home – but I realized I needed a friend right now. I haven't been much of a friend these past six months. I haven't been any kind of friend. I didn't know just how much I needed this.

"Alors, dites-moi." Tell him everything?

"I wasn't joking when I said it's a long story." Laurent looked at me with raised eyebrows and I took a deep breath before opening my mouth.

I told him everything, except for my somewhat crush on Edward and the accident at the beginning of the year. But I did talk about the ambush my father gave me as soon as I stepped off the plane. When I met Elizabeth and when I met Edward for the first time. What an ass he was to me. Laurent seemed genially angry at this and somehow, that made me feel good.

What? I was a girl and we liked getting attention from hot guys. And even with the fact that I knew Edward found me attractive, he's never even tried to do anything about it. I know he shouldn't, but yet I wanted him to. Just because someone says you're hot, doesn't mean they have to feel it. Maybe Edward doesn't like me. All I knew is that Laurent likes me, _me_, and even if it's just for one night, or even one hour, I wanted that feeling.

"Incroyable," Laurent said in awe as I finished.

"I told you it was along story." I took a sip and leaned back.

"Si vous l'aimez." I choked on my drink. How did he do that?

"Well of course I like him but not _like_, like him. I mean, I have to like him but not like him in that kind of liking him. You know?" I took another clunk to conceal my nervousness.

"Why you lie to me?" I sat down my drink.

"It's not like it's going to make a difference if I say I like him, which I don't!" I looked away like a stubborn child. When I looked back, Laurent was studying me.

"What?" I asked. He shook his head with a smile.

"Tu as tellement changé." Have I changed? Well, of course I've changed. Age makes everyone change, whether they want to admit it or not.

"Everyone changes, some way or another. It's not a big deal."

"But someting canged you. Wat appened Bella?" I looked away, staring intently at the table.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mumbled in a whisper. A felt a soft finger on my cheek and looked up and Laurent was looking at me intently. I breathing became shallow. I both heard and felt my pulse quicken.

"What are you doing?" I whispered as I realized we were mere inches away from one another.

"Wat do you mean?" Laurent retorted, wiping my bottom lip with his thumb.

"We shouldn't do this," I whispered but my will was crumbling.

"We are not doing anything yet." He leaned in and I was all for letting him but something made me turn my head and I could almost feel his lips on my cheek. I could certainly feel his hot breath. Laurent sighed and his breath left my cheek. I looked at him.

"Sorry," I said in a low voice. Laurent looked away for a moment before smirking and then turning his attention back towards me. My own eyebrows shut up and I looked at the direction he was looking at a second ago.

I felt my stomach drop at the sight and my throat started hurting. Edward was standing by the bar but he wasn't alone. He was with a girl. Someone I used to know. Irina. She is such a bitch. She was laughing away with her fake smile which showed her fake pearly white teeth. Her hair was o better; bleached blond beyond recognition from her normal mousy-brow color. She was the exact opposite of me. And Edward was smiling at her. It wasn't just a friendly smile but this kind of crooked grin. To make matters worse, she touched his exposed forearm and I saw her touch his tattoo.

I shouldn't care. He was free to like whomever he wanted. I shouldn't care. But I did. I really did. Way too much. I could even feel tears in my eyes. And I never fucking cried! At least of all because of a boy! I looked away and stared intently at the table. My mind was clouding and my eye blurred. But I refused to let them fall. I wasn't going to cry over Edward. He didn't deserve that. If he liked Irina, he could have her. I didn't care anymore. Not about him, at least.

I looked back at Laurent, who was studying me with a small smile. I knew this was what he wanted and he was a bastard for that. But in that moment, all I saw was Edward smiling at Irina and all I knew was just how much that hurt. Laurent was bad, per se. but he did stupid things. Like knowing him much that hurt and using it. But I was willing to be used if I could use him in return.

"Want to get out of ere?" I looked back at Edward one last time. He never looked my way. I looked at Laurent with a small smirk.

"Oui. Votre appartement." We could always go back to my room but I wasn't willing to tempt fate that much.

I got up and made a beeline for the door, never looking back at Edward and the whore.

----------------

As soon as the door closed, my back crashed into it. I yanked Laurent's head down to mine. The kiss wasn't soft. We'd done that before. I didn't want sweet and slow. I wanted thrashing, screaming, pounding and clothes ripped off within the next two minutes.

I kicked off my shoes and ripped off his jacked simultaneously. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He held me up while walking. The next moment I felt back on a bed and Laurent stood up and removed his shirt. I ran a hand through my hair.

I wanted to do this. Or at least that's what I told myself. I sat up, my legs still at the edge of the bed and started unbuttoning his pants. Laurent ran a hand through my hair and I closed my eyes for a moment, doing something I know I shouldn't. I imagined they were Edward hands. When I opened my eyes, I disappointed myself when I saw Laurent. But there was no going back then. I was in way too deep.

----------------

I awoke with a jolt. A chill of cold air came across me and my top frame shivered. I was naked. I grabbed the sheets around my middle section and brought them up to cover myself. I ran a hand through my hair, brining it out of my face and held it there, while closing my eyes and sighing.

The bed moved with another body. Laurent. I looked and found him on his back, deep asleep. I bit my lip and my brows scrunched.

_What the fuck did you do Bella! _

I grabbed the thin sheet with one hand while trying to get off the bed without moving too much. I jumped on one leg as it got free and yanked the other away. I could feel Goosebumps on my entire backside and dragged off the dark sheet and wrapped it around myself.

I crept around the room, gathering my clothes and then locked myself in the bathroom. My hair was a mess and my eyeliner had smudged under my eyes, giving me a tired look. I grabbed a piece of paper, dabbed it with water and ran it over my eyes.

Once I looked a little more presentable, I started putting my clothes back on. I grabbed a band, pulling my hair back in a messy bun. I slowly and quietly opened the door, finding that Laurent was still in bed and still very much asleep. I crept out and tiptoed my way through his loft. I grabbed my cell phone and once at the front door, I looked back one last time. Laurent looked peaceful, sleeping soundlessly. I felt like an ass when I opened the door and went out without so much as a note.

My phone alerted me it was just after six in the morning. But even with the time of day and the fact that I couldn't have been asleep for more than four hours, I was completely awake. The sun had just peeked out from under the scarce clouds. The wind was almost cold but the sun felt warm. I focused on all of this because reality was too hard right now.

The hotel comes into view and I sneak in, hoping no one sees me. That'd sure raise unwanted questions. I took the stairs instead of the elevator. I had always had a small case of claustrophobia and by taking the stairs; I could let my mind wander. Something I didn't really want right now but better now than later.

One I got to the right floor, I walked slowly towards the door. It's like I thought everyone could hear my steps. They seemed so loud to me. The walk of shame never satisfied anyone and this morning it was particularly bad.

I took out my cardkey and as it slipped in, I cringed at the little beep that wet along with it. The door opened slowly and I snuck in soundlessly. I automatically look towards Edward's room but the doors were closed and I heard no sound. Nevertheless, I walked quietly into my own room, sliding the doors close in my wake ad finally releases a breath of air I didn't know I had been holding.

I decided to take a shower. I know it was impossible but I just felt dirty, somehow. This was a new one for me. I decided to sort it away for future use.

After my shower, in my semi-high-on-heat state, I dressed in sweats and lay down on my bed, just laying there without any real thoughts in my mind. It wasn't until I heard some movements from the other side of my doors that I got up.

**  
EPOV **

She never came home. Not until six in the fucking morning! Who the fuck does that!? I can't believe I actually caught her trying to sneak in. I knew what she had been doing. That fucking prick! I wasn't sure who I was more furious at, her or that French fucker.

It was like she knew I could see her, taunting me by sitting so close to him. I still remembered how hard my fists clenched as I saw him lean in to her. My own sense of victory was lost when I saw them leaving together. The girl I was somewhat ignoring held no interest in me anymore and so I went back to the hotel and waited.

I finally saw her heard her come in. Not my proudest moment, as I hunched down and slid my doors open one fraction of an inch and saw her for the first time that day. Her hair was pulled back but I saw how discarded it was underneath the bun. She looked like she'd just thrown o her clothes without really thinking about it.

That's when rage grew within me. I don't know what I was feeling before but now I was simple pissed off. How could she let him _touch_ her? Even come within five feet of her. It wasn't until I heard the shower turn on that I came back to reality.

I got dressed in some dark jeans and a simple t-shirt. I wasn't sure what to do then. I didn't know how to act. Did I know what happened last night or was I supposed to ignore it? I decided to go with her. If she was going to act ignorant, I wasn't bringing it up.

She finally emerged from her room and stopped for a few seconds as she spotted me, I ignored her, the best I could but I saw every moment she made in my peripheral vision. After a second she was normal again and went into the small kitchen and I heard the faucet turn on.

"Had fun last night?" I asked with as much normality as I could.

"Very. You?" Her tone was hard and made my brows scrunch up in confusion. What he fuck did she have to be angry about?

"It was fine," I snapped.

"Just fine? I would have thought you had a lot of fun." I was about to ask but a knock on the door stopped me. Bella made no move to open so I sighed and made my way to the door. It was my mother. Perfect timing.

"Oh good you're up. Charlie and I are having some breakfast. We want you and Bella to join us."

"Fine." I sighed and Bella breezed past me. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my keycard, leaving the room and slamming the door shut with too much force.

No one spoke at breakfast. We were at this small and very French café. I didn't know whether mom or Charlie could feel the tension but I sure did and looking over, I knew Bella did too. She kept fumbling with her necklace, touching the golden cross like it was a lifeline. When she noticed me looking, she plopped the piece inside her shirt.

I shrugged off the attitude, remembering I was still pissed at her.

"So!" My mother exclaimed enthusiastically. "How have your week been?" Neither Bella nor I spoke.

"We have hardly seen both of you," she continued.

"It's been fine," Bella said softly, taking a piece of her croissant and then looking away. My mother turned towards me with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah. It's been fine," I repeated Bella's words in the same level of monotone.

"Well okay," my mother said quietly.

"Then let's get to the practical stuff. The plane leaves at 12:35 tomorrow. I expect both of you will be done by 11." I nodded, as did Bella.

After the most awkward breakfast I've ever had, we split up. At least mother and Charlie split from us. Bella never looked my way and started walking down the street, near a canal. As I wasn't exactly sure about anything in this town, I followed her.

After a few seconds, she spoke but didn't look back.

"Why are you following me?"

"Because it's fun," I retorted back sarcastically. I caught up to her easily and she walked faster.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" I heard her mutter to herself.

"And where am I supposed to go? I don't know anything here." Going right to cross a bridge, Bella stopped and turned to me. I almost walked right into her.

"Why are you mad at me?" That was blunt.

"Why are you mad at me?" I retorted back. She didn't answer but simple bit her lip and then turned away from me and started walking again.

"You're not going to answer?" I asked as we went down a jogging path. Bella finally slowed down a little. I came up next o her.

"Giving me the silent treatment?" She still didn't speak. "I know you're mad at me. I'm not going to stop following you until you answer."

"It doesn't matter," she said after a few steps.

"Then why are you still-"

"Because you-" she stopped abruptly and turned her face away from me. "It doesn't matter anymore." What the fuck did I do?!

"What did I do?" I pleaded. Bella turned towards me with a sigh.

"If you can't figure it out on your own then there's no point in me telling you."

"That's not fair!" I almost yelled.

"Haven't you heard? Life isn't fair. But now when we're on the subject. Why were you so pissed at me before?" not wanting to go through with this entire conversation over and over again, I asked her a simple question.

"Were were you last night?" Bella froze for one second before composing herself. It was one second too late.

"That's none of your business." Her tone was calm but stern.

"Maybe. But what would your father say if he knew of this?" She stopped and even though I could see some fear, she actually laughed.

"What? You're gonna tell on me? What are you, five?" I rolled my eyes.

"Of course not. But if you're going to be sneaking in at six in the morning, maybe you should be a little more discrete about it."

"Or maybe you can be better at ignoring it." She looked away from me and started walking again. I stayed behind, thinking. Did she mean it like she would be sneaking in at six in the morning more than this time? I didn't like the sound of that.

* * *

**AN: So like I said before, this was a little hard for me to write. So frustrating having to write one word and then wait for the next one to come to you. But I pulled through and hopefully, it's not too bad. **

_Translations:_

Cherchez-vous quelqu'un?" – are you looking for someone?

Alors, dites-moi tout – so tell me everything

Incroyable – unbelievable

Si vous l'aimez – so you like him

Tu as tellement changé – you've changed so much

Oui. Votre appartemet – Yes. Your apartment


	12. Confessions

_Confessions_

_Where the fuck is it?! _

_Come the fuck on! _

_It has to be here! _

I was on the verge of a hysterical breakdown. My necklace, the golden chain with the equally golden cross was gone. I was searching frantically in my room but I couldn't find it anywhere. I was going to kill myself if I lost it! Normally I hated gold, but this could have been the ugliest piece of jewelry on the planet and I'd still guard it with my life. That necklace was the most important materialistic thing I owned and I just couldn't loose it!

_GAH! _

I sniffed once and quietly as I sat on my knees at the foot of my bed, thinking there was a possibility I could leave Paris and not have that necklace with me.

_I can't leave without it! _

"What are you doing?" I glanced up from my position on the floor, trying to look under the bed. Edward was leaned against the door, looking amusedly at me. I tried to glare but it couldn't have been any worse than a frown.

"Trying to find my necklace," I muttered at looked under the bed again, for the hundredth time.

"You don't have get so worked up. It's just a necklace." My breath hitched. It hurt how he said '_just a necklace'_. It wasn't _just a necklace_, it was _the_ necklace. It had been _his_ necklace. And I promised to never lose it. I can't believe I actually broke that promise!

I sat down with empty eyes and leaned against the side of the bed. Edward came and hunched down next to me, looking startled.

"Hey. Come on. I'm sorry. Here, I found it on the floor, next to the couch. I'm really sorry." He held up the chain and I snatched it out of his hand in less than a second, letting out a huge breath of relief. My heart was pounding loudly and I can honestly say that I have never been so relieved in my entire life.

"Thank you," I said with a hoarse voice. I pulled the chain over my head, letting the cross go down inside my shirt, where it was safe. Edward was still watching me but I stared at my feet. I quickly pulled a finger under my eye, wiping away a tear which almost made it down my cheek and then got up.

"Excuse my little freak-out. I just can't lose this necklace." My voice was empty and even though I knew he wanted to ask, Edward stayed quiet, getting up himself and nodded.

"It's fine." He left my room and I went to the bathroom to get my things. This was not going to be a good day.

I was right. This was not a good day. Not only had I visibly revealed my over-reactive side – something I claimed to never do – there was traffic. A lot of traffic. And to top it off, the plane was late – for two hours!

Once receiving this horrific news, I thought I might explode. But I settled for slumping down on a hard bench by a large window. Charlie was swearing quietly into his cell phone.

"How can it be two fucking hours late?!"

"No, I know, but-"

"That still doesn't-"

"So are we just supposed to sit here for two fucking hours?"

"Yeah. You have a good fucking day too." Charlie hung up with a grumbled.

"They can't do anything."

"How strange they didn't want to help when you asked so nicely," I replied sarcastically.

"Don't get smart with me," he snapped.

"Whatever," I whispered and plopped in my headphones and turned my mp3 player on the loudest volume. Happy Birthday by The Birthday Massacre blasted into my ears.

Life looked a lot funnier with a different set of soundtrack. Especially if you were listening to a song about massacres. I kept on looking at my phone, willing the time to go faster but, alas, it did not, and after thirty minutes, I was a second away from either falling asleep or kill my father for not being able to stop pacing. I followed him with my eyes and they soon started to burn.

Ultimately, I had had enough.

I opened my wallet and grabbed my Diamond Visa card, along with my phone and went to the nearest Relay shop, sifting through various magazines and books. Because of the schmuck that I am; I left my own book in one of my suitcases and I couldn't sit through another hour and a half of my father's constant pacing, along with the nagging situation of looking at the clock every five minutes.

I stood in front of the rack of English written books. Just because I spoke French fluently, didn't mean I preferred to read it. Three pages into Angels & Demons, a hand snatched one of my earplugs out and let it fall against my shirt. I looked up with a sigh.

"Hi," Edward said cheerfully.

"Do you enjoy annoying me?" He pursed his lips.

"Have you ever thought that maybe I _enjoy_ your company?" I looked at him doubtfully.

"No."

"Wow."

"What?"

"What made you give such a definitive 'no'?" I shrugged.

"No one really _enjoys_ spending time with me now days. Except Alice, but she's family. She has to tolerate me."

"Why?"

"Why she has to tolerate me?" I asked with an incredulous voice. But Edward laughed.

"No. Why don't people want to spend time with you?"

"Because I've been kind of… off, lately." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"Why?" I sighed and put back the – now – less tempting book.

"You ask a lot of question." I looked at him pointedly. Edward put up his hands in surrender.

"Sorry. You're just…"

"What?"

"Fascinating." I frowned.

"You make me sound like a science project."

"Science is fascinating."

"Science is logic. I'm not logic."

"You shouldn't talk down on yourself."

"Believe me, I have my reason."

"I want to ask."

"I advise you don't."

"Why do you do that? Put up walls and shut people out?"

"It's easier."

"For who?"

"Me, obviously."

"Isn't that a little egotistical?"

"As long as I don't have to tell my entire life's story to completely random people, I'm fine with egotistical."

I grabbed a different book – Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane – and pretended to read the back. Edward leaned in close to me ear and whispered;

"It's saying things like that which makes you even more fascinating."

----------------

The similar jolt of fear shot through me as the plane sped down the runway and finally took off. The worst feeling was; knowing that if something went wrong with the plane, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I could only wish that it would magically straighten up.

"Can I get you anything?" I was grateful the flight attendant was male and wouldn't drool over Edward, and then completely ignore me.

"Anything with a huge amount of alcohol," I said, looking out the window, thinking I saw something on the wing.

"You're not drinking alcohol, Bella," Charlie said with an obvious voice. I rolled my eyes. Like today was different from any other day.

"Still in France, Charlie. Face it; you have no jurisdiction over me in Europe."

After I downed my drink with a slight grimace I felt so much better.

"Ah. I feel so much better." Edward chuckled next to me.

"So alcohol really is the solution to everything?"

"You mean no one ever told you?" I asked mockingly. "You know, since you – so rudely, I might add – blurted out any and all kinds of question about my life before, I should terrorize you for the remaining of the flight."

"Oh?" I nodded. "What do you want to know?" I shrugged.

"I don't know. Start talking and I'll say if it's interesting."

"I hate peas." I started laughing.

"That's the best you've got?"

"I'm not very interesting." _Yes you are._ I listened to see if Charlie and Elizabeth were occupied, one seat in front of us.

"How old were you when your parents' divorced?"

"Twelve."

"What's the best thing about California?"

"The weather."

"Democrat or Republican?"

"Democrat."

"Dark or white chocolate?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Whatever's nearest."

This went on and on for a while. Eventually, I went out of questions to ask so I settled for pursing my lips, thinking of more.

"That's all you got?" Edward asked, leaning back with his arms folded behind his head and a small smile on his face.

"Give me a minute. I'm thinking," I said, biting my lip in thought. "Ah…"

"Ever gotten arrested?"

"Yes."

"For what?"

"Possession." I quirked a brow.

"Pot, okay." I bit my lip in a smile.

"How'd you get out of it?"

"My dad kind of made it go away."

"Throw money at a problem and it just goes away?"

"That's what he thinks."

"You disagree?"

"Don't you?"

"Of course. In my opinion, money only brings more problems than solutions. Many seem to overlook that knowledge." Edward nodded.

"Have _you_ ever been arrested?" I snickered.

"No. I'm smart enough to know when to bounce and flush the evidence." Edward smirked.

"But don't try to turn this around on me. It's still your turn."

"Ah, yes. Then proceed."

"I'm thinking… If you could find out one of history's secrets, which one would it be?" Edward didn't think about it too long.

"Who really shot JFK."

"Oh, good one."

"And you?"

"It's a tie. First I'd really like to know what happened to Amelia Earhart. I mean, the woman just vanished. And then I'd like to know if Marilyn Monroe really did commit suicide."

"You don't think she did?"

"I don't think suicidal people take handfuls of drugs and not have at least a glass of water near them. It just seems too coincidental. She was sleeping with the president after all and knew way too much."

"Good point. So are you out of questions now?" I rolled my eyes.

"For now. Why? Am I invading your privacy?"

"Not at all."

----------------

Once we got settled into the hotel, I couldn't wait to leave. I'm not sure why but I think it could be because my father was openly kissing Edward mom. And it wasn't exactly G rated stuff. I thought I was going to throw up.

On top of that, my head was started to pound really hard. I immediately went into the bathroom as I got my room key. Edward and I weren't sharing anymore, something I was completely fine with. I closed the door loudly after me and turned on the faucet. My hands were shaking.

_What the fuck?! _

My stomach churned and I clutched my mouth shut, begging not to get sick. When the immediate feeling disappeared, I turned off the faucet, and sank down to my knees slowly. My hands were sweaty and a thin sheen of cold sweat covered most of my body.

I locked eyes on the tub in front of me and my vision started to blacken. This had happened before, once or twice. It usually meant I haven't been eating very well and all I could was waiting for it to pass.

I curled my knees tight to me, letting my forehead rest on them.

A knock brought me back by making me jump. I took a deep breath.

"Bella?" I let out a breath as I heard it was Charlie.

"Yeah?" I cursed myself, hearing my hoarse voice.

"We were going to check out the Coliseum. You coming?" I took another deep breath, trying to appease the lightheadedness.

"Actually, I'm not feeling very well. I'm having a huge headache. You go without me."

"Are you sure? Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine. I just need some time." I stopped talking then; my throat constricted and the familiar wave of nausea hit me. I clutched my hands tightly to my legs.

"Okay. I'll call you later." I heard the door close with a soft thud and I lay down on the cold marble floor. It felt so good against my overheated skin.

I fell asleep on the floor, only waking up because of my ringing phone in the living room. I crawled to a standing position, looking over myself in the mirror. I looked awful.

My hair felt greasier than what it looked. My skin was the palest I've ever seen. I touched my lips lightly, feeling the roughness and the crackled skin. It hurt just to open my mouth. Mascara was smeared underneath my eyes. I looked like death, literally. I was no better than the zombies in Thriller.

I wobbled out of the bathroom with a hand on my forehead.

I checked the missing message – already knowing who it was from. Charlie voiced an awkward message. It's unbelievable that he still can't work such a simple piece of technology like the cell phone.

_Bella, it's your father._ No shit? _We thought about going for dinner –_ Dinner? Already? But the clock was actually six thirty – _call my phone when you get this message._ Where else would I call him?

I scrolled down my phonebook and pressed the green phone to call my father.

"_Hello?" _

"Hi dad."

"_Bella? How are you feeling?"_ Charlie was exactly like me, or was exactly like him, neither liked to talk about feelings and such.

"Much better. So, dinner?" I got the name of the restaurant; we had been there before and then hung up. I needed to take a shower, immediately.

I stood under the flowing water, longer than I should have. But the heat felt too good to be ignored and turned off. After I had shampooed and conditioned, I scrubbed down my face with an aloe and avocado face scrub.

I dried my hair fast with one of the towels and then opened my bags to look over my choices. I didn't really care what I wore so I just grabbed the first shirt I could find; a black tank with a large crown on the front and a huge set of angel wings across the back, all embedded with sparkling white rhinestones'. Not bad.

I brought my hand down again and this time, pulled up a pair of cotton shorts in a light brown color. Lastly, I managed to find a beige hoodie with a classic rose tattooed on the back. The short flowing sleeves barely went past my shoulders. Alice wasn't the only one who could put together a nice outfit.

I got my toiletry bag and sought out the extra strong Tylenols I had in there. I took two and flushed them down with some icy water. I grabbed a few extra for the road. You never know if you might need them.

Then, I grabbed my phone, the cardkey – whatever happened to the old-fashioned keys you put in the lock? – and finally, a few bills of cash, before walking out the door.

It was very hot in Rome, even at seven p.m. the sun was still illuminating the sky in an orange glow. I walked through the small alleys in order to get a little cool before spotting the restaurant. Ristorante da Fortunato was placed right behind the Pantheon, the giant church darkening the piazza.

I found the three of them – or rather Edward and Elizabeth sitting outside.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked as I sat down, trying to ignore Edward eyes watching my every move.

"He had to make a call," Elizabeth said in an off voice. I'd almost say it sounded snappy. I also didn't miss the stare she gave my clothes, as if she was eating something distasteful. Huh?

"So how was the Coliseum?" I asked to be polite.

"Oh it was wonderful," Elizabeth says in a dazed voice, but it still held that edge to it. "Excuse me," she says while getting up and walk into the restaurant.

"What was that all about? I didn't just imagine that, did I?" Edward shook his head.

"I don't know. She's seemed pretty… mad… the entire day." My eyes widened a little in confusion. But I quickly shrugged it off.

"What the hell happened to you?" His voice was calm and if I didn't know better, I'd say he sounded worried. I mentally smiled at the possibility.

"My blood sugar level crashed and I could barely stand up." Edward shook his head.

"What?"

"You need to eat more."

"We're at a restaurant. It would be rude not to."

"Not what I'm talking about."

"My my, it almost sounds as if you're worried about me."

"Maybe I just don't want you to fall apart."

"Most people would disagree with that."

"Do you have any idea how weird that sounds?"

"You should hear it from over here…" I wet my lips. "Look. I'm not a nice person. I'm really not. And a lot of people hated me back in Phoenix. Still hates me."

"What the hell did you do to make them hate you?"

"That's a long story." Edward opened his mouth but both Charlie and Elizabeth chose that moment to reappear.

"What were the two of you talking about?" Elizabeth still sounded weird. I shrugged.

"Nothing important." It looked like she was… judging at me.

_What the fuck!? _

"Let's order. I'm starving," Charlie announced and held up a hand for the waiter. I quietly ordered my pasta salad and a glass of orange juice. The waiter left with a smile and I pulled out my phone to check the time.

"Look. Before we eat, I would like to say something," Elizabeth had a hard edge and she mostly looking my direction, or more like glaring. I just felt even more confused.

"Don't," Charlie warned.

"I can't just be quiet about this Charlie. She needs to learn."

"Excuse me?" I say. But really, who else could she be talking about? Elizabeth ignored me and I look at Edward for some kind of clue as to what his mother is talking about. He simply shrugs, looking just as confused as I was.

"What the hell is she talking about Charlie?" He doesn't have a chance to speak.

"Don't speak like that to your father." She actually sneered at me.

"Then tell me what's going on?" My teeth were clenched and I was trying so blurt out every, and all curse words I knew.

"I need you to know that just because you've been through a lot, doesn't give you the right to treat people like that." Rage boiled within me. What the fuck did she know?!

"No offence," I almost sneered at her. "But you have no idea of what I've been through. And treat people how?"

"Mocking them with every word you say. Treating them like they don't matter when you're acting like a spoiled little brat. And as a matter of fact I do know what you've been through," she stops her rant and her eyes are hard. I looked at Charlie, praying that she didn't know what I thought she now did. He was avoiding eye contact with me and his expression said everything.

She knew. I literally felt my face drain of all color and my blood turned to ice while my stomach plummeted. My breathing accelerated and I could hear ringing in my ears.

I had to leave. I couldn't sit there, having Elizabeth's hard and judging eyes on me, Charlie's cowardice. I didn't even dare look at Edward. Shit only knew how he was looking at me. I couldn't take it if he was wearing a similar expression to his mother's.

I stood up quickly and practically ran off in between two large buildings. A lump had formed in my throat and my vision blurred as tears gathered, ready to spill at any moment. I hate him. I hate her. I have everybody!

I slowed down as my feet hurt with the effort of running in heels. But I didn't stop walking. Before I knew it, I was at Piazza Navona. This was by far one of my favorite spots in Rome. Especially at night when the fountain was lit up and the water illuminated the nearby buildings.

I came to a stop right in front of the fountain and sat down on the cold stone edge. The piazza was unusually quiet, only a few people strolled around.

My headache was returning, making my head pound and I had to clench my eyes shut. I remembered the two pills in my pocket and I grabbed one of them, chugging it without a drink. I leaned my head on my hands, trying to suppress any image I could remember.

I knew he was there. He sat down next to me but didn't speak until several minutes had passed.

"How are you doing?" Edward asked softly.

"Why do you even care?" I snapped, looking up at him. I winced at my tone. That wasn't fair. Edward averted his eyes and at first I didn't think he was going to answer me.

"I'm not sure what you think of me but I'm not a complete asshole. Well, not all the time although I do have moments." A small smile appeared on my lips.

"Wait," he said, still teasingly. "Is that actually a smile I'm witnessing?" I rolled my eyes but the smile was still in place, if not a little larger.

"Shut up," I mumbled, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. I could feel my breathing slow down and I didn't think I would start hyperventilating, not tonight anyway. But then, my pulse quickened again. He came after me. Did he know? Is this pity? Is he only being nice because he feels sorry for me?

"Do you know also?" My voice was merely a whisper but he heard it. The only other sound within the whole square was the water behind us.

"Know what?" He both sounded and looked sincere but so had his mom and she had known all along. Maybe she told him.

"Please don't lie to me," I pleaded pathetically. His eyebrows raised in confusion.

"I really don't have any idea what you're talking about Bella. I was absolutely clueless during the dinner." I looked at him for a few more seconds so see if maybe just by looking at him, his face would reveal if he was lying. But all I saw was truth. As he sensed my hesitation, Edward continued to confirm his honesty.

"I swear. I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know why you're upset." I nodded to let him know I believed him.

"You don't have to tell me." Edward was one of the few that had ever said that to me. The small smile that had been there a while ago came back.

"Thank you." He nodded and we continued sitting in comfortable silence.

We were sitting so close and even with my pulse beating a little faster than normal – which had nothing to do with my little outbreak at the restaurant – I still felt calmed by him. I really started to like Edward, much more than I should. He'd been nothing more than a friend to me and the sane part of my brain kept on tell me this is how it should be.

But the immoral voice told me this wasn't what I wanted and even though I knew it to be wrong on o many levels to ask for more, I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of him wanting me. Like want, want.

Maybe he really just wanted to be my friend and get along with me for the sake of our parents. I almost groaned at that. Our parents, who were dating, even living together! And here I was, thinking things I really shouldn't about my possibly future step-brother. This was so screwed up.

I sat up straight, leaning slightly away from him. He seemed somewhat disappointed by my sudden move and it left me feeling a little hopeful. Hope I immediately squashed. I ran my hands over my face as if that would clear it.

"Thank you," I repeated and he nodded again.

"Do you want to go back?" I looked up and saw that he was standing. I bit my lip. Did I want to go back? Not really. What I really wanted was to sit with him some more. Not talking, just sitting. But it was growing late and we should get back.

"I don't want to see them," I said and I felt a lump in my throat building. It seemed as if Edward was very perceptive now days and quickly comforted me.

"We don't have to see them. We'll just go back to the hotel and if they call or show up I'll talk to them. Okay?" I nodded and released the death grip on my lip. I stood up alongside him and felt my feet groan in protest. I had been walking for a little bit in heels, something I usually didn't do.

Right as we stepped off the square, the pain in my feet was too much and I stopped.

"Wait," I said and gripped Edward's shoulder. He seemed to stiffen a bit by the contact but I ignored it. Thinking he was just alarmed or maybe a little shocked. I reached down and unclasped my shoes and took them off. As my feet made contact with the cool stone street I sighed in relief. I heard a chuckled next to me and looked up at him with raised both my eyebrows.

"You try walking in these shoes for hours." That shut him up but I saw the corners of his lips twitch.

It didn't take too long for us to find the hotel. Mostly because I knew Rome quite familiarly, having been here more than enough times and all of those being mostly alone.

"You weren't joking when you said you had been here a few times?" I smiled and shook my head.

"Normally, I had to take care of myself. Charlie and I have never been close and he would go his way and I would go mine and we'd have dinner later the evening."

"That sounds… kind of sad," he admitted and I chuckled as we got in the elevator.

"No it was fine. Like I said, Charlie and I were never really close and it was better that way. I didn't mind at all. I like history and wanted to see most sightseeing's and he would only have slowed me down."

"Yeah. Charlie doesn't really seem like the kind of guy who'd race all over Rome just to watching buildings," Edward continued as the elevator stopped to pick up an older looking lady. She looked like she had worn that frown most her life and her eyes hardened as she saw the two of us.

"And statues. You can't forget the statues," I whispered and the grin on his face and my knees go a little week. "To Charlie, the Pantheon or Coliseum are just old buildings taking up space. He doesn't understand the significance of them."

"What's your favorite building… or statue?" The door dinged and we got out slowly.

"To the building I'd have to say 'Castel Sant'Angelo.'"

"Don't tell me you speak fluent Italian also?" I chuckled.

"No… And as for the statue, I don't have a favorite. There're too many."

My door was first and it was a little sad that we probably wouldn't see each other until the morning. I turned around and saw that he had stopped right in front of me. my breath hitched but I doubted he'd heard that.

"So…" Edward began; his voice low and quiet. I felt my fingertips start to tremble and I clutched them together behind my back. I swallowed. "Are you sure you're okay?" I really wanted to say no, beg him to stay with me. But it was like he was hypnotizing me.

"I'm fine." My voice was barely a whisper and I swear I saw the corner of his lips twitch.

"Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Edward." I opened my door and got inside without look at him. As soon as the door closed my back hit the wall and I slowly with a smile on my lips. Whether it's right or wrong I was going to allow myself the fantasy of his wanting me.

* * *

**AN: Wow, this was a long one. I'm shocked, I tell you; shocked! I hope it was to everyone pleasure. And speaking of pleasure, this is after all a Bella and Edward story so of course something's going to happen. I can promise it will be soon. Just hang in there! **


	13. Shots, shots and many more shots

**AN: Beware, there is a very graphic lemon at the end of the chapter... for those of you who don't like, just jump over the end... **

* * *

_Shots, shots and many more shots _

The sun shone across my eyelids, a blinding light which made me groan internally. I could already feel the hangover brewing around the corner and a slight feeling of nausea swam over me like a wave. Luckily for me, it passed as quickly as it came, the sickness, not the hangover. I didn't move an inch and in hindsight, I thanked fucking shit for that.

At the thought of hangover, I froze. What happened last night? I tried to remember but with the massive alcohol intake I apparently did, only small miniscule bits and pieces made it to my conscious mind. But what I did remember almost gave me a heart attack. It couldn't be…. Could it?

I had to know, even if I technically didn't. I opened my eyes slowly, looking around the room. I recognized it immediately. I felt relieved of that. It was my room and had been so for years. The yellow walls and dark mahogany furniture's were unmistakably familiar.

Before my mind had any shot of making up a fantasy about how I got piss drunk last night and passed out without doing anything with anybody, the bed moved. My entire body stiffened. But the movements stopped as soon as they had begun. My heart started to pound unevenly. I wanted to look because I had to know who it was. Right? Or is that a bad thing? But I had to face reality, and reality was that there was no way for me to escape the room without some alerting.

_I am so fucked! _

But before we get ahead of ourselves… this part of the story has a beginning...

---------------

_24 hours before, give or take a few minutes… _

I was sitting in my room like the little freaky hermit that I am. I spent the majority of the previous day in there, mostly alone. Charlie called so many times that I had to turn off my phone. I couldn't stand the thought of even thinking of calling him. He actually fucking told her everything!

And then there was Edward… he should be in his own category.

I really don't get what his deal is. When we first met, he was rude and just plain obnoxious. But now, he was actually like a human being. But sometimes I had to wonder if he's bipolar. Surely you would be mentally ill to change moods that often?

I knew I shouldn't, but I liked him. That much was established. But how could I not? He's hot as fuck and it was the final nail in the coffin when I saw his tattoo. All I wanted now was to find out if he had any more. It was frustrating and so confusing. Our parents were living together for fuck's sake! Gah! This wasn't helping.

I shook my head in exasperation and got up from my place on the bed. Trying to get some extra sleep hadn't helped one bit. I hadn't left the room all day and it was closing in on eight p.m. Room service had been up a few times; the only thing I had to look forward to during this fucking day. Charlie had also been at the door once or twice. I never opened the door.

Especially not after he yelled through the door that I am a spoiled brat for being this ungrateful when he had paid for the entire trip and my hotel room. I almost cried a little after that.

Even Elizabeth had been here. But hell would have to freeze over before I even looked at that woman again. It actually sounded as if she… blamed me for what happened. I didn't know whether to kill her of fall apart crying when I came to that small realization.

I still couldn't believe Charlie had told her. How could he?! He's such a fucker! Didn't he ever think about me? Huh? How would I possibly feel about him telling her my problems and issues?! Just… how?! But it wasn't like I would ever listen to his "explanations". Whatever he had to say would be wrong. I don't think I have ever been this mad at someone in my family. He completely betrayed my trust. Fuck him if he thinks I'm ever going to forgive him for this.

I paced my room a little, not knowing what I should do. My head was too filled to do anything constructive like call or text Alice about this betrayal. My speaking abilities had diminished also. The words jumbled together in rage and hurt.

As I sat down again, I couldn't think of anything but Edward. He had been so nice to me the last couple of days. The entire week, actually. It was so unlike how guys acted around me. Usually, they only said nice things to me to get into my pants. But Edward wasn't like that. I'm not sure I like it. Of course I liked the niceness but the fact that he hadn't tried anything was making my head turn. Even if he was my possibly future step-brother.

A soft knocking on the door brought me out of my obsessive over-thinking. I slowly tipped over to the door, leaning my hands lightly on the cold surface. I peeked out the peephole and sighed in relief as I saw it was only Edward.

I opened the door and he stepped inside fast.

"Well hello," I said with false cheerfulness. He didn't say anything but walked into the room and leaned against the small kitchenette's counter.

"You sure can wallow a long ass time." I chuckled, leaning against the opposite marble top.

"That's what you came here for? To make me feel about my overly dramatic life?" The corners of my lips twitched and that let Edward know I was kidding. He smirked.

"Anyhow… get dressed."

"What? Why?"

"Because I could really use a drink and I don't know Rome. I can get lost, murdered and then you'll never see me again. Is that really what you want?" I rolled my eyes.

"Shit, you're even more dramatic than me. Fine. Just give me a few minutes." I turned away and walked into my bedroom.

This was one of those times where I actually gave a fuck what I was going to wear. I hated those girls, the ones who obsessed over what they should wear. But at least it didn't take me too long. I grabbed a grey strapless top with a lighter band going right above and under my breasts.

I took the first pairs of jeans I saw; they have been worn a lot and sported various holes in them but since that was so in style right now, they fit perfect.

I did my make-up fast, only using mascara and some eyeliner. But when it came down to picking out the shoes, that's then I freaked out. I couldn't use my regular converses, that'd look stupid and I'm so short in them. I usually never wore heels. But a pair of red high heeled satin pumps with a lot of black lace – which I instantly fell in love with – made me change my mind and once in them, I felt eight feet tall, though I knew I wasn't even past five, nine.

I looked over myself in the full-length mirror. I didn't recognize the person on the other side. It wasn't just the new height that surprised me. I looked different. I usually avoided looking into mirrors. I didn't like my own reflection and it just now dawned on me how much I've truly changed.

Not wanting to sound too arrogant, but I looked good. Really good.

"What the hell are you doing in there?" Edward asked on the other side of the door with a laugh. I looked away from myself, surveying the room for my phone.

"I'm just trying to find my phone! And by the way, if you even think about leaving without me, you're going to have to think again. Because there is no way I'm walking back here by myself."

"I don't think there's a chance of that." I whirled around and saw Edward in the doorway, staring intently at me. His gaze was hard and made my breathing shallow. I knew that look very well and it made me feel good to know he liked the way I looked. It felt un-fucking-believable.

"Are you done staring?" He snapped his taw shut.

"Just admiring the obvious." I rolled my eyes. "But can I ask something? Do you get dressed up for everyone or am I just very lucky?" I bit my lip in a smile.

"Well you're not the first one in my life. But you are the first one in a long time."

"I'm going to see that as a positive?" He said in a question. I nodded and we left my room.

-----------------

"Well its fine now." Edward rubbed his forehead while shaking his head.

"I still can't believe I was such an ass."

"Actually I just thought you were an obnoxious little prick," I said right before downing my second tequila shot. I grabbed the lime and sucked on it. My face scrunched up at the sour taste and I let the citrus drop to the plate while shaking my head.

"Is that so?" I nodded while grabbing another shot. We made quite a huge order, somewhere around ten shots or so. It would be a long night.

"And?" I grabbed the salt and looked up.

"And what?"

"Am I still an obnoxious little prick?" I laughed and smiled.

"Oh definitely." He laughed and downed his first shot. By this range, I would be drunk before he even finished his third. I licked the salt away and flipped my head back and felt the liquid burn my throat.

"Wow. It's been some time since I had tequila," I said, noticing I was feeling tipsy after only two shots.

"Well then there's no need to waste any time, is there?" He held up his glass and I grabbed another. We both downed them at the same time and in turn slammed them down on the table.

"Tell me something."

"By this range, I don't think there isn't a single embarrassing moment I would share with you," I said with a laugh but cut it off as I realized what I had said. Edward laughed at me.

"Really? Then tell me, what is the most embarrassing moment of your entire life?" I thought about it for a moment and then groaned.

"No. Sorry. Not telling you that one."

"Oh come on! Please?" I shook my head, feeling a blush cover my cheeks.

"Are you actually blushing?" I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head. "Now you have to tell me!" I groaned again.

"Dream on pretty boy. I need a few more drink before even contemplating telling you." Edward placed two shots in front of me, looking expectantly at them. I rolled my eyes but slurped down one of them.

"Okay. But I swear if you ever tell this to anyone, I'll hunt you down and I'll… I don't know what I'll do but it's gonna be gruesome." Edward put a finger over his heart, making an X.

"I swear, cross my heart. Now, tell me."

"Fine... My mom walked in on me having a really good time with myself." Edward stared at me and I burst out laughing.

"You okay?" I asked. It didn't look like he was breathing.

"Fucking perfect." His voice was hoarse and I wondered just how much he loved this story. "Then what?"

"Oh right. My mom is really different from others. Instead of acting like it never happened and get embarrassed, she actually sat down with me and explained just how natural it was and fucking kill me; she gave me tips." My face heated up but I wasn't sure if was from the story or the alcohol.

"You're lying." I shook my head.

"Believe me. I wish I was. It was awkward for weeks and I barely spent any time at home. And you should feel lucky; no one else knows that."

"When was that?"

"I don't know. Like three years ago. What? My fuck buddy was out of town." Edward choked on his drink and I smirked.

"Did you think I was all virginal and innocent?" I asked and then bit my bottom lip.

"No," he said as if that was obvious. "But most girls I know don't like to talk about sex… at all."

"Prudes."

"They always stutter, blush and change the subject fast."

"Do you want to talk about sex with girls?" That just sounded weird.

"No. I mean yes, I mean no…. shit! I don't but they don't have to act like that just because sex was mentioned."

"Relax. I'm just screwing with you." I laughed.

"So. I'm not trying to pry but…" He stopped talking, as if he didn't know how to phrase the rest.

"But you want to know what Elizabeth was talking about?" My hands started to itch and I have never wanted a cigarette so badly in my life. Edward reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack and a lighter. I started at him. Is he a fucking mind reader or what?

"I have a lot of friends who smoke. I know the signs." I took out one cigarette and lighted it up, feeling the similar warmth travel down my air pipe and then around my lips as I exhaled.

"No offence but I'd rather not talk about it," I answered his first semi question. Edward nodded.

"It's fine. I wasn't expecting you to." I took another drag.

"They're wrong, you know."

"Who?"

"Your supposed friends back in Phoenix. You're not that bad to hang around with." I smiled, biting at my lip.

"You're not too bad yourself."

-----------------

"Whatever happened to you that made you look at life this way?" I shrugged.

"My mom, mostly. She and Charlie divorced like three years after I was born. I think they only got married because they had to. She wasn't a bad mom – isn't – but she has this way of looking at life. She doesn't like to get attached and she always taught me that everything we had could be taken away from us at any time."

"That's a little sad."

"Yeah. But my mom isn't the most logical person. I supposed I take after her on that. She's hugely irresponsible and I know that right now she's probably running around the living room, trying to find her cell phone charger."

"So you'd had to grow up early?"

"I guess. Not that I'm complaining." I fiddled with my empty glass. "So… when did your charming parents decide the marriage wasn't worth it?"

"I think they've always known. I don't remember a time where they weren't fighting over any unimportant thing."

"Then why did they? Get married? I don't suppose it was _love_?" I uttered the word with fake fawning. Edward chuckled.

"No. It was more arranged that anything."

"People still do that?"

"My parents' come from old money and even older traditions. It was more like rules. My dad was gonna go to college, become a doctor. My mother was going to attend college but only to find someone she could marry. When she met my dad, she dropped out to prepare for the wedding and such. She was going to be a homemaker. It was laughable that she would have a job and then she had me and… she just didn't really care." That left me confused.

"Huh…"

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just that – and I'd rather not say this, but – your mom doesn't exactly feel like the typical fifties housewife. When we were picking out paint for my room, she would talk excessively about how wonderful kids are and it just sounded like you were the sole reason she even got up in the morning." Edward snorted in disbelieve.

"My mother is a very good liar. She went through nine different nannies before I turned ten. She likes kids but only to look at, not to actually take care of." He shook his head. "I try to hard every day not to turn into either of them."

"I think your shots at becoming a wife in the fifties are pretty slim." He snickered.

"I was more talking about the fact that she depends on everyone else to stick up for her but she never lifts a finger. Both my parents' thinks that money solves everything." I nodded, completely understanding.

"Life is shitty," I said as the waitress put down additional four shot glasses and cleared the ones that were empty.

"You have no idea," Edward retorted and took one drink in his hands and flipped his head back.

----------------

We were laughing really loudly. In the clarity of today, I have no idea what set off the time bomb but I suppose it was one funny joke.

My back made impact with the elevator wall and that made me laugh even harder. Edward snickered and grabbed my arm to straighten me up. He was standing so close I could smell him. But because timing is virtually everything, the doors had to ding open at that exact moment. Edward, still holding my arm, backed out and I followed, not having any other choice.

As I came to my door, I felt sad. I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay, for as long as humanly possible. Okay, that was stretch, but for tonight, I wasn't ready to part with him. But how could I possibly say that? He'd been acting nothing more than a friend. Maybe he doesn't like me _that_ way.

Stopping in front of my door, I turned to look at him, only to find Edward's eyes staring intently into mine. I stopped breathing all together, trying to come up with something, anything, to say. Nothing came to me.

I really wanted to kiss him. My eyes kept looking down at his lips and he did the same to me. But that's when I knew I couldn't do that. It'd ruin any chance of us having a normal friendship and even though I wanted more, I didn't want to lose him as a friend.

I diverted my gaze away from him.

"Well, goodnight," I said, my voice quiet. When I looked back at him, he looked a little disappointed. I almost stayed in the hallway but something made me get my cardkey out and open the door and walk in without another word.

I fell back against the door and closed my eyes, trying to breathe normally.

_What the fuck are you doing Bella?! _

I pushed myself away and stepped into the small kitchen. I opened the mini-bar and grabbed the first tiny bottle I saw and unscrewed the lid, taking a sip. Though pure vodka wasn't a personal favorite, it fit my mood immediately right now.

Right when I was finishing off the liquid, there was a knock on the door. I sat down the glass on the counter and walked over to the door, opening it without looking. I already knew.

I opened the door wide enough to let him in and then closed it behind me with a soft sound. I turned towards Edward, noticing he was staring at me with hesitant eyes.

If this was a movie, then some fucking melodramatic, mushy and completely cliché song would be playing in the background. This was not the case. But I do have to say that our slightly elaborated breathing was way better than any ballad.

"I shouldn't be here. I should go," Edward said, but he never moved.

"You _should_," I emphasized. "But you're not going to." I took one step closer. Due to my advanced high, our faces were literally millimeters away from each other. His warm breath washed over me and he smelled so good, even with the tequila. If anything, he smelled even better with alcohol.

"This is stupid," his velvet voice told me.

"Very stupid," I replied.

"We'll regret it."

"Probably... But not tonight." With that, I leaned in close, giving him plenty of time to push me away and stop this, but he never did. He stayed frozen in his spot and I gently placed my lips over his.

_Oh my fuck! _

His lips were so soft and he tasted even better this way, even though our mouths were still closed. My lips came off him with a quiet kissing noise, but I kept my face close to his. I thought he was going to walk away. If so, I would be humiliated, of course and I'd probably have to flee the country.

I heard him swallow and that's when I just 'knew' he was going to leave my room. But he proved me wrong. Without waiting another second, he pushed his lips to mine, this time harder. I lightly pushed my body towards his, gauging how much he was going to allow. I was way beyond going back now. Besides, I was way drunker than he so my actions really couldn't be relied on.

I started to move my lips and he followed. As I slowly parted my lips, he wasted no time and the kiss got heated. As soon as our tongues touched, both of us moaned. We had been holding out on each other for too long and this was way overdue.

Edward pushed me back, right into the wall. I grabbed his elbows, coating him not to take it slow or gentle with me. I'm not made of glass and hated it when people thought I would break so easily. Seeing that I was completely fine with this, Edward grabbed a hold of my hair, securing my lips to his. Like I would actually break free of him now. This was simply too good to pass up.

In turn, I grabbed at his jacket, unzipped it and that's when he pulled away from me. I almost whimpered at the loss. I looked at him with confused eyes. He shook his head, not meeting my gaze.

"We can't do this. It's not right." Oh but it is. It's so right and would feel so good.

"What?" I asked in a breathless voice.

"You're upset. It's not-" he cut himself off when I gently pushed him backwards and into the opposite wall. The alcohol had completely gone to my head now. I wanted him and I knew he wanted me. Why shouldn't we continue?

"Come on Edward," I said in a low voice, leaning in to kiss his neck. He pulled in a fast breath of air and his head fell back against the wall. I continued kissing him up to his ear. "Don't turn into a good guy on me now," I whispered and then crashed my lips to his again.

Edward wasted no time. He turned us around, crashing my back into the wall. The force of it made me moan. What? I like it rough. He grabbed just below my ass and propped me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

Fuck, he's a good kisser! And he tasted so un-fucking-believably good that I couldn't get enough. But I had to breathe and so I broke away from him and he kissed down my neck and in the middle of my chest.

I drag his mouth back up to mine and our tongues battle against each other. Edward started to walk and soon the breath left me as I crashed onto the bed. I pushed myself into the middle and Edward followed suit. I just couldn't stop kissing him. It seemed physically impossible.

I unbuttoned his shirt as fast as I could. His hands left me for a second to rip it off and then they were back. My nails raked down his chest and I almost purred as I felt his rock hard abs against my fingertips. Edward shivered above me and as much as I enjoyed this heavy make-out session, I wanted more. I'm so greedy.

I felt his hands underneath my top and I rolled over, getting on top of him. I was tired of waiting. I wanted him and I wanted him now. This was not going to be slow or sweet. I cringed at the thought.

Sitting up, our groins matching and hearing him hiss in pleasure, I crossed my arms in front of me and grabbed my top, pulling it off in one fluid motion. Suddenly, I was very thankful for tops with "build-in" bras. Probably the wrong word but right then, my mind was somewhere else.

For a moment we simply stared at each other. Then Edward's hands rose around my skin and I sighed, letting my eyes fall close. When they opened again, he was sitting up, his face a mere centimeter away from me. He grabbed my head and crashed my lips to his.

We rolled over again and Edward moved away from me. I whimpered at the loss of him against me and I saw his smirk as he knelt at my feet. He grabbed my shoe and threw it behind him. I discarded the other one myself and it hit the mirror, making it hung unevenly.

Soon enough, before I fully realized it, my jeans were gone. The air hit my naked skin and I shivered. I lay back down, watching how agonizingly slowly Edward dragged my panties off. I bit my lip as he resumed position in between my legs, his hands on both my knees. I wasn't embarrassed or anything. I looked hot. Or so I've been told countless of times. I sat up again, leaning on my hands and slowly spread my legs a little more.

I was sure his eyes would start to burn at any second, they washed over my nude form and I saw him lick his lips.

Moving fast, like he thought I would disappear if he didn't act fast enough, Edward bent down, holding my legs apart took one long lick. I swear the fucking wind blew out of me. But even without oxygen, I still managed to let out a low moan.

Feeling encouraged, Edward offered between long and fast licks up and down my slit.

I could already feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge. I gripped the sheet with my left hand as the right one tangled in the headboard. Then he took my clit in his mouth and tugged. It was enough for me to throw my head back, let out a few curses and come harder than I had in a very long time.

He was still there; licking, sucking and it only fueled the intensity. He kissed his way up mu body and when he reached my neck, I felt him fully ready against my thigh. I bent my knees and wrapped my legs around him, bringing the head just where I wanted it.

That's when he met my eyes. This was that final line. Of course we had technically already broken it but once this was over, we would never go back. I knew what I wanted and by the feel of it, he wanted the same thing. Our minds were already made up and as he bent down and our tongues started to tangle together again, he slowly eased his way inside me.

_Holy fuck! _

It was pretty dark in the room and even though I hadn't technically seen him, I thought I knew the size by how he felt against me but I couldn't have been more wrong. He was just so… big – but not too big, it's not like Mr. Cocky in Sex and the City – and so hard. Once he was completely inside me, Edward stopped. I felt him tremble and I couldn't blame him, if he felt even a fraction of what I felt – and I was once second away from coming again – I would have stopped too.

But when he moved first long and slow, I could have sworn I had a mini orgasm from just feeling him inside me. I couldn't stop whimpering like the needy horn dog that I really am. And then he sped up. My back continually ached up against him.

I was sure he would have markings on his back in the morning. My nails dug into him like I would fall if I let go. Grabbing my calf, Edward bent my leg and threw it over his shoulder. With this angle, he hit so deep in me I was sure I would break. But never once was it painful or uncomfortable.

My hips shifted automatically to meet his and for several moments, the only sound in the room, except our enhanced breathing, was the sound of skin slapping against skin. There was just something so primal in that and fuck me; it turned me on so much more.

Moving too quickly for my slow brain to keep up, Edward withdrew himself from me. I was about to ask – or more like scream – what the fuck he was doing but I finally caught on as he turned me around, my ass right in level with him.

"Ahh!" I all but screamed as he thrust into me again and let me have a second to adjust but I didn't want that. I started moving my hips as soon as he was back inside and I had to grab a hold of the headboard so I could stay up.

Like I said, this was not going to be slow or sweet. This was straight on fucking and I think I almost died from the sheer pleasure he was giving me. Rough was always better than slow. Of course the foreplay could be slow as a fucking snail but once inside, it was nice to be pounded ruthlessly.

We were speeding up now and I knew he was as close as I was. When Edward grabbed my shoulder to stay leveled, only one more thrust was enough for me to come. I tried to keep up with him but the pleaser was too much and as soon as I felt him come too, I stopped, my entire being shaking so hard in aftermath spasms. My arms could barely hold me up anymore.

We both fell back against the bed, panting hard. I could not describe the sense of complete satisfaction I was feeling. You know the feeling of working the entire day and when it comes down to sleeping, you fall on to the bed and you just feel so good. This was that times 100.

"Wow…" we said in unison.

* * *

**AN: That was just all kinds of dirty… Was it worth the wait? We'll see how they feel in the morning. **


	14. Choices

**AN: I know I suck. I'm not sure what's happened the past week – or two – but I haven't written anything. Hopefully you don't hate me too much for this. **

* * *

_Choices _

I was afraid to move. I was afraid to _breathe_.

_Think Bella, think! _

My mind was blank. I mean, what the fuck was I going to do? I was so fucked. Both figuratively and literally speaking. This is what I do. I shouldn't be surprised. I'm a screw up. I'd just screwed my possibly future step brother. What the fuck happens after a thing like that?!

But I knew that the longer I stayed in that bed, my resolve would crumble and fall apart completely. Making as little noise and movements as possible, I raised my head an inch and slowly turned it as far as I could.

I breathed out a sigh of relief as I saw his back was to me and then I crashed my face right into the pillow. I took a few seconds just to listen. He sounded as he was still asleep. His breathing was calm and regular.

Looking around the room, I saw my oversized sleep t-shirt hanging on the arm of the chair right next to the bed. I gave Edward's back one last glance, making sure he wouldn't catch me all commando – I know he'd technically already seen the goods but it was very dark in the room last night and I'm not all that comfortable just parading around- why the fuck am I explaining myself?!

Sliding down so I could grasp the black cotton with my toes, I kept the cover close to my body. I stretched and willed myself to grow two extra inches. But with the luck that I have, I got a hold of the shirt, but it dropped to the floor. I mouthed several curse words before slipping down further, careful not to make too much movement.

I dug my foot across the floor, feeling the sweat break out and my heartbeat picking up. I really don't know what I would have done if he had woken up at that time and found me in that position.

Not thinking about how much I was actually leaning over the bedside, I fell off and landed on the very hand floor with an 'oomph'. I panicked, like any normal human being would in this situation. I scrambled for the shirt, dragging it over my head and pulled it down my body. Luckily, it went down to my mid-thigh.

Taking a deep breath, I sat up and peeked over the edge of the bed. He was still asleep, looking exactly like he did when I first woke up.

I slowly got to my feet and when I – once again, like a psychotic ferrite – checked his still form, I ran fast out onto the balcony, breathing out in relief as the morning sun hit my skin. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm down. It's not every day you wake up after amazing sex with your possibly future step brother.

I felt my face freeze in horror.

_Maybe he didn't think it was amazing! _

I snorted. Of course he did. He's a guy.

Pacing all over the marble floor, I tried to think. The thinking worked but not in the way I wanted it too. I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd just done. In both good ways and bad.

It was wrong in almost every kind of level. What was going to happen now? Was it a one time thing? Were we going to pretend it never happened? Are we going to act all awkward around each other from now on?

I knew none of those answers. I didn't even know what _I_ wanted. This was so confusing and it wasn't that I wasn't used to confusion but this was not something I wanted to be confused about.

Well shit! Now my head is spinning.

Rubbing my eyes with the tips of my fingers, I tried to – I don't know – maybe rub some sense into myself but it only gave me a headache.

"What are you doing?" I jumped and slowly turned around. He was leaning against the doorway, watching me with tired eyes, wearing only his worn jeans from last night.

"Oh, hi." I thought it would be the most awkward thing, facing him. But seeing him, wide awake, I felt no awkwardness. I may not be a slut but I wasn't known for "dating" anyone longer than a month. If they were worth another go around, I'd say it straight to their face. However, if they weren't – same thing. It's all about remaining in control.

Leaning back against the stone railing – feeling the coldness against my thighs – I didn't look away from him. Edward did the same. Only breaking our staring contest to blink, I swallowed and opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to it.

"What now?"

"I… I– I don't know," I stuttered, trying to figure out from his body language and tone of voice, what direction he was leaning towards. He gave nothing away.

That's when I realised the full potential damage we had just done. Not that I particularly cared for either of them right now, but what if our parents married? Would we still be fucking around or come to our rational senses and stop it? But then what? We would certainly have to see each other a lot. Obviously we couldn't tell anyone. So would this be just a one time secret? In the light of day, it couldn't be anything else.

Staring at the white marble, tracing the black lines, I tried to come up with something to say, how to begin. Feeling frustration and nerves take over me, I was starting to panic but once again, Edward beat me to it.

"You know what," I looked up with raised eyebrows. "It's not a big deal so let's not make it one." I felt both relieved and saddened by his statement. Did he say that because he felt it or because he thought that's what I wanted? Neither explanation was desired.

"Yeah. Of course." My voice betrayed me by sounding relieved. Edward looked away for a second and I could have sworn I saw disappointment. I missed days when people weren't afraid to say what they were truly thinking.

Wow, I am such a hypocrite.

I pushed off the railing and walked back inside without another word. I started searching for some shorts while hearing the balcony door closing. Getting the jean clothing on quickly, I turned around to find Edward sitting on the bed, holding something small in his hands.

I watched him for a just a moment, trying not to think too many inappropriate thoughts on just how delicious he looked without his shirt on. But if I had my way, I never would have let him wear one ever again.

"Can I ask you something?" He says, still watching whatever's in his hands.

"Sure," I said carefully, knowing this would be a question I normally wouldn't answer anyone besides Alice.

"What does this mean to you?" He held up a necklace which glimmered in the sunlight. My hand instinctively reached up and felt my throat. I usually never took it off but it's so uncomfortable sleeping with. My mind turned over multiple believable responses and after two seconds thought, I answered him.

"I got it at conformation. I'm not sure who gave it to me." For a moment there I thought he would believe me but the laugh he gave off made me frown.

"You've gotta do better than that." I rolled my eyes and snatched the jewel from his hands, wrapping it around my neck.

"Why couldn't I have-"

"Because you're just not that religious," he answered before I even finished my question. I sat down on the bed, my back to the headboard and looked at the cross.

"A friend gave it to me." It seemed so simple but just that statement was deeply difficult for me to say.

"And you had to lie about that?" He turned around and looked at me. I didn't return his gaze.

"I don't like to talk about… him." My voice was quiet, hollow. I tried to ignore the staring eyes but it was like having a giant pink elephant in the room; you couldn't not look.

"Why do you ask?"

"You always wear it and you freaked out when you couldn't find it in Paris. Must be some friend you have."

"Had." I said it without thinking and immediately regretting it. Trying to distract him, I quickly started talking.

"You ask a lot of questions."

"And you're really quiet about yourself." I half smirked.

"It's only so I'll seem more fascinating." He chuckled and I'm not sure why but I suddenly had the urge to do very naughty things to him. Would that ever stop? Fuck, I hope not.

"It still makes me sound like a science project." Shaking his head, Edward grasped my ankle, turning it slightly to the side. I smirked as I saw what he was staring at so intently. The tip of his finger traced the black inc. Random music notes with a giant g clef in the centre. It wasn't my favorite but considering I was drunk out of my mind when I got it, I have to say I'm pleased I didn't pick a butterfly. That would have been mildly embarrassing.

"How did I miss this one?" He muttered to himself. I bit my lip, trying to ignore the shivers running through my leg.

"It's shocking to me too. It's not like that's the only one." Edward let go of my leg and stood up.

"I should go." I couldn't deny I was relieved about that.

"Okay," I said softly. But before he got to walk another step, a loud pounding on the door made the both of us jump.

I stared towards the door with my eyebrows scrunched up.

"Bella, open this door!" My father's voice wasn't hard to hear. I think he was one second away from kicking down the door. Looking up at Edward, he wore a similar expression to what I assumed I did.

"I'll just… hide in the bathroom."

"I think that would be wise," I said, half sarcastic and half serious.

Making sure the bathroom door was closed but not locked; I went towards the banging and opened the door fast. My father's fist stopped midair, trained on my face. I didn't flinch, but simply stared at him with the most furious expression I could muster at that moment.

"You banged?"

"May I come in?" It made me suspicious just how calm his voice had gotten.

"No." Charlie didn't look like he liked that option very much. I almost smiled.

"We need to talk. Now, I've given you some space but this has gone on for too long. We're going home tomorrow night and your spoiled attitude is ruining this vacation." If we hadn't been in the hotel hallway, I might have punched him so hard his nose would have broken.

"I cannot believe you just said that to me." I tried not to scream but it was hard. Very hard. "After what you did, and what you just said, how can you possibly _think_ I'll ever want to see your face ever again?" I was proud. My voice never got louder. Though it did get icier.

Charlie looked almost purple and as he opened his mouth. I cut him off, just because I knew he hated it when people did that.

"And_ I'm_ 'ruining this vacation'? Charlie, this vacation was ruined he second you told Elizabeth about why I moved almost halfway around the country." I took a deep breath. "And why is she acting like such a gigantic bitch? What the fuck did you tell her? You know what, never mind. I'll see you when we leave. But do not think I'll be talking to you." I slammed the door shut and turned the lock and put on the latch.

"The coast is clear," I said as I walked past the bathroom door. I got to the kitchen and opened the minibar, taking out every item and started with a pack of chocolate covered crackers. 8 Euros is a lot for some crackers.

Edward walked slowly into the kitchen; not saying anything as I practically threw the cracker into my mouth and took another pack before even swallowing. I frowned on the inside, he'd put his shirt back on.

When the crackers were gone, I grabbed a can of nuts. I grimaced, knowing I hated cashews when they weren't covered in chocolate; I still opened the metal and emptied the contents into the trashcan.

"Any particular reason you did that?" Edward said, treading carefully. Fast learner.

"They cost 12 Euros a can. Charlie will probably have a heart attack." I smirked evilly.

"Ah." The next item was a small bottle of Jägermeister. I unscrewed the metallic lid and had the neck to my lips before Edward grabbed my hand. How was he standing in front of me?

"It's not even noon."

"It's past midnight in the states." I jerked my wrist from him and downed the drink. "And don't judge me," I said as I finished. "You'd be doing the same if you knew what he just said to me."

"I did hear." I rolled my eyes and lifted myself up onto the counter.

"You know what they say about eavesdroppers…"

"It was kind of hard not to hear every word." Damn, and here I thought we'd kept it down.

I shrugged, feeling my entire body wanting to fall over in defeat. It felt like everything I did was wrong.

"Hey" A hand came under my yaw and Edward tilted my head back up again. "What's on your mind?" I chuckled without any humor.

"It doesn't matter what I do. It's never right or enough."

"What are you talking about?" I shook my head, biting at my lower lip.

"It's never good. I'm not a good enough friend. I'm not smart enough. I'm not a good enough daughter. Everyone always have something to say about me when it's never enough." I knew I was confusing him but it felt good to say this out loud.

"You're loosing me."

"It doesn't matter," I said, my voice empty. "Not anymore. I've already give up on trying to be enough. For anyone." I looked up at his face.

"I thought you were leaving?" Edward shook his head.

"Not really going to do that now." I nodded and before thinking about it, straightened up my back, making my face just inches away from his. I wanted to forget. Forget these last days, these last six months; when everything went to hell. The main thought in my mind was simply to forget everything by having sex. Lots of sex. It's such a good distraction.

It's like he read my mind because Edward's face immediately looked weary. He definitely had the whole "chivalry" side of him. But who the fuck cared about someone who opened doors and pulled out chairs when in reality, they could be fucking like rabbits on the kitchen counter of a Roman hotel?

"That would be a very bad idea," he mumbled and I, ignoring him, leaned forward and placed my lips right over his, barely grazing them.

"Sometimes bad ideas are really good ideas." After that, I kissed him and it made me want him so much more when he returned it without hesitation.

-------------

It was one of those dreams. I think dreaming about memories is harder than the accident because it only reminded me of times I would never have again. I feel like such a failure. I regret not taking advantage of the time I was given. If I had known I would have made every day like it was the last. No… that's not true. If I had known, I would never have snuck out. I never would have- I'm not supposed to think about 'what if's'. It doesn't help. It only makes you crazy.

_Feeling lightheaded and hot, I stumbled across the living room, opened the sliding door and stepped out into the warm Arizona night. The sun had gone down and even with the slight breeze, I still felt like I was standing in a sauna. _

_I leaned my elbows on the wide wooden railing and tried to block out the sounds from back inside. _

"_Hey," a soft voice said to me. "What're you doing out here? The party's inside." I picked at my nails, trying to see imperfections in the newly manicured texture. _

"_I know," I sighed. "Who knew it could be this exhausting." He came and stood beside me, nudging me with his shoulder. _

"_Come on Bella. It's you nineteenth birthday. Can't you at least pretend to be happy?" I shrugged. _

"_I don't know. Something just feels weird." _

"_What do you mean?" I brought my hair behind my ears, sighing deeply. _

"_I don't know. Somehow, this doesn't seem important." _

"_But you love birthdays. Aren't presents the soul reason for even having a party in the first place?" I smirked. _

"_Of course. Don't start doubting me now." I turned and looked at him, seeing how he was in the same position I just was. "And speaking of presents. Where's yours?" He gave off a loud laugh and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. _

"_You'll get it soon." I looked up at him. _

"_Soon?" He nodded. "How very cryptically put of you." Smiling that smile I loved so much, he let me have my time, just standing there with me in silence. I don't think I've ever really realized just how much I missed having him next to me. We never needed to talk. Just being in his presence made me feel better._

My eyes flew open and it took one sob to realize that I was crying. I squeezed my eyes close and felt my cheeks get wet and warm.

The room was dark and I didn't have to look to know that I was alone. I checked my phone. It was a little after three in the morning.

I wiped my cheeks with the sheet but apparently it was made out of plastic. So I got up and made my way to the bathroom. I grabbed some toilet paper while sitting down on the side of the tub.

My chest felt heavy. I couldn't stop the sobs and tears. On trembling arms, I elevated myself down onto the floor and buried my face into my knees. I hugged my legs, trying to wait this out. It always stopped.

----------------

I needed to leave the hotel. I was in Rome after all and had barely seen any of the things I always looked at each time I came. And I wanted some time alone. Surprisingly enough, it's extremely hard to get private time in a hotel.

I walked on instinct and soon enough, I was at Piazza della Minerva. The Pantheon created a large shadow, seemingly towering over every singly building. I had been in there before, of course. Just because I didn't spend my Sunday mornings in church doesn't mean I can't appreciate the architecture. Churches are one of the most well built buildings in the world. St. Peters basilica was, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited.

I climbed the large stairs and looked above at the inscriptions. _M·AGRIPPA·L·F·COS·TERTIVM·FECIT (Marcus Agrippa, Lucii filius, consul tertium fecit), _translated into _Marcus Agrippa, son of Lucius, Consul for the third time, built this._ Everything always sounds so much better when it's said or written in a language you don't understand.

I walked silently inside, trying not to look at the security guard who – without saying a word – always seemed to judge you. Probably seizing me up as a possible terrorist threat. Like I would blow up their precious church. I could do a lot better than some cliché religious hate crime. I could do a lot better than a church.

The room was hot and the large crowds of babbling tourists didn't help damper my growing headache. I was still a little "sad" or "emotional" from my rude awakening. I started walking along the side, feeling slightly saddened as I saw the holes in the walls where there previously had stood statues. I've never gotten over just how much power the church had in "the old days". Fucking lunatics.

I left not twenty minutes later. My headache was growing and an eager priest trying to get me interested in religion was not helping.

I tried to do some shopping but as it turns out, it's not as much fun when you're alone. Albeit, I did get some nice shoes for Alice. She'd shun me for not getting her something expensive from Europe. Shit knows she's wanted to go here since she started stealing her mother's issue of Vogue.

Feeling homesickness seep into me, I pulled out my phone and sipped my frappuccino as I listened to the rings.

"Well hello favorite cousin of mine." I had to smile.

"Well hello back to ya. How you doing?"

"Why fine, of course darlin'!" She practically yelled in a very fake southern accent. I couldn't help but chuckle. "How bout you?"

"First off, loose the accent."

"Can't pull it off can I?"

"No."

"Well damn. So what do you wanna talk about?"

"What makes you sure I have something to talk about?"

"Bella. You're calling me from Rome. The phone bill's gonna be huge. Talk to me."

"Oh I hope it'll be huge. That'll piss Charlie off dearly."

"Uh-oh… what happened."

"How much time do you have?"

"The whole freaking day if you need it."

I told her everything. Well, except the part about fucking Edward. She'd probably have a heart attack about that one. But everything Charlie had said to me, and what I assumed he told Elizabeth and her unusually strange reaction to my past.

"She was mad?" Alice asked incredulously.

"More pissed than mad. It's like she took a bitch pill and decided to make my life miserable." I took a deep breath. "Maybe… maybe she thinks it's my fault-"

"No! Bella, listen to me. It was not your fault. Do you hear me? It was not your fault. I need you to understand that. And if she ever says anything of the sort, I'll have her killed."

"Aw. That's so sweet."

"I know, right? Is that all?" I laughed.

"Isn't that enough?"

"You know I didn't mean it like that. It just seems like there more."

"There's not, believe me," I lied skillfully.

"Okay." She didn't believe me. Not entirely. But luckily for me, Alice was very easy to distract.

"So I've gotten you some presents." The gasp at the other end told me her mind was running over all the options I could have gotten her.

My bags were getting heavier and heavier and I decided to head back. The plane was set to leave at four am. I was not looking forward to not really getting any sleep. But I'm never happy about that.

"You can't just leave me hanging like that!" I smirked as I walked into the elevator.

"Sorry but I'm beat and I plan on taking a very long shower and maybe get something to eat."

"Okay. Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You're still in Washington?" I stopped mid-hallway.

"Oh yes. I've been most helped by this darling southern gentleman. Bella, you have to see his apartment. It's fucking huge!" Chuckling at her rarely used profanity, I resumed walking and was soon at my door. I paused.

"See you tomorrow." I hung up and walked inside. I dumped my bags at the food of the bed and groaned as I saw the amount up close. It would be a bitch to get it all in my suitcases.

But that would have to wait. The shower was calling me and as soon as I had stripped my clothes, gotten the water going, there was a knock on my door. I wrapped the hotels towel around me and opened the door. A smirk graced my lips.

"Well, well; look at you. Right on time." Edward raised an eyebrow, pushing himself in and making me back into the wall. Like a wise boy, he locked the door.

"In time for what?"

"Why a shower, of course." He seemed to like the idea. A lot.


	15. Moments in time

**AN: Very sorry for the long "hiatus" or whatever I'm supposed to call it. Writer's block have been plaguing me but also blame my new story; **_**sympathy for the devil**_**, which I will publish very soon. Perhaps even today. **

* * *

_Moments in time _

The plane shook as it rose from the runway and into the sky. I focused on breathing regularly and tried not to look at the middle line for I knew I would freak out if I saw just how vertical the plane really was.

It wasn't until the familiar ding – letting us know we could unfasten our seatbelts and that we would not crash – that I finally relaxed into my seat.

Most of the plane was in dimmed darkness and snores with loud whispers of sleep drifted through the open space. But even as exhaustion surged through me, I couldn't close my eyes for any longer time than ten seconds.

Through the corner of my eye I saw Edward intently studying some kind of magazine. I turned back towards the window and looked at the dark beneath. I felt much calmer now and was slightly irritated that they weren't going to show a movie. Albeit, it was in the middle of the night but who gives a shit. I'm bored!

I started drumming my fingernails against the armrest and clucking my tongue. I saw Edward staring at me from the corner of my eye.

"What? I'm bored." I said in a hushed tone.

"You're _bored_? I thought you hated flying."

"Oh I do but the Xanax have finally kicked in and I feel so much better now, other than the fact that I'm bored and there's over six hours left."

"When did you get Xanax?"

"I have my ways."

"Well you have fun with that." He went back to the magazine and I wrinkled my nose at him, turning to pull the blind down over the window.

I sighed as I bent down to get my book. It would have gone great if my father hadn't taken that time to start snoring. I swear it's the most annoying sound I've ever heard in my entire life. Six more hours of this and I would have to shoot myself.

A thought entered my mind. While we'd said it to be a 'Rome' thing and that it probably shouldn't be explored on American soil, we weren't home yet. We could still have some fun.

"We can always join the mile high club."

"What about the rule?"

"We're still, technically, over international waters."

"Meet me in three minutes." Edward almost ran to the bathroom. It is amusing how guys can be so affected when there's sex involved. I threw my book down and sped towards the bathroom. As soon as I got the door open, I was yanked inside and my mouth immediately connected with his. I smiled as I closed and locked the door and was smashed against the sink.

My hoodie was gone before I could blink I couldn't help but laugh.

"Eager are we?"

"I'm also bored." He started kissing down my neck and it tickled in the most wonderful way.

"So this is just for sex? I feel so used." He nibbled at my neck and I moaned, grabbing his hair to bring him closed.

"If anyone's using anyone, it's you. You're the one suggesting it."

"And you were all too willing to participate." He broke from me to stare at me like the choice was obvious.

"Bella. It's sex on a plane. That's like every guys fantasy."

"You talk too much," I complained and hopped up on the skink and grabbed at him, making him stand between my legs.

Twenty minutes later I exited the bathroom first. Most passengers' were asleep and I felt proud that I'd managed to keep it down. Not two minutes later Edward joined me at our seats and we sat down for the remainder of the ride in silence, as if nothing odd had happened.

It didn't feel weird or awkward. It was almost as if I felt comfortable around him. How odd. I usually didn't feel comfortable around anyone, except my family, excluding my father. He was a little too cold to feel comfortable around.

I wasn't sure how I felt about it but I was in a recently fucked daze, I didn't care about anything in that moment.

It was dark as we landed. Once the plane finally stopped my eyes dropped dangerously low and Edward had to nudge me awake. I grunted annoyingly and dragged my bag across the tiled floor of the airport.

We were walking behind Elizabeth and Charlie and I didn't have the energy to even pretend to be mad at my father right now. As we came to the conveyor belt, I was so tired I closed my eyes for a second and they flew open as I nudged Edward, almost falling.

"You okay there?" He asked, clearly amused. I only nod, not having the energy to make conversation. I sigh in frustration as the belt stays immobile. I plant myself on the cart we just retrieved and wait for the bags to arrive. Edward sits down next to me and looks pointedly at Charlie and Elizabeth's backs before turning to me.

"So…" he starts and I turn my head and raise a tired brow.

"So… what?"

"So we should probably talk." I knew what he meant and I would have groaned if I really wanted to.

"I really don't think we do. But if you insist, I'm going to make it very easy for you," I yawn and scratch the back of my head before continuing. "It's just sex. Stop making such a big deal out of it and stop acting so serious." I close my eyes for a few seconds before opening them and getting up as the belt started to move.

"That's all? You're not-"

"Relax will ya. I'm not one of those girls who obsess and think you were just using me and blah blah blah." I see my bags and grab one after one and put them on the cart. I don't let him speak again as we move in on Elizabeth as Charlie gets us a cab.

The tension is uncomfortable but I do my best to avoid her and the look she keeps giving me. It's not one of pure disgust but she's not smiling either. If I didn't know any better – which, technically I don't – I'd say she looked disappointed. I couldn't even start to speculate why and luckily I didn't have to. Charlie chose that moment to intervene, possibly the biggest SUV stops in front of us and I roll my eyes at my father's ways.

I move automatically into the car and buckle up, pulling out my phone and scroll down text after text from Alice. I start hitting the display expertly with my fingertips.

_Lunch tomorrow? I'll bring presents… _

I lean back and ignore the other three passengers' as the car starts to roll. My phone vibrates loudly and makes my hand tingle.

_Sure. How'd the flight go? Still jumpy?_

I smirk as I remember.

_Wasn't too bad, I scored some Xanax so it went by in a flash._

_Xanax? Please don't tell me you bought them on the street? _

_What do you think of me? Of course not. I'll call you when I wake up. _

And then I turned off my phone along with my brain for the rest of the ride. I didn't want to think about what I shouldn't think about because then I'd be a hypocrite – which I already am but there's no need for him to know that – and then there's what I said about obsessing which I do – a lot – but not about what he think I should or will obsess about. And I do overanalyze everything but not in the pathetic way. It's not my fault my mind have gone cynical and depressed. Well, okay, it kind of is. Who am I kidding; of course it was my fault. Why sugarcoat it?

Such confusing thoughts at the late hour. Maybe Ted had a point. Nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m. Not that I was going to be doing much of anything. I could hear the bed calling from miles away.

It looked like we'd just gotten back from a trip around the world. I cocked my head to the side and studied the mountain of bags and suitcases before deciding I didn't need any of it tonight and headed for the staircase.

"Bella?" Charlie asks, making me freeze on the fourth step. I take a deep breath before turning around with an impatient look.

"May I see you for a moment?"

"Now?"

"Yes," he says and walks into the living room. Elizabeth follows him while I contemplate an exit strategy which won't involve me actually running down the street. I found none.

"Maybe he's planning on taking away your trust found," Edward suggest with a smirk.

I snort but then freeze.

"He can do that?" Edward laughs while gathering his suitcase and head upstairs. I'd so like to join him. Too bad we don't do that here. We could have so much fun with this house being so big and all.

"Relax will ya?" I roll my eyes and head towards the living room.

Both Morticia and Gomez were sitting down and the latter let out his hand, allowing me to sit down. But I remained leaning against the doorway. I could leave all the faster this way.

"Yes?" I provide, given that neither of them had said anything.

"We need to talk," Charlie say while Elizabeth sits straight, face downward.

"I gathered that."

"About what happened in Rome."

"About what? Oh you're talking about when you completely destroyed my trust by confiding in _her_ about the most painful experience in my life?" Elizabeth's head whipped up and I swore I saw teeth being bared.

"Yes. Now you need to understand that-"

"Understand what? What happened was not for you to share. How can you not get that? That was the absolute worst night of my entire life and you decided to tell _her_ because of… what? I really don't know what could have made you hate me that much."

"Don't be dramatic Bella," Elizabeth says in an off voice. I almost lounged myself at her, my main target to be her face.

"Dramatic? Dramatic? Are you fucking kidding me? If you know what happened how _dare_ you say something like that to me you cold, heartless bitch."

"Don't speak to her like that, Isabella!" I huffed.

"How about I don't speak to her at all?" With that, I turned and walked away and headed for my room. I could hear them arguing downstairs but tuned them out. It wasn't for me to care about.

I grabbed a towel and put my hair up in a messy bun before opening the tap to the tub and watching how the steam rose to the ceiling. The water turned a hot white color, making me almost shiver in anticipation. I stripped and lowered myself slowly, the water almost burning my skin but felt too good to leave.

It wasn't until I was drying my hair – fidgeting with my shirt which still kept sticking to some patches of my skin that had not dried yet – when I had a moment. A school counselor – one of the very few I've ever seen – once told me that in order for me to move on with my life, I needed to forgive myself for what happened. He said that if I couldn't even stand the sight of myself in the mirror for any longer than thirty seconds, I could never go on living fully.

I'm not sure if he was trying some mental psychological bullshit or if he really had a point. Since break in February, I haven't been able to stand the sight of myself and avoid mirrors to some extreme extents.

I know I've lost too much weight and my hair isn't as shiny as before. I lack nutrition because to a month after the accident, my mother had to drag me to the table and watch me eat every single piece of food on that plate. I haven't smiled a genuine smile since that night and I can't remember the last time I laughed without it being in mockery or after a sarcastic remark.

I know all of this and it makes me so sad to know I'm so different and that I'm not fine. I'm not even okay. I still have nightmares. I can't open up. I can't talk to anyone. They say they understand but how can they? They don't know. They don't understand. No one does.

And that leaves me feeling so alone I'm one step away from depression. Why does it feel like everything I do is wrong? Anything I say?

Without knowing it, I had diverted my gaze to the sink and I felt my cheeks heat as a few tears roll down and land on the sink. My eyes burn and I close them tightly, trying to think of happier thoughts, of happier times. But it all leads me back to _him_. While his image and a bad impression of his voice makes me feel better in the moment, it always makes me break down afterwards, when the memory ends and I come back to reality.

I took shuddering breaths and rubbed my eyes free of water. I sniffed pathetically and wished so desperately I could erase everything about that night. I wish I didn't remember. I wish I didn't know what I did and how those three seconds of distraction ruined my life.

But while I still feel that unbearable ache inside me at almost every time of the day, somehow it has somewhat… _eased_ in the last few weeks. I know I've played it to geography and that changes are always good, there will be a time I won't believe that anymore.

"What's going on?" I glanced at the mirror and saw my face was clear of saltiness before turning my head to face him.

"Nothing's going on."

"Bullshit."

"Such language," I mockingly muttered.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Don't play stupid Bella." I turned my head away and leaned my hands on the marble. "I get that you have your secrets-"

"It's not a secret," I mumbled but he continued as if he hadn't heard me.

"And I understand that you don't want to tell me-"

"Do you?" I asked louder. He stopped talking.

"Do you understand? How could you possibly understand to even one magnitude of what I am going through right now?" He seemed confused by my answer and waiter for me to continue. "Don't lie to me. Because you don't understand it. You don't get it. You don't even know what _it_ is. So please don't pretend."

"What are you-"

"I can't handle any more liars. So if or when you'll ever know what _it_ is don't lie to me and say you get it, that you understand. Can you just make me that simple promise?" I looked at him

"Okay," he said finally, hesitantly. I knew he was curious but I've been let down too many time to trust him yet.

And just like that, my whole attitude changed to a more fake positive one.

"I'm sorry. That wasn't fair. I don't handle pressure well." He only nodded in acknowledgement, looking as if he didn't know whether to stay or leave me alone. I knew which I preferred but we'd made a deal. A deal I was not going to break just because I was feeling lonely. Anyway, he shouldn't have to deal with me. I've got way too much emotional baggage for even myself to handle. It would be selfish to lean on him.

I turned to leave but Edward reached out and grasped my wrist, making me look at him and not my door. His expression was soft and it made me feel guiltier.

"Why can't you trust me?" I avoided my gaze.

"I don't know."

"Sure you do." He moved closer but I put up my hand and held him away.

"Don't," I whisper.

"Why not?"

"I'm broken. I have way too much baggage."

"Everyone has baggage." I shook my head and got my wrist free, running my hand through my hair.

"Stop being so nice. Stop trying to make me feel better."

"Why?"

"Because I don't deserve it, okay," I say with a too harsh tone. But even so he came closer. Why would he do that? Can't he understand he should stay away from me? That I'm not a good person? Obviously not.

"Of course you do," he murmured, standing so close I could feel his body heat. I swallowed loudly.

"I thought we had a deal." His hands came down on the marble at my sides, pinning me to the counter.

"I've never been one for making deals," he whispers into my ear and I close my eyes out of instinct.

This was not a good idea. Sure in Rome it was fun times but at home it's… a whole different show. This was familiar grounds. Not to mention his mother's dating my father. This had to be illegal, or at least frowned upon.

_And why do I care again? _

But my inner voice had no reply.

This is not going to end well. But for the moment, it's exactly what I needed.

As his lips ghosted over my ear, the faintest pressure applied right below the shell and he continued to kiss me jaw, all the way out to my mouth.

It felt so good. Not just physically but also mentally. I was feeling lonely and his caring – for I could I assume he cared enough to tolerate my bipolar behavior – made me feel better. Isn't that the whole point in moving on? To feel better?

Edward came to a stop at the corner of my lips, gauging my reaction.

"Do you want me to stop?" He murmured, moving his lips over my cheek. My blood was pumping so fast in my veins I was sure he could hear it all. I licked my lips before replying.

"No." And then I kissed him. It was much softer than the other times – both of us exploring the somewhat familiar territory. I half sighed, half moaned into him and pressed harder, greedily wanting more.

He pressed me harder to the counter but the discomfort soon faded away as his hands went from my yaw, down my neck, the faintest touch applied to my exposed collarbone and tracing the sides of my ribs down to the hem of my t-shirt. But he doesn't remove it. Instead both his hands come down and cup my upper thigh – while I simultaneously grip his shoulder tighter – he heaves me up and I wrap my legs around his waist tightly.

That's when it got heated. More so then before. Now's when my brain came to the realization of what was to come and I wanted him faster. I hate slow. Slow is for mushy and overly romantic people who have an ounce of patience. I'm neither.

Edward also became aware of this and he walked over to his door and turned his back on it, making it fall open and backed into his room. It was dark, the moon on hiatus. He came to the bed and the back of his legs bumped into the mattress, making him sit down. We both hungrily devoured each other while my hands went down to his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping very slowly.

He gripped the hem of my oversized t-shirt and pulled it over my head. He groaned as he saw I wasn't wearing anything else while I smirked and pulled his mouth back to mine. He then pulled my hips tighter and we flipped over in the middle of the bed. While my right leg stayed wrapped by his knee, my left moved up in instinct and wrapped itself almost in the middle of his back as he pressed against me.

I couldn't stop the moans and whimpers as he unconsciously rubbed against me. The jean fabric and the ice cold zipper made my body heat to an almost uncomfortable level. I scratched his back, knowing I'd make marks but he never seemed to care.

My right foot came up and started dragging down his pants and his hardness sprung loose and made contact with me. I started panting and the bed jumped as he lifted his knees, throwing the jeans to the floor.

At this point, I was so unbelievably turned on and a little mad he had the patience to go so slow, that I wanted to torture him a bit. I reached down between us and grasped him firmly in my hand, circling my thumb across the head and up and down the slit. Edward's head fell down against my shoulder, his groans partially muffled by my skin. I smiled.

I started pumping him, feeling his hardness twitch I my hand and when he knew he was close, I sped up the torture by brining the head to my clit and teasing myself by rubbing it up and down my slit. I moaned and arched my back but continued.

Edward started panting and he grabbed at my right leg, making it flex out more than it already was. His hips jerked, feeling for me and I let the head slip between my lips before removing it, earning another luscious groan. Right as I grew annoyed with my own teasing, I positioned him at my entrance and Edward thrust into me so hard, my breath was knocked out of me.

I actually sighed as I started to awake. I don't remember the last time I did that. It was odd how wonderful it felt to be back in a familiar bed. Not that Paris and Rome don't have it well… but somehow, there really is no place like home.

And then my eyes flew open.

This was not my bed. I wasn't even lying in the right direction. How could I sleep so well when I didn't have at least one pillow?

Then I noticed how soft the covers felt against my naked skin.

Naked?

I don't have to look as I bury my face into the expensive cotton sheet.

Dammit.


	16. Reveal

_Reveal _

Waking up the second time, I was alone. I didn't have to open my eyes to know that. Sitting up in bed, I looked around, still groggy and my throat hurt as I tried to clear it. For a moment I was overwhelmed with a feeling of disorientation but it quickly went away and I was still in Edward's room, naked with only a thin sheet covering me and completely alone.

My eyes immediately went to the open wardrobe door. I padded over there and threw both doors open. His was noticeably smaller than mine. I gently knocked at the back wall and found it hollow. So that must be my closet. I almost felt bad for taking so much space but he's a guy. They don't care about clothes. I grabbed a large black t-shirt and yanked it over my head.

I was tempted to text and ask where he was but warning sounds went off in my mind and even though I've heard crazier stories than texting your last night's hook-up to ask where he was when you woke up – knowing he can't be far because you live in the same building – somehow my thinking seemed clingy. I'm very weird like that.

So instead I paced back to my room, dressing in jeans, tank top and flip-flops.

'_Meet me at Starbucks at one?' _

I sighed at the sight of my bags. Even though they were made of plastic, I could see them trying to burst open with the force. I denied them freedom no longer and they literally sprung open with the force, several items rolling out. I didn't have time now so I grabbed at Alice's presents and pushed them into a black Prada paper bag. My phone then vibrated on the bed.

'_Sure. Will you bring my presents? =D' _

In the blink of an eye Alice could be five again.

'_Of course. How could I forget?' _

I rummaged a comb through my hair and washed my face before the bright face of Elizabeth poked in from behind my door. My expression turned into a frown and I avoided even looking at her.

"Hello Bella. Could we talk?"

"It's your house," I replied sullenly, making it clear I didn't want anything to do with her. She sighed but came inside and closed the door behind her. "I have to meet Alice in half an hour, make it quick," I said while pretending to unpack one of the suitcases from the bed.

"You don't have to snap, I know you hate me."

"You make it easy." Elizabeth sighed again and came close but I shrugged away as if she'd been infected by the plague.

"I want you to know something." I waited. "While I do feel for you, about what happened, you can't honestly expect people to feel sorry for you forever, considering?" My hands clenched. "When you act like that, there has to be consequences. I don't want to know about a thing like this happening again. Do you understand?" I took a lot of willpower not to slug her at that moment.

"And now I want you to know something," I managed to get out through clenched teeth. "What is wrong with you?" I hissed. "How fucking dare you say that to me? I don't know what my father has told you or if you completely stopped listening after a while but you don't know shit. You got that? And what the fuck are you talking about; consequences? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? And don't talk as if you're my mother and actually have some kind of hold over what I do in life. I can't do this anymore. I can't argue with someone who is so intent on not listening. It's like having a conversation with a vegetable. Let's make all this easier and not talk to each other for as long as I'm staying here, okay?" I grabbed the bag and stormed out of there, feeling the hatred steam out of my and on my way down, I called a cab.

oOo

My foul mood hadn't cleared by the time I found Alice sitting on a very comfortable looking puffy chair in the back corner. I grumbled at the sight of a line and made my way back without a drink. Luckily for me, Alice's psychic or something and a hot cup next to hers on the table. I plopped down in a similar chair and relaxed into the fluffiness. And I can't believe I just thought the word; fluffiness.

"Well hello there," Alice greeted quietly and observed me with wary eyes. I barely grunted in response and took a sip, feeling the hot vanilla beverage scorch down my throat but I couldn't care about the warmth at the moment.

"Is there something wrong?" she proceeded cautiously. My upper lip curled a little in remembering to what Elizabeth had told me. It was better to feel the anger. I couldn't break down in Starbucks. "Okay, never mind," she whispered after a second. I finally sighed and rubbed my hands over my face, trying to clear my head of murderous thoughts.

"I had a not-so-gentle conversation with Elizabeth before coming here.

"Oh…" Alice responded, looking very interested and I didn't hold it against her when she spoke again. "Do you still have doubts about… about what happened?"

"Honestly, I can't even think about that right now; I'm too pissed off." Alice nodded. "I mean, what is her _deal_? She started saying shit about consequences and how I needed to take responsibility and something else but I'm so mad I don't remember."

"Bella… do you know, _exactly,_ what your dad say to her?"

"No. And now when I think about it… I don't know how he ever found out about it. I assumed Renee must have said something but I can't believe she'd go into such details with him." Alice looked away, thoughtful for a few moments, before turning her attention back towards me.

"Do you know what it said in the police report?"

"What?"

"There was an investigation, right?"

"Yeah…"

"So there must have been a report written and filed away."

"What's your point?"

"Maybe Charlie read it, to get more details." I almost laughed.

"That's… crazy, Alice. Why would he do that? And why would that make him upset?" I did not want to talk about this anymore.

"Maybe your mom was too vague about the details. Charlie doesn't let things go. I've heard stories about him tracking down a five year old who stepped on the lawn one second too long." I shook my head.

"But why would he be upset? If there stood anything illegal in there, wouldn't I go to trial or something?" Alice shook her head.

"The police ruled it an accident so there's nothing they could dig up but police reports can be vague when certain lines cross."

"Help me out here, Alice."

"They asked you if you had been drinking. You took a test and it was negative." I didn't know what to say.

"You think he thinks I was driving drunk?"

"You did just come from a concert. I don't want to seem mean but you don't have the best track record."

"But just because you come from a concert doesn't mean-"

"Of course it doesn't, but Charlie doesn't have to think it but he could have mentioned about your past – the little he may know – and Elizabeth's imagination could have run."

"But why didn't he defend me?"

"Maybe he thinks she's right, on some level. Look, I'm not trying to atone what he's said and done – that was not for him to share – but this could be a huge misunderstanding."

"Maybe…" I muttered, drinking some more.

"Let's not talk about– let's not even_ think_ about it. Let's talk about the trip and let me see my presents!" I chuckled softy before handing her the bag. She gaped at the writing on the side and I shushed her as she squealed at the sight of some designer heels and what else I might have bought her.

She carefully unpacked ever item and then folded and placed it all back, thanking me – making it sound as if I just saved her life or something.

"It's just designer _stuff_. You'll get over it." She rolled her eyes and placed the bag at her feet, keeping it close.

"So, tell me everything."

"There's not much to tell." But I spoke to quickly and quietly for her to believe me.

"I know that tone."

"What tone?"

"_That_ tone."

"I don't have a tone."

"You so have a tone."

"I so don't."

"It can't be that bad can it?" I shrugged, no longer denying it. Alice could keep a secret if I asked her to.

"Depends on what you mean by bad."

"Oh no…" I frowned at her. She waited patiently for me to say something and I decided to give her something I knew she didn't want to hear.

"I saw Laurent." Alice instantly made a face. She'd never liked him, though I never understood why. We didn't date for that long. But I probably wouldn't call it dating when I think about it.

"I see." I waited for her to say more but she stayed quiet.

"That's it?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"What you're thinking."

"You already know how I feel about him. So what happened?" When I didn't answer she gaped at me and hit my arm.

"Isabella Marie Swan! You slept with him, didn't you?" The ones sitting closest turned their heads and I wanted to disappear into the chair. Alice finally noticed just how loud she'd been and she gave the people a face which made them turn their heads back.

"Thanks for that!" I hissed at her.

"I'm sorry. But why, I mean _why,_ would you do that? He's not good for you."

"I'm aware," I muttered and drank the last of my latte.

"Then why would you sleep with him? It can't just be the looks. There are far better looking French and Italian dudes to go around."

"That doesn't make me sound slutty at all," I muttered sarcastically. "I was upset," I said louder.

"Upset about what?"

"We were having a drink in a bar and started talking and then I saw something which made me upset."

"Like what?" I shook my head.

"There's no point in me telling you."

"Why not? I'm your cousin, Bella. You can tell me anything. I won't judge."

"But that's the thing, you will. You won't mean to but you will judge and I don't know how to handle that."

"Why can't you just tell me part of it?"

"Part of it, is all of it." She bit her lip and looked away, attempting to not push it out of me but I knew she wanted to know. And some part of me wanted to tell her.

"Okay. But you can never tell anyone, okay?" Alice nodded her head vigorously. "So we'd all been getting along and it was fine when we left Paris. Then when we got to Rome, things got… different. First I got low blood sugar and I can't move for several hours. Then when I meet up with them for dinner, Elizabeth's acing weird and then I knew Charlie told her. I practically ran away from there and-"

"Can I just say something?" I paused. "I already know this part."

"I didn't tell you everything."

"Do continue."

"So I ran away from there and find someplace to sit and just do nothing. Then Edward finds comes and sits next to me."

"Asshole?"

"He's not that big of an asshole. Really. Anywho, so we talk a little and I asked if he knew. He said he didn't and I actually believed him. He was actually _nice_ and it felt… good to have someone not look at me in pity." Alice looked down, sad. "Either way. I literally camped out in my room for a few days. Then one night he came over and asked how long I was going to wallow. For some reason I went with him to a bar." I quickly glanced at Alice and she wasn't looking at me, like she knew where I was heading with this.

"We had a lot to drink. A lot. And I started wondering if he was a good kisser, somewhere between the lobby and out floor. We laughed about some joke and then I went into my room." Alice sighed in relief. "And then he knocked on the door."

"You let him in didn't you?"

"In many ways." She groaned and ran a hand through her hair.

"That was not good Bella."

"I know."

"Do you have any idea how truly fucked up everything can get now?"

"I know."

"Did you even think about what it would mean when you got back home?"

"Not really."

"Was it just one time?"

"That night? No. Or that week, for the matter." Why start lying now?

"Oy…"

"Yeap."

"Can you at least say it ended in Rome?"

"Nope. Can't do that either."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," I revealed with a sigh and leaned further back.

"Do you even like him or was it just to 'get back' at Elizabeth." I swallowed before speaking.

"I actually like him. Too much, I think."

"I don't have a magic fix, Bella. If that's what you're looking for."

"I know."

"And honestly, I would never have wanted you to start something like this in the first place."

"I know."

"I don't know what to say. Do you want my approval? I'm not sure I can give you that."

"No. Of course not. I just needed someone to listen."

"I'll always listen."

"But you judged me, didn't you?"

"A little bit, yeah." She smiled and I chuckled. "But…" my smile instantly turned into a frown. "I think that you should tell him about Ja-"

"Please don't say his name," I practically yelled and clenched my eyes shut, trying to calm down.

"Sorry, sorry. But I think you should tell him about the accident, if you like him as much as you say you do."

"Why should I?"

"Because he might find out some other way. Wouldn't it be better if he got all the right answer from you and not like your father did? Maybe Charlie had the report printed out and Edward stumbled onto it someday? You can't deny it, Bella."

"I'm not. But I can't talk about it. I can't even think his name without having a panic attack." Alice looked at me with sorrowful eyes.

"I'm not saying it has to be today. Just think about it." I nodded but already knew I wouldn't. This was not about trust. This was about me not willing to share something so personal with the guy I hooked up with less than a week ago.

We stayed and talked for over an hour. It felt so good to have someone to tell this to; whom I knew would never say a word without my permission. I would have wanted to stay longer but the day was darkening outside and my shorts and thin hoody would be much cover when the rain hit. I knew it would.

We leaned against the wall outside, waiting for Jasper to come and pick Alice up. She'd tried to make me come to dinner with them but I have never and will never be the third wheel.

"Are you sure?" Alice asked one more time when a silver Audi pulled up to the curb and a honey blonde guy stepped out. Alice couldn't bit her lip enough to conceal that smirk. I raised a brow in praise.

"Hello Bella," he greeted; all notions of a southern drawl gone.

"Hi Jasper." Alice turned to me one more time.

"Are you sure? Can't we at least give you a ride back?"

"It's all way across town. I'll be fine. Go!" I pushed her towards the street. After they drove off I contemplated how long stores were open until I had to go back home. The sky darkened even further and I was about to call a cab when my phone vibrated in my hand. The motion caught me off guard and I flinched. The number was unfamiliar and I thought about letting it ring – I'd been plagues by telemarketers and other equally annoying salespeople. But before I had time, the ringing stopped. Though I didn't have time to press the cabbies number before the phone vibrated again. I saw no end to this.

"Hello?"

"Hey." I don't know why but I was… _relieved_ when he called. "Where are you right now?"

"Uhm… in town?" It came out more like a question. I heard him chuckled softly at the other end.

"I meant more specific."

"Uh… I don't know." I looked around for any street names and had to walk to the corner before rattling the name to him.

"Go right, down the street and left at the next corner."

"Okay… uhm… why?"

"I want to show you something." I started walking and while I didn't say another word, he didn't seem to mind being on a dead line with me. But he quickly filled the space.

"Sorry for just taking off like that."

"It's fine."

"My dad called, wanted to meet. One of the few times he actually showed up."

"You don't owe me an explanation," I said and turned the corner.

"Where are you now?" He changed the subject. I named the street I was one. The whole neighborhood faintly reminded me of New York. "Walk to the end of the street at the right side." I did and stopped at the corner.

"Come on inside." The door to my right buzzed and I opened it cautiously while hanging up. There was a large storage elevator inside. After I'd climbed in and wheeled down the woodened door, it started moving though I'd not pushed a single button.

The elevator took me to the top, or at least I think it was the top. I pushed the door up and walked into the large living room-like room. The floor was dark wood, looking too shiny for this to be a storage area. I'd thought nothing more from the appearance outside. The space smelled of spice and warmth and I walked down the hall towards the scent.

I stopped when I came to a couch, placed in front of a large entertainment center. I took off my sweatshirt, feeling infinitely warmer.

"Hey." I turned to find Edward standing behind me.

"Hey yourself."

"I thought maybe you'd want some dinner?" He held up a white plastic bag.

"Dinner?"

"Don't get too excited, it's just take-away." The corner of my lips twitched and I sat down on the extremely comfortable couch. While he placed the food on the coffee table and went to get us something to drink, I turned on the TV, zapping through the different channels, finally settling on a sitcom.

After he returned and put a beer in front of me at the table, I couldn't help but tease him.

"You're not worried you're corrupting me?"

"I think you do that well on your own," he said with a chuckle. I was about to take a bite of my noodles when Edward pressed mute on the remote.

"Not to sound overly serious here or something but I do think we need to talk." I sighed and put the sticks back in the box.

"You had to, didn't you?" He acted like he hadn't heard me.

"Last night, shouldn't have happened."

"Sure."

"I mean this is not something that can go on."

"Alright."

"Alright?"

"Yeah. I told you this before. It's just sex and doesn't have to mean anything more."

"How can you be so casual about this?" I shrugged. Edward was about to respond but something clicked and his mood seemed to darken. "Did you… was it just because you were pissed at my mother?" I was not expecting that. I started to shake my head but he cut me off. "Because if it was, I think I at least deserve to know."

"It wasn't about your mom…." He waited. "Yeah, I was pissed but… doesn't the reason really matter?"

"I think it does."

"It wouldn't make a difference."

"And why not?" I sighed and put the box on the table, completely forgetting I'm starving but knowing I needed to get this out.

"Would it help if I said I got drunk because I somehow knew how the night would turn out but needing to have an excuse? Would it help if I said I _needed_ booze to not be nervous around you? In every other scenario, I'd be fine but you… you're different and I don't know how to handle different. Would it help if I said I liked you? More than I should? No, it wouldn't. You know why? Because our parents are dating! And there is nothing to change that fact. The reasons really don't matter. Can't you grasp that?"

"More than you should?" I froze, not understanding how much I'd given away.

"I should go. This was a bad idea." I rushed off the couch, grabbed my sweatshirt and had it over my shoulders when he grabbed my arm.

"No, wait."

"What?"

"Don't leave… like this."

"I shouldn't have come here." I wasn't just talking about the lost. I never should have left home. I should have stayed and wallowed in self pity and disgust. After what I did, I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to have this guy – who's completely amazing – liking me.

"Yes you should. What's going on? This isn't just about Rome or the other night. What aren't you telling me?" I looked away, feeling my throat close up and my stomach drop. "I don't care that our parents are dating. I like you. That's not an easy thing for me to admit." I still meet his gaze. "Look at me." I didn't. "Look at me." He grabbed my chin and forced me to turn to him. I knew my face wouldn't give anything away. I'd had a lot of practice. "What's wrong? I want to know."

"No you don't," I mumbled.

"Do you trust me?"

"I barely know you," I reminded him.

"You're wrong."

"I can't tell you." Tears edged closer and I forced my face away from his.

"Why not? It can't be that bad."

"How would you know? You don't know shit about me or my life before I moved here!"

"Only because you won't open up about it!" I flinched back from his tone. Thought I deserved nothing less. Of course I wouldn't open up to him. He'd be like everyone else. He'd look at me with pity and disgust. I can't handle that. Not from him. But maybe he'd finally let go if I told him everything. Maybe then he'd realize what a mistake he'd made. I could handle that. I could handle him leaving. I can't handle the pity. Not anymore.

"You wanna know what I did? You wanna know what happened? He nodded. I chuckled darkly and ran a hand through my hair.

"I killed my best friend. That's what happened."

* * *

**AN: While it's been fun writing this story, I'm sad to say it's coming to an end. I'm ready to move on and it's always been planned to have it come to a close as these two progessed. Not to worry... there are a few more chapters left. I'm not comfortable saying just how many. I haven't started writing on any of them yet. But I know how I want this story to turn out so hopefully, It won't take forever to have them posted. **


	17. If today was your last day

_If today was your last day _

I couldn't believe I just said that. Edward appeared to think the same. Thought he was more confused than I was.

"Excuse me?" I shook my head, horrified at myself.

"Forget I said anything." He held onto my hand, gripping it tighter when I remained quiet.

"I can't do that." He took a deep breath. "Why did you say that?"

"Because it's true," I whispered and yanked my arm free, pacing the floor and running a hand through my hair while trying to think of a way to just tell him and not have him looking at me the way that he is now. I released the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Okay," I said, finally. "But remember you asked for this," I warned. "So I had this friend, back in Phoenix. His name was Ja… Jacob. We'd known each other since we were kids and all that cliché crap. "There was, uhm… one night… there was a… an accident." I started to breathe faster, slowly starting to remember every single detail about that night that I had repressed for so long.

"Bella. Calm down. You're going to hyperventilate." I took a deep breath but it hurt my throat more than it did to calm me. Edward led me over to the couch and I sat down, looking intently at my hands, rubbing my fingertips together instead of looking or even thinking about him. This was easier.

"He uhm… he kind of… he died."

"I'm-"

"Please don't interrupt me. I don't think I can ever tell you this again." Edward shut up and let me talk. "It was my fault." I looked at my hands again. "I mean; of course it was my fault. I was driving. I should have known better. I should have– I shouldn't– I should have paid better attention. I don't–" I sighed.

"We were at a concert. I wasn't supposed to go. I don't remember, but my mom was pissed at me and I snuck out. It was after midnight when it wrapped up and we had a long walk back to the car…" as I told him the worst night of my life, I started to visualize it, despite my attempts at refusing the memoires.

_We stumbled out of the entrance; laughing and slightly humming the tunes just played. Jake was a little drunk and if his talking didn't prove it, his lack of coordination did it just fine. _

"_Bella," he exclaimed, slinging his heavy arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer to him. I could smell the beer coming off of him in waves. "You know I love ya right?" Okay, maybe he was more than just "a little" drunk. I was the designated driver for the evening and even though it was difficult, I hadn't had one drop the entire evening. I think I should get a medal for that. They didn't even check for IDs in there! _

"_Yes Jake, I know. I love you too." He smiled at me and I smiled right back. We had quite the walk back to the car. Apparently everyone drove in this freaking town! And it wasn't like all we had to do was walk a few block and we'd be there. But we had to cross a fucking field! I sighed; my shoes are going to be ruined. _

"_What's wrong Belle-Babe?" I rolled my eyes. For some reason, Jake always called me Belle-Babe when he was drunk. Hell if I know why. _

"_My shoes are going to be ruined." Jake turned to me with a mischievous grin. _

"_Not a problem." He started towards me and I took steps back. _

"_Jake. What are you doing?" I tried keeping my tone serious but then he slung me over his shoulder and I squealed out in surprise. He lifted me like I weighed 20 pounds! I slammed at his back but it did nothing to effect him. _

"_I don want your shoes to get uined," he slurred and walked forward with a few misplaced steps. "Now. I need to ask you something Bella," he said in his most serious tone. _

"_What is it Jake?" I asked with a chuckle. _

"_Where's the car?" He whispered it like it was a government secret he was sharing with me. _

_I started laughing at him and tried to point out where to go. Eventually, we did find the car and as soon as he had his seatbelt on, little Jake was sound asleep. I chuckled again as I started the car and slowly drove off, not worried about waking him. When Jake was sleeping he was really sleeping. I don't think an earthquake could have moved him. _

_I was very tired and my eyelids dropped dangerously low a few times. I cracked the window, letting the chilly air wake me. We came to a tunnel and the radio started to buzz. I tried to find something worth listening to but it was all statics. _

_I looked away for just one second, trying to turn it off and when my focus went back to the road, all I saw was white lights. I still remember the sounds, though. The crushing of metal against metal, a car horn honking in the distance. Then my face met the cool asphalt ground. I don't know if this is a real memory of a nightmare brought on by my unconscious side but I think I opened my eyes. My vision was blurred but I could make out the shape of a car, perched on its side. It wasn't Jake's car. It was too big. Like an SUV. _

_I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I could barely see. But I knew I saw Jake's car, completely crumpled against the road. Then I blacked out. _

"When I woke up, I was at the hospital. I didn't remember anything, yet. No one would tell me anything at first. My mom somehow appeared every time I would ask the nurses or doctor anything. I was so mad at her. After she'd told me, the cops came into my room, wanting my statement. I answered every question but I didn't reveal that I remembered anything." I took a deep breath, trying not to cry. "They asked if I'd been drinking. Blood tests showed I hadn't but they asked anyway."

"I've never told anyone this before," I whispered as I peeked through my hair, trying to gauge his reaction. "Please say something." Edward turned to me with an unreadable expression.

"Will you let me finish?" I nodded, looking down at my hands again.

"First of all… I am so sorry you had to go through something like that. It's not fair. Second of all; you did lose focus. There's no denying it. But you need to understand that you couldn't have known that car was coming. It was late and dark. The way I see it, it was more his fault for not-"

"She."

"What?"

"It was a _she_, not a _he_. She's a doctor. Driving home from work. Married with two kids. The whole sadistic suburban lifestyle. She was "miraculously" unharmed in the collision and when she saw me on the ground, she came for me and not Jake. If I didn't blame myself this much, I'd hate her for not coming for him first. I don't care about odds and number. He got _crushed_ in that car and suffered because she figured I had a better shot at surviving." Tears escaped and flowed down my cheeks. "Why should I live? What makes me so special? Nothing. And yet I lived while he died. He shouldn't have died. I would have gladly traded place with him. Still would."

"She did what she thought was best," Edward said softly.

"Yes. And now he's dead because of it," I hissed.

"He probably would have-"

"Look, you don't know shit. Got it? It doesn't matter if he would have survived or not, she should have gone to him first. He did not deserve that." Edward looked sympathetic. I hated it.

"No one deserves that."

"Then why are you defending her?"

"I'm not-" he exhaled. "I'm just trying to understand-"

"Well you can't," I cut while getting up and pacing through the room. My heart was beating faster. I was mad. I was hurt. I was sad. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to fall to the ground and never get up again.

But I'd told him half. Why not tell him everything? Then he'd have every reason to back off and not see me again. It'd be better like that. At least now I'll expect it.

"After I got home, no one would leave me alone. I couldn't even take a shower without my mother knocking on the door, asking if I was alright. I mean, how do I respond? My best friend just died. I'm not fine, obviously. And then when I got back to school, people were looking at me like… like they pitied me," I whispered the last part. "I couldn't stand it. I cut most of my classes and got placed on academic probation. My mother wanted to send me to a shrink."

"She meant well," Edward replied.

"Just because she meant well doesn't mean she knew what was best. A few weeks before summer, I dropped out. My mom was furious. She demanded to know what I was planning on doing. I was set to continue when fall semester picked up but I withdrew my application. She doesn't know yet."

"You haven't told her?" I shook my head.

"I stayed home most days, never leaving the house, or my room for that matter. I got painkillers for my broken leg and I used to wonder – too much – about how it would feel like to take one too many. Or maybe two. When my mom was at work, I took the doubled amount. It felt so good not to feel anything. A few days later I took too many – more than last time. I woke up in the hospital. The psych ward." I looked at him through the corner of my eye, trying to gauge his reaction. He didn't give anything away. I continued.

"By that time I was so… depressed – I think that's the word but it seems too mild. I didn't eat anything. I barely spoke. My mother had them release me after a week. She'd taken every pill from the house, even the aspirins. There was no booze, no knives in unlocked drawers. She'd even taken my nail clippers. But she didn't take the glass from the photo frames." I ripped off the large black bracelet I always wore on my left wrist. When he first saw it, he looked directly away, as if the sight was too much for him to bear.

"You tried to kill yourself?" Though it wasn't a question, not really. But he stated it as one. I shrugged.

"I don't know. I wanted the pain to stop. It… _decreased_, but never stopped. I don't think I ever thought about dying. Obviously not, since I'm still here." He flinched but I pretended not to notice.

"Is that why you wanted me to hide the pills?"

"Yes. And no. yes because I knew I was going to take them and no because I wasn't going to kill myself. It feels too good not to feel and during those times, I didn't feel guilty. I just was and that felt better than death ever could. Or at least how I imagine death would feel like."

I shook my head. My mother met someone and since he travels a lot, she wanted to go with him but she treated me like a five-year-old and you can't leave five-year-olds home alone so I offered to come here. For the summer, at least. She didn't not like the idea. But she still finds time to hover. She calls a lot. E-mails every day. If I didn't answer I wouldn't be surprised if she showed up at the door the next morning." I chuckled darkly. "Bet you wish now you had stayed away?" He turned towards me. "I told you before; I'm not a good person. You should have taken that as a warning."

"How are you not a good person?" I rolled my eyes.

"Have you not been listening? I killed my best friend, trying to turn the radio off. I've tried to commit suicide. I'm a fucking addict and you say I'm a good person? Maybe you need more therapy than I do."

"Stop it."

"Why should I? It's true. I've been told I should always speak the truth."

"Why do you think so little of yourself?" I shook my head.

"We're getting nowhere." I grabbed my hoody and zipped it half-way up.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from here. Look, I've told you everything now. I get it. Really. I've got way too much baggage. Consider this an easy way out. We'll go back to mild teasing and unnoticed flirtatious remarks. By the time summers over, I'll leave and you won't have to see me again. Probably. Never know since our parents are doing it."

"You can't just leave like this."

"Actually I can and I am." I walked towards the elevator and turned to him before getting down. He seemed dazed and confused and a little mad. "I guess I'll see you at home." He didn't respond but he did turn his head away from me. "Or maybe not," I muttered and went down and out into the cold rain.

It took me longer to find a cab than I would have thought. He looked at me longer than he should have. I guess it's not every day that a teenage girl with only jeans and a hoody tried to get a cab in the pouring rain. But I tried not to pay any attention. Instead I pulled out my phone and scrolled down until I found _home_. My mother answered after two rings.

"Hello?"

"Hi mom."

"Hi, honey. What's wrong? You sound sad." I could practically hear her alert signals go off.

"I'm fine. I guess. But this weather is really depressing."

"You can come home anytime you want, you know that right?"

"Yeah I know." I bit my lip and tried to think of a good way to phrase what I was about to say next. "I uhm… I'm not going back to school, mom." There was along pause before a sigh.

"I know."

"You know?"

"I found the papers in your trash. I wasn't snooping but they were at the top so… I just wish you could have told me if you needed more time."

"It's not that I need more time. it was hard for me because everything reminded me f him. And I couldn't handle the hovering."

"I'm sorry-"

"Can you please stop saying you're sorry?"

"Alright."

"And I think that…"

"Yes?"

"After summer… that maybe I could transfer, instead."

"Transfer? To Washington?"

"No, no. you remember Jessica?"

"The very talky girl? I thought you two weren't friends."

"Not exactly but she told me she went to London to study and-"

"You want to go to London?"

"No. Will you listen?" She stayed quiet. "She told me these amazing things and I thought that maybe I'd go… somewhere."

"But where would you go?" I told her. "But it's so far away."

"I know but I'm already familiar with the language. I'll learn and besides, I really can't stay here anymore."

"Why? What's wrong? Did something bad happen?"

"I… no, but… I can't come home and I can't stay here either. I don't know what to do, mom."

"Are you sure nothing happened?"

"Positive," I lied while biting my lip.

"I can make some calls but don't get your hopes up. It's almost august, it could be too late."

"Thanks."

"Are they treating you well? Feeding you, at least?" I chuckled softly.

"Yeah it's been fine. I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Alright. Bye.

"Bye." And I hung up, feeling overly emotional and had to pinch my wrist so I wouldn't start crying.

The house was quiet when I got back. There was no one downstairs and so I ventured up, searing for Charlie. I found him quickly in his office; mulling over a stack of papers.

"Could I talk to you?" I asked, standing just outside the doorway. Charlie's face smoothed and he relaxed.

"Of course. Close the door behind you." I went inside and sat in front of his desk. The massive dark oak seemed to stretch a mile high and I felt so small and intimidated.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"About the accident." He leaned back and regarded me cautiously.

"I know why you're mad or pissed or disappointed. But I wasn't drinking. I don't even care if you don't believe me but it's the truth and I really needed to say it so…" I got up and turned to leave when Charlie spoke.

"That's not why I'm disappointed." I turned back and sighed quietly.

"Oh no?"

"No. I would never think you would ever do something as irresponsible as that." But it really is the sort of think I would do. If I were hammered to the point of black-out. I'd like to think I wouldn't but… we never know ourselves before we have or haven't driven drunk. "I know what happened after. With the hospital stay." I redirected my gaze to a painting across the room.

"Your mother told me about the pills and the… glass." Why would anyone have a picture of a sailboat? "I just don't understand how you could do that to yourself." Such a large sailboat. "And did you think how we – your family – would feel?" It's so freaking huge. "IT's selfish. It's immature." And it's so old. "And I'm so disappointed that you would even think about taking that road instead of trying to get help." It probably cost more than my car back home. "And I'm sorry. For the way Elizabeth has been acting. She's coming from the same place I am. She's really grown fond of you." And it's so bright. I've never seen such a bright sailboat. "And I'm sorry for how you've been treated." Is it water or oil paint? "It must be stressful." Or maybe it's a photograph. "I don't know what to say to make you understand just how much you have to live for." It's too far away. I can't be sure. "But you do. You're smarter than you let people on." And the frame is so pompous. And gold. "I want you to be happy. If that's being here or back in phoenix, I'll support you."

"Thanks dad," I said with little emotion.

"I mean it. I want you to be happy."

"Sure."

"Don't be snarky. It's been almost six months. People are going to stop giving you breaks, Bella. It may seem cruel but people won't care that your friend died."

"I know," I replied quietly.

"After time, they think you'll start to move on. It doesn't matter how you feel. People are selfish and they move one before you think it's allowed."

"I know."

"Can I ask you something?" I considered it.

"Sure."

"What do you want to do? Not just school, job and career. But what do you want out of life?" I was so blindsided, I couldn't answer for several minutes.

"I don't know."

"Really? Nothing comes to mind?"

"I know what I don't want."

"Which is what?"

"I don't want to go to school in Phoenix. Or in Washington. Or anywhere else in America."

"Okay."

"I actually talked to mom today and she was going to call school for a transfer."

"To where?"

"I was thinking, Madrid."

* * *

**AN: So sorry it's so short. But I felt it was right time to cut off here. And I've only read through this once so don't worry, I will re-post this later but I wanted whoever's reading to read before I had a chanse to really correct the mistakes. **


	18. Marching On

_Marching On_

It was that dream again. Only this time, it's like I'm seeing – or hearing – it as a memory. I have no way of knowing whether or not it's true. But even fast asleep, I can still feel the tears that stream down my cheeks and onto my pillow.

_I can feel something touch the backside of my neck and then gently rolling me over. Someone's talking but I can't make anything out. I'm so tired. _

_I feel a hand around my wrist and then touch my forehead. It sting but I can't move. There's unfamiliar warmth in the air for a February night. The wind blows by and takes a few whisks of my hair with it. I feel it tickle my face and I want to brush it away but my arms are so heavy. I make myself open my eyes. _

_The first thing I see is the sky. It's black with no moon or stars. There's light to my side and as I turn my head, I see flames. And a person. It's a woman. And she's screaming. I open my mouth but nothing will come out. She's crouching by a car. I don't have to think to know its Jake's car. Through my blurry vision, I make out the crumbled shape and the fact that she barely stays a minute before she rushed over to me again. _

_I want to scream for her to go back. But I can't make my lips move. She sees my open eyes and starts talking but I can feel myself slipping away. My eyes close and gentle hands touch my face and leg. A shot of pain courses through me as she moves my leg but I'm unable to speak or scream. It's as if I'm paralyzed. _

_I feel something wrapping hard around the middle of my thigh and there's pressure on my forehead. I want to move but I can't and I keep thinking if this is some form of punishment. This person, whoever she is, shouldn't be here. She should be with Jake, make sure he's okay. I don't dare think the alternative. I don't even want to know if he's still in the car, and worse; if he is, thank how I wound up several feet away. _

_My head hurts. _

_My leg hurts. _

_My throat hurts. _

_Everything hurts. _

_The last think I remember before blacking out completely is the image of the crumbled car in flames. _

I wake up with a gasp and my right hand immediately slaps in front of my mouth and my eyes squeeze shut. I feel hysteria and panic surge through me and I've gone through this too many times to be anything but receiving and let it pass.

First comes the silent sobs with my shoulders shaking uncontrollably. And then the tears. And when I think it's only going to be a five or ten minute freak-out, I start remembering images of my dream and my mind flashes to Jake. The warm and smiling guy I have known since I was five – back to the time when we sat in a sandbox and made each other mud pies.

Then I uncontrollably started to realize that I would never again see him smile. I'd never hear him laugh. I would never again see my best friend who I had come to rely on for… anything. It wasn't fair. I don't know how to do this – life – without him. I need him. I need him to call me on my bullshit and actually tell me when I'm making a mistake.

Buy as I lay in my bed, surrounded my pillows and burrowing my face deeper into the mattress; all I wanted was for the pain to stop. I didn't care how.

Hysteria momentarily forgotten; I threw the comforter away and leapt to the bathroom. I started opening the drawers, trying to find the pills. The tears were still streaming down my face; covering my arms and hands. I quietly sniffed ever so often but the silent sobs were starting to make my teeth shatter a swell. I swallowed before searching the last drawer. Nothing. I checker every single cabinet, under the towels, behind the toilet paper under the sink. I felt the hysteria return and I was shaking so violently that I couldn't stand up anymore. My back hit the side of the tub and I felt so completely… alone. I wanted Jake. I needed him to be with me and tell me lies of how thing were going to work out. I needed to see him and I couldn't. And that sent another fresh wave of tears.

Then I remember the scissor I saw in the far right drawer. I went over on knees, and retrieved the shiny object. I sat back down by the tub and stared at the metallic piece. I opened it slowly and pushed my sleeve up.

When I pressed the razor against my skin, I started to think how disappointed Jake would be if he could see me right now. Cutting myself after failing to find painkillers. But Jake wasn't here. And he never would. Because of me.

I tear was shallow but blood still dripped onto the floor. I watched it, feeling nauseous but trying to ignore it. It felt good. It felt really good. I sighed and leaned my head back, closing my eyes.

When the scissor fell from my grasp and made a metallic cling to the floor, my eyes snapped open and went to his door. In my ears, the noise had been like dropping a needle in church. I felt panic fill me up and I grabbed the metal, flung it into the sink and washed it. I grabbed some paper and wiped up the blood before rushing into my own room. I kept new paper on the wound while looking for extra large Band-Aids. But then I heard a door opening. I panicked once more and jumped to bed, buried myself beneath the softness. But my door never opened.

The next day I woke up with a hangover without the booze. It didn't seem fair. At first I thought last night's antics had been a dream but my acing wrist and the small stain of blood on my sheet said otherwise.

My cheeks felt sticky and my eyes were bloodshot. I glared at my reflection, wanting it to disappear but when I opened my eyes, I was still there, and still the same fragile little girl that I've turned into.

After splashing some water on my face, I called Alice. I needed someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn't judge – too much. Someone who would lie and tell me everything would be okay when it really wouldn't.

I threw on black sweats and a grey t-shirt with the words _Oxford University_ written across the chest in navy blue and black. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and felt my hands actually shake when I did the last knot. My palms were sweaty and my pulse was too fast.

I went down with quiet steps, not sure if anyone else was still in the house. The kitchen was empty and I relaxed for a bit while grabbing a Red Bull and looking over my options of either fruits of toast.

As I grabbed a box of raspberries, the kitchen door opened and Edward walked on. I avoided eye contact and shut the fridge door.

"Morning," he said politely. Too politely.

"Morning," I sighed – my voice still coarse – while ripping off some paper towels.

"I threw them out," he announced suddenly while I was half-way across the room. I halted and turned around, determined not to let anything show on my face.

"Good for you."

"I saw the drawers. You were looking for them."

"Actually I was looking for aspirin. I had a killer headache."

"Bullshit. I heard you."

"Eavesdropping?"

"Don't try and turn this around on me."

"Fine." I turned but he stopped me again.

"Why?" I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Why does it matter?"

"I want to know."

"I'm an emotional basket case."

"You're lying."

"I'm really not."

"It can't be because of last night. You seemed more than thrilled after leaving." Anger flashed in my mind but I ignored him.

"Don't be petty."

"Petty? I'm sorry. Was I rude? I guess I was a little take aback."

"Do you want me to say I'm sorry?"

"No. I want to know why."

"No you don't."

"Actually I really do."

"Alright. It's you." His eyes widened. "You had to be you and be so… nice all the time."

"You're giving me shit because I was nice to you?"

"Yes! Because you made me–"

"What?" I looked down, too stubborn to tell him that I'm so fucking terrified that he'll leave now that he knows everything. It's not like he wouldn't leave. It's bound to happen eventually. Why prolong it?

"I can't do this," I whispered and left the room, feeling anger and hurt fill me up. When I got to my room, Alice was sitting on the bed, a sad look on her face.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"All of it?" I dropped my food on the bedside table and hugged her, letting it all come out, everything from the night to this morning. Alice whispered lies to me the entire time and when I finished my panic attack we both sat down and she let e have my time before I started talking.

"I'm leaving." She blinked.

"Where're you going?"

"Back to school." She smiled.

"That's great–"

"In Spain." Her smile faltered.

"What? Why? No you're not." I nodded.

"I talked to my mom last night. She's going to make some calls and see if I can transfer or something."

"But what happened? I thought things were fine yesterday."

"They were."

"So what happened?"

"I told him."

"Told who wha– oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

"Even the–?"

"Even the."

"But why did that make you decide to go to Spain? What did he do?"

"Nothing. But when I told him, I actually heard myself saying everything and I couldn't believe the level of crazy that I'm in. I mean. I'm clinically depressed with suicidal tendencies. Who in their right mind would ever want to be around me when I can literally go off at any time of just the wrong song enters the radio or something equally pathetic?"

"I'm still here."

"But you're my cousin. You have to–"

"Listen to me Bella. I don't _have to_ anything. I'm here because I want to be. So if that makes me crazy then I'm crazy." I chuckled but it was weak. "But really; what happened?" I told her and she kept giving me a weird look.

"What?"

"You actually like him, don't you."

"That's a given, isn't it?"

"Sorry but in your case, not so much."

"Whatever. It's better this way. Now I can leave before he gets a chance to."

"Who says he will?"

"Who says he won't? And with my track record, he definitely will. It's just a matter of time."

"I don't–"

You don't… what?

"I don't know. But I don't want you to do this just because you're afraid of things getting too serious."

"It's not about that."

"No? Come on Bella. You're so afraid of admitting you even like him. What do you think will happen? That he'll leave? If he does he's a bigger idiot than I originally thought."

"I can't handle it."

"What?"

"If he woke up one day and decided I'm too much work or that I'm not worth it anymore. He makes me not think about Jake all the time. He actually makes me smile and once or twice, I actually laugh. You have any idea how long it's been since I resembled anything remotely human?"

"Yeah… But why are you willing to let that go?"

"Because if he doesn't want me anymore… I'll go back to that. Right now, I can deal with the fact that we're not going to be together anymore. But if I let this go on, actually fall for him… I'll break and then there will be no one to pick up the pieces. I've leaned on him for longer than I should have. This isn't his burden to bear. He shouldn't have to handle this crap just because I have to and am selfish enough to want to lessen my shoulders a bit."

"You've already made your decision, haven't you?" I nodded, looking down at my comforter.

"Even if I can't transfer, I'm still leaving. I can't go back to Phoenix and I can't stay here."

"You can stay with me."

"You live in a dorm room."

"So? My roommate won't mind. She's alright once you get to know her."

"Thanks but I think I want to do this. I've never been to Madrid before."

"Madrid, huh? I thought Barcelona would be more your scene."

"Not really sure what my scene is anymore."

"You'll figure it out."

"Maybe…" I sighed and ran a hand through my hair before reaching behind me. "Want a raspberry?"

Alice stayed for the better part of the day. Her flight back left at seven and we said our goodbyes at the house since Jasper was going to give her a ride. Though I knew little about the guy, he really did seem decent. Though I'm sure I'll be seeing him a few more times in the future.

After she left I walked out and paced the garden as I called Renée. She didn't pick up on the first try and so I sat down at the roots of a large oak and dialed a different number.

There was no answer. Of course there weren't. But I wasn't trying to reach anyone. All I wanted was to hear his voice again. It's the only reason I still paid for it.

_Hi it's Jake. I'm not here, obviously, but leave a message and maybe I'll get back to ya. _

The beep came on and I took a breath that sounded more like a sob. I pressed the red button and called him again. And again. Upon the forth try, I stayed on and started talking.

"It's been a while since I heard your voice. I know I'm probably going to regret this later but… I really needed to hear you." I took a deep breath and tried to get my head to focus.

"It been _so_ hard," I sniffed pathetically. "I couldn't be miserable in Phoenix because if I even looked down, Renee would have a fit. I thought it would be better if I came here. I thought everything would work itself out. At least it doesn't hurt as much. I guess that's something." I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I wiped it away with my hand.

"You have… no idea of how much I want to see you right now. Even if it were to be just for one second. I think I could give my soul for that. Just one more moment. I just love you so much and it hurts that I never actually said that… before."

"I want you back. I am so, _so_ sorry. I know a 'sorry' can never be good enough. It can never bring you back but I want- _need_ you to know that I am so sorry. It's not… it's not fair," I whispered the last part and shut off the phone, immediately missing the little contact. I threw the device into the grass and let self disgust and pity wash over me while I brought my knees closer and let my forehead lean on them.

It felt like hours had passed when I saw a figure in front of me. It knelt down and picked up my phone. I wasn't surprised to see him. In one way, I wanted him to come. Make me feel better. On the other hand, I wanted him to get as far away from me as possible.

He held out the phone but I didn't take it. I heard him sigh and come closer. I didn't stop him. I felt hollow and numb. But most importantly, I felt like I didn't deserve to be alive when _he_ wasn't. Why should I live? Why was I so special? Morally thinking, I should have been the one to be crushed in the car and not Jake. I'm the screw-up.

My musings came to a halt when I felt a cold hand on the side of my head, on my temple. I didn't look at him. He knelt down but I avoided his eyes and sat up straighter, away from him.

"Stop it," he said quietly but with firmness. I didn't listen and continued to avoid his eyes and touch.

"How long have you been here?" I asked in a dead tone. I didn't recognize it, and yet I did. It was the same monotone voice I had used most days in Phoenix.

"Long enough." This time I met his gaze.

"You're going to tell me I'm crazy now? I shouldn't be surprised. Talking to your dead best friend probably isn't the healthiest choice."

"You're not crazy." I snorted.

"You're not," he said, trying to convince me. I just wanted to be alone. "It's normal to miss him. Healthy." I snorted again. This isn't healthy "Even though I didn't know Jake, I do know that he wouldn't have wanted you to keep looking back and not being able to move on-" I had to get him to stop talking. I knew what he was going to say and he just… couldn't.

"Stop it. Stop talking. Stop trying to understand. Stop trying to make sense of me calling Jake's phone, which, by the way, I'm still paying the bill for. And for fucks sake, don't you ever tell me that what happened was not my fault. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you then." Edward stared at me in shock.

"Why would you say that?" I laugh humorlessly.

"Why? Because it's true. I was driving the fucking car, Edward. Don't give me shit that I couldn't have known!"

"What do you want me to do?" His voice was quiet and I felt so much guiltier.

"Just leave me alone. Let me wallow in pity, guilt and self disgust." But he didn't leave me alone. Instead, he sat down next to me. We sat there, quiet, for minutes. It seemed like hours but I saw his watch and it had only been seven minutes.

"Why are you here?"

"You shouldn't be alone."

"With sharp objects, right?"

"No. just not alone."

"Why can't you leave me alone?" I muttered.

"I like you."

"You don't even know me."

"But that's not my fault, is it?" I flinched. "I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I want to know you but you make it impossible." He sighed. "That guy in Paris…"

"Laurent?"

"Yeah. You were so… comfortable with him." I snorted.

"The only reason he's even in my life is because I got bored. I get that a lot and when I do, I usually turn to sex. Or alcohol. Sometimes both. You just…. You don't understand.2

"What don't I understand?"

"The kind of person I was before the accident."

"So tell me."

"No! When I say you understand I'm trying to tell you that you won't like that person…"

"And not like you now?" I didn't say anything but he knew it was true. "Do you really think I'm that shallow?" I shrugged.

"I don't know… are you?"

"I don't have the cleanest record either. I once stole a car because it seemed like fun. The cop caught me the next day and my father had to throw a lot of money their way for me not to end up in jail. That's the kind of person I am."

"Was."

"No. Still am. That's the only reason I'm living here this summer…" His trailing off meant he'd done something else, something worse. My curiosity peaked.

"What did you do?"

"Not important. But I've done a lot of shitty things. You're not the only one with a past you can't have undone."

"Are you telling me the truth or are you feeding me bullshit just to fuck me again?"

"What? No. Shit, Bella! Why do you always think there has to be an arterial motive to everything?"

"Can't help myself. It doesn't seem like there's anything else you would want from me." Edward sighed again and let his head fall back against the tree.

I found myself wanting to tell him I was leaving. I should. I'd be an even bigger bitch if I didn't. I knew he liked me, more than he should. But I was in the same predicament. So why didn't I tell him? Am I really this cruel? Vindictive without a reason?


	19. Sorry always seems to be the hardest wor

**AN: Sorry it's taken such a long time to get this chapter together. My mind have been all over the place and plus I'm writing another story. Not really sure how to describe it without sounding… **_**off**_**… but either way. Bella is a vampire. Maybe that's enough to gain people's interest.  
Either way, back to **_**Scarred**_**… **

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_Sorry always seems to be the hardest word _

"_So I called your school. If it's what you want… there are some classes which don't start till early September."_ I leaned back in my desk chair while raising a foot onto the desk. _"They said with your grades it wouldn't be too hard to convince any school to take you." _

"Okay."

"_What's wrong? I thought this is what you wanted." _

"It is. It's just happening so fast."

"_It's late August, honey. Classes will start soon. And getting back on track, you need to make up your mind. Today." _

"Okay."

"_Bella…" _

"Can I call you back? One hour, I swear."

"_Sure."_ I hung up scrolled down till I found Alice.

"_Hello?" _

"I need you to tell me what to do."

"_Bells-" _

"Since I cannot be objective, hit me with pros and cons."

"_When we talked before, you said-" _

"I know what I said but… I don't know what to do. I can't sleep anymore. Every ten or fifteen minute I wake up in cold sweat, thinking my heart will literally jump out of my chest. I can't live like this. I need sleep."

"_What makes you think it will be better in Spain? Because it's on a different continent?" _

"Because there won't be anything around me to remind me of what happened."

"_I think you just answered your own question."_ I sighed.

"I'm really doing this aren't I?"

"_I think you are." _

"I'm really gonna miss you."

"_You're not leaving today, are you?" _

"No. Mom said there are some places classes don't start till mid-September."

"_Then we'll have time to talk without maxing out limit with just one call."_ I sighed again.

"Wow."

"_I know." _

"This is… I'm not sure what this is."

"_You know you can talk to me anytime, right?" _

"Of course."

"_Good. If you want, I can come with you for just a few days… help you get sorted and all that." _

"Thanks but I think I need to do this on my own."

"_Okay. Call me later?" _

"Sure." I hung up and this time laid the phone on the desk. It was raining outside. Big shocker there. Even though the sky was clearer than this morning, a deep groan echoed over the open space. Soon lightning would follow. I pulled the lid of my laptop back up and stared at the page.

Virgin Atlantic flight leaving Seattle tomorrow. The mouse hovered over _'Book Flight'_. While waiting for my mother to pick up, I pressed down my index finger lightly onto the touch sensitive pad on the laptop. The page came to life and soon a message; informing me an email has been sent to confirm my reservation popped up and I sat further back, not thinking about what I just did.

"_That was quick." _

"Sign me in."

oOo

I tiptoed down the hallway, not having a destination but wanting to stretch my legs. As I had walked halfway down, muffled voices came from within the small home movie theater. I slowly opened the door and walked inside. I stayed by the wall as I tried to determine what movie it was.

"Casablanca." I turned my head to the side. Edward sat in the way back, munching on strongly butter scented popcorns, gaze glued to the giant screen.

"Isn't that a chick flick?" I teased though I couldn't have been more serious.

"You've never seen Casablanca?" I shook my head and took a seat next to him. Now that I was here, I should tell him. The ticket was non-refundable. I was going whether I wanted to or not. But even as I opened my mouth to say something, anything, I literally couldn't.

Thunder rolled upon us and I sank deeper and deeper into the cushions. Like they would swallow me whole. I wanted them to.

The silence was killing me and I'd almost bitten straight though my bottom lip and when I started to taste blood, I brought my hand up and when retracting, the tips of my fingers were covered in redness.

"What did you do?" Edward asked harshly, sitting up straight and reaching behind him for a tissue. I didn't say anything but let him grab my chin to dot the fragile paper at my lip. In one moment, I thought that maybe… just maybe, he could come with me. And as soon as I thought it, I knew how ridiculous it sounded. At the end of the day, we barely knew each other. He liked me, sure. But he couldn't come with me to _Madrid_. That'd be crazy. But I was still temped to ask because a part of me wanted him to say yes.

"You bit right through your lip," he said with sincere concern.

"I wasn't thinking, I guess," I answered meekly.

"Hold this," he instructed and brought my hand up to hold the tissue. He reached for another while I brought the one I was holding back and looked at it. Spots covered the white material. I felt at my lip. There was still wetness but not as much as before.

"I told you to hold it." He instructed my hand back up and held it there. I'd never noticed before how cold his hands were. And smooth. His fingertips felt like velvet against my skin. And it was the first time I really noticed just how much bigger than me he was. I mean… I've always seen how taller he was but his hand completely covered mine.

It wasn't fair. Not that he was bigger than me but what I did next. Before I knew it, leaned closer and pressed my lips to his. The next second, I broke away and leaned back.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." Edward looked away for a moment.

"Why do you do this? I haven't known you two months and you're already pushing me away."

"I'm sorry," I muttered weakly. I hated feeling weak.

"Yeah well sorry isn't good enough."

"No it's not." I swallowed before continuing. "I have to tell you something."

"What?" He asked harshly.

"I got accepted to a school in Spain." He stared at the screen. "I've just gotten off the phone with my mom and I start in two weeks."

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah. You won't see me again, probably."

"You think I want that?"

"I don't know and now it doesn't matter. But it's for the best. I can't stay here anymore. I thought it would be better leaving Phoenix but I don't sleep anymore. I can't make it through the night without having a nightmare. I want to sleep or I'll go even crazier... Please say something." He stayed quiet for a very long time and when he spoke, his voice pierced through the silence.

"I think it would be better if you left."

His words cut through me like a knife but I was adamant at not showing it. I nodded and looked away before taking a deep breath and getting up.

I glanced back at him before I left the room, but he wouldn't return the gaze. I closed the door quietly behind me and then all but ran back to my room, determined tears wouldn't rain down. I've cried enough this year. I can't take another meltdown. I just can't.

So I went to my closet, grabbed a large duffle bag and started throwing down random items. I would leave everything I didn't absolutely need. I opened the lid on the laptop to close all my pages and deleted the internet history. I removed unimportant documents and saved my flight and one night hotel booking on a small flash drive. When I finally turned the device off, it felt so final and I thought I would actually miss this place.

But then I looked outside and the sky was already dark. I was late August and rainclouds were already forming like it was close to winter. I missed the sun even if it never stuck to my skin.

I went back to the closet and found the oversized t-shirt Edward had let me sleep in. for some reason, I packed it with me, telling myself it was just a shirt but unintentionally knowing it was because it still smelled like him.

oOo

After an awkward dinner, I went with Charlie to his office. Closing the door, he asked me to sit down and I couldn't help but wonder if he would always see me more as an employee than a daughter. Someone he could boss around and do his bidding whenever he asked. I'd never tell him this; of course I knew he loved me. Even if he wasn't unable to show it – just like me.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I've booked a flight," I said, cutting to the chase. Charlie leaned back in his chair, confusion written across his features.

"You've booked a flight?"

"It leaves at nine in the morning."

"Where are you going?"

"I believe we talked about this before."

"About Spain? I didn't think you were serious." I shook my head and gazed away. Maybe I was wrong about the loving part.

"Well I was. I am. I called mom. She got me the transfer. School starts in two weeks."

"So why leave tomorrow. You have plenty of time."

"I need to get an apartment and buy the books. It will take time."

"Is there no way you might be able to change your mind."

"No." Charlie nodded.

"I meant what I said. I want you to be happy."

"I don't know if I'll ever be happy."

"Of course you will." I let it go. I was in no mood to argue tonight. "Do you want me to drive you tomorrow?"

"If you don't mind…"

"Of course not. We'll leave around six, is that okay?"

"Sure."

"Okay then." I stood up and walked out of the office.

oOo

It was still dark when I woke up. I turned off my alarm and threw the covers off of me. I retrieved my duffle bag from the closet. I would only bring one and my carry on. I picked up my phone from the bedside table before taking one last look of the room and then leave. I tiptoed by his door. I didn't want to say goodbye. It would be easier like this. He would understand… eventually.

Charlie was already waiting for me downstairs. My flight was scheduled to leave in three hours. We still had some time.

"Nervous?" He asked as I opened the fridge.

"Sure," I offered though I wasn't nervous at all.

"It's going to be great. There's something I wanted to give you." Charlie stood up and retrieved a platinum am ex from his pocket. I took it, giving him a curious gaze.

"I want you to be able to give yourself anything. The bill will automatically come to me."

"Thanks… dad. I don't know what to say."

"You don' have to say anything. Just don't go crazy buying a car. There is a $5000 limit." I cracked a smirk and put the card in my wallet.

We left shortly after that. I watched in the mirror how the house became smaller and smaller until it wasn't there at all. My head thumped against the window as I watched the water droplets crash down upon the car and slide down the side.

oOo

At the airport, Charlie stopped the car just outside the entrance.

"Do you want me to come inside or-"

"No. It's fine. I've got it."

"Okay," he responded quietly. I silently reached over and gave him a one-armed hug. He seemed surprised but hugged me back.

"Bye dad."

"Bye sweetheart."

I got outside and gave one last look before he sped away. And then I walked inside in silence.

Getting through security was a nightmare. You'd think people would pick a later flight but no… everyone was there at eight in the fucking morning.

I slugged my carry-on in the grey plastic container before walking through the metal detector. Not once had they beeped on me. I was on my way to a perfect score. I figures I would one day settle in Paris. Though maybe not in the middle of the city. On the outskirts near Versailles would be awesome. Wake up to the sight of the Château every morning…

I walked through the liquor shop and made a beeline for my gate. The plane was already there but nobody would be let through until eight thirty. I called Alice once more. She'd flown home three days ago but was already planning her upcoming trip to Venice with this once guy I had barely met but it already seemed like she loved him. I wouldn't put it past Alice. She was almost the complete opposite of me. Optimistic and a romantic.

I then called Renee. I could hear the nerves and possibly tears in her voice but she never once told me not to go. I'd like to think if someone were to ask, I wouldn't. But I already knew I would. I'd made it a habit to do exactly the opposite of what everyone tells me to.

I wanted to call Jake's phone. I knew it would be stupid. I would start to cry and then the trip would be ruined. I started to wonder if I would ever be able to say his name, hear it or listen to that voicemail without breaking down in a fit of tears.

Probably not.

And some part of me didn't want to. Because that would mean I had moved on. That I had come to pass with what happened and my part in it. I knew I would never be okay with that.

Right then two stewardesses opened the gate for the passengers. I was first on line.

I turned off my cell phone, looking one last time to see if he called. He hadn't. And he must know by now I wasn't at the house. Maybe he never cared. It wouldn't be the first time. But – sadly – that didn't make me like him any less. Or miss him, for that matter.

I turned off the device and placed my bag under the seat before sitting down and buckling up. The start was always my least favorite part. What happened if the plane never took off? What would happen? There had only been one time when the fasten seatbelts sign had gone on in mid-flight. I really did think I would pass out.

Thought there were a lot of times for turbulence to hit on a nine hour flight. I just hoped the movie was good enough to divert my attention.

The plane started to move. I wrung my hands in my lap, trying to calm down but it wasn't helping. As the plane turned horizontal, I un-buckled myself and almost ran for the bathroom. Locking the door, I grabbed the facet. The water felt cold on my hands and even colder when I splashed it against my face.

My hands were shaking. My breath was coming out in gasps.

I wanted Jake. I wanted him to tell me things would be okay. He always knew the best way to lie to me. I didn't know how to do this without him. Not move on but live in general.

Many used to think we were a couple but that have never been the case. He was my brother and the hurt I felt when I knew he was gone forever, was… there are no words. Is it possible to be so dependent upon someone else you don't know what to do with yourself when that person is no longer present? I'd like to think I'm independent but the fact that I still call a dead persons phone might suggest otherwise.

I dried my face and hands before returning to my seat, feeling slightly better but knowing it wouldn't stick. It never does.

oOo

It was hot in Madrid. Even at three in the morning. I had made reservation at a hotel until I found an apartment. I got in a cab and went straight there, not even looking out the window to see the city I'd never been in before.

I walked up the stairs in a daze, just wanting to move on from everything and everyone I've ever known. Here I could be whoever I wanted. I didn't want to be the girl who killed her best friend. I also didn't want to be the girl who broke down every time something got too personal.

oOo

Finding a place to live was easier said than done. There were apartments, of course. But I had standards and I wasn't willing to have drug addicts who shoot up every night as neighbors'.

I even looked at a house but thought it ridiculous as I did. Why would I ever live in a house that big? I'd need at least six dogs to keep me company.

Then there was the apartment. Or was it a house? I wasn't sure what to call it but about ten minutes away from campus, embedded between two larger houses, behind a black iron gate and secluded enough behind rose bushes and a huge grape tree… it simply was.

Salmon colored concrete adorned the outside with grey and brown cobblestones around the small walk-in, but the inside couldn't have been more modern. As I stopped by the door, I still heard the busy city but I could no longer see it. If I believed in such a place, this would be heaven.

Right inside was a long corridor. At the end a floor to ceiling frosted window. Directly to my right was an archway, leading to the kitchen. It was moderately large with an island and bar counter. No place for a table which was fine by me. I always ate in the living room either way.

I got back to the hallway. At the left just inside the door was a small broom closet. I closed that door quickly and moved down. A slightly bigger archway embedded into the left wall. The living room was big enough to fit a two-seated couch and an armchair by the left wall and an entertainment system on the right. Light shone in though the left wall, equally large windows – like the one in the hallway – stood strategically placed along the wall. Even one on the right of the archway, displaying the hallway though to clear enough to see through.

The next door; the bathroom. Cleaner than I would have thought. Must have been newly remodeled. Beige small tiles with just a five-inch rise as to not let the shower water splash onto the floor.

I moved furthest down the hall to the master bedroom, on the right side of the house. It was almost as big as the living room and I could easily fit a queen size bed inside.

The entire left wall was in frosted glass. I saw from within, iron along the nether region of the glass for protection. I didn't care. I wanted that house.

"So what do you think?" The realtor asked behind me.

"I'll take it."

"Excellent. The house is ready for move in. I just need you to sign some forms and take a look at the downstairs."

"Downstairs?"

"Yes. There is only one way down and it's in the garden. I'm surprised you missed it." We went outside and there it was to the far left of the small "garden" a passage. Granted it was hidden behind a wall of concrete where the railing sat bolted.

"It's been used mainly for storage but if you want it could be a second room. There's a bathroom though it hasn't been used in years I think." I nodded absently. "Maybe when you have family over you…" I tuned her out. I knew she thought I would bail when I saw this extra work. I wasn't that kind of person. Or maybe I was. Either way, I had enough resources to get people to do that for me.

"It's fine. What do you need me to sign?"

My hand cramped when I got through the dozen of papers. I liked my new distraction and since I had little over two weeks until school started, I needed to decorate. I couldn't let my mind wander for too long. That's a dangerous thing.

"It's been a pleasure," she said at the end and shook my hand. "Is there anything else?"

"Actually there is. Do you know where the nearest car rental is?"

Since there were only Seat's and Smart cars, I chose the latter. A dark blue and silver fortwo was leased to me at 15:06. The first I did was drive to the school to get the book list and then drive over to the nearest bookstore the GPS told me about. I dropped them off at the apartment (house?) before gunning the gas for the nearest department store.

oOo

It took me just two weeks and over fifty trips all over Madrid and to IKEA until the house was ready. I bought a dark green Ektorp couch with a matching armchair. I got the biggest flat screen that wouldn't make me blind and a surround sound with DVD. I wasn't buying all that BlueRay crap. DVD has worked just fine this past decade.

Though the first thing I bought must have been the miniature espresso machine. I wanted latte's that I didn't have to make myself. I got two bar chairs in classic dark wood and black steel legs. An easy queen size bed with white duvet and two plain bedside tables with each a lamp. Then that was it.

And then school started. I thought it would be more challenging than this. Who knew they spoke English? I stuck to my schedule, spoke when spoken to, answered when asked a question. I even got an A, something I never acquired before. Not from trying. I always found better things to do than school. High school that is. I would like to think I was more present and less stoned in the brief time I attended college.

Like making out with the quarterback in the backseat of his car while his girlfriend cheered just before the game. But that was old me. But who am I kidding? I'd totally do that again if I got the shot. He was really hot.

But not in Madrid. People from school always asked me to come out and join them for drinks and whatnot. I always declined.

My life was a sad story. But that was the part of being a new Bella. I wouldn't go out drinking till five am and hook up with any random dude I considered worthy of wasting time on.

Then came my birthday. I got phone calls from friends and family back home – never from him though. I hadn't changed my number. He could have called any time but he deliberately chose not to.

My mom kept me walking for over an hour. I promised her I would go out but you know what I did? I came home from school. I changed into sweats, ate pizza, drank Red Bull with vodka and watched the first season of 24 that I ordered from Amazon the previous week. And when I thought life couldn't be any more pathetic, there was a blackout. I was already half asleep on the couch, but still…

oOo

I've been in Madrid for two months now. I've barely grasped the grammar and numbers but was slowly getting there. Since I returned the Smart, I've had to walk or use the subway. Busses were always too crowded to even try. I didn't mind the subway. I did, however, mind the walks. Just a week ago, I managed to step wrong and sprain my ankle. Though it was barely a sprain. I just liked to bitch about it.

Then came that day. It was like any other day. I woke up late and didn't have time for breakfast. I rushed to get dressed and sped down the block towards the giant brick building. My ankle hurt like hell but I made it just in time for the morning's first lecture. I strained my eyes to focus and took notes at every word. I hadn't had time to grab my laptop this morning so I was going old style with pen and paper.

We had a five minute break so I stuffed a cookie down my throat and flushed it with a Red Bull. Sugar and caffeine had never tasted so sweet.

The next class was Spanish for exchange students. I felt my head roll at the various ways of pronouncing a word. Had it been this hard to learn French? I don't actually remember.

The last class ended grudgingly at two-thirty. I packed up my notebook and went to retrieve our very thin and childish books we were assigned to read for the next two weeks. I stuffed the book in my bag before heading outside. You'd think the sun would relent when October came. Granted, it was cooler but I still saw people in t-shirts and shorts. After my summer in Seattle, this felt like a sauna.

My ankle was practically burning as I halted myself over to the nearest subway station. I would only be going two platforms north but it was so worth it.

I walked down the stairs slowly, not wanting to trip and break every bone in my body. I heard one train stop and pick up ten seconds later. The hot air grew cold and I sighed at the change. Madrid wasn't so unlike Phoenix. Except I didn't understand a word most people were saying. But I would learn. I always do.

I came to the bottom and walked down a tunnel towards the right platform and then down another set of stairs. It would be a bitch getting back up.

Leaning against the dirty tile, I listened for the familiar sound. Hanging from the ceiling, a digital timetable, revealing the next subway wagon would be arriving within the next two minutes.

Whenever someone waits – for anything, really – you unconsciously look at your surroundings. You don't remember what you see but your brain saves the information in a hidden place. I wish I had paid more attention. Maybe I had seen something was off. Maybe I would have gotten that gut feeling so many talks about, telling me to leave and walked the twenty minute walk home instead. I didn't have that feeling.

14:58, the train arrived. The suction noise almost popped my ears and the warm whoosh of air flung my hair into my face. I ignored it and stepped on board. The compartment was filled with people but not enough that there weren't places to sit.

I sat down in the far corner, my head thumping against the window. I retrieved my phone and checked for texts. There was only one, from Alice. I ignored it for now, not in the mood to pretend I'm doing fine when I can't even make it through four hours of good sleep. Though four hours was a step up from fifteen minutes. Maybe I should move to Australia and I could finally have peace and quiet. But something kept nagging at me that it wasn't just Jake that was keeping me up.

The train started moving, shooting down the tunnel at an alarming rate. The cart stopped abruptly at the next station. Most of the compartment cleared out. There are two things I remember for the next two minutes.

One; a guy at the opposite side of the cart, sitting down, removed a backpack from his arm and sat it down at his feet. He was wearing dark clothes and sat hunched. The second is the woman and kid sitting right in front of me. I only remember because the kid couldn't stop kicking at the seat in front of her. The thump was building me a headache and I sighed so many times I knew the mother – or whoever she was – would never take the hint.

The train started up again. My ears popped once more and then…

Then everything went black.

* * *

**AN: I don't know what happened with me today. I just got inspired and wrote eight pages in just two sittings. I must say I feel a little proud. **

**There will only be one more chapter. I think. I am very sure I won't do an epilogue. In my mind, the ending I have planned will be enough and there won't be anything else written. Though I'll never say never. **


	20. The Finale

**AN: Here it is. The finale. I've been looking forward to moving on but I could not live with just letting this story go and not finishing what I started. Oh and I Google translated everything which needed to be translated so take it up with Google if there are any errors in the Spanish. **

**

* * *

**

**The Finale **

My left side was throbbing. I tried to move my arm but it felt pinned. It wasn't till seconds later I realized it was my body pinning it down. I tried to move but a deep burn seeped up and down my arm. I felt the vibration of my groan but couldn't hear it. For a fleeting moment I started panicking why I couldn't hear. There were voices around me, I noticed, but it was all in mumbled incoherency.

Slowly, I opened my eyes.

There was dust everywhere. I could barely see. I felt like I could cough up my lunge. My throat scorched and my hearing was returning within reason. It felt like someone was consistently turning up the volume, one beat per second. Soon, everything was coming at me. The headache was manageable.

Until I heard the screams.

Clenching my eyes shut, I zeroed in on the woman screaming at the top of her lunges. I couldn't understand a word. Or if there even were words. I did hear the medics trying to calm her down but it was to no use. If she didn't shut up soon, I would crawl over there and put my fist through her head.

I would come to regret those words as soon as they entered my mind. Something cracked above us. The woman stopped screaming long enough to look up and a thick piece of concrete came soaring down, crushing her. I felt splats of blood land on my face and in my hair. Nausea surged through me but I looked away and kept it down.

My limbs were coming back to me. I tried to lift myself but the pain in my side throbbed harder and I resisted the urge to put my dirty hand against what I knew to be an open wound. I felt the blood drip down my ribs and stomach. It was until now I noticed the sharp pain in my left ankle as well as the left wrist. Come to think of it, my whole left side was numb and throbbing.

Sitting up, I shifted for the favor of my right side. Movement caught my attention. A small child crouched against the wall, wide open eyes staring at the dead woman. She saw everything. I am not a kid person. I don't like them and don't understand why someone would put themselves through pregnancy and labor for something and someone they can get by adopting – while simultaneously guaranteeing that child get a better upbringing. But that image will haunt me for months to come, probably even years. There are things kids shouldn't see or experience. I felt myself feeling sorry for her. Actually sympathizing. I don't do that often. I'm too much of a bitch.

There was another crack above the cart. That's when I realized the train was laying on the side. The plastic windows had been blown apart and partially melted. I smelled it now. It was toxic. If we inhaled enough we would die.

But I didn't get to think about that. There was yet another crack. The medics retreated. Before really understanding it, I pushed forward, grabbed the girl and hurled her back to where I was sitting, pushed her over to the side and shut my eyes as another boulder came crashing down. The ground shook. Metal screeched. People screamed. But my hearing was muting. My skin was getting colder. I looked at my palms and saw how impossibly pale they were, even with the excessive dirt. That's when I saw the blood on the floor. My head fell back and as much as I fought it, my eyes closed and I soon fell into the abyss.

oOo

I don't remember anything after that. Until I woke up in the emergency room. I remember bits and pieces. People were shouting various medical terms across the room. I felt a deep numbness seeping through me but before I panicked, I fell asleep again. Morphine registered in my mind before I passed out. I wish they hadn't given me that. I would have to remember not to take the pills they would subscribe to me. I somehow doubted I wouldn't take them.

The third time I woke up, it was morning. I didn't know which but by the look of the still wounded people; I'd say it was at dawn the day after. The steady rhythm of my heart monitor lulled me and I had to fight the urge to fall asleep again. The nurses were scrambling around and I didn't want to bother them. I tried to sit up. I felt lightheaded. Low blood sugar, I suspected. I remember barely eating anything yesterday. My stomach rumbled. I didn't care.

I saw a TV at the far corner of the room. They were showing a previously taped show of various entrées to the subway stations. I looked away from the screen. The distance was increasing my headache.

I remembered the blood now. The wound at my side. I felt across my lower ribs and found stitches. I didn't touch them, fear they might come undone. My foot hurt but it wasn't broken. My wrist on the other hand was. A thick layer of bandages had been tightly applied around my wrist. I knew from experience a cast would take several hours to be done.

A nurse saw me sitting up and jumped to the chance of treating a living patience. Or at least that's what it looked like. She started speaking rapidly in Spanish and I couldn't – with every single class I've taken and self studying late at night – seem to bring myself to understand what she was saying. At that moment.

"Inglés, por favor," I pleaded with my index finger and thumb pressing against my eyelids.

"How are you feeling?" Oh.

"Just peachy." I release the hold of my lids.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm fine," I assured her, not at all feeling it but not wanting someone to fuss over me. I always felt… _weird_ whenever someone took care of me. I'd rather take care of myself. "What happened?" I asked whilst clearing my throat. The nurse looked up from the chart.

"Terrorist attack."

"Terrorist?"

"That's what they say on the news." She reached for the morphine button but I shot up my good hand, pushing hers away.

"Don't." She looked at me with confusion.

"The pain medication is leaving your system. You'll be in much pain."

"I'd rather not take it," I let go of her arm and looked away, feeling weak because I knew I couldn't take it and then stop. It felt too good not to feel.

"Okay. But if you start to scream. I will give you morphine. Okay?" I nodded. "What is your name? We found no id."

"Bella. Swan. I study at the university."

"Would you like me to contact your family?"

"No! I mean… can I call them instead? They'd get worried if a nurse called. Probably freak out and come over here," I spoke lower towards the end; mostly to myself. They couldn't come here. They didn't even need to know everything. Renee… she'd definite rush over here and Charlie... Charlie would probably have a heart attack.

The nurse nodded and started disconnecting a few cables.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"We have a room for you. We're the closest hospital and very overcrowded. But we can't have recovering patience's in the ER. Which reminds me. There is a little girl asking for you."

"What?"

"She says you saved her." I had no recollection of this. I kept asking the same question.

"What?"

"They brought you in at the same time. She didn't want to leave when you went into surgery." I started to think back but it was all a blur.

"I don't remember her."

"Not unusual. Your memories will probably return within 24 hours."

"Probably?"

"Sometimes the mind won't let you remember. It happens with trauma."

She rolled the bed into an empty room. Or semi empty. The curtains were drawn across from me; I could hear a deep snore coming from behind. Fuck.

"Was my phone with me when I came in?" The nurse shook her head, checking my vitals. Double fuck. "But there is one across the room." My gaze fell upon the beige old styled phone. I tried to sit up but she pushed me back down. "I'll bring it to you."

I waited for her to leave me alone before I lifted the receiver. I pressed the digits before hanging up. Renee wouldn't let me get a word in. It was better to let Charlie talk to her.

"Hello?"

"Char- dad. It's Bella."

"Bella! We've been trying to call for hours! Where the hell are you?"

"I'm home. I had a major headache and went straight to bed after classes."

"Don't you know about the attack?" Did he have to yell?

"Yes father. I know."

"Don't speak to me like that!"

"Then stop yelling at me!" I hissed, looking across the room towards the shut drapes.

"I'm sorry. But don't you understand how worried we've been. And what number is this? Where is your cell phone?"

"I lost it. Can you call mom?"

"Can't you do it yourself?"

"You know how she gets. She'd buy a plane ticket before listening to me."

"Maybe she should get over there."

"No. I said I am fine. I don't need people coming over here. Just… call her. Tell her I'm fine. I'll call you later or something." I hung up before he had a chance to get another word in. Triple fuck.

My head spun again and my side felt like it was on fire. But I wouldn't show it. I wanted the drugs. I could taste it. They were so close. But as I was about to press the button, the door opened and the nurse came back. With a kid. As soon as I saw her, I remember her fearful expression in the cart.

The kid came running forward, jumping up on the bed, clutching my arm for dear life. I froze in shock and confusion, slightly leaning away from the kid who had tears running down her cheeks and my arm.

I turn towards the nurse. "Why is she here?"

"She doesn't have any substantial injuries. She wanted to come-"

"I don't know what she wants but she needs to get back to her mother or father." The nurse looked unsure and came closer.

"Her mother died. Doesn't look like the father's in the picture. Or any other family." Someone shouted outside and the nurse looked towards the door. "I'm sorry but I need to get back. Just make sure she stays here for now." She left before I had a chance to object.

"I don't suppose you speaking English," I said whilst looking down at the girl. She looked up at me with the most heartbreakingly glassy eyes, completely confused at what I was saying. Great," I sighed. "¿Cuál es tu nombre?" The girl sniffed and rubbed her tiny hands under her eyes.

"Sofía," she says quietly. I tried to rack my brain for words I barely knew anymore. I was parched and there was a bathroom five feet away.

"¿Podría hacerme el agua del baño?" The girl – reluctant to leave at first – let go of my arm and jumped down onto the floor. I sat up straighter, not sure how to react for the time being but decided not to mention anything as the girl – Sofía – came back with a Tupperware container and glass. I drank two.

"¿Cuántos años tienes?" I asked as she sat opposite me on the bed.

"Ocho."

"¿Dónde está tu padre?" She looked away, playing with a strand of her hair.

"No lo sé."

"Usted no cumple?" She brought her knees close to her chest.

"Él nos golpeó." I stopped asking. A flash of a tall man standing over a smaller child, getting ready to hit her, entered my mind.

"Lo siento hijo."

"Quiero estar contigo," she whispered barely audibly after a few minutes.

"No puedes quedarte conmigo," I said with a sigh, feeling my side burn and start to throb. I unconsciously touched it, regretting the decision instantly. A deep scorching flame of pain hit instantly and I retrieved, leaning back slowly, careful not to show it in my expression.

"¿Por qué no?"

"Porque la vida no funciona así. Ni siquiera me conoces." She seemed unfazed. She must still be at the stage where everything is possible. Cartoons are real. Everything adults say are the truth. Even older kids on the playground. Santa's probably still reel. Along with the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy.

"¿Dónde voy a ir?" Her voice had a deep since of hopelessness within it. I tried to ignore the sympathy.

"Se encontrará a alguien en su familia."

"Sólo tengo mama. Quiero que mi mama," She started to cry again and I let my head fall back; the headache was growing. I wanted to bash my head in. If only there would be another attack at this hospital. It would be so amazing with peace and quiet and no little girl sitting and crying ten inches away from you.

"You and me both kid," I whispered before falling asleep again.

oOo

"_How are you feeling today Bella?" I hated the sound of her deep monotone voice. It's how I imagined a psychopath to sound like. Not being able to care about anything and anyone. I hate the tight bun she keeps her hair in ever fucking day. I hate her glasses – too big in rich red. Did she honestly think it looked good? _

"_Fine." My voice cracked. I must remember to clear it before speaking. I didn't know a lot about psychology but I knew they looked deeply into every aspect of my living and breathing status. _

"_How are you sleeping?" And what's with those clothes? Did she choose light grey because she liked it – I hoped not; that's just wrong – or is it because she thinks bright colors will make me freak out, maybe even jump for the letter opener and stab her? _

"_Fine." I scratch lightly at an itch just above my right ear. She distinctively looks at my hand and then scribbles something onto her board. I sigh. Un-fucking-believable. _

"_How are you eating?" I gently rub my wrist whilst placing the other hand just below my thigh, trying to find a comfortable position on this metallic chair. Was it too much to ask for anything with cotton on it? Apparently. _

"_The nurses say you don't want to take your medications." There are two large windows in this white painted room. With bars on them, of course. Wouldn't want the crazies to run wild. The floor is something plastic; clinical. Even with the sun whining in, I've never felt so depressed. And I used to love the sun. _

"_Bella?" I look away from the window, momentarily forgot she spoke to me. I'm used to the simply questions to which I will always automatically answer 'fine' or 'okay'. "Would you like to tell me why you don't want to take your meds?" It's sad they stuff overworked and underpaid PhD's who barely passed their exams towards those who society claims needs the most help. _

"_Not particularly," I answered in my usual pesky and attitude flooded tone. Carol Fleming did not like that. She tightened her lips in annoyance and scribbled something else onto the board. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window again; wanting the hour to be over so I could go back to lying flat on my back on my bed in my room until it was time for dinner. _

_I shouldn't even begin to discuss the food. It's worse than airplane food. The pasta is overcooked or undercooked. Never in between. The bread is beyond white and tastes like stale air. The baked potatoes are about the only think I've found myself not wanting to throw up as soon as ingested. But there is only so much baked potato one person can eat before she loses her mind completely. Ironic. _

"_You need your meds to get better. Don't you want to get better?" I almost snorted. I knew better now. Wasn't there just one pill so I'd get better? I may not be a doctor but I know there is such a drug as anti-depressant. If that's what I am. Don't they come in one neat little packaging? Did they have to force five down my throat? _

_There was only one right answer. They didn't like my sarcasm. I never relented on that one though. Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. They never thought anything of it. _

"_No. I want to spend my time here since it's been such a freaking picnic." I rolled my eyes at the end. I would have cursed but they really didn't like that. I'm a very fast learner. But I am not a follower. They may think I'm obeying but they fail to see past the protective wall I've built and won't ever knock down. Especially not wannabes like Carol Fleming. _

"_We've talked about the sarcasm Bella," I sighed. "Don't make it a habit." _

"_Too late," I breathed. She pretended not to hear. _

"_Let's talk about the accident." My throat constricted. My eyes burned. Every day she asked me this and every day was the same response. I would never back down. Did she not understand this? _

"_How about we don't." My voice failed me. It became lower and huskier. I pinched my wrist. _

"_You have to talk about it some time. It's unhealthy to keep something like this inside." It's gotta be healthier than talking about it with Carol Fleming. _

"_I don't remember anything, either way." _

"_Well then not the act itself but the outcome." _

"_The outcome is the same either way." Carol Fleming sighed and took off her glasses. Thank the fucking universe! Though without them she looked more like a praying mantis who bleaches her hair. _

"_How does that make you feel?" Is she serious? _

"_Are you serious?" _

"_I can't help you if you won't let me in." Exactly. "Let's change the subjects." Yes, lets. "What did you feel when you slashed your wrists?" Were doctors supposed to talk that crudely to their patience? _

"_It felt fantastic," I said with sarcasm. She pretended not to have heard the tone. _

"_Why did you feel like ending your life was the only solution?" I sighed heavily and raked a hand through my hair. The camera at the corner blinked red every half second and it made me highly uncomfortable and self-aware. _

"_Because I just did." _

"_When did you decide to do it?" _

"_I didn't. It just happened." _

"_You just happened to take a piece of glass to your wrist in an effort to end your life?" _

"_I wasn't trying to kill myself!" I exploded and pounded my hand onto the table. The echo crashed across the room. The door opened. Two guards came inside. They held restraints. I shied away. Not again. _

_Carol Fleming decided this was the time to do something proactive. She stood up and told them to back off, promising this was the last time. It wasn't. _

"_Let's not have that happen again," she said and put on her glasses again. _

My eyes popped open. For a moment I didn't know where I was. But then it all came back to me. The attack. The hospital. The nurse; so insistent I take pain medications. My eyes felt heavy again. What a weird dream to have at this time. Before it had time to slip away, I passed out.

oOo

The wet pieces clung to my arm. I frowned as a shiver ran through me. The kid was still by my side. I couldn't tell her to leave since she started crying every time I brought it up. No family had come in and so far, the social worker or whoever they were trying to contact, had a hectic schedule and therefore had yet to make a visit.

I am not a people person, nor will I ever admit to enjoying the company of kids but I had grown fond of the kid. A little. A very small part. I, at first, realized the pain of having a younger sibling but it wasn't too bad. I wasn't bored 24/7. I taught her Texas hold em' and some English. She seemed more perceptive on the latter, wanting to learn to talk the way I did, understand what I said.

I looked at Sofía who was eating a candy bar before turning back to the doctor.

"There," he said. "It will take some time drying. You will be able to leave tomorrow."

"What will happen to her?" I nudged my head to the side.

"The social worker is expected some time tomorrow."

"And then?"

"If no family members come to claim her, she will be put in an orphanage."

"That's it?"

"It's the best we can do. If no one comes forth. We are still trying to find her father but she won't give us his name."

"He abused them, she told me." The doctor sighed in sadness.

"I really wish there was more we could do." I nodded.

"At the orphanage; what future will she have?"

"If no one adopts her – which I'm afraid will be hard considering most couples want a newborn – she will stay there until she turns 18 and then she will be on her own." I didn't like hearing that. She's just past eight years old and already she has no one.

"And there is nothing on the mother. Very close friends who could take her?" The doctor shook his head.

"She was not in our database. If the story of abuse is true… I believe she may have changed her name recently. She probably moved across the country to get away from the girl's father. I think she," he nodded over to the kid, "is too young to understand." I nodded as well and stood up. This caught Sofía's attention.

"Tengo hambre," she announced, standing close to me.

"Come on." I pushed lightly at her shoulder, leading her to the elevators, going down past the lobby. The sun felt amazing against my cold complexion. I lead her over to the small rehabilitating garden to the side of the hospital.

"Siéntate. Necesito hablar con usted," I said and sat down myself. She looked up at me curiously, squinting her eyes at the glaring sun.

"What?" Her words broke several times but she would only use the simplest words in English.

"Mañana, un trabajador social está llegando a hablar con usted."

"About?"

"Sobre el lugar donde se alojará a partir de." She seemed even more confused now.

"I stay with you?" I shook my head.

"No."

"Why?"

"Porque yo voy a la escuela. No tengo tiempo para- Te dije que la vida no funciona de esa facilidad."

"You no like me?"

"Of course but… I can't take care of you. No puedo cuidar de ti. Apenas puedo cuidar de mí mismo." Her head sank.

"¿Entiendes lo que te estoy diciendo?" She sat still for several seconds but then shrugged and nodded. "Good," I said and leaned back.

After that, the mood lightened and she started asking me to teach her every name of every little thing she saw in English. I did without complaints.

After eight, Sofía fell asleep and I caught the chance to call Renee. She was still adamant to drop everything and come see me. If I hadn't just been in an attack, I probably would have found some resentment towards her almost suffocating way of treating me like I was still a child. Technically yes but with everything I've been through, I think I can consider myself an adult now.

"Are you eating alright?" She asked after I had yet again calmed her down from a rant.

"Yes mother," I responded mechanically.

"You're not gulfing down Red Bull's with cold leftover pizza?"

"Not since a few days back," I joked. "Mom. I'm fine. Really."

"There was a terrorist attack right in the city of which you live. I will not be fine until I see you."

"So we can Skype. But I'm still at the library. I'll call you tomorrow after classes and whatnot. Okay?" She sighed. "Okay?" I asked again.

"Fine," she grumbled before hanging up. I leaned back, feeling the stitches at my side catch in my shirt. I gasped at the intense pain but clenched my hand and waited for it to pass. I resisted the urge to press the morphine button to call one of the nurses to do it for me.

I grabbed for the plastic bag next to my bed. They managed to find my bag or what was left of it. My keys were unharmed. Though I couldn't understand how pieces of metal could be harmed even if scraped by concrete. My school- and notebooks were ruined beyond repair. My wallet was badly scraped but only one gift card was broken. My cell phone, on the other had had been completely crushed. The sim card was intact but the display, keys and pretty much the whole thing was destroyed.

I frowned at the pieces before putting it back in the zip lock.

oOo

"No me gusta su," said the tiny person sitting at my right. She fidgeted with her hands. I rolled my eyes.

"Usted ni siquiera conoció a su."

" Sé que no será como ella." The social worker came up the hallway, looking at her clock as she sat down next to Sofía. She gave me a look but when I didn't leave, she ignored me. I tuned out most their words.

While I was doing progress on the Spanish, I couldn't phantom understand every rapid word they said to each other. Though Sofía remained mostly quiet, only speaking when spoken to.

"Excuse me?" I shook my head lightly and turned towards the social worker. Sofía had left us and was cutting paper at the nurses' station.

"Yes?"

"I would like to know your relation with Sofia."

"We just met. At the subway. She's sort of clung to me ever since." She nodded while scribbling something in a large notebook.

"Has she said anything about some form of family?" I sighed.

"No."

"No one at all?"

"No. She said it was just her mother and her."

"I see." She scribbled some more.

"What?"

"She's very fond of you. Says you've been teaching her cards and English."

"Just a little. What's going to happen to her?"

"She will be brought to an orphanage. We will put out her description on missing children's site. But if there are none to claim her, she'll be but up for adoption or placed in a foster home." It sounded too cruel.

"She told me her father abused her mother, maybe even her. Just so you know." The social nodded and scribbled something more. I looked over at the kid. She was smiling… days after her mother was brutally killed. I wondered if she would ever remember her. The social stood up but I hesitated. "She-" I started. Social looked at me and sat down again.

"Si?"

"She could… she could stay with me… just for a little while." The social shook her head.

"I don't think it would be a good idea. You are still in school, have bills to pay and you're not a Spanish citizen."

"It wouldn't be permanent. I have money. Lots of it, actually. Just until you are sure she has no family available. I don't like the fact that she will live in an orphanage or a foster home."

"There are plenty of good families out there."

"But you said you can't place her in one for a while."

"I'm just afraid she will grow attached and when she has to leave, will be too upset. At this stage, she barely knows you. In the long term, she probably won't remember you too well." I frowned. "I'm thinking of the child."

"So you'll place her in a home with a hundred other children. What if she won't fit in. It's not as easy as falsely reassuring me that she will." The social sighed and checked her watch.

"You are discharged soon?"

"Today."

"Give me your address and phone number. For the time being, she may stay with you but I must come at least three times a week. It is not up for discussion."

"Alright."

"And she must say she wishes to stay with you."

"Fine." The social brought the kid back. She asked her to sit and asked what she thought of staying with me for a little while. Sofía smiled brightly and leaned into me.

oOo

I turned the key and opened the door slowly. Sofía stepped inside, looking around. I closed the door and went into the kitchen, unloading the mail I managed to receive in just over a week. I opened the lid to my laptop and powered it up.

The brown package from .uk was ripped apart in less than five minutes. Fast travel indeed. I opened my new Motorola flipout and put in the sim card before plugging it into the adapter. The greeting came fast and soon I was typing in the broadband password. Ever contact was still there.

Sofía came into the room, sitting down on the bar stool next to mine. She picked up the phone gently and then put it back.

"Hungry?" I asked. She shrugged, still looking around. I went to the fridge but frowned at my lack of options. Plenty of energy drinks and soya based chocolate puddings which barely needed expiration date. The milk was bad, as were the cheese. The bread had started to mold. And the apples on the small island were so soft I could have crunched them with my hand. I threw it all out, gave Sofía a pudding and some water. I put on nickelodeon for her in the living room while getting into my bedroom to change clothes. I finally caught a good glimpse at myself. My hair was greasy and my skin pail but still rosy under the eyes and on my nose. My whole arm was bulky with the cast and pulling up my shirt, I saw the deep red mark of stitches.

I went out of the room and started a shower. The plastic bag over the cast rustled and felt awkward but I managed to stay in there for just over five minutes before the heat became too unbearable on my scar. I stepped out and went through my routine. I shaved my legs, toweled my hair almost dry before pulling a brush trough it.

I put on sweats since I couldn't handle the course material of my jeans and an old grey t-shirt. I went back into the kitchen, finished paying what little bills I had to pay and then sent the remainder to Charlie. I turned the laptop off and then retrieved my new charged cell phone.

I leaned forward, watching kid laugh at one of SpongeBob and Patrick's many games. It took me a few minutes to get the basic of the phone but I got myself to contacts and scrolled down till I found Alice.

It rang five times. With each heartbeat, my leg jumped even more nervously and I started biting my thumb nail. Finally, she picked up.

"Bella?"

"What took you so long?"

"Sorry. Didn't hear it ring. What's up?"

"I should tell you something."

"Okay."

"But you can't tell anyone."

"Okay."

"I'm serious Alice. You cannot tell anyone."

"You're starting to freak me out."

"It's nothing really. But um… you read about the terrorist attack, right?"

"Yes." Her voice seemed unsure. She probably knew where this was heading.

"And you know how I said I was nowhere near it?"

"Yeah?"

"Well I was." I could only hear her breathing the next five seconds.

"I don't… understand."

"I was taking the subway home from school. I don't remember much."

"Okay." I waited for more but there wasn't anything.

"Alice? You gotta say something."

"How are you? No bullshit."

"I have a broken wrist and stitched at my lower back."

"That's it?" She knew me too well.

"It hurts. So fucking much. Every time I move too fast I lose my breath."

"Did they give you anything?"

"Yes. But… Alice. I can't take them."

"Have you taken anything?"

"No. They gave me morphine at the hospital but when I became lucid, I asked them to stop."

"Okay."

"I want to though. I really fucking want to." My knee started jumping nervously again.

"Do you have the prescription or the bottle?"

"Prescription."

"Tear it apart." I stared at the piece of paper. It didn't want to. It was like a safe haven. That single piece of paper would make the pain go away so quickly. But I knew that once I started, I couldn't stop. Not again. I'd find something else. Sofía laughed from the living room. I couldn't do that. She just lost her mother. At least I could let her live here drama free. I tore the pieces and dropped them in the sink, turning the water on high.

"Okay," I breathed.

"That's good. I'm really proud of you." I shut the tap off and leaned against the counter.

"There's something else."

"Alright," she treaded cautiously.

"Strictly off discussion. When the attack happened, this little girl, sitting in front of me; her mother was killed and she's sort of staying with me now."

"What?" Her tone was more prominent now.

"It's just until they can find somewhere else for her to stay. They said they could place her in a foster home but I just didn't like that."

"So she's there, right now?"

"Yes."

"In the same room?"

"No. She's watching cartoons in the living room."

"But you're not a kid person."

"Believe me. I know that."

"So why?"

"She looked so sad and you know I get all warm and fuzzy when living things give me the puppy eyes."

"Will this turn into a Dr. Seuss novel?" I chuckled.

"I knew I could count on you."

"Always… Can you tell me something?"

"Sure."

"If – hypothetically – someone sort of _special_ – if you will – were till call me for an update. Would it – hypothetically – be alright if I answered semi truthfully?"

"Eh… I… I don't- I'm not… sure. Has someone – hypothetically – called?"

"Hypothetically, I'd say about three times a week for six weeks." So it took him two weeks to finally call my cousin? I wasn't sure whether or not I was glad he was giving me space or angry that he was calling her and not me.

"I think that – hypothetically – it would be okay. If you were to be vague on one very recent addition to this household."

"And what about the other thing? Hypothetically?"

"Let's droop the H word. I don't want Charlie or Renee to know. Renee would… do something rash and Charlie… Charlie would have a heart attack. And die. I really don't want my dad to die, Alice."

"I can understand that," she said lightly, to which we both laughed. I checked the watch. It was past seven. My stomach was rumbling. Wasn't there a Pizza Hut just round the corner?

"I have to go."

"Okay. Take care of yourself."

"I will."

"Nothing stronger than Tylenol!" she shouted before hanging up. I smirked and put the phone in my pocket and left the kitchen, stopping by the archway of the living room.

"Pizza Hut?" I asked. Sofía nodded her head vigorously and jumped off the couch. I turned the TV off and put on brightly red flip-flops.

oOo

I was awakened by a large bang on my door. Sofía retrieved into the kitchen and I grumbled while stumbling into the bathroom to brushed my teeth. I wasn't particularly hungry this morning. It's been three weeks since the attack and my left side still burn. The cast was becoming almost unbearable and I kept knocking things down.

I splashed ice cold water in my face, only using one hand. I almost missed my face and drops of ice went down my arms. I dried with the towel and ran a hand through my hair before coming back into the kitchen. I grabbed the zipper hoody from the island and pulled it up my skinny arms.

"Good to get back to school?" I asked calmly and sat on the bar stool. She barely heard me but nodded her head either way. "Do you want me to follow you, or?"

"It okay. I know way." To give her credit, we'd walked the same path the entire week.

"Alright." My sweats felt heavy and way too hot. I went back into my bedroom and pulled on black cotton shorts. I pulled my hair messily back and pinned it in a ponytail before leaving once more. It was barely thirty minutes before school started. I was still free to roam my hallway for another week. I decided I liked the time off. Even though I had the whole summer for that.

I grabbed the pink and purple bag from the kitchen counter when my phone buzzed.

"Yes?"

"It's Maria." Social worker. "We may have found a family for Sofía."

"Already?" She'd barely been at my house for more than two weeks.

"I warned you it might be soon."

"Are they willing to adopt."

"They want to try it out for the weekend."

"She's not a puppy."

"These things take time."

"Where do they live?"

"Just outside Madrid. It's not too far. If you would like to visit. Bella?"

"Yeah. Should I drop her off or?"

"I'll come tomorrow so she can meet them quickly. What time will she be off school?"

"Around three."

"Okay. I'll see you then." I hung up and glanced at the small figure running into the kitchen, looking expectantly at me. I reached out the backpack, decided to wait until later to tell her. She grabbed the bag and got her shoes on. I yelled bye and went to lay the phone to change. When I noticed the math book still on the counter, I grabbed it quickly and hurried out the door.

"Hey kid! You forgot your-" I stopped short. Sofía was staring at someone I would recognize everywhere. Standing just inside the iron fence, the gate still partially open.

"Edward?" Looking exactly the same as when I last saw him. I took another step out and handed the book over. She looked up at me.

"¿Quién es este?" I looked away from him long enough to answer.

"Un amigo. Ir a la escuela." She gave me another look before hurrying past him. Edward stared at my arm and I started fidgeting nervously.

"What are you doing here?" He ignored the question.

"Who was that?"

"Sofía. She's just staying here until they find another home for her. It's a long story." He still seemed surprised. "I guess Alice didn't mention that."

"No."

"She seemed to mention a lot of other things though," I said, starting to get mad at her for telling him anything, even though I gave the okay. I went back inside, fully expecting him to follow. I turned back around. "Do you need me to invite you in?" I mocked. He snapped out of it and came inside, closing the door behind him. I jumped up to sit on the counter, watching his every move.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm not sure." He came to stand in front of me, leaning against the other side of the counter. "I kept replaying it over and over but never actually found a reason as to why you would leave and not tell me."

"I did tell you."

"Days before, Bella. Did you really creep past my door so I wouldn't wake up?" I adverted my gaze. "Un-fucking-believable," he whispered.

"Did you come here to make me feel bad? You're succeeding, by the way."

"No. But it's a bonus." He looked me straight in the eyes. "You were in the hospital for a week and don't even have the decency to call? What the fuck, Bella?" I flinched.

"I didn't want people to worry."

"Worry? You could have died. You do realize that, right?"

"Actually it never crossed my mind," I replied sarcastically while rolling my eyes.

"Do you find this funny? Do you know how…"

"What?"

"Do you know how worried _I've_ been?"

"I honestly didn't think you'd care."

"Whether you died or not? What the fuck, Bella! Shit! Of course I would care."

"Then why haven't you called me once?"

"I didn't think you wanted me to. You snuck out of the house and went to Spain. I thought it was a clear sign to stay away." I shook my head.

"Well, I'm alive. You may go back and further the message."

"I didn't tell them I was coming here."

"No? Don't they miss you at dinner time?"

"I wouldn't know. Mom and Charlie broke up."

"What?"

"Quite verbally. Lots of cursing followed by a lot of slammed doors. I don't think my mother liked you very much."

"Well no offence but your mother's a bitch."

"How could I take offence to that?" He chuckled.

"I missed you," I said quietly after a few seconds of silence.

"Yeah?" I nodded, watching how he took a step forward.

"I eh…. I'm sorry I kind of… freaked out." He raised a brow. "I'm not… I'm not so good when things get serious. At all."

"I got that."

"I don't think I could handle things getting semi serious and then when you found out enough you'd leave… or die."

"Find out what?"

"What I did before all that shit happened with Jake."

"Did you kill someone?" I rolled my eyes.

"No."

"Then it can't have been that bad."

"Yes it really was. I did drugs. And not the legal kind." He didn't say anything. "I smoked, I drank… a lot. I had sex at an age I really shouldn't have."

"But you're not like that anymore."

"How do you know?" I asked, sounded a little mad.

"Because I know you. I actually notice small things every once in a while. And that shit doesn't bother me."

"It's doesn't?" He shook his head. "How about by the time I was released from the hospital, I was taking six Vicodin a day so I had the strength to even get out of bed?"

"A lot of people get addicted."

"And most people would care." He took another step back. If the pain at my side wasn't so excruciating whenever I moved, I would have hopped down.

"I can deal with that." He took another step, just barely touching my knees. "How your arm?" He gently touched at the base of the cast, near my hand.

"S'okay."

"Does it hurt?"

"Nothing I can't manage." I think. He nods absentmindedly, letting go of me, giving me space.

"So I was thinking…" he started.

"Yeah?"

"I've never been to Spain before."

"No?"

"I probably should stick around."

"Won't you miss the constant rain?"

"I think I'll manage." He took a step forward, gently touching the side of my face before wowing his fingers into my hair and pulling my lips to his.

* * *

**AN: Holy shit on a cracker! This is by far the longest chapter I've ever written. I know I can't please everyone but I hope I did an okay job either way. I realize it's a weird place to end but I don't want to drag it out.  
I am excited to have the story done so I can move on.**

Translations: 

¿Cuál es tu nombre? – What's your name?  
¿Podría hacerme el agua del baño? - could you get me water from the bathroom?  
¿Cuántos años tienes? - How old are you?  
Ocho – eight  
¿Dónde está tu padre? - Where is your father?  
No lo sé - I don't know  
Usted no cumple? - You don't meet?  
Él nos golpeó - He hit us  
Lo siento hijo - Sorry kid  
Quiero estar contigo - I want to stay with you  
No puedes quedarte conmigo - You can't stay with me  
¿Por qué no? - Why not?  
Porque la vida no funciona así - Because life doesn't work like that  
Ni siquiera me conoces - You don't even know me  
¿Dónde voy a ir? - Where will I go?  
Se encontrará a alguien en su familia - They will find someone in your family  
Sólo tengo mamá - I only have mom  
Quiero que mi mamá - I want my mom  
Tengo hambre - I'm hungry  
Siéntate. Necesito hablar con usted. - Sit down. I need to talk to you.  
Mañana, un trabajador social está llegando a hablar con usted -Tomorrow, a social worker is coming to talk to you  
Sobre el lugar donde se alojará a partir de ahora - About where you will be staying from now on  
Porque yo voy a la escuela. No tengo tiempo para-Te dije que la vida no funciona de esa facilidad - Because I go to school. I don't have time to- I told you life doesn't work that easily  
No puedo cuidar de ti - I can't take care of you  
Apenas puedo cuidar de mí mismo - I can barely take care of myself  
¿Entiendes lo que te estoy diciendo? - Do you understand what I'm telling you?  
No me gusta su - I don't like her  
Usted ni siquiera conoció a su - You haven't even met her  
Sé que no será como ella - I know I won't like her  
¿Quién es este? - Who is this?  
Un amigo. Ir a la escuela. - A friend. Go to school.


End file.
